Symphony in Blue

by M. J. Duncan

  “Okay.”

  “Oh, and before I forget, are you busy next weekend? We’re doing a concert at the Bowl with Pentatonix, and we were all given a couple of tickets for guests. I know you don’t have practice Sunday mornings, but I feel like I should warn you that it’s an evening performance—the curtain is at seven thirty.”

  “I’d love to come watch you play.” Dana smiled.

  “Good.” Gwen speared a mushroom. “Because Luke’s already invited his replacement best friend and her wife, and they’re going too.”

  “Oh he did, did he? Nice to know they’re at least keeping us in the loop,” Dana laughed, shaking her head.

  “Right? Anyway, I was thinking it’d be fun to have everyone over to my place afterward for a drink or something and maybe some dessert?”

  “I think that sounds like a great idea.” Dana nodded. “Count me in.”

  “Great,” Gwen murmured. “We’ll just leave the tickets at will-call for you guys to pick up the night of the concert.”

  “Sounds good.”

  The music playing from Gwen’s phone picked up in tempo and volume, and she smiled as she tipped her head at the device. “Cello section is coming up.”

  “Who’s playing right now?”

  “Us, actually. We recorded this at a performance last December.”

  “So this will be you playing?” Dana asked, eyebrows lifting over the frame of her sunglasses.

  Gwen nodded. It had been controversial at the time since, as principal cellist, the solo should have been given to Roland Yves on title alone, but Rhode had opened it up to anyone interested and had an inter-symphony audition for it. It had been run just like a regular blind audition—curtain covering the stage, carpet on the stage floor to mask the sound of the performer’s steps since women’s heels have a distinctly different sound than men’s dress shoes—and she had ended up winning the solo in what she would later learn was a sweep of the judges. “It will, yeah.” She tilted her head and listened to the music. “In three, two—”

  “Shush and lemme listen,” Dana interrupted, placing a finger over Gwen’s lips as she picked up the phone and angled the speaker toward her ear. She smiled at the disbelieving look Gwen was giving her and pulled her hand away. “Sorry?”

  “It’s fine,” Gwen murmured, touched that Dana seemed to care so much about listening to her play. “Just be warned that the entire piece is approximately forty-two minutes long.” Dana nodded as Gwen heard herself begin to play, and she smiled as she popped the mushroom that had been hanging out on her fork for the duration of their conversation into her mouth.

  “Wow,” Dana breathed after a few minutes of listening and eating in silence, the breathy awe in her tone enough to make Gwen blush. “Is this available to buy somewhere, or can you send it to me? I want to be able to listen when there isn’t a bunch of other noise getting in the way.”

  “I’ll send you the track,” Gwen promised.

  “Awesome.” Dana paused the music and handed Gwen back her phone. “Sorry I hijacked your phone.”

  “For that kind of enthusiasm?” Gwen smiled. “You are more than welcome to hijack my phone whenever you’d like.”

  Dana blushed. “Was it too much?”

  “No.” Gwen murmured, shaking her head and giving Dana’s hand a light squeeze. “I’m flattered.”

  “You shouldn’t be. You’re amazing.”

  “I’m glad that you think so.” Gwen tipped her head in a small bow.

  “Of course I do,” Dana whispered, her smile wistful.

  Gwen was glad they were both wearing sunglasses because she knew, without a doubt, that if she could see the emotion she was certain was shining in Dana’s eyes at that moment, she would do something monumentally stupid like reach out and pull her into a kiss. Her pulse raced at the thought, her imagination having no trouble creating a stomach-fluttering image of what it’d be like, and she cleared her throat softly as she looked away.

  “Did I say something wrong?” Dana asked softly.

  “No.” Gwen shook her head. “Not at all. I just…” She took a long, deep breath and held it for a moment before letting it go in a quiet whoosh. “It’s nice…to hear stuff like that.”

  Dana sighed. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be.” Gwen shook her head again and licked her lips. “I like it. A lot.”

  Dana bit her lip and nodded. “I’m glad.” They stared at each other for a heavy moment, and then Dana tilted her head at the food in front of them. “Your mushrooms are a million times better than Luke’s artichokes, by the way.”

  Gwen smiled, grateful as always for the fact that Dana seemed to understand just what she needed without having to be told. “Believe me, I know. But I’ll let you break the news to him when you see him again.”

  “Okay. But you better protect me if he gets mad.”

  “Like you can’t take care of yourself.” Gwen rolled her eyes.

  Dana smirked. “I don’t want to get in trouble for beating up your best friend.”

  “Eh, fuck him. He’s cheating on me with Regan, anyway,” Gwen deadpanned.

  “Okay, then,” Dana chuckled and nodded as their server returned with their entrées. “Glad to see you’re not upset about it or anything.”

  Gwen laughed and leaned away from the table as their server set their plates in front of them. “How can I be mad when I get you out of the deal?”

  “Can I get you ladies anything else?” the server asked, wiping her hands on her apron.

  Gwen looked at Dana and, when she shook her head, answered for them both, “I think we’re good.”

  “Let me know if you need anything else,” their server said as she backed away.

  “We are getting the better end of this quasi-best-friend-breakup-thing, aren’t we?” Dana picked up their conversation from where it had been interrupted as she picked up her fork.

  “We absolutely are,” Gwen agreed with a small smile.

  “Yeah.” Dana nodded slowly. “I think so too.”

  THIRTY-SEVEN

  “Hey, you okay?” Luke asked, his expression concerned as he crouched beside Gwen’s chair on stage at the Hollywood Bowl. The rest of their colleagues were filing off the stage to wait out the downtime between warming up and the actual performance backstage, but Gwen couldn’t stop looking at the chair that had belonged to Mallory for the last four years.

  Belonged, past tense, because Mallory had indeed outlasted all contenders at her audition two days before and walked out as the newly crowned concertmaster for the London Symphony Orchestra.

  Gwen had expected to feel relief that she could finally end this charade of a relationship and move on—and she did, oh how she did, she had actually let slip a few tears as an invisible weight lifted from her shoulders when she heard the news Thursday night—but she also recognized that there was one more step in this journey and that it was, in a way, the hardest one. She had never been good with confrontation, had actively avoided it as much as possible, and yet for her to have the chance to find the happiness she so desired, she had to to stand in front of Mallory and possibly break her heart when the last thing she ever wanted, regardless of how Mallory treated her, was to hurt her.

  “Gwen.” Luke squeezed her knee. “Hey.”

  “Hmm?” Gwen blinked a few times as she tore her gaze away from the concertmaster’s chair across the stage to look at him. “What?”

  Luke’s forehead wrinkled with concerned as he rubbed his thumb over the inside of her knee. “Are you okay?”

  “Oh.” Gwen nodded, her attention drifting back to the chair across the stage. “Yeah. I was just thinking…”

  “About Mallory.”

  Gwen nodded again. “Yeah.”

  “Are you second-guessing ending things with her?”

  “No. Not at all. It’s just…” Gwen sighed and shook her head. “Bittersweet, I guess, now that it’s really over. Or, will be, soon,” she corrected, shaking her head. “I know you don’
t get it, but—”

  “Nah, Gwen,” Luke interrupted. He sighed and moved to sit in the chair to Gwen’s left, looping his right arm over her shoulders as he pulled her into a light hug. “I get it.” He pressed a kiss to her temple. “You loved her.”

  “I did,” Gwen murmured. “Once upon a time I really did, and now I just…” She sighed and leaned her head on his shoulder. “I feel like an asshole because she has no idea that for the last couple months I’ve been counting down the days until I could walk away from her. That I’ve been honestly relieved that she was too wrapped up in herself and her stupid audition prep to make me choose between spending time with her and seeing Dana because guilt would have had me choosing her when all I want is to be with Dana. She thinks everything between us is fine and I…”

  “Want Dana,” he supplied gently.

  Gwen swallowed thickly and wiped at her eyes, not at all surprised that he skipped right to the heart of the truth she hadn’t dared voice when she was alone, never mind when she was with him. “How…” she breathed.

  He sighed, his hand around her shoulder tightening reassuringly. “It’s not hard to see, sweetie. From either of you, really. God, if you could just take a step back and see the way you are together, it’s so fucking obvious. I haven’t seen you as happy as you are with her, but it’s more than that. You’re…at peace. Like you’re right where you’re supposed to be. And you feel it too, don’t you?”

  Gwen rubbed a hand over her mouth and nodded. Everything he had said was true. From the moment she had heard Dana threaten to beat Regan with her leg, she had been completely helpless to resist the spark between them that compelled her closer. She wanted Dana with her kind eyes and warm smile, her gentle touch and her unwavering ability to make her feel like she deserved to be happy. She wanted a lifetime of easy conversations with her and comfortable silences and random text messages that made her smile and laugh out loud. “But I can’t.”

  “You can.”

  She wiped at her eyes again and groaned. Why did everything always have to be so goddamn complicated? “Not right now, no. I can’t.”

  Luke hummed and leaned his head against hers. “Soon.”

  “Soon,” Gwen repeated, the single syllable trembling with weeks of barely suppressed longing that was dangerously close to breaking free.

  He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Do you want me to try and find Regan and everybody whenever they get here and tell them that you’re not feeling well and that we’ll do drinks and stuff another night?”

  Gwen shook her head and finally pulled away to look at him again. “You don’t need to do that. I’m fine.” She rolled her eyes at the disbelieving look he shot her. “Okay, so maybe I’m not. But I will be. I promise.”

  “Yeah, you will,” he confirmed with a small smile.

  “Harrison! Benoist!” Rhode hollered from the side of the stage. “You’ve got some people at the west gate asking for you!”

  Luke looked at Dana, and it was clear by the look in his eyes that he reached the same conclusion she did about who it could be. “Did Dana say anything about them trying to see us before the show?”

  Gwen shook her head. She had talked to Dana when she was on her way home from the pool earlier that morning to cement their plans for the night—they were all just going to meet at her house later because there was no way they’d be able to find each other after the concert got out—but she hadn’t said anything about trying to meet up before the show.

  “You wanna go with me see what they’re up to? Or would you rather find a quiet corner backstage and wait until after the show?”

  “I’m not going to sit here by myself.” Gwen smiled. Phone conversations and text messages were nice, but when all was said and done, what she needed more than pretty much anything at this point was just to feel the calm Dana’s presence never failed to elicit within her. Really, just knowing that Dana was nearby and waiting for her eased the tension that had settled in her back and neck over the course of the day. “Besides”—she took a deep breath and tightened her hold on her bow and cello as she pushed herself to her feet—“I don’t trust you and Regan to not gang up on Dana if I’m not there to supervise you two.”

  Luke laughed. “I have no idea why you say that.”

  “Of course you don’t,” Gwen drawled, grateful for the banter that helped chase the shadows from her thoughts. She took a deep breath and let it go slowly. Dana was here and they were going to perform with one of her favorite groups, and she was determined to not worry about the unpleasantness that waited for her whenever Mallory returned and just enjoy the night.

  “West gate?” Luke asked as they approached Rhode.

  “Yep.” The conductor nodded. “I tried to get them just waved in, but since their names weren’t on the list…”

  “Yeah, we didn’t realize they’d be doing this,” Gwen explained with a small smile.

  “No worries. We’ve got time to kill now, anyway.” Rhode smiled. “We’ll line up in forty-five, so just make sure you find some time get some water and something to eat before then. It’s going to be a long night.”

  Gwen and Luke snapped off identical sassy little salutes that had Rhode chuckling softly and rolling his eyes at them, and after a brief stop to divest themselves of their instruments, they made their way through the fluorescent-lit bowels of the Bowl to the musician’s entrance. The concrete corridors were bustling with vendors, grips, and techs rushing to make sure that everything was ready, the pre-show energy as contagious as it always was, and it put an unmistakable bounce into their steps as they wound their way through the throng.

  Though the sun was not due to truly set until around the time the show began, the Bowl’s location in the hills and the towering half-dome of the amphitheater meant that dusk had fallen when they stepped through the musicians' entrance to the wide concrete access drive that was crowded with vans and trucks that had brought in the required equipment for the night. The combination of the breeze trickling through the canyon and the cool shadows made Gwen shiver as they wound their way through the maze of vehicles to the west gate, and she shook her head at the concerned look Luke shot her.

  “Benoist and Harrison?” the security guard stationed just inside the gate asked as they approached.

  “That’s us,” Luke confirmed with a nod.

  “Do you know a Mister Jay Bonita?” the guard asked, looking at his clipboard.

  “I sure hope so since I’m supposed to marry him in January,” Luke quipped.

  “Okay, then,” the guard chuckled, setting his clipboard on his chair before he turned to open the gate. “I’ll let them in.”

  Gwen smiled when she saw the face she had been hoping to see when the gate was rolled open enough to revealed their guests. “Hey,” she murmured, her smile untamable as her gaze locked onto electric blue eyes crinkled with happiness. An ear-splitting screech drew her attention to Regan, who was jumping up and down and waving her arms in what Gwen assumed was her best rabid fangirl impersonation.

  “OH MY GOD! IT’S LUKE FUCKING BENOIST!” Regan screamed.

  Luke, completely unfazed by her greeting, grinned and tugged at the tips of his collar. “Damn right I am.” He waggled his eyebrows and gave Regan his best come-hither look. “Hey, sexy lady, you lookin’ for me?”

  “Bet your cute gay ass I am.” Regan winked and held out her arms.

  Dana chuckled softly as she sidled up next to Gwen, bumping their arms together as she whispered, “I tried to talk her out of it, but she wasn't having it.”

  “No, this is great,” Gwen assured her.

  “Nice!” Luke grinned, pulled her into a crushing bear hug, and spun her around twice before setting her down again. “My first groupie!” He smiled sheepishly and pulled Jay into a much more affectionate embrace, swaying him lightly from side to side. “Or my second.” He pecked his lips apologetically. “Sorry, babe.”

  “Second?! After that amazing scene I just created?” Regan huffed. “I�
��m genuinely offended right now.” She laughed when he just stuck out his tongue in response before kissing Jay again, and shook her head as she pulled Gwen into a light hug. “Hey, Gwen.”

  “Hey.” Gwen chuckled as she gave Regan a light squeeze. “That was quite the show you just put on.”

  “Yeah, I'm pretty amazing like that,” Regan agreed with a little laugh.

  “I’m feeling a little left out here, Gwen,” Brooke declared, holding her arms out.

  Gwen smiled and slipped from Regan’s arms to her wife’s. “I’m glad you guys could make it,” she murmured against her ear.

  “Me too,” Brooke whispered, squeezing Gwen tight before letting her go.

  “Gimme some sugar,” Luke said as he spun Brooke into his arms and dipped her. He winked at Regan as he dropped a chaste kiss to Brooke’s cheek before righting her. “Better?”

  “Much,” Brooke laughed as she smoothed her hands over the skirt of her dress.

  “Excellent.” Luke grinned and turned to Dana who was hovering at the perimeter of their little group. “You know you want some of this,” he teased as he held his arms out, palms up, fingers wiggling in a come-hither motion.

  Dana chuckled and shook her head as she gave him a quick hug. “Hello, Luke.” She cleared her throat softly as he let her go, a shy, nervous smile tugging at the left side of her lips as her gaze landed on Gwen, the air between them crackling with electricity as they just stood there, staring at each other.

  Regan gave Gwen a light shove in Dana’s direction. “I swear, I have to do everything when it comes to you two,” she murmured, her tone gentler than Gwen had ever heard before. “Just give her a damn hug.”

  “Regan,” Dana sighed.

  Gwen smiled at the annoyed look Dana was shooting Regan, and chuckled softly as she felt Regan’s hand press against the back of her shoulder again. “You don’t have to be so damn pushy,” she muttered, even as she allowed gentle force of the shove to carry her forward. Her breath caught in her throat as she stopped in front of Dana, who seemed to be seriously considering whether or not she wanted to do this. “We don’t—”