by Cameron Dane
“I’m clean,” Sirus said. He ran his hands down Grey’s chest and settled their upper bodies into one another more comfortably. “You didn’t know that, though, and I didn’t want to presume something you might not have wanted.”
Grey closed his eyes, trembling as he imagined warm spits of Sirus’s cum coating his tongue and throat. Christ, how he missed blowjobs. “I wanted.” He reached up and fiddled with Sirus’s fingers where they rested on his chest. “But thank you for being clearheaded enough in the moment to think for both of us. Normally I know more about my sexual partners, and we’ve been tested together so we each know the other is clean.”
Even then, Grey always wore a condom when he had sex, but he hadn’t brought any condoms with him on this trip. Hadn’t needed any in a very long time. “This is a unique circumstance, and I guess we need to discuss our histories and expectations a little bit so we can decide how best to proceed.”
Sirus nuzzled his lips against Grey’s temple and squeezed him with his legs. “You’re very precise in everything you say. That’s cute.”
Grumbling, Grey felt his face heat. “Being smart and well thought out is not cute.
It’s…” He looked around the softly lit bathroom, searching for the right word. “It’s…”
“Smart?” Sirus helped, chuckling.
Discomfort heated Grey’s already warm cheeks to a blaze. “Okay, fine.” He did not allow people to laugh at him when he was trying to be serious. Bracing his hand on the lip of the tub, he rose to his feet. “Maybe you think your health is a joke, but I don’t.”
Sirus snaked his arms around Grey’s knees and held him firmly in place. “Get back down here.” He looked up at Grey as he tugged, and like a man without his own will, Grey lowered himself to his knees between Sirus’s thighs. Sirus touched Grey’s face, held it, but then curled his hands into fists and let them drop into the bathwater. His slate eyes hardened to granite, and Grey’s heart lurched and raced.
“What?” The steam and candlelight in the room pillowed Grey’s voice, softening the anxiety twisting in his gut. “Is there something wrong after all?”
“No. I’m good,” Sirus said, washing relief over Grey in a flooding torrent. Christ, he couldn’t believe how much he already cared that nothing bad ever befell this man. “I take my personal safety and health very seriously,” Sirus continued, clearly unaware of the turmoil going on inside Grey. “As seriously as I’m sure you do. Even though I always used protection with the last man I was with—all of the men I’ve been with, of which there have been four—I have in the last two years been tested numerous times for every goddamned thing in the book, since my last relationship ended in part because the man was married.”
Grey’s jaw dropped right into the water.
*
Crap crap crap. Sirus stared at Grey’s obvious shock—possibly horror—and wondered what in the hell had made him share that information about Paul. The stupidest thing in the world a guy can do is talk about his former lover to his current one. Of course, Grey wasn’t really Sirus’s lover, at least, not in the relationship sense. Not quite in the literal sense yet either, he thought with dry humor. Now, maybe Grey never would become a lover. Damn it, Sirus had screwed this up nicely, and so very quickly too. Had to be a new record for him.
“Forget I said that.” Sirus rubbed his hand over his chest, knowing the goddamned tattoo was still there. Kelsie had counseled him to think hard before getting it, but he’d believed so deeply in Paul he hadn’t listened. “We’re not going to be doing anything for long enough that we need to know specifics about each other’s pasts. You wanted to know if I’m safe, and my point was just to assure you I am. Many times over.”
Grey shifted, the motion awkward in the space available, and drew his knees up to his chest, his arms wrapped around them. “Did you know the guy was married?” he asked, it seemed cautiously. “I don’t know you very well, but I only ask because with what little I do know, you don’t strike me as the kind of man who would engage in that kind of behavior.”
Sirus’s hackles rose and a rumble vibrated in his throat. “What kind of behavior is that?”
“The kind where innocent people get hurt,” Grey answered, his voice calm in a way that nothing inside Sirus was. “Like that man’s wife.”
Grey’s generous thought constricted Sirus’s chest. “You’re right,” Sirus admitted.
God, he did not want this man thinking he condoned adultery. “I didn’t know Paul was married when we met, but by the time I did find out I was in so deep I couldn’t make myself walk away. Paul promised me the marriage had not been an intimate one for a very long time, and he said he was in the process of separating and ultimately divorcing.
He lived in Texas, and I wasn’t there all the time to check up on him, so I accepted him at his word.” Sirus chuckled, the sound laced with cynicism—directed squarely at himself.
“Hell, who am I kidding? I wanted to believe him and I jumped at the chance to do it.
Then one day when we hooked up I believed him a little less, and then a little less the next time, until I went all stalker on him and saw him with his wife.” The sense of wanting to be sick at the sight he had witnessed that day still sat sour in Sirus’s stomach.
“She was very pregnant.”
“Shit.” Grey stared, rapt, as if Sirus told him a bogeyman story by a campfire. “You sure it was her?”
Sirus grimaced. “Saw her picture in his wallet once. It was her. He obviously never stopped having sex with her. When I figured that out, the floodgates burst open, and I imagined he probably wasn’t any more faithful to me than he was to her. He promised me there weren’t any other men, and he just hadn’t figured out a way to break from his wife and tell his family about us, but by then I couldn’t believe anything he said and I broke it off. That was two years ago. In fact, it was shortly after I saw your sister and assured her Paul was worth it and that we would be together forever.” Sirus closed his eyes for a moment and breathed, fighting through the anger and rage that wanted to resurface. He brutally reminded himself he hadn’t lost anything; Paul never was the man he pretended to be while with Sirus. All Sirus had lost was a lie; a fantasy of what he wanted Paul to be.
Pushing away the hardness that always wanted to show itself lately, Sirus opened his eyes and looked at Grey once again. “Anyway, that is why you should believe me when I say I’m not interested in a relationship right now. It has been a while since I had sex, though, and I won’t lie, I miss it like hell.”
Eyebrows rising, Grey laughed. “Believe me, I know the feeling.”
Grey’s easy laugh startled Sirus into a fast smile. No, no, no. Don’t start liking him; that is not what he wants. It’s not what you want. “So,” Sirus quickly turned the tables, “what about you? Tit for tat here. You said you hadn’t been with anyone in a long time either. Why did things end with your ex?”
“Certainly nothing as dramatic as what happened with you.” Grey’s voice sounded natural, and he didn’t flinch or dart his attention away from Sirus. At the same time, he scraped a fingernail through a bar of soap on the tub’s ledge. For some reason Sirus couldn’t explain, that one little motion cancelled out the ease in other two. “He just wanted something I couldn’t give him.”
“Which was?”
The amber flecks in Grey’s eyes flattened to a dull, one-note hazel. “He wanted me to love him, and I couldn’t.” Grey shrugged. “Simple as that.”
A shiver went through Sirus, and the bathroom suddenly felt as chilled as the biting weather outside.
“Still sure you want to sleep with me?” Grey asked, his voice the same as when he’d asked Sirus if he wanted more tea last night at dinner. “It won’t be any different with you.”
Couldn’t love him. Not that he didn’t or wouldn’t, but that he couldn’t. Those words of Grey’s sat heavy in Sirus’s gut, the finality of them so certain. A frisson of fear skittered across his heart at the upfront coldness in G
rey’s proposal. At the same time, after being lied to by Paul so completely, and for such a long time, Sirus respected that Grey didn’t pretend in order to get what he wanted.
He looked at Grey, into eyes that didn’t dare care, and the only answer he wanted to give escaped his lips. “I’m sure.” Sirus reached out, curled his arm around Grey’s neck, and dragged him to a meeting point between their bodies. “Now hold your breath,” he brushed his lips achingly slowly across Grey’s, thrilling at the little catch of breath he felt from the other man, “because I’m going to wash your hair.” With that, he turned the tap and sent hot rain pouring down on them both.
Sirus rifled through the fresh changes of clothes in his duffel bag, searching for something he could use as pajamas. The power still hadn’t come back on, but plenty of moonlight streamed in through the window and allowed him to search without any problem. He had a too sexy man waiting for him one room over, but he didn’t think he would get a wink of sleep if he slept in the buff as he normally did. It was one thing to say they wanted to share a bed, or do what they did outside, or say they wanted to have sex; it was another to follow the guy into his bedroom and pounce. Especially since Sirus knew he couldn’t take Grey the way his body so desperately wanted to do. After their bath, Sirus had needed a few minutes to himself to catch his breath and steel himself to the fact that he wouldn’t be fucking Grey, and so had used the lame excuse that it would be cold tonight and he needed to get some sweats to wear to bed.
Finding a black pair, Sirus slipped into them quickly, cursing only a bit at their snug fit. Fuck, he hardly ever wore them. It was only because he didn’t have much left clean that he’d thrown them in his bag in the first place. He found a navy blue T-shirt and put that on, then paused to look at himself in the mirror and comb down his damp hair with his fingers. That done, he rushed to the door, nervous excitement coursing all the way through him.
He just managed to slow down his fast stride in the hallway and talk down his case of the jitters before stepping into Grey’s room with relative cool—and found the object of his latest fantasies buried under the covers already fast asleep.
God, he’s so fucking handsome. The room, bathed with light from the moon, highlighted Grey’s stark face, not softening his cheekbones or jaw one bit, even in sleep.
Brown hair lay perfectly across his forehead, as if he had artfully arranged it with styling products before getting into bed. Sirus knew better. Grey was just that damned perfect, physically anyway. Inside, Sirus figured the man had a few scars.
Ones he didn’t want anyone to see.
Couldn’t love him. Grey’s declaration echoed in Sirus’s head again, sobering him as he made his way to bed and crawled under the covers. He rolled onto his side and studied this intelligent, determined man, and didn’t think him incapable of doing anything he truly wanted to do. “Maybe not so much couldn’t, as wouldn’t,” Sirus whispered.
A rumble vibrated through Grey, as if he challenged Sirus’s opinion.
“Don’t worry, tough guy.” Sirus smoothed a hand over Grey’s damp hair and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. “I don’t need you to love me, so we’re going to do just fine.”
Grey rolled over and snuggled into Sirus’s side right then, settling in as if his body were made especially for Sirus’s nooks and crannies.
As Sirus lay there holding Grey in his arms, he wondered if he was lying to Grey, or himself.
Chapter Seven
Twinkles of light played over Grey’s face, pushing through his closed eyes and forcing him from sleep. Gonna have to start closing the damn curtain on that window. He rolled over and stretched his arms and legs, cursing when his knuckles hit the headboard and shot tingles up his arm.
Scrubbing his face and scratching through the stubble, Grey pushed up in bed and smacked at his cheeks. “Wake up, wake up, wake up.” Familiar lethargy made his arms and legs heavy, but he was used to it; he blinked the sleep from his eyes and forced himself to face the day head-on. “Time to wake up.”
“You have a little wake up ritual.” Sirus’s voice snapped Grey’s eyes fully open and put his attention on the door. Sirus stood there all tall and big, dressed in jeans, boots, and another one of his flannel shirts, this time a charcoal gray in color that perfectly matched his eyes. “That’s cute,” Sirus added, and brought a steaming mug to his mouth. He made a vibrating noise of pleasure as he swallowed, and Grey’s cock responded as if that sound had been hummed right against his flesh.
Fuck. Grey didn’t need a hot beverage to warm him up. He had only woken up once during the night, but damn, he could still feel Sirus’s body heat surrounding him as the man slept deeply, his wide chest rising and falling with every silent breath he took. A man who didn’t snore. Christ, as if Sirus needed anything more to sell himself beyond his incredible art and insane body.
Maybe this sharing a bed thing wasn’t such a good idea. The sex, yes, but the same bed before and after perhaps needed reevaluation. They were going to learn too many little intimate details about each other by sharing a bed, probably things neither one of them wanted anyone else to know. Such as Sirus catching Grey waking himself up with a pep talk, as he’d just done. Grey didn’t want anyone to know he talked to himself out loud.
Lectured himself.
Chastised himself.
Right then, steam tickled his nose and the decadent smell of rich coffee made Grey’s mouth water. He shook his head and pulled himself back into the moment, and found Sirus sitting on the edge of the bed, his coffee cup waving under Grey’s nose.
Sirus smiled, and his eyes twinkled as brightly as the morning sun breaking through the windowpane. “I thought that might wake you back up.” He took another sip of coffee and then set the mug on the nightstand. “You drifted there for a minute.”
“You should have woken me up.” Grey glanced longingly at the mug of coffee, but instead noticed the digital clock radio behind it. It was literally sunrise. “I see the power is back on. Damn, you’re up early.”
“I have a lot to do today.” Sirus pushed himself upright and made his way back to the doorway, but paused before turning down the hallway. “And I would have woken you up, but you’re on vacation so I wasn’t sure you’d appreciate it. I was just coming in to check if you were stirring before I left. When I saw that you were, I thought I’d share the coffee.” He pointed to the steaming cup. “That’s for you.”
“Thanks. Have a good day.” Grey picked up the mug and discreetly turned it, keeping his head down as he put it to his mouth exactly where Sirus’s had been. He swore his lips tingled with the placement, and hot cinnamon-tinged coffee burst over his taste buds and rolled down his throat, leaving a hot path of bitter warmth in its wake.
“Shit.” Sirus threw a few other curse words out into the air as he strode across the bedroom in three steps and lifted the cup of coffee right out of Grey’s hands. “You think I didn’t see you do that?” Grey opened his mouth to protest, but Sirus swooped right down on him and crushed their lips together. Moaning, Grey relented and opened up, accepting the immediate thrust of Sirus’s tongue. Sirus slid one knee on the bed and tunneled his hand in Grey’s hair. He jerked Grey’s head back and then slanted his mouth, devouring Grey in a fast, eating, kiss, mingling their shared cup of coffee in a different way. He bit at Grey’s lips, making them even more sensitive than they already were, but then pulled back, the mercury fire in his gaze burning strong. “You make me hot without hardly doing a damn thing,” Sirus said, his voice full of gravel. “Damn it.” He dipped down and scraped their lips again, clinging and speaking against Grey’s mouth. “I have to go.”
Sirus’s mint and coffee breath fanned hot over Grey’s face, and his gaze searched, although Grey couldn’t imagine what he thought to find. Sirus bruised one more hard kiss on Grey’s lips, cursed and bit again, but this time did pull away and walk backward to the door, leaving Grey a puddle. “God, I want to crawl right back in bed with you, but I can’t.” He br
aced his hand on the doorframe. “Noah will be wondering where the hell I am.”
Any sleepiness or jittery stomach remaining in Grey disappeared in a shot. “Noah?”
Who the hell is Noah? Grey kept his voice carefully modulated. “Is that a friend?”
“A friend who happens to be my plumber,” Sirus answered, and Grey just barely stopped himself from slumping against the headboard in relief. He managed to keep the anger at himself for reacting so strongly hidden away too. “He’s going to get started on the repairs today. I want to be there just in case there are any problems. I also want to get back to the piece I was working on yesterday when you stopped by. Plus, Ginny is going to drive up to take a look at my completed projects to see if there’s any she thinks she can sell.”
Grey sat up straight, this time not caring to hide. “I didn’t know you had an art dealer.” A weird bubble of pride he could not control burst in his chest. “You should give me her card.”
A charming as all get out half smile transformed Sirus’s face into something breathtakingly handsome. He laughed, the sound full-bodied, and completed the picture.
“Ginny will love to hear herself referred to as an art dealer.” He shook his head, his mirth clear. “She runs a craft store over in Clarkson. She showcases a dozen or so locals from the surrounding area in one section of her store. She usually takes a few pieces of mine at a time, and I make an okay buck every now and again.” Sirus’s focus drifted to the clock on the nightstand, and he stood up straight. “Okay, I really need to go. I’ll be back in time for dinner. Bye.” He waved, and didn’t wait for Grey to answer before disappearing down the hall.
Picking up his coffee again, Grey smiled against the rim as he took another sip, hardly noticing it had turned lukewarm. He leaned against the headboard and stared out the window, listening as Sirus shut the front door and then started his truck. Grey watched the pretty day start to unfold, but in his mind he saw three or four key pieces of art that had so captured his interest while in Sirus’s studio. “Damn, I should have taken some pictures with my cell.”
