JERRY CHARIOT
DEAR SUPERMAN,
It ain’t easy being a kid like I and Robert am. I mean is. Especially when your dad and Sister Mary Justin are gonna talk on the telephone any minute now. Because we just finished supper and that’s why I’m waiting for the phone to ring. So I was thinking maybe you should let your Superdog Krypto know about how I’m gonna fly on the Sunday after next Sunday at 10:30 in the mourning. This way he could watch it on his X-ray Vision like you’re gonna do. Aren’t you? Because after it’s over I thought FOR SURE I’d fly to Metropolis to visit you for a while. Unless you’re already in Pulpburg visiting me. Which you probly won’t be since you never even write me letters. I know how busy you are. I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t come anyway because I don’t like it very much here either. And neither does Robert Sipanno. So I hope you don’t mind if I give him a ride to Metropolis with me. He could always stay with Jimmy Olsen if there wasn’t room at your place. Besides, I don’t think anybody around here is gonna like me very much after I do it. Especially Sister Mary Justin. Because I thought about it a LONG time and I decided when I fly into church to get my First Holy Communion, that’s when I’m gonna spit on her. Right on her veil. And if I don’t do that, then I’m gonna pee on her head. I SWEAR I will! Because I really HATE her because I’m scared, Superman. I’m sitting in my room waiting. And praying. And wishing the phone wasn’t ringing right now. But it is! And my dad just answerd it. And I better sneak over and listen. So goodby.
JERRY
Hello, Superman.
That wasn’t Sister Mary Justin Thank God. It was Mr. Marinaro up the street who wanted my dad to go play poker with him at the Italien Club. But my mom said he couldn’t go unless he wanted to sleep on the couch again. Which he didn’t. Which is why he’s in a REAL bad mood already. Which isn’t gonna help when Sister Mary Justin calls pretty soon. Because every time my dad gets mad at my mom then he gets mad at me too because I’m HER kid. And then my mom gets mad at me because I’m HIS kid. And then Buster gets mad at me because they get mad at him because he’s THEIR kid. What they don’t understand is that I’m not ANYBODY’S kid, Superman. I’m
THE KRYPTONITE KID
DEAR SUPERMAN,
The reason I didn’t write you another letter last night was because I couldn’t. Because my dad wouldn’t let me. Because Sister Mary Justin said she was gonna show my poem to Father Ponti who is the Pastor of the parish where Holy Redeemer Everything is. And she’s gonna ask him to say that I can’t get my First Holy Communion until NEXT year because I don’t deserve it because I’m the WORST pupil she ever had in her life.
And my dad said WHAT POEM?
So she read it to him REAL loud because even I could hear it. And I was pretty far away from the phone. In fact I was on my way out the door because I didn’t want to stick around. But then I rememberd I didn’t have my shoes on because I left them in the kitchen with my dad and the telephone. Which is where I wished I didn’t take them off. So I snuck back and peeked around the corner and you know what he was doing, Superman?
He was squeezing the phone real hard and he was turning all red and so I thought maybe I could hide in the closet and wait till after he hung up and went to look for me. And then I could sneak in the kitchen and get my shoes and get away. The only trouble was that he didn’t hang up. He just dropped the phone while Sister Mary Justin was still talking. And then he started taking off his belt and he yelled JERRY! and I didn’t listen and he yelled JERRY! louder and I could tell he really wanted to get me. Which is why I wished I had a knife or something because I figured I was really gonna need it. And I was right. Only I didn’t have nothing, Superman. Not even shoes. And so he caught me and hit me again and again and again and again and again and again. And after the seventh time he told me how I have to come STRAIGHT home after school and I can’t watch television and I’m not getting ANY more allowence EVER again and I can’t play with Robert or anything and I’d be lucky if I was alive when he got through with me.
And then he got through with me.
But I didn’t cry this time, Superman. Not until I got up in my room all by myself where nobody could see me. And I got snot allover the sheets and everything but I didn’t care because I don’t care about NOTHING. Especially him or Sister Mary Justin or ANYBODY. Except Robert. And so I decided I AM gonna kill him, Superman. I AM! And maybe I’ll kill Sister Mary Justin too. And maybe I’ll kill Veronica nextdoor and Jimmy Sinceri and Duane Machado. Maybe I’ll get up in the middle of the night and grab a knife and stick it in them all. Right in their hearts!
I LOVE YOU, SUPERMAN.
Jerry
Dear SUPERPAL,
This morning Sister Mary Justin told everybody in class how she gave my poem to Pastor Ponti and he read it and he didn’t like it very much either. In fact he HATED it. But he told Sister Mary Justin how I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT FOR A WHILE. And Sister Mary Justin said HOW LONG? And Pastor Ponti said I MUST PRAY FOR GUIDANCE and Sister Mary Justin said WHY? and Pastor Ponti said SO I CAN MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION and Sister Mary Justin said how she hopes he decides the right conclusion REAL soon. And then she walked right over to my desk. And then she pulled me out of my seat and she said LOOK AT HIM!
And everybody was already looking at me.
And then she said, HE BETTER PRAY HE DON’T DIE BEFORE HE MAKES HIS FIRST HOLY COMMUNION NEXT YEAR! And she talked real loud but she talked real slow and every time she said another word she pulled my hair harder.
HE. BETTER. PRAY. THAT. GOD. DON’T. STRIKE. HIM. DEAD!
And when she said DEAD! she hit me right on top of my head REAL hard and Jimmy Sinceri laughed. And so did Janie Jobb and Duane Machado and Albert Ambrozzi and Rita Charnovich. And pretty soon the only ones who didn’t laugh was me and Robert Sipanno. And when we went to the lavatory later on, Jimmy Sinceri hit me on top of the head just like Sister Mary Justin did. And so did Michael Roinski and a lot of the other guys. And pretty soon even some of the girls started doing it. And so you know what I’m gonna do, Superman? I’m gonna fly in that church and pee on them ALL. On EVERY one of them except Robert. Because I REALLY hate them now, Superman. I really, REALLY hate them!
Your Friend,
THE KID
Dear MAN OF STEEL,
You know what Pastor Ponti said? He said it’s up to Sister Mary Justin to decide if I don’t get my First Holy Communion or not. Because she’s my teacher and so she should know. So it looks like I got a new suit for nothing and BOY is my mom upset about it. She’s been crying all afternoon. And every time the phone rings she makes Buster say she isn’t home. Because she couldn’t bear to talk with anyone. She’s so ashamed. She’ll never live it down. How could I do this to her, Superman?
She wept for hours. She sat on the corner of the couch and cried gently, drying her tears with a lace handkerchief For hours. I wept with her because I couldn't help it. I had never seen her cry like that before—with such sadness. It didn't matter that she was worried about herself more than me. What mattered was that she was worried about herself because of me. Because of ME. I felt so bad. So guilty. I didn't have a chance. Her tears attacked me violently, like Kryptonite, making me helpless, killing me.
You see, I had always cried BECAUSE of her. Never WITH her. Never in the same room with her. There was a communion, so to speak.
Then Veronica came over and my mom couldn’t get away and neither could I. So Veronica kept looking at me like I was a piece of dirt or something. And she kept telling my mom how TERRIBLE it was that I could do such a thing. And how she felt so sorry for my mom because EVERYBODY was talking about it. Which my mom already knew. Which Veronica knew my mom already knew. Which is the way Veronica is. She told my mom that she would probably kill herself if one of her kids ever did that. And she kept sticking it in my mom deeper and deeper, again and again, like I was gonna do to my dad. But I’m not anymore. Because if I killed my dad then Veronica would have something more to kill my mom with. And I couldn
’t stand any more pain, Superman. Especially my mom’s pain. I just couldn’t.
Your Friend,
JERRY CHARIOT
Dear SUPERMAN,
Robert came by a few minutes ago and asked if I could go out. And my mom said I wasn’t allowed. So he said he could come in, but she said he couldn’t. So he said he just wanted to help me do our homework. But she said he better GET OUT OF HERE, ROBERT, BEFORE I CALL YOUR MOTHER!
And he said JUST FOR A HALF A HOUR?
And she said NOT EVEN FOR A MINUTE—NOT UNTIL THAT SON OF MINE LEARNS HIS LESSON!
So Robert said BUT HE CAN’T LEARN HIS LESSON UNLESS I HELP HIM but my mom just slammed the door in Robert’s face and so he left.
That’s why I’m writing this letter, Superman. Because I don’t have nothing else to do. Because I’m not allowed to go out and I’m not allowed to watch TV and I’m not allowed to do nothing except my homework which I can’t do without Robert anyway. And I’m not gonna get my First Holy Communion until NEXT year which means I’ll be seeing a LOT more of Sister Mary Justin who hates me. And I don’t get no allowence and I can’t buy no comicbooks and I ain’t got nothing left, Superman. Except you.
So I hope you’ll write back for a change.
Just,
JERRY
DEAR ROBERT,
I decided I would write you a letter since I’m not allowed to talk to you and tell you how I was REAL glad you stopped by today even though it didn’t work. Thanks for trying. I even wrote a letter to Superman and told him all about it so he would know. I hope you don’t mind. And I was wondering if I could borrow your homework after you’re done with it? You could just sneak it in my desk like I’m gonna sneak this letter in yours. And then I’ll sneak it back as soon as I’m done with it. Thank you very much. Goodby.
Your friend JERRY
PS: Don’t forget to let me know if you got any new comicbooks.
Dear Mr. Editor,
I just wrote a letter to Superman and then I wrote a letter to my bestfriend Robert. But I still have lots of time before I have to go to sleep so I decided I would write another letter and tell you what I think. I think you should let Supergirl have her own comicbook like Superman does. And like Superboy does. And like Superman’s Girl Friend Lois Lane and Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen does. You could call it SUPERMAN’S COUSIN SUPERGIRL. Wouldn’t that be good? I think Supergirl’s as good as they are and she’s a LOT better than Lois Lane that’s for sure. And then I’d buy it ALL the time except when I’m broke. And I also hope you’ll print this letter in your comicbook so everybody can read it in METROPOLIS MAILBAG. Which is where everybody can write and tell you what they think of your comicbooks. And I think they’re very very good.
Thank you very very much.
Sincerly,
Mr. Jerry Chariot
Dear SUPERMAN,
You know what I have to do when everybody else gets to go over to the church and practice their First Holy Communion? I have to go down and sit in the kinder garden where Sister Scholastica gets to watch me all the time. And she’s almost as bad as Sister Mary Justin because she makes me sit in the first seat in front of her desk which looks real DUMB because I’m a lot bigger than all those little kinders. Except for one of them named Georgie Gallucci who’s real FAT and so nobody likes him anyway. Especially me. Because he saw me writing a letter to Robert Sipanno and he told Sister Scholastica when I was supposed to be doing my Arithmatic. So I really HATE him because she got real mad and made me kneel on my knees in front of the HOLE classroom with a Bible on my head. And she said it better NEVER fall off if I know what’s good for me. And then she turned around and started writing on the blackboard and that’s when Alfred Sinceri who is Jimmy’s little brother threw a paperclip at me. And then Larry Thompson threw a rubberband. And then Georgie Gallucci stuck out his tongue and kept making faces. And then the bell rang Thank God and so I got to go back to Sister Mary Justin’s classroom and finish that letter I started to Robert before I got caught. So goodby.
JERRY
DEAR ROBERT,
Well I did it. I stole that green towel from my mom and I got a Magic Marker and I put KK on it just like I said I was gonna do. And I hid it in the attic right next to where I hide all my old comicbooks. It’s too bad you can’t get in to see it because it came out REAL nice. That’s why I thought I might sneak out on the roof and hold it out so you could stand down on the sidewalk and see it. Except somebody else might see it like Veronica nextdoor who would tell my mom FOR SURE. So maybe you better wait till Sunday. So goodby.
Your Friend,
JERRY
PS: Here’s your homework back. I’m sorry I spilt some ink allover it. Jimmy Sinceri made me do it when he kicked my elbow when you was at the blackboard. I tried to wipe it off but it didn’t work too good but you can still read quite a bit of it anyway. And you can’t read mine too good either.
DEAR SUPERMAN,
The reason Sister Scholastica hates me so much is because Sister Mary Justin hates me so much. Which is also the reason why Sister Agnes Therese the Principle hates me so much. Because if one nunn hates you then they ALL do. And if the nunns don’t like you then neither does anybody else. Not even the Protestents or Buster or ANYBODY. That’s why he told me I ain’t allowed to talk to him EVER again when he sees me on the street sometimes. Because he don’t want everybody to think it runs in the family. But I don’t care because I hate Buster anyway and the ONLY one I really want to talk to is Robert. Except I can’t because my mom won’t let me. And neither will Sister Mary Justin. And the only time she ever talks to me anymore is when she wants to say something bad like IT’S TIME TO GO TO THE KINDER GARDEN, JEROME. And today in Religion class she was making all the kids laugh at me like she does all the time now. And she was saying how I was a Pagen just like the Pagens who got drowned in the Red Sea when they was chasing Moses and the Israelites. Because a Pagen is a person who don’t believe in the right God and so the right God (who is God the Father) gets mad and drowns them in the Red Sea.
That’s what she said.
So maybe God would make ME get drowned in the Clarion River because the Red Sea’s pretty far away from here. But since I know about it now I’ll make sure I don’t go near the Clarion River for a while. Not until I get Super.
Because then it won’t matter if I’m a Pagen or not because if you’re Super then you can NEVER get drowned. Not unless there’s a piece of Kryptonite at the bottom. Which there won’t be because I’ll check with my X-ray Vision first. Because God can’t kill ME, Superman. Because if you want to be Super then you can’t let ANYBODY stop you— not even Sister Mary Justin or your mom or the Holy Ghost or Robert.
Which reminds me.
I had another dream, Superman. I didn’t wake up right away and I wasn’t alone because Robert was in it. At least I think it was Robert . . .
You see, I walked into this bar that looked a lot like the Italian Club. Except it wasn't, because it was a lot bigger and a lot more crowded. And I saw this man who looked like Robert, except he looked a lot older than Robert. I tried not to stare at him and pretty soon everybody noticed how I was trying not to stare at him. Even he noticed.
So I went into the men's room and I peed and I looked into the mirror for a long time and I washed my hands and I dried them and when I went back he was still there. Sipping a beer.
So I ordered a Bud and I stood in a corner and I watched him drinking his drink and I wondered when I was gonna wake up. I mean, what's a kid like me doing in a place like this? Look at all these people. Look at all these men. They're ALL looking for Robert. Their own Robert. What am I doing here? I should be home writing a letter or something.
But 1 can't leave now.
I can't take my eyes off that guy that looks like Robert. Do you see him over there? He's the one with the red shirt and the perfect blue eyes. I'd know them anywhere. See how they won't look back? See how they look through me? It's as if he's never seen me before. He doesn't
know that it's me. Jerry. The kid who became The Kid. Hey, Robert, LOOK! Please, Robert! (He’s ignoring me. He can’t hear the look on my face.) Hey, Robert! Look at me! Before I wake up! HURRY!
... It was AWFUL, Superman. One of the WORST dreams I ever had. That’s why I was afraid to go back to sleep. So I took out a sheet of paper and I started writing this letter. And pretty soon I’m gonna write a letter to the editor of your comicbooks. And then maybe I’ll write another letter to Robert Sipanno. And then it’ll be time to wake up and go to school and kneel in front of Sister Scholastica’s classroom again. So goodby for now. And goodnight.
Your friend,
JERRY CHARIOT
Dear Mr. Editor,
I been reading your comicbooks ever since I learned how to read. And before that I used to look at the pictures quite a bit. So I know a awful lot about Superman and Jimmy Olsen and Everybody Else. Even Lois Lane and Mr. Mxyzptlk! who lives in The Fifth Dimension. And I even wrote a letter to METROPOLIS MAILBAG which I’m still waiting to hear about. So I thought it would be a good idea if you hired me to write stories about Superman when I get to Metropolis. I mean print because I don’t write very good yet. But even Sister Mary Justin in school said I’m a REAL good printer and so if you hired me then I could go out and talk to Superman and ask him what he’s been doing lately. And then I’ll come back to the office and write (I mean print) about it. And somebody else can draw the pictures because I don’t draw too good. And then you could put it in your comicbooks because you always print anyway. And you print REAL NICE just like I do. Except I print a little bigger. So the pictures are gonna have to be smaller. So I hope that’s OK. Goodnight.
The Kryptonite Kid: A Novel Page 11
