by Emma Jackson
‘It’s hard to argue with that.’
‘Of course it is. It’s what you told me yourself. I’m just joining the dots for you.’ She smiled and sipped at her mug of coffee. ‘This next bit, I don’t think you’ll want to hear so much though.’
My hand stilled. ‘Oh?’
‘I think you should talk to him again. Trevor. Put him on the spot. Get the answers. They might be painful answers but once you know, you can deal with it, and then you can decide if you want to stay in contact with him or not.’
I let out a whoosh of breath. Even the idea of it felt like a betrayal to my mother. I took Noelle’s mug from her and put it on the coffee table, then pulled her over so she was lying on top of me. It was a lot easier to talk about with her wrapped around me. It was easy to let myself believe she thought I was nothing like my father.
I still remembered the words that she let slip yesterday. I knew this was a bad idea. And I didn’t blame her for feeling that way at all, but I was starting to hear a whisper, from somewhere deep inside me, that it would be wonderful to prove her wrong.
‘I don’t know about that,’ I admitted. ‘He’s had my number for the last week and not tried to contact me. Perhaps that’s all I need to know. He’s still not interested.’
‘Well…maybe.’ She hooked her leg over mine and I trailed my hand up from her ankle, over her calf to her thigh when my T-shirt was riding high. ‘But he does have a wife with cancer who he’s caring for. And he’s probably been in shock. You weren’t exactly friendly – not that I blame you in any way – but I suppose in his head you stayed a cute little three-year-old and now you’re this strapping, six-foot-plus man in his prime who doesn’t like him very much.’
‘Strapping, am I?’ I squeezed her bottom and hauled her closer as she laughed.
‘Did I say strapping? Slip of the tongue. I meant big-headed.’ She shifted her hips, so she was straddling me and pressed her mouth to my neck. I shivered and we stopped talking for a long time, the sun streaming in through the windows and the apartment silent but for the sound of our fast breathing and soft moans.
Chapter Sixteen
I took Kaylee out on Wednesday for lunch liked I’d promised. It was a triple celebration because not only had I finished my book, but Kaylee had also just been offered a two-book contract and I’d heard from Patti, even though she was on holiday. She loved the new version of the book, even though it needed tidying up. My career was not over. Hurrah.
We headed out into the sunshine, grabbed sandwiches and iced tea at the deli and walked on to Washington Square Park to sit by the fountain. It was a beautiful day, made even better when Stephen messaged me to see what I was doing for lunch. Kaylee insisted I ask him to come along too. He’d already met her of course, so it didn’t feel like I was stepping over any lines by introducing him to a friend. And he’d met my entire family after all.
‘Things are going well with him then?’ Kaylee asked, crunching down on her turkey salad sandwich.
I nodded but changed the subject to her plans for the two-book deal. I didn’t want to say anything else about Stephen. I didn’t want to jinx it. We’d spent the whole weekend together at his place and spoken every night this week. For a ‘no-promises’ dating arrangement it was beginning to feel awfully promising.
Within fifteen minutes, I spotted his dark head above the crowds trying to find us. I waved from our seat perched on the edge of the stone lip of the fountain. I didn’t want to move in case tourists rushed in to grab the prime spot.
‘He’s even cuter in the daylight.’ Kaylee leaned in to murmur in my ear as he approached. ‘No cocktail goggles when it comes to this one.’
I grinned at her. ‘He’s really something, right?’
‘Yeah. I knew you two had sexual chemistry.’
Her first impressions were obviously far better than mine then.
‘Hello.’ He arrived in front of us, wearing a dazzling white work shirt that enhanced the tan he was starting to get, sleeves rolled up and a pair of sunglasses on. He really was a picture. He held his hand out to Kaylee. ‘Lovely to meet you again, Kaylee.’
‘And you. Much better circumstances this time.’ She shook his hand and then bumped my shoulder. ‘We’re celebrating Noelle knocking it out the park with her series finale. You’re aware your girlfriend is brilliant?’
He hesitated a moment and I tensed at the use of the word ‘girlfriend’ but then he pushed his sunglasses up onto his head and his dark eyes landed on my face, warm and full of an affection that made my heart flip. ‘Oh, I’m aware.’ He swooped down and landed a fast, firm kiss on my lips. I tipped back from the force and he grabbed my elbows. ‘Saved you.’
‘You probably should have let me go. That would make us even.’
‘True.’ He released his hold and I slipped a little, squealing before he caught hold of me again, mere inches over the cool water. He tugged me back upright and I laughed and swatted at him. He gave me a devilish smile and another kiss. ‘I think I’ll wait for another day to get my revenge.’
‘What are you guys talking about?’ Kaylee looked between us, and we explained to her about how I’d pushed him in the water, as we finished our sandwiches, Stephen beside me, long legs stretched out. Kaylee headed off half an hour later, giving me a thumbs up behind Stephen’s back, and then he and I walked around the fountain, holding hands.
‘How’s work been? With your boss I mean?’ I asked when we stopped in front of the huge marble arch.
‘I haven’t seen her yet,’ he admitted. ‘She’s been out of the office. I’m still not sure what I’m going to do about it when she comes back, if I’m honest.’
My chest tightened with a double whammy of jealousy and worry for him. ‘Maybe you should speak to someone at work about it?’
‘You mean like HR? I don’t know if that’s opening a can of worms. She hasn’t actually done anything. It’s just flirting I guess.’
‘She was trying to undress you last Friday.’ My voice rose with my indignation and – I had to admit – a touch of possessiveness. If he’d told me what she was doing before we went to the leaving drinks, I know who would have ended up in the water and it wouldn’t have been Stephen.
‘She could argue she was trying to help me get out of my wet clothes. I don’t want to get her in trouble anyway. I just want her to cut it out so I can relax again.’
‘Maybe just tell her that then?’
‘You think so? Just go in and say: listen, Georgina, I’m sorry I’m breathtakingly handsome and strapping but this has to stop. It’s inappropriate and unprofessional.’
‘I love the way you started out sounding like you were joking but by the end your Britishness took over and you got all polite and articulate.’ I snorted. ‘I reckon you’re not far off. But maybe record it – and do it in a public place. Just not so people can hear necessarily.’
He nodded. ‘That sounds sensible. There should be a really boring present being delivered to your place soon to deal with your harassment problem.’
‘Huh? What harassment problem?’
‘Your peeping Tom neighbour.’ He scowled.
‘Oh.’ I rolled my eyes. Mr Biggins had been at it so long, I hardly thought about it, but I supposed he was right. I shouldn’t put up with it any more than he should with his boss. ‘So, what are you sending me? A BB gun?’
‘Tempting, I know what a good shot you are, but it’s more practical.’ He kissed my forehead. ‘Sorry, I need to get back to the office I’m afraid.’
‘Okay… Are you busy tonight?’ I asked, doing my best to sound casual.
‘That was the other thing I wanted to tell you. Trevor contacted me this morning and asked to meet.’ His sunglasses were back down so I couldn’t see the expression on his face properly.
‘Have you decided if you want to or not?’
He nodded slowly. ‘Yes, I’m going to do it. I’ll try to get a few more answers. See what he has to say for himself.’
; ‘Would you like me to come?’
‘No. Thank you. Not this time.’ He stroked the back of his fingers down my cheek and tipped my chin up. ‘I’ll call you afterwards if it’s not too late.’ He placed a sweet kiss on my mouth and said goodbye.
I watched him disappear into the crowd. The sky was cloudless and blue, the people in the park happy and chattering, and my heart was full. If Stephen could sort out his work things too and figure out a way of finding peace with his father, I dared to let myself hope that a blissful summer lay ahead of us.
Trevor suggested a Greek restaurant in Brooklyn Heights as a good halfway place for us to meet for dinner. It was closer to me than him, but I was working late and didn’t arrive there until nearly nine.
The air was sticky, even at the late hour, hinting that we were heading for another storm, and I was worn out from being on edge at work, waiting for Georgina to come back into the office. I wanted to get this dinner over as quickly as possible. And I wanted to see Noelle again, even though I’d seen her at lunchtime.
I would have seen her every day this week if I could’ve. Instead I’d found talking to her before I went to sleep was the best alternative. That had never happened to me before. Was it because she had been my friend first? Because we’d shared this crazy month of searching in the city together? And when her friend Kaylee had referred to Noelle as my girlfriend in the park earlier, it hadn’t been fear I felt, of Noelle getting the wrong idea, it had been longing.
Trevor was already inside, sitting at a table near the kitchens where we could hear the chef and the waiting staff talking loudly.
‘Sorry about the table, it was the only one they had at short notice. They have a roof garden which is much nicer but obviously that gets full quickly at this time of year,’ he explained, picking at the frayed edge of the blue and white menu, while I sat down opposite to him.
‘This is fine. I’m not such a fan of roof gardens.’
‘Not still scared of heights, are you? Used to scream your head off when I put you up the top of the monkey bars.’
I paused in the act of pulling my chair in closer to the table. ‘I don’t recall that.’ My voice came out frosty.
‘I suppose you wouldn’t, being so small.’
When you left, I added in my head and took a deep breath, trying to remember what Noelle had said to me about how he was probably nervous. Rightly so, but if I wanted him to open up, I was going to have to employ some charm rather than react with my emotions.
The waitress came over and took our drinks orders. Trevor winked at her and she forced a smile. I reconsidered using my charm. Was that where I’d end up in another twenty years? Still thinking I was a smooth operator but actually creeping young women out? A depressing thought.
‘Did you recall what the money could be for?’ I found myself asking, once our beers were brought over and we’d ordered our food. ‘Is that why you wanted to meet?’
‘Yes.’ He poured his beer into the glass slowly, letting it froth and subside. ‘I used to ride a motorbike, a Suzuki. It was my pride and joy.’ He gave a small smile, the lines around his eyes deepening. ‘When I left the first time, your mother took a hammer to it.’
My hand clenched reflexively around my bottle of beer. ‘The first time?’
He nodded. ‘We had a difficult relationship. We were too young and all the fire and the drama that had been exciting when we got together just became tiresome once we were parents and struggling to get by. I left when you were around two, for a month or so. We got back together for a while, but it was never going to work out.’
My thumbnail picked at the edge of the label of the bottle. The same way he’d been doing with the threads on the menu. I stopped. They’d been fiery? Mum had taken a sledgehammer to his motorcycle? That wasn’t something I could imagine my mother doing.
‘You’re saying, you think she wanted to pay you back for the damage she did to your bike?’
‘Your mum, she liked things to be square. She never wanted to owe anyone.’
I forced my teeth to unclench. ‘I don’t need you to tell me what my mother was like.’
He held up his hands. ‘No. Of course not. Maybe that wasn’t it. Perhaps she changed.’
I took a couple of large gulps of beer, trying to push the anger back down. Maybe it was all starting to make more sense now. Like Noelle had guessed, Mum had wanted to protect me from the disappointment of him coming in and out of my life, since it had already happened once.
Thinking of Mum in a fiery relationship was hard to reconcile though. She and David had argued, of course they had, but it was rare. And when they did, it was short disagreements, soon resolved. Not the kind of thing that led to one of them walking out or damaging the other’s belongings because they were in such a rage.
‘Anyway. She said she’d pay me back,’ he continued. ‘And I’d given her the receipt for the repairs, but it’d never happened, so I thought maybe that was it.’
Silence fell between us. I looked out over the rest of the restaurant. It was late but still busy, mainly with groups of friends and couples. The music in the background was soft, a lively Mediterranean pop, and the smells coming from the kitchen were good. Rich tomato sauce and the saltiness of fresh seafood. It would have been a pleasant evening if I was in better company.
When I looked back, he was checking his phone on the table. ‘If I’m keeping you, you can go,’ I said evenly. ‘That was the only answer I wanted.’
‘I’m just having to keep an eye on it. Sandra’s sister is sitting with her tonight.’
‘Your wife. She has cancer?’ I asked, forcing a softer tone.
‘Breast cancer. It came back. She’s fighting it, but they’re not sure this time around…’ He trailed off and cleared his throat, fidgeted on his seat.
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Yeah, me too. I wish I could do more for her, but the treatment is so expensive. That’s something I do miss about Britain. The wonderful NHS.’
I almost laughed. I understood what he meant but did he not realise how it came across when he phrased things like that? He did miss the NHS. He hadn’t missed me. Maybe he was just being honest. Maybe his filter was broken from the suffering he was going through with his wife. I didn’t want to care about his problems but whatever he was to me, they were still human. ‘Is there anything I can do?’
‘Like what? Are you a doctor?’
‘No…I’m a stockbroker.’ The admission felt like it cost me something. I didn’t want to give him any pieces of me. Money I could offer. It was no more than charity. But who I really was and what I did, felt like parts of me he didn’t deserve.
‘Wow. That’s impressive. You used to want to be Robin Hood.’ He smiled.
‘Some would argue I’m the opposite of that now,’ I quipped as our food arrived. He’d ordered a lamb dish and I had gemista, the large tomatoes shiny from being roasted in the oven. I cut into one and a soft, fragrant stuffing of rice and vegetables spilled out. ‘But if there’s anything your wife needs that you can’t afford, drugs or equipment, let me know how much it is, and I’ll see if I can help.’
‘Why would you do that?’
I shrugged. Why was I doing it? ‘Because, within reason, I can. I have money. I give to charity – this is just more direct.’
‘What do you want in return?’
‘Nothing. I meant what I said the other day. I’m not interested in us getting to know each other or forging a relationship. It’s too late for that.’
He nodded, and I could almost see the relief radiating off him. ‘I wouldn’t have been a good father, if that’s any consolation. You’ve obviously been raised really well. You’ve made something of yourself. You look like you’ve got it together. You didn’t need me then and it doesn’t look like you need me now.’
I eyed him as I took another long drink of beer. I put the bottle down carefully. If this was the last time we were going to sit together and talk like this, maybe I should have m
y say.
‘I don’t need you now. You’re right. I was raised well. But it was hard. You’re letting yourself off the hook by saying I was better off without you. It was hard having a dad who didn’t care enough to keep me in his life. It was hard for Mum, being a single parent—’
‘It was only for a couple of years. She remarried, didn’t she?’
The blasé attitude rekindled my anger. ‘Yes. But it was two years on her own more than you did. Two years when you were young, free and single. Exploring New York and deciding what you wanted to do with your new freedom. You were both my parents but only one of you took responsibility.’ I pushed my food away. I couldn’t eat, even though it was delicious.
‘You’re right.’ His lips flattened. ‘Responsibility was never my strong suit. It took me a long time to settle down. I hurt more people than you and your mother and I have to live with it.’
‘Lorna?’ I asked. ‘You lived around here with her, didn’t you?’
His eyebrows shot up. ‘You met them?’
‘When I was looking—’ I broke off. ‘Them?’
He swallowed. ‘Maybe not then.’ He picked at his lamb with his knife and fork.
‘Trevor, who, as well as Lorna, might I have met at their apartment?’ I folded my arms on the edge of the table and leaned forward, so he was forced to look me in the eye again.
‘You…you have a sister.’
‘What?’ My voice rose over the chatter in the restaurant and the waitress looked over at us nervously. I breathed in deeply through my nose. ‘You had another child with Lorna?’
‘Yes.’
‘And you left them too?’
‘Yes.’
‘When?’
‘When what?’
‘When did you leave them? How old is she? Do you ever see her? What’s her name?’
‘You’ve got a lot more questions all of a sudden,’ he said dryly.
‘You just told me I have a sister,’ I hissed. ‘Is that it? One sister or are there any more siblings for me to find out about?’
