Symphony in Blue

by M. J. Duncan

  “Gwen,” Dana breathed, the sound vibrating with such desperate longing that the restraint Gwen had been tenuously clinging to these last few weeks slipped from her grasp completely.

  The smooth fabric of Dana’s slacks was warm against her fingers as she reached for her hip to pull her closer, needing to feel the strong, solid press of Dana’s body against her own. Eyes still closed, moving on pure instinct, she lifted her chin, and a soft moan bubbled in her throat when Dana’s lips landed on her own, new and familiar at the same time, the kiss so achingly gentle that it made her heart skip a beat.

  The feeling of Dana whimpering into the kiss as it deepened made Gwen’s knees weak, and she was helpless but to echo the sound a moment later when Dana’s tongue stroked lightly against her own. Emotion swelled between them as they came together again and again, gentle and unhurried, each of them more than content to lose themselves in this moment they had been dancing around for what seemed like a lifetime. They traded slow, sweet kisses like they had all the time in the world, relearning what the other liked, just enjoying the pleasant flutter of euphoria that came with finally, finally having what they had been denying themselves until they were breathless.

  “God, Gwen,” Dana murmured, smiling as she brushed the lightest of kisses across Gwen’s lips.

  Gwen smiled and returned the kiss with a soft one of her own. “I’ve been wanting to do that for so long,” she confessed in a rough whisper.

  Dana nodded and caressed Gwen’s cheek with her thumb. “Me too,” she breathed, licking her lips as she captured Gwen’s lips in another slow, sweet, heart-fluttering kiss, her hand dragging heavily down the side of Gwen’s throat, over her collarbone, and down her side to wrap both her arms around Gwen’s waist.

  Gwen hummed as she looped her arms around Dana’s neck and lifted herself up onto the balls of her feet as she slanted her mouth over Dana’s, wanting nothing more than to spend the rest of eternity right here in her arms.

  That plan, however, was rudely interrupted by the most unexpected and entirely unwelcome sound of her doorbell.

  She frowned when Dana pulled away, breathing hard and blinking in confusion, and was just about to say they should ignore it when three hard, fast knocks rapped against the door.

  “The hell?” Dana murmured.

  Gwen shook her head. “I don’t know.” She took a deep breath to try and calm herself as she turned to look through the peep-hole to see who could possibly be on her porch at this time of night, and blew out a rough breath as the warm, pleasant buzz that had settled in her soul while she had been kissing Dana disappeared in a rush of cold, hard reality.

  “Fuck.” Gwen licked her lips and scrubbed a hand over her face as she turned back to Dana. “I…um…it’s…”

  “Who is it?” Dana prodded gently.

  Gwen blinked back the tears that she could feel beginning to sting at the backs of here eyes and swallowed thickly. “Mallory.”

  “Oh.” Dana’s expression tightened. “Right.” She blew out a loud breath and nodded. “I’ll just go, then.”

  “No, don’t,” Gwen cried, reaching for Dana’s arm before she could pull away. “Please,” she whispered brokenly when Dana only squeezed her eyes shut in response.

  “I…can’t…” Dana choked out, shaking her head. “I just…I can’t.” She opened her eyes, and Gwen’s heart broke at the way they shone with tears. “I’m sorry.” She pulled her arm from Gwen’s grip and reached for the door, yanking it open with such force that Gwen heard Mallory gasp in surprise, and hurried out the door.

  “Dana,” Gwen called after her, ignoring Mallory completely as she chased after her. Dana, however, just ducked her head and all but ran toward the stairs, her gait rough and uneven in her rush to escape.

  “Fuck,” Gwen swore, throwing her hands out to her sides in frustration as she turned toward Mallory. “What are you doing here?”

  “Such a warm welcome, darling,” Mallory drawled, her forehead wrinkling with confusion as she looked past Gwen to the stairs.

  Gwen groaned and pressed her fists to her eyes. She wanted nothing more than to go after Dana, but she couldn’t just leave Mallory without an explanation. This conversation had been eight weeks in the making, and dammit she was going to get it over with as quickly as she could so she could try and salvage things with the only person that mattered to her in the world.

  She blew out a harsh breath and dropped her hands, making no attempt to hide her frustration as she stared at the woman across from her. “It’s late, Mal. What’s going on?”

  “Aren’t you going to invite me in?” Mallory asked, flashing the hard, tight smile that Luke said made him think she was about to murder somebody.

  The roar of an engine coming to life and rubber screeching on asphalt rent the air, and Gwen shook her head in defeat as she waved at the open door. Dana was gone and she had no chance to follow her now, so she may as well deal with this half of the mess of her life. It was the only way to repair the rest. For a moment she thought Mallory might hold out for an actual spoken invitation, but after a few seconds she just spun on her heel and walked inside like she hadn’t just watched an obviously distraught woman run away from her girlfriend’s house.

  Gwen cast a sorrowful look toward the sea of lights below, and swallowed back her tears as she offered a quiet prayer to any higher power that might be listening. “Please keep her safe.”

  FORTY

  Gwen lingered on the porch for a few minutes, taking the time to try and ready herself as best she could for the coming confrontation. But when she finally made her way back inside to find Mallory in the living room, she found herself struck completely by surprise for the second time in ten minutes.

  She had expected Mallory to be pacing in front of the fireplace, or with her arms crossed over her chest, understandably upset over what had just happened. Never in a million years would she have expected to walk into her living room and see Mallory Collingswood on one knee holding an open ring box in her hands.

  “What…?” Gwen started, the rest of the question trailing into nothingness as she gaped at the scene in front of her.

  Mallory smiled. “Marry me.”

  “Marry you?” Gwen repeated incredulously. “Why?”

  “Well, I figured that since we’ll be moving to London, we might as well go ahead and do it properly,” Mallory replied, her forehead pinching with confusion. “It seemed only fair. You’ve always been my biggest supporter, Gwen. I know that I’ve been less than attentive lately, but I promise that will change once we’re there and things are a little more settled.”

  “I’m…” Gwen shook her head. She wasn’t going to do this with Mallory on bended knee in front of her. “Please get up.”

  “I thought you’d appreciate the traditional approach,” Mallory murmured as she got to her feet.

  “No, that was fine, I guess. It’s just…” Gwen sighed and rubbed a hand over the back of her neck, wishing there was an easier way to do this. She shook her head as she looked back at Mallory, noting the way her smile had hardened in a way that suggested she knew what was coming next. “I’m not moving to London, Mal.”

  Mallory nodded slowly as she processed Gwen’s words. She snapped the ring box closed and dropped it in the purse that lay open on the coffee table beside her. “Is it because of that woman who ran out of here a few minutes ago?” she asked, and this time she did cross her arms over her chest.

  “In a way, yes.”

  “You’ve been seeing her while I’ve been away,” Mallory surmised.

  Gwen bobbed her head from side to side and lifted her eyes to the ceiling. “Yes and no.” She sighed and looked back at Mallory. “It’s complicated. That was Dana. She’s a friend that I’ve been spending time with these last couple months, while you’ve been busy preparing for your audition.”

  Mallory arched a single haughty brow for Gwen to continue.

  Gwen licked her lips as she searched for the right words.


  After about a minute of Gwen just staring at her, trying to come up with a way to even begin to explain, Mallory blew out a harsh breath and demanded, “Just say it, Gwen. You’re fucking her!”

  Gwen took a deep breath and tipped her head in a small nod. “It only happened once, but yes.”

  Mallory rocked back on her heels at the admission. “You really…?” The words trailed away in a stunned whisper. “Gwen? I never thought that you, of all people…”

  “I didn’t mean to,” Gwen said, her heart beating heavily in the base of her throat. “I met her when I went to Hawaii almost two months ago to play that wedding when you guys were in Boston with the Pops. She…she so was charming and funny and wonderful that I had fun just hanging out with her, and then I went to her friend’s wedding reception after I finished playing and…” She shrugged. “It wasn’t something I planned or had any intention of doing, but there was dancing and way too much tequila and it just kind of…happened,” Gwen tried to explain, her hands falling open at her sides because, really, there was no real explanation for what she had done. “She’s not to blame in any of this, though; she didn’t have any idea that I was in a relationship when we… But I swear to you that it hasn’t happened again.”

  “You really expect me to believe that you’ve been spending all this time with her and you haven’t slept with her again? That”—Mallory waved an angry hand in the direction of the front porch where they’d both watched Dana run away, so obviously distraught—“was not the reaction of a woman you’re just friends with, Gwen! What? Did you not tell her that you have a girlfriend?”

  “I did, when we met again. A couple weeks later. She knows about you.”

  “Well, it was nice of you to be honest with one of us!” Mallory snapped.

  “Jesus Christ, Mal! Look, I know there’s nothing I can say that could possibly make you believe me, but I haven’t slept with her since that night. I didn’t even think I’d see her again. And,” Gwen sighed and ran a hand through her hair, “I was planning on telling you all of this when I saw you at the rehearsal right after the trip, but then you started telling me about Yount’s sudden retirement and the audition for the concertmaster position. You were so excited, and I know how important London is to you and how much you’ve always wanted to go back home, and I didn’t want to do anything that might fuck that up for you. So I didn’t say anything.”

  Mallory held up a hand, one finger extended asking for a moment so Gwen fell silent. She took a deep breath, her shoulders lifting and falling with the effort, and then let her hand drop. “So you’ve been lying to me for the last two months? Letting me think everything was fine when really…”

  Gwen pursed her lips and dipped her head in a small nod.

  “I can’t believe you did that,” Mallory muttered harshly.

  “Oh, like you were really even paying enough attention to me to even notice!” Gwen couldn’t help snapping back.

  Mallory gasped. “That’s not—”

  “Fair.” Gwen held up a hand. She huffed a breath. “You're right. I’m sorry. Things haven’t been good between us for a while, but this mess is all my fault, not yours. Look, I know it was a really shitty move on my part to not tell you but, after what I did, it felt like I owed you that much. After all we’d been through, the least you deserved was the chance to truly prepare for a job that you’ve had your eye on for years. I honestly didn’t expect to ever see Dana again after that weekend, but she was at that charity gala a few of us played at last month and things just…”

  “Happened,” Mallory whispered roughly.

  Gwen nodded.

  “But you haven’t slept with her again.”

  Gwen shook her head. “No. I haven’t.”

  Mallory licked her lips and looked out the front window. “Small favors, huh?”

  “Mallory,” Gwen sighed. “It’s not… Even if I’d never met Dana, even if I’d never made the worst mistake of my life by sleeping with her—because regardless of what you think of me, that is something I will forever regret—I would still be saying no to you right now. We’ve barely seen each other outside work for the last year, and that was before the audition so let’s not pretend that this is a recent thing. But besides that, my entire life, everything that I love, is here. The Phil, my teaching position at SC, and my friends are all here, and I’m not going to walk away from that. I can’t.”

  “Even for me?” Mallory asked, her usual arrogance replaced with a heartbreaking vulnerability Gwen had only ever seen from her once or twice before.

  Gwen swallowed thickly as her eyes filled with tears because, no matter how unhappy she had been with Mallory at the end, she hated seeing her hurt. “Even for you,” she whispered. “I’m sorry. I know you probably don’t believe me, and I honestly can’t blame you if you don’t, but I really am so, so sorry.”

  Mallory blinked hard and shook her head as her gaze once again drifted to the front window. A heavy silence filled the room, and Gwen rubbed her hands together in front of her stomach as she waited for whatever was to come next.

  After a long moment, Mallory turned back around, a small, sad smile tugging at the right corner of her mouth. “I know you are,” she murmured. “I just…” She wiped at her eyes before the tears that had been pooling could slip free.

  Gwen bit her lip and willed her own tears to keep from falling. After waiting for what seemed like forever for this conversation, her heart still hurt because of it. And, no matter how much she wished otherwise, there really was nothing she could say that would make it any easier.

  “I…” Mallory murmured after a few minutes of them staring helplessly at each other. She sighed and shook her head. “Thank you.” A small, watery smile quirked her lips at the look of utter confusion Gwen shot her. She rolled her eyes, sending a few stray tears down her cheeks, a weakness Gwen knew she hated to show and she was surprised when Mallory did nothing to try and wipe them away. “Not for the cheating part,” Mallory managed wryly. “But for the rest of it. I just beat out four of the best violinists in the world to become the concertmaster of the London Symphony Orchestra, and I probably wouldn’t have been as prepared as I needed to be for the audition had we had this conversation earlier. You helped me with Debussy. They loved the way I played La Mer, by the way. I let myself get carried away by the the wave of the music, just like you said, and when I opened my eyes I knew from the expression on their faces that I had it. But you’re right—it’s my dream job in my favorite city in the entire world. There is no way I would ever dream of passing it up to stay here, not even for you, if it came down to it, so…” She wiped at her cheeks. “I am sorry you won’t be there with me, though.”

  “Mal…” Gwen swallowed around the lump in her throat because the Mallory in front of her now, who was open and honest and invested in their conversation, this was the Mallory she had fallen in love with once upon a time and she hadn’t realized until now just how much she had missed her. “I’m happy for you. You’ll be amazing.”

  Mallory tilted her head to the side, a pale shadow of her usual arrogant smirk tugging at the left side of her lips as she stood just that little bit straighter. “Yeah.” She licked her lips. “Can I…” She held her arms out wide.

  Gwen stepped into her arms and buried her face in the crook of Mallory’s neck, breathing in her familiar scent one last time as the finality of what had just happened settled on her shoulders. It was over. They were over. “I am sorry.”

  Mallory’s arms tightened around her waist. “I know, darling.” She squeezed Gwen’s waist again and then backed away, wiping at her eyes. “Me too.” She picked up her purse and tilted her head toward the door. “I’m gonna…”

  Gwen nodded. “Okay. Be safe.”

  “You too,” Mallory murmured, her gaze sliding over Gwen’s face one last time before she took a deep breath and turned toward the door. “Goodbye, Gwen.”

  Gwen wiped at her face as the thud of the front door slamming shut echoed through the ho
use, and she swallowed thickly as she looked at Storm, who had popped up at the sound to look for trouble. “It’s okay, kiddo,” she murmured, shaking her head. “It was just…” She blew out a shaky breath. “Hard. Very, very hard. But also long overdue.”

  Storm mewled softly and batted at the air, and Gwen sighed as she crossed the room to give her a little pet. Storm purred happily as Gwen’s fingers scratched along her side, and she yawned as she snuggled down into her bed to go back to sleep.

  FORTY-ONE

  Gwen continued to pet Storm long after the sound of light snores announced that Storm was sleeping soundly, hoping that the tactile feeling of soft fur beneath her fingers would force her thoughts into some kind of order. She was a mess of regret and sadness that things between her and Mallory had devolved to where they had, relief that it was finally over and that she didn’t have to lie any more, and underneath all of it was a simmering fear of the emotions on Dana’s face when she’d run off earlier that she’d been unable to read. It was that fear that drove her to pick up her phone and, even though the cold, leaden feeling in her chest from her conversation with Mallory had yet to ease, she gave Storm’s side a little pat before dialing.

  She had to try and make sure that Dana was okay.

  Even though the back patio was more private, she wandered out to the front porch with her cell before she pulled up Dana’s number, half-hoping that in the time that had passed since she had run off that she’d returned and that she would be able to hear Dana’s phone ringing nearby. It was a false hope, however, because the only ring she heard was the one coming from the speaker of her phone. When Dana didn’t pick up right away, her heart sank, and by the time the third finished its trill, she gave up expecting any answer at all.