Finding Brielle (a Forever & Always novel)

by Paige, Alyvia

  “You can do this. I’m right here, always right here, Ellie.” I whisper against her hair until she nods in understanding.

  The sanctuary doors open, filling the breezeway with a fresh floral scent, and none other than Miss Daniels appears. “Ladies and Gentlemen, quiet down please. We will begin in approximately ten minutes.” She looks the same, but older – petite, skinny, long brownish-grey hair, she’s aged well.

  March 13

  Is it good or bad that he can see through me? At times, I think it’s bad, sometimes I just want to live in the normal bubble without fear of anyone seeing anything different. There are no expectations on my behavior or reaction; there is no second-guessing that must be done. I’m exhausted – emotionally and physically, but I needed the run, I needed to clear my head of everything from the day and prepare for today. Today is the rehearsal, Hannah and I looked over the church multiple times this week as it was being morphed into her dreamscape. One thing I know for CERTAIN after this week is I will NOT be having a huge shindig. Talk about unneeded stress. I got my shot, still having pain, but I’m horny as fuck. Seriously talk about reverse side effects. I suppose it’s time for me to face the music… Chase arrives today – HIP HIP HOORAY!

  We were here last night, Hannah, Madi, Amber, and me. Just after our pampering appointment, before we gorged on food, we stopped by to ensure everything was as Hannah wanted it. For someone who doesn’t really care, she really cares. Smiling, I look up to Miss Daniels, the poor soul we tortured as children as she tells us Hannah and Carter are on their way. “Miss Sava, I see you took your seat next to Mr. Fields before you could get into trouble this go around.”

  “Oh Miss Daniels, we weren’t that bad.” I protest and we both laugh.

  “Bad, no. Trouble, yes. Always, you, Hannah, and those boys would do anything in your power to be attached at the hip. Sometimes, it just wasn’t worth the fight.” She tells everyone and I hear Hannah giggle from the doorway.

  “It was always Jase and Carter’s fault, we girls were innocent.” Hannah crosses the room to where I’m sitting and takes her seat to the left of me. “Hey everyone! Let’s do this.” She claps loudly yet doesn’t move.

  “Hey Banana, how’s the minion?” I ask nudging her shoulder.

  “I’m thinking I feel about at great as you look.” She offers back along with a weak smile.

  “Well then, you must be feeling awesome because I worked my ass off to look this great. I mean, I’m even in wedding colors, you whore.”

  “You look gorgeous, but I can see through all of it and you know it, I’ve learned.” She retorts as she stands. Hannah’s belly hasn’t grown since we arrived, obviously, we’ve only been here a week, but there are times her belly looks bigger and times it looks nonexistent. “Oh, have you seen Jen?”

  “I’m here, I’m here.” Jen shouts from the doorway. “Sorry, I had to pick up the dresses, and it took longer than planned.”

  “Eeeee,” I squeak, “I cannot wait for you to see my dress,” I say looking into Jase’s eyes. “It is fanfriggintabulous!”

  “Bring it back tonight and you can show me.” The waggle of his brows makes me laugh and everyone else just stares.

  “No, I already told you, I’m staying with Banana after Angelo’s.” I pout and my eyes bounce between looking into his eyes and his luscious lips.

  “All right, let’s get this done then because I am dying for some Superman scoops.” His tongue jets out quickly wetting his lips and he stands breaking my trance.

  “That kind is so gross,” Hannah and I say in unison making our way through the ornate cherry wood sanctuary doors that lead into the beige room. I’m in awe, the décor is complete. White tulle with pale lace turquoise ribbon is adorned to each pew end in the most intricate bow, the focal point is direct and center of the sanctuary. A table covered in a silk taupe material with two medium sized glass cylinders filled with two variations of turquoise sand sitting aside a tall curvy clear glass vase. Hannah and Carter opted to use the blending of sand over the unity candles, this is something they could keep forever, they explained.

  “Hannah,” Miss Daniels says capturing everyone’s attention. “Your fresh flowers will arrive tomorrow morning before nine. I have left a place card where you expressed you wanted them. Gentlemen, you will enter from the rear right door there,” she points and shoos them toward the door. “Ladies, you will enter from the main sanctuary doors. Let’s get started.”

  The sanctuary door opens and Hannah gasps, Tracie and David stand hand in hand with a practice bouquet for tomorrow. A bunch bound by the same lace ribbon secures the arrangement of white and bright-pale turquoise dyed calla lilies. If this is a sign of what the fresh flowers will look like tomorrow, I don’t even have words to describe the elegance and beauty that is bound to be set upon us.

  “I… I love them,” Han cries as she hugs her mom and dad tightly. “Thank you.”

  “Oh sweetie, anything for you,” Tracie says pulling away.

  “Now, let’s get this rehearsal going, they have the food ready to start in thirty minutes.” David directs, his eyes betray his lack of emotion he is trying to pull off.

  “Yes, Daddy. All right ladies,” Hannah orders, “let’s do this walk through, I am freaking hungry.” We all laugh as they make their way to the back of the line. Once the doors open, I can see the guys standing at the front – Carter, Jase, Chase, Braydon, Derek, and lastly Max, all talking until they are shushed by the pastor. We forgot the iPod with the music, so Ms. Daniels hurries to start the traditional music that will not be playing tomorrow, but will work just fine as a placeholder. Jen, Madi, Amber, and Alison make their way down the aisle all in harmony with their given timing.

  The doors close leaving just Hannah, Tracie, David, and me waiting. Typically, I would have walked down the aisle already, in a traditional wedding that is, but Hannah is anything but traditional since her accident a few years ago. “No crying Banana, this is only practice,” I say just before turning back to the large wooden doors. Ms. Daniels, opens them again, and it’s my cue that I need to progress down toward the guys. Once I arrive to my spot, everyone turns to the door and my beautiful best friend makes her way toward us, laughing hysterically along with her parents. Well that’s one way to ensure she doesn’t cry.

  Rehearsal went smoothly, I avoided Chase mostly, aside from when I’d catch him in my field of vision looking at Jase or laughing at Braydon. I swear the boys all act like children. The rehearsal dinner cookout was a success; Hannah fulfilled her promise and ate enough for three. Maybe she’s having twins. After dinner, we made our way as a group to Angelo’s for ice cream, only to be left disappointed and heartbroken – well I was anyway. They only have s’mores ice cream in the fall. Who wants Superman or the other boring flavors listed? Not this girl, I instead sat amongst my friends reminiscing on all our pasts and integrating everyone together as a whole.

  “Ladies,” a soft voice calls into Hannah’s childhood bedroom, “we have coffee.” The door creaks open slowly until my mom, Tracie, and Shellie are fully in the room. Hannah pulls the comforter up over her head causing a chuckle to slip out. I need to pee, but I know these hardwood floors are going to be cold as fuck. I never really understood that, it’s nice outside – the temperatures are in the high 60s but the floorboards feel like it’s in the low 30s. “Wake up!” I hear my mother shout.

  “Why? Why is it necessary to be awake at the ass crack of dawn when we don’t need to be up until at least ten for our appointments?” I grumble. She of all people should know I am not a morning person, even on the best of days.

  “Probably because it’s pushing noon?” Shellie laughs a moment before the others chime in.

  “What? I said ten. Now everything is going to be behind and late and…”

  “Oh Hannah Banana, don’t stress. It’s not healthy, flattering, or needed. We have everything on schedule, the bridesmaids are getting their hair done and will get their makeup done while you are h
aving your hair done. Also, the flowers were sent to the church and look amazing and the reception hall is complete, minus the desserts that your dad and Joel are taking over as we speak.” Tracie placates.

  “Holy fuck,” I groan.

  “Language,” all three women shout causing Hannah and I both to break into a fit of giggles.

  “That’s more like it, now up you go. We have decided you both get a cup of coffee today since it’s technically on the not allowed list. Also, brunch is in the kitchen, the ladies are set up in the formal dining room as planned.”

  “Okay,” I whine slipping from bed to beat Hannah to the restroom laughing as she cries out that I am evil and horrible and she’s pregnant so that was a shit ass move.

  Once we drain our coffee cups, we get cleaned up for the day. I pull out my oversized, three-quarters length sleeve t-shirt and distressed jeans. Hannah appears from the bathroom in one of Carter’s dress shirts with the sleeves rolled to the elbow and my neon orange booty shorts.

  Promptly at four, our limo pulls up to the church, delivering us to don our dresses and pose for photos before the ceremony. Han is practically floating and I’m damn near close, as if I’ve been syphoning from her happy bank. This is how we are though, she is my person and I am hers. It doesn’t matter that Carter will soon be her husband, because we will forever hold that role with each other.

  Time flew by from getting into our dresses to taking photos and now that the church is full, Miss Daniels just summoned us to our places. Is it weird that I’m nervous? I mean the only thing I’m required to do is be here for Hannah, make sure her dress is laid out correctly, hold her bouquet, which might I say is even more gorgeous than yesterday’s. But still I am. I’ve not seen Jase since last night and I miss him. It’s hard going from being around someone daily for months on end to not waking up next to them. It’s also always nice to see him in a suit – that man is sexy as fuck.

  The wooden doors open for me to walk down the aisle, I look back to Hannah giving her my biggest most sincere smile and whisper “I’ll be right there if you need me – be it to help you escape or hand you a tissue.”

  “OMG Brie, go,” she laughs loudly with a snort only instigating my smile to beam brighter and, without another word; I resume my role and make my way down the aisle. I’m flawless until my eyes catch Jase’s gaze, it’s almost as if the air has been taken from my lungs as my heart thuds wildly in my chest. He’s stunning, taupe suit pants and vest, a turquoise tie the identical color to the lightest threading in my dress perfectly knotted at the neck of his crisp white shirt.

  I’m a goner.

  A few deep breaths and I am back in the game and standing in my assigned spot, eyes locked on his until the music queues Hannah’s entry. If there was ever a way to envision beauty, it would be my Han. Her white dress flows to the ground from the strapless, sweetheart neckline, embellished white lace with the exception of the taupe silk ribbon that band just under her bust line all but hiding her bump. I remember buttoning the back and cinching it together for the little expansion she has had since the last fitting. The bow hangs in the back flowing the entire length of the gown. Stunning.

  Once she’s made her way to the front, her parents give her away with the simple words back to the pastor of “We, her parents,” in unison. Hugging her Tracie says, “Forever and always,” and David finishes her statement before placing her hand in Carter’s, “our baby you’ll be.”

  The ceremony goes smoothly, between watching the pastor speak to Hannah and Carter, I find myself watching Jase watch me. I feel cherished, like he’s always made me feel in the past, but right now it’s different. After handing Carter’s ring to Hannah and Jase giving hers to him, I focus back on Jase. They recite their vows and the ring exchange occurs, but I don’t watch. I only listen. I only see Jase, his breathing accelerates just as mine does, his Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows and the pulse beat I see peeking out of the collar of his pressed shirt quickens. I feel my cheeks flush but can’t force myself to look away.

  I just fell in love with the love of my life all over again.

  Carter is cool as a fucking chilled cucumber. Even through all the movies I watched with Brie, I’d think he should have some nerves, but the only emotions this guy has displayed are impatience and excitement. Maybe it’s because they did everything backward, including the fight they had to endure to get back to where they are now. Maybe it’s because he knows all today is, is a formality; he already planned to spend his entire life with Hannah and Hannah alone. Maybe that’s why I’m excited to see Brie walk her way toward me, to envision that for myself. It’s obviously too soon to discuss, but I’m just about at my wits end on biting my tongue to avoid the love conversation. The dude looks like he just won the lottery and he hasn’t even seen her yet… but me I just won; I just won big.

  I swear I just died and went to fucking heaven. Oh sorry, just heaven, no fucking. Is there fucking in heaven? She’s stunning, breathtakingly stunning. The epitome of beauty and she doesn’t even see it, not like I see it at least. Her dark curls are pinned back with Baby’s Breath, her makeup is light and natural, but that dress. My god that dress, it accentuates her tan skin, making even her big bright chocolate eyes pop. The sweetheart neckline starts at a light, bright turquoise – the same color as my tie, and deepens in color as the fabric extends to her feet, reaching a deep teal color through her midsection before fading back to the bright blue matching the top. The fabric is just tight enough where it needs to be and billows at the bottom with every step.

  I’m going to marry her. She won’t be able to resist forever. Our babies would be gorgeous; I know she doesn’t want babies, but that is in part because she’s terrified she cannot carry. We sure can try though, like as soon as this is over… wherever I can get her. I clasp my hands in hopes to hide the creature stirred to life just from looking at her. My heart begins to thud harder in my chest when her steps come to a halt. What’s wrong? Is she in pain? Should I go to her? I should go to her. No, no I shouldn’t. She’s moving again. Her face is flushed now that she is standing on the spot Ms. Daniels marked for her. I am fairly certain she is even more gorgeous than the first day I saw her, from the first moment I knew I loved her. Just before those wooden doors reopen at the back of the sanctuary, I take one more second to look her over. Her chest rising and falling rapidly, that wet, pink tongue darting out to moisten her lips, her gaze captures all my attention again. I pout, waggling my brows before breaking into the biggest smile I think I have ever sported.

  The ceremony goes by in a whirlwind, or had been until the pastor began the vows for Hannah and Carter to repeat. My eyes solely focused on Brielle aside from handing the ring to Carter. She so often uses her humor to distract people from what is truly going on inside her mind, heart, and body. But not me. I see through it. I look into her eyes and find her soul. My pulse quickens as I hear the words “for better or worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health, for long as I live, I give you my heart.” That’s when I see it, I see the moment it registers in her eyes; the moment she realizes I am 100 percent in this for her and only her. Her eyes glisten from tears beginning to form just before she blinks them away and a beautiful pink blush covers her face.

  Soon enough we were whisked away to the reception, that is, after a million more photographs were taken. The room looks awesome; each table draped in a variation of turquoise holds a centerpiece of the same flowers that were at the church for the ceremony. The caterers begin serving everyone according to their place setting indicator. The dance floor in the front center of the room remained empty and soft music filtered through the space. Guests chatted and Carter ordered Hannah to sit about a million times, all while Brie laughed soaking up her friends that she’s been missing.

  The DJ announces that it’s time for toasts and calls Brielle and me to the stage. After my rather boring tribute and well wishes to the bride and groom, Brie grabs the microphone and begins the most entertaining and
heartfelt spew of memories and well wishes her voice both animated and heartfelt.

  “Today my best friends became legally bound, you all watched them along with us, but what some of you may not know is the journey that they had embarked on to get here. Hannah is a secure, confident, independent woman… she loves like the world may end tomorrow. A few years ago, Hannah was in a car accident, I was terrified that one moment in time had changed my friend forever. Luckily, it was only for a few years, you see in those few years, she had walked away from what she knew, trusted, loved, and refused to be a woman who depended on a man. She wanted to prove to herself and everyone else that she could do it on her own. We finally accepted her irrational and totally mind-boggling decision until all those pieces that made up our Banana began to reappear.

  “That’s when Tracie, David, Carter, and I had seen her torture herself long enough. Don’t shake your head at me Banana that was self-torture. You see in the entire time Carter and Hannah separated, he never gave up on her. He sent flowers to her office; he was in cahoots with her parents and me to ensure she was well. So, again, when she got to that place… I told Carter to come on down to Florida and get his girl. I honestly think she just wanted that whole damsel in distress, oh prince charming come rescue me shit to happen. Well what Hannah wants, Hannah gets, if Carter has any say. Since that day last August, it’s been just like there was no disruption to their life. They picked up where they left off, and today look at them… still bickering. Just kidding, I mean look at their love, a love that never ended and only intensifies. I am so blessed to have you both in my life as my family. Congratulations for doing what you should have done two years ago…