Symphony in Blue

by M. J. Duncan

  The foyer outside the ballroom doors was empty, and Gwen was a surprised when Dana passed by several small settees en route to the garden beyond. Night had fallen while they had been inside, and she was relieved to find that the temperature had, to a handful of degrees, at least, followed suit. The clear fairy lights strung amongst the tree branches cast a romantic glow along the paver walkway, and the lit fountain bubbling quietly away in the corner added to the inappropriately intimate ambiance.

  Gwen’s stomach sank at the hurt and confusion in Dana’s expression when she stopped beside the fountain and finally turned to face her. “I'm sorry.” The apology was entirely inadequate and, she realized when Dana visibly flinched at her words, exactly what she had written on the note she had left in the hotel room before she fled.

  “I…” Dana shook her head. “I'm sorry that I pounced on you like that in there. I just haven't been able to stop thinking about what happened between us in Maui, and I didn't think I'd ever see you again but there you were and I just…”

  “I understand. Really.” Gwen cracked a small smile at the look of pure disbelief Dana shot her. “I've been thinking about it a lot, too,” she admitted softly.

  “Can I…” Dana worried her lip as she lifted her eyes to the sky. “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Of course.”

  “Did I do something wrong to make you run out like that? I mean, I thought we were both having a good time, but when I called after you, you didn't stop, and…”

  “No.” Gwen reached out and grasped Dana’s wrist. Dana’s pulse beat an irregular rhythm beneath her thumb, evidence of just how worried she was that she was the one at fault, and Gwen shook her head as she smoothed her thumb over Dana’s wrist in what she hoped was a reassuring manner. “I am so sorry that my running away that morning made you feel like you had done something wrong.” She licked her lips and, heart beating wildly in her chest, offered Dana the truth she deserved, “I…I’m seeing someone, and I should have never…”

  “Oh.” Dana’s expression shifted into one of pure horror as she took a step back. “I see.”

  “It’s not…” Gwen wrapped her arms around her waist to keep from reaching for her. “It hasn’t been great for a while, but it’s complicated, and…”

  “No. Just stop.” Dana shook her head. “You didn’t think to mention this before?” She ran a hand through her hair and blew out a rough breath. “And stupid me, I just assumed…”

  “No,” Gwen sighed. “You’re not stupid. You didn’t do anything wrong, Dana.”

  “I think sleeping with somebody else’s girlfriend counts as doing something wrong!” Dana snapped. “Did you even…” Her voice trailed off and she waved a hand in the air. “Never mind.”

  Gwen’s heart broke as she watched Dana’s jaw harden. “It’s okay. Ask.”

  “I don’t…” Dana shook her head. “I just can’t believe I spent the last couple weeks wishing I could see you again. That I spent the last two weeks worrying that I had done something wrong when you—”

  “Did everything wrong,” Gwen finished for her. Her pulse stumbled over itself when Dana nodded once in agreement, and she blinked back the tears she had no right to shed as she nodded. “I didn’t plan on sleeping with you.”

  “Like that makes it better.”

  “It doesn’t,” Gwen agreed sadly. “But it’s the truth. I’m not going to blame the tequila because I could have said no to the drinks, but I was lonely and you were so amazing that I just…” She sighed. “I liked the way I felt when I was with you.” She shrugged. “I hadn’t felt that happy in so, so long and I was stupid and selfish and I really don’t have a good excuse because I never should have done what I did and all I can do now is what I’m doing.”

  “Did you tell her?” Dana frowned. “Or him? Them?”

  “Her,” Gwen murmured. “And I was going to. I was going to tell her and break things off when I saw her afterwards, but her dream job in London just came open and she’s preparing for the audition and I just…I can’t tell her now and ruin that for her too. I will after it’s over, but I can’t do it now.”

  Dana rubbed her hands over her face. “Right. Well.” She caught her lower lip between her teeth as she let her hands fall to her sides with a smack. She stared at Gwen for a handful of heartbeats, the air between them crackling with accusations that deserved to be hurled but which she seemed to be too furious to formulate, and then rolled her eyes as she muttered instead, “I’d say it was good to see you again, but…”

  Gwen nodded sadly. “I know. I’m sorry.”

  “I wish that were enough,” Dana replied leadenly. “Goodbye, Gwen.” She gave Gwen one last look of utter disappointment, and then shook her head as she slipped past her.

  The tears Gwen had been holding back slipped free as she watched Dana’s figure become blurred by the night, and she bit her lip as she made no effort to wipe them away. Dana didn’t look back at her as she waited at the valet for her car, too justifiably angry to bear looking at her, and she couldn’t stop the quiet sob that escaped her when Dana got in her car and drove off into the night. She deserved this, she knew she did, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

  She waited until her tears had dried and her face felt like it had cooled enough to not give away her anguish before she made her way back inside, her polite stage smile more fake than it had ever been before. An auctioneer had taken center stage while she had been outside, and Luke, Vic, and Tucker were sitting at a table near the back of the room shaking their heads at the amounts of money being offered for whatever was currently being sold to the highest bidder.

  “Hey,” Gwen sighed as she slipped her cello case from her shoulders and dropped into the empty chair to Luke’s left. “How’s it going?”

  Luke gave her a searching look that silently asked if she was okay as he replied in a light, nonchalant tone, “These people have more money than they know what to do with.”

  “It’s insane,” Tucker agreed with a nod, too riveted by the flurry of hands flying into the air around them and the energetic antics of the auctioneer on stage to pay too much attention to her.

  Gwen nodded even though Tucker wasn’t looking at her and leaned toward Luke as she said in a low tone, “Any time you want to get out of here is more than good for me.”

  “Let’s get out of here, then.” Luke grabbed the handle of his clarinet case that was sitting on the table in front of him and got to his feet. “Well, guys, we’re out. See you Monday.”

  Tucker and Vic looked toward them and smiled. “See ya Monday,” they chorused.

  “See you Monday,” Gwen murmured as she hefted her cello case back onto her shoulders. She closed her eyes at the light touch of Luke’s fingers against her elbow as he turned his back to the stage, silently telling her that he would follow her lead, and swallowed around the lump in her throat as she started making her way toward the door.

  Once they were alone and out of earshot from anyone who might be tempted to listen in, Luke asked, “How’d it go?”

  Gwen licked her lips and blinked back the tears she could feel beginning to once again prickle the corners of her eyes. “It went as well as could be expected, I guess.” She took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “I told her the truth and she pretty much hates me now, but I can’t say I deserve anything less, so…”

  “Oh, Gwen.” Luke reached for her hand as they made their way slowly across the outdoor patio toward the valet station. “I’m sorry.”

  “Yeah. Me too.” Gwen licked her lips. “You know what the worst part is, though?”

  “Hmm?”

  “In another world and another time, if I met her when I wasn’t already with somebody else, I think we could have been really good together.”

  “Oh, sweetie,” Luke murmured, squeezing her hand gently.

  “Life just really fucking sucks sometimes, you know?” Gwen huffed a teary laugh and wiped at her cheeks. “I really liked her,” she whispered.


  “Yeah, it does,” Luke agreed. “And I know. I can hear it in your voice when you talk about her. But who knows? Maybe some day…”

  Gwen shook her head as she pulled the valet ticket from her purse and handed it to the attendant. “I don’t think that’s ever going to happen.”

  Luke blew out a soft breath and lifted his right shoulder in a small shrug. “Maybe. Maybe not. But for tonight, let’s just put on our comfiest clothes, break out some wine, and pretend that everything is fine.”

  “I don’t know if I can,” Gwen told him as the valet pulled up with her car.

  Luke took the keys from the valet who looked barely old enough to drive and ushered her to the other side of the car. “Well, then we can get totally shitfaced on expensive grape juice and cry it out. Whatever you want, Gwen, but I really think you could use a break from beating yourself up over this,” he said as they got into the car. “You’re not a bad person,” he insisted gently as he shifted into drive. “You’re really not. You just made a mistake.”

  Gwen stared out her window and sighed, not quite sure she believed him but thankful that, in all of this mess, she had someone who still believed in her.

  FIFTEEN

  “Oh, fuck me. My head,” Luke groaned, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes as he rolled onto his stomach to hide his face in his pillow.

  “I know,” Gwen mumbled, her words muffled by the pillow she had her face shoved into, blocking out both the sun streaming through the French doors opposite her bed and the trio of empty wine bottles on her bedside table. Drinking away her problems had seemed like a good idea while she and Luke were snuggled beneath her comforter rewatching the first season of Supergirl, the warm buzz of good wine and campy superhero action a much welcome distraction from her life, but she was paying dearly for it now. But, in its own way, the hangover was worth it because for the first time since she had gotten back from Maui, she had slept through the night without one dream—that she could remember, anyway—of Dana.

  Luke weakly nudged her hip. “Make the sun go away.”

  Gwen laughed and then immediately groaned as her head pulsed viciously in response. “I don’t think that’s possible.”

  “Can we stay here until nighttime then?” Luke whined.

  “Don’t think so.” Gwen dared to turn her face from its soft haven to look at him. “Don’t you have that thing with Jay in Santa Monica this afternoon?”

  “Oh fuck, that’s right. What time is it?” Luke muttered, squinting as he sat up enough to check the time on the alarm clock over Gwen’s shoulder. “Christ, it’s already noon.” He flopped back down and closed his eyes. “At least I don’t have to be there until two thirty.”

  “Noon?” Gwen turned her head to check the time for herself, and groaned. He hadn’t misread the clock. “What time did we even fall asleep?”

  “Dunno. Last thing I remember is the whole Kara is human episode with the earthquake.”

  “I don’t think I even made it that long.” Gwen turned back to face Luke, who once again had his eyes shut, and smiled as she took in his wild bedhead. “Nice hair.”

  “Thanks. The smeared makeup under your eyes is really sexy too,” Luke sassed without opening his eyes.

  “Mean!” Gwen poked him in the side.

  Luke laughed and swatted her hand away. “Don’t! I gotta pee.”

  “So go pee.”

  “Moving hurts. I can hold it longer,” Luke protested. “Or maybe not,” he said as he slowly slipped out of bed. He held his hand up over his eyes as he shuffled toward the bathroom. Gwen closed her eyes again as the bathroom door clicked shut but, of course, him mentioning the call of nature made her suddenly aware of her own overly full bladder, and she sighed as she climbed out of bed and headed for the hall bathroom.

  When she returned to her bedroom, he was already back in bed with the comforter pulled up to his waist and his left arm folded over his eyes. “I think we’re too old for this shit anymore, Gwen,” he said as she climbed in beside him.

  “I think you’re right.” Gwen yawned and grimaced as the scrunching of her face made her brain throb. “Ugh.”

  “Double ugh.” Luke rolled onto his side and tucked his head under Gwen’s chin. “I love you even though you made me drink too much.”

  “Yeah, it was totally my idea.” Gwen sighed softly as she wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Sorry about that.”

  “S’okay. I forgive you.”

  “Do you have clothes for today? I don’t think Jay would appreciate you showing up at the florist’s in your boxer briefs and that T-shirt you’re wearing.” Gwen smiled as she plucked at the Wonder Woman tee shirt he had “accidentally” ordered in his size to give her for her birthday the year before.

  “This shirt is seven kinds of awesome and you know it.”

  “Yeah, if it wasn’t huge on me. I don’t know why you insist on leaving it here since you like it so much.”

  “Because it’s my jammies for when I stay over. You don’t want my hairy man chest touching your sheets do you?”

  “Good point,” Gwen conceded.

  “Glad you see it my way. But yeah, I have a bag of clothes in my trunk because I wasn’t sure how late we’d stay at the gala or if I’d be up for driving home afterward.”

  “And instead we left early and spent the rest of the night laying in bed, getting hammered on merlot.”

  “Yep. Because we’re classy like that. But I mean, come on, you gotta admit it was fun.”

  “Not so much now, though,” Gwen pointed out.

  “That is true.” Luke rolled off her and groaned. “I need food. And coffee.” He scrunched his nose. “And a shower. You wanna go to Joe's?”

  “I could go for that.”

  “Cool.” Luke stretched his arms up over his head and sighed. “I’ll go grab my shit out of my car then.”

  “Okay.” Gwen took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to find the energy to get out of bed again. “You know where everything is in the hall bath.”

  “Yep.” Luke rolled out of bed and grabbed his tuxedo pants off the slipper chair beside the doors to the back patio where he had folded them the night before. He hopped up and down as he pulled them over his hips, and rubbed a hand over the stubble on his jaw as he turned back to Gwen. “Race ya?”

  “Please,” Gwen chuckled, “like you’ve ever gotten done faster than me.”

  “There’s always a first time,” he sassed with a wink. He looked around the room and sighed. “Can I borrow your sunglasses to go out there?”

  “Mine are in my car, but there should be some spares in the drawer in the console table in the foyer.”

  “Thank god. All right, Harrison. Move your ass so we can go eat.”

  “Says the man who still needs to go fetch his clothes,” Gwen grumbled playfully as she threw the covers off and swung her legs over the side of the mattress. “But fine.”

  “Good girl,” Luke teased.

  Gwen flipped him off, much to his amusement, and smiled as she wandered into her closet to grab some clothes for the day. She combed her fingers through her hair as she considered her options. “Fuck it.” She shuffled back into her bedroom and pulled a pair of gray capri sweats and a white V-neck tee from the top two full-length drawers of her dresser, and grabbed the first pair of underwear and bra that she touched out of the smaller drawers above them, not caring that the two didn’t match. She was hungover and felt like shit, and dressing for comfort was much more important to her today than style.

  And, besides, it wasn’t like anyone was going to see them anyway.

  She shook her head as her awareness of the mess that her life had become slammed back into her. Just thinking about it made her feel tired all over again, and even though she knew it was the kindest thing she could do given the situation, she wondered if she actually had the strength to lie to Mallory until after her audition.

  The sound of the hall shower turning on was enough to jolt her into m
oving, and she glanced toward the open bedroom door as she padded toward her en suite, her bare feet slapping quietly against the espresso stained hardwood that ran throughout the house with the exception of the bathrooms, which were tiled. She glanced at her reflection in the mirror over the sink as she laid her clothes on the counter, and sighed as she lightly prodded the bags under her eyes.

  “I am definitely getting too old for this shit,” she told herself in a weary tone.

  The hot shower was positively heavenly, chasing away the exhaustion that had crept back into her bones when she thought about the mess her life had become, and if it weren’t for the fact that Southern California was still trapped in an unending drought and water restrictions had reached critical levels, she could have stayed beneath the beating spray all day because life seemed so much simpler here. Unfortunately, however, even a single short shower a day and only running her sprinkles three times a week in the middle of the night when there was less evaporation still netted her a water bill of over two hundred dollars a month, so that wasn’t really an option. So instead of lingering like she really would have liked, she took her usual eleven-minute shower, which was just enough time for her to wash up and shave. She was in-and-out so fast that the mirror hadn’t even had time to begin to fog despite the fact that she had turned the water on to just below scalding, and she shivered as she opened the glass shower door to reach for her towel.

  Fifteen minutes later she wandered into the living room, dressed and ready for the day with her still damp hair pulled back in a loose bun, and laughed when Luke sprinted past her in a pair of black shorts and a green shirt with a blue Under Armour duffle bag slung across his back.