Symphony in Blue

by M. J. Duncan

  Her heart was pounding in her throat, but she still managed to laugh as she headbutted his shoulder. “Shut up.”

  “You got this, Gwen,” Luke murmured. “We’re not gonna let you down out there.”

  “Stage in two!” Rhode called from somewhere behind them. “Time to line up!”

  Gwen squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep, shuddering breath. She held it until her lungs burned before letting it go, and licked her lips as she stepped out of Luke’s embrace. “Showtime,” she rasped as she eyed the trash can in the corner and debated if she actually was going to be sick. If she was, she needed to do it now, before they started filing onto stage.

  Rhode stepped in front of her with a kind smile and asked gently, “You ready?”

  “Not at all,” Gwen admitted softly, her voice rough with nerves. “But I want to do this.”

  “Hell yeah you do,” Luke muttered.

  Rhode laughed and nodded. “That’s all you can honestly ask for when it comes to something like this.” He leaned in closer and added in a voice so soft there was no chance it’d carry beyond them, “Believe me when I say that Blue is an outstanding piece, Gwen. You’re going to have people knocking down your door after tonight. And”—he grinned and winked conspiratorially—“you’re gonna be engaged to a beautiful woman who loves you more than anything else in the world.”

  Gwen bit her lip and looked down to try and hide the blush that bloomed over her cheeks at his earnestness. She had been hesitant to bring Dana with her to the Phil’s holiday party the year before because the gossip of her having moved on before Mallory had even taken the stage in London had only just begun to fade, but all of her fears had proved to be for naught when Dana had been welcomed to the LA Phil family as easily as any other significant other. It was a kindness she still wasn’t sure she deserved, but Mallory had never breathed one word about all the things that had happened between them there at the end. “I hope so.”

  “We know so,” Luke said, giving her shoulders a quick squeeze.

  “Absolutely,” Rhode agreed. He looked at the line of musicians watching them and smiled. “We’re gonna take good care of Gwen tonight, right?”

  Tears stung at the backs of Gwen’s eyes as a chorus of jumbled confirmations rang out around them.

  “We’ve got your back, Gwen,” Rhode murmured, smiling. “Go get your stuff and get in line. You too, Luke.”

  Gwen nodded and bit her lip as she turned to go retrieve her cello from the corner where she had left it earlier. She took a deep breath and gave Luke a watery smile as she gathered her cello in her right hand and her bow in her left, and squared her shoulders as she declared with far more confidence than she actually felt, “Let’s do this shit.”

  “Fuck. Yeah.” Luke grinned and kissed her cheek. “Let’s go,” he cheered, bouncing a little on the balls of his feet as they went to find their place in line.

  The din of idle chatter filling the massive hall quieted as they took the stage, and Gwen smiled nervously at her special guests as she stopped at her chair. Dana’s hair was tousled in a way that told Gwen she’d been running her hands through it recently, and her smile was so wide and proud and overflowing with love that Gwen’s heart skipped a beat as she took her seat. A long, deep breath settled some of her nerves, and she bit her lip as she turned her attention to Theresa Sandoval, the violinist who had won the concertmaster position after Mallory had left, who took the stage to polite applause, and once they had gone through their tuning routine, it was time for the show to truly begin.

  They all stood as Rhode made his way across the stage, waving to the crowd as he hopped up on his rostrum, and only retook their seats when he turned to them with a devilish grin and motioned for them to sit. He had decided upon an ambitious set for them to wrap up their season. The first piece on the program was Janáček’s Rhapsody for Orchestra, followed by the complete ballet score of Stravinsky’s The Firebird, and they would finish with Bartók’s Concerto for Orchestra. And then, after the audience had been appropriately wowed by some of classical music’s most iconic composers, it would be her turn.

  The nausea she had been fighting all evening returned with a vengeance at that thought, but before she could succumb to it, Rhode’s hands were in the air and he was counting them into their first piece.

  Thank god.

  The next two hours passed in a blur as she devoted the entirety of her focus to each piece they were playing. It was a most welcome respite from worrying about how her little portion of the night would be received, though that blissful bubble of mindlessness was effectively popped the moment the final note of Bartók’s concerto faded and was replaced by the the ripple of movement to her left that was the audience getting to their feet and the sound of their thunderous applause.

  Gwen swallowed thickly as Rhode motioned for them to stand and, even though the sudden reappearance of nerves that made her legs feel like they might buckle beneath her, she somehow managed to take her bow without collapsing. Roland Yves gave her a little nudge as they took their seats, and nodded reassuringly as Rhode held up his hands to quiet the crowd.

  Rhode arched a questioning brow at Gwen as he took the mic from the stand beside his rostrum, and when she nodded, he grinned and turned to address the audience. “I know your program says that we were ending with Bartók’s Concerto, but we have a little something special up our sleeves to celebrate the end of another amazing season here at LA Phil.”

  The crowd erupted in polite applause, and Gwen’s pulse began to race as Rhode turned toward her and held out his hand. “One of our cellists, Gwen Harrison, has written a truly wonderful piece of music that we are honored to share with you all tonight. And, as it’s such a rare treat to have the composer of a symphony in the house, let alone on stage playing with us, I’m going to have her come up and talk a little about the piece before we play it for you all.”

  The applause this time was deafening.

  Gwen swallowed thickly as she laid her bow across the tray of her music stand and carefully handed Yves her cello before she got to her feet. Dana looked so shocked at the announcement that Gwen couldn’t help but smile as she made her way to the front of the stage on legs that felt like they might give out beneath her at any moment. She licked her lips as she took the mic from Rhode, and took a deep breath as she tested the weight of it in her hand.

  Rhode smiled and gave her shoulder a light squeeze as he whispered, “You’ve got this.”

  “Thank you,” Gwen whispered, feeling like her heart was going to beat right out of her chest. She cleared her throat softly as she lifted the mic, and shook her head as she turned to address the audience. “I’m much more comfortable behind my cello than speaking to a crowd like this, so I hope you’ll excuse my nerves right now,” she began with a shaky laugh, and was relieved when the majority of the crowd laughed along with her. When the laughter began to fade, she continued, “I began writing this piece when I was an undergraduate at Juilliard, which was so long ago that it was literally in a different century.”

  She paused and smiled as polite laughter rippled through the crowd behind her on stage as well as audience.

  “And, if I’m being honest, I never expected to share this with even a single person, let alone anything like this.” She waved a hand over the crowd.

  More polite applause and laughter.

  Gwen smiled and shook her head. “But, here we are. And, as with most stories that begin with ‘I can’t believe I’m actually doing this…’ it’s all because of a girl.” She shrugged, playfully self-deprecating as the crowd laughed again, and took a deep breath as she finally, finally allowed her gaze to drift to where Dana sat in the front row. She smiled and tilted her head to the side as she lifted her shoulder in a small, half-shrug. “You see, about a year ago, I met the most incredible woman. She’s talented and beautiful and has the kindest, most forgiving heart. Her smile is pure sunshine, and I’ve never felt safer or more loved than I do when I’m in her arms.
She is everything I never thought I deserved, and she inspires me every single day to be better than I am.”

  The auditorium erupted into a single, breathless d’aww, but Gwen didn’t even hear it because she was too focused on the awed smile curling Dana’s lips and the unmistakable love that shone in her eyes.

  The nerves Gwen had been suffering all night faded as she stared into Dana’s eyes, and she smiled as she shared, “She is my life, my love, and my Muse—and without her, I would have never finished this piece or found the courage to share it with you all tonight. The course of true love might not run smooth, but it most definitely is worth all those bumps in the road and twists and turns in the end, and this is a piece that celebrates that journey. Our journey.” She tilted her head toward Dana in a small bow, needing her to know without a doubt that what she was about to hear had been written for her specifically. “So, without further ado, I hope you all enjoy this, the first-ever public performance of Symphony in Blue.”

  She took a deep breath as she handed Rhode back the mic, just barely resisting the urge to run across the stage and take Dana into her arms as she restrained herself to just blowing her a kiss. She laughed nervously when she saw Luke grinning at her and giving her two thumbs up, and took a deep breath as she gathered her cello and bow and retook her seat. She bit her lip as she looked over at Dana, and her pulse tripped over itself as she watched Dana mouth, “I love you.”

  Gwen sighed and smiled as she whispered back, “I love you.”

  Dana smiled widely and tears spilled down her cheeks as they held each other’s gaze, and Gwen only looked away when Rhode tapped his baton on his music stand to gather their attention. She licked her lips as she sat up straighter in her chair and settled into position, ready to play.

  This, she knew how to do.

  Even though they had rehearsed Blue daily for the last month, she was still struck breathless when Victor Vagin led them into piece, the reedy sound of his oboe so perfectly tentative and fragile as he played the first few notes of the opening sonata before the rest of the orchestra joined in. She was a little shaky through her first few bars, but those nerves quieted enough to be manageable by the time she flipped to her second page, and by the time they entered the fourth movement of the twenty-eight minute symphony, she was once again back in her element, swaying lightly with the music as she let herself just enjoy playing and listening to the music she had written for Dana.

  Blue ended in a perfect mirror of how it began, the full ensemble falling quiet section by section in the reverse order of how they’d joined in, and Gwen handed Yves her cello and bow as they’d rehearsed as soon as the cellos had finished their part. She smiled at the reassuring grin and wink Rhode shot her as she got to her feet and, to the surprise of everyone not holding an instrument, made her way to the side of the stage and down the couple of steps that led to the seats in the audience. Quiet whispers followed her progress, and she was glad that they were soft enough that they didn’t overwhelm Victor’s masterful handling of the final few moments of the piece, the warm, reedy sound of the oboe so achingly hopeful in its fragility as the final rondo came to a close.

  Heart beating wildly in her throat, she smiled at Dana as she stopped in front of her just as the final note floated through the air, and she took a deep breath as she lowered herself to one knee in front of her. She held out her right hand, and was beyond relieved when Dana’s left slid tremblingly into place atop it.

  So far, so good.

  “Hey,” she murmured as she gave Dana’s hand a light squeeze. Dana’s eyes were wide and disbelieving and hopeful all at once, and she cleared her throat softly as she lightly stroked her thumb over the back of Dana’s hand. The crowd around them blurred into nothingness as she smiled at Dana, taking all of the words she’d planned to say with them, and she shook her head as she spoke from her heart instead. “I know this is a little public for us,” she began, and was heartened when Dana huffed a laugh and nodded, her smile beatific as she squeezed her hand back, “but I figure I just put my heart on display for the world, so I may as well just go for it.”

  “Gwen,” Dana breathed as twin tears rolled down her cheeks to collect in the corners of her smile.

  “I know that our story doesn’t have the most traditional of beginnings”—Gwen squeezed Dana’s hand gently—“but I would love nothing more than for it to have a fairy tale ending. You, Dana Ryan, are my life, my love, and my inspiration, and I would love nothing more than to spend the rest of my life doing my very best to make you the happiest woman in the world. Will you marry me?”

  “Yes,” Dana whispered, her voice cracking with emotion as she leaned forward to capture Gwen’s lips in a slow, sweet kiss that tasted like salt and happiness.

  The auditorium around them, which had remained perfectly silent through the proposal, erupted in applause, and Gwen blushed through an earsplitting grin as she got to her feet and pulled Dana into her arms. Because she was in heels and Dana was wearing flats, they were close to the same height, and she couldn’t resist kissing her again even though she was more aware than ever that all eyes were on them. “Thank you,” she murmured when they broke apart a few heartbeats later. She smiled and ran a gentle hand over Dana’s jaw as she reached into her pocket for the one thing that would really make this official. “Would you do me the honor of wearing this ring?” she asked as she pulled a platinum band inlaid with diamonds from her pocket.

  “Of course.” Dana nodded and lifted her left hand so Gwen could slide the ring onto the appropriate finger.

  Once the ring was in place, Gwen lifted Dana’s hand to her lips and pressed a lingering kiss to the spot where it lay. “I love you,” she whispered, unable to contain her smile as she looked into Dana’s bright blue eyes that shone with happiness.

  Dana smiled and lifted her free hand to gently cradle Gwen’s jaw, and she smoothed her thumb over her cheek as she swore softly, “I love you.”

  They both laughed as Luke whooped victoriously on the stage behind them, and they laughed even harder when, beside them, Regan swore, “I can’t believe I lost the fucking bet!”

  “I’m sorry,” Gwen apologized as Dana’s smiling lips brushed over her cheek.

  Regan smirked and shook her head. “No you’re not.”

  “No, I’m not,” Gwen agreed with a light laugh. She took a deep breath as she looked back at Dana, whose smile she’d compared to sunshine earlier was so bright now that it could have been a supernova, and sighed as she dusted a quick, chaste kiss to her lips. “I need to get back up there.”

  “I know,” Dana murmured. “It’s okay, sweetie.”

  “Wait for me?” Gwen asked softly as she backed away, their joined hands lifting between them as they resisted letting go for as long as possible.

  Dana nodded. “Always.”

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  My most humble and profound thanks to you, my readers, for taking the time to actually sit down and read something that I wrote. It still blows my mind that this is what I get to do every day, and it’s because of your support that I can, so THANK YOU.

  Of course, no story is ever created in a vacuum, and without my sounding board of readers this would have been a hell of a lot harder than it was (and that’s saying something). Many, many, many thanks to Lou for telling me what I needed to hear even if it wasn’t the most fun at the time—this story is a million times better than it would have otherwise been because of you and all of your input. Someday I might manage to find a fighty Muse, but for now I’m beyond grateful that I have you to help with that. Thanks also go to Jade for being my constant go-to on a chapter-by-chapter basis, and to Amy, Sarah, and KJ for being the best beta readers a girl could ask for.

 

 

 
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