by Jared Teer
“They always get the characters wrong,” said Darion. “It’s like none of the actors in Hollywood are capable of doing a single push-up anymore in preparation for a role. I miss the eighties when action stars actually got in shape for action roles. And they always ruin the storylines with watered down character origin explanations. I think instead of destroying character histories with the made-for-big-screen origin explanations, they should just present the story with the established characters from the comics as if everyone already knows who they are. This would keep diehard comic fans happy, and the new fans wouldn’t know the difference anyway.”
“Exactly,” Ray agreed. “Or, they not only change the costume, but completely change the character’s appearance, disregarding the artist’s designs all together. Like Planet Eater in the Cosmic Quartet 2—they changed him from a fifty-foot tall humanoid into a giant cloud because ‘a giant humanoid would be too cartoonish.’ Hello Hollywood, it’s a freaking COMIC BOOK adaptation! Ever consider that fans WANT to see their favorite characters on screen as they are in the books? It’s like they ruin the characters on purpose to have an excuse for making subsequent and exceedingly terrible movies—all the while the fans turn out on opening day every time, hoping that maybe, just this once, Hollywood got it right.”
“It was that bad, huh?” asked Sky.
“Worse,” said Ray. “So, Darion, you just ascended,” he continued. “What happened? What was it like?”
“I guess it’s not a touchy subject here? Death, I mean,” said Darion. “Master Jones seemed excited about telling how he was blown to pieces.”
“Well, Master Jones is insane,” said Sky. “But yeah. Most Ascended talk casually about what happened to them, how they died.”
“I’m not quite to casual yet, but I’ll tell you what happened,” said Darion.
He told them of the fateful Stryker patrol, the VBIED, the firefight, the Iraqi family, and the man in the baseball hat and sunglasses.
“Man, that must have sucked,” said Ray.
“No crap, Ray,” said Sky.
“Well … ” shrugged Ray.
“So … yeah,” said Darion, “that’s about it.”
“Man, so you didn’t want to take it easy, even for a little bit?” asked Sky. “Most Ascended chill for a while before joining up with the Host.”
“Well, there are people who need help now,” said Darion.
“Indeed,” said Sky.
“Speaking of that,” said Darion, “could you show me how Oneiric connection works?”
“Oh, yeah. No problem,” said Sky and he rose to his feet. “Come here, Spark.”
“Great,” said Spark sarcastically and he rose and stood before Sky.
“I’ll show you transphysical acquisition first,” Sky said to Darion. “Transphysical acquisition and Oneiric connection are pretty similar; they both deal with entering another being or object. I’m going to take possession of Spark here.”
Sky stood in front of Spark, looking him in the eyes. “Okay, first you want to kinda remove yourself from yourself. I mean, visualize yourself and the object you wish to control, like you’re a separate entity looking at both. Then, visualize what the thing you want to take control of sees. Try to see as through the eyes of the thing. Now, it’s a lot like teleporting. Manifest yourself inside the thing, seeing what it sees. There is no you; you are the object.”
With that, Sky vanished.
“See,” said Spark. “It’s me, Sky. I’ve taken possession of Spark. There is no you—you are the object.” The voice was Spark’s with its electronic reverberation, but it was Sky doing the talking.
“And you—are an idiot,” said Ray. “That’s the most ridiculous, pointless, confusing, explanation of transphysical acquisition I’ve ever heard.”
“And you know a better way, of course,” Sky said sarcastically.
“Yes, of course,” said Ray. He leaned back in his seat, crossed his legs, and adopted a rather professorial, matter-of-fact tone. “Look, Darion, transphysical acquisition is just like teleporting, okay. All that visualizing and removing yourself from yourself is a bunch of crap. Look, think teleport. You know how when you teleport, you dematerialize, right? Well, for transphysical acquisition, when you arrive in your destination, materialize as the destination—as the thing. Transfer your consciousness to its body.”
Ray collapsed into a ball of light and disappeared.
“See,” said Spark. “This is Ray talking. Now tell me that wasn’t way easier than Professor Simpleton’s method?”
“Simpleton?!” said Sky through Spark. “You didn’t bother to mention the danger of the teleport possession, genius. You left out how if you mess up and materialize as yourself in the destination, you will explode the object or being from the inside out.”
“Oh, yeah,” said Ray. “Darion, if you mess up and materialize as yourself in the destination, you will explode the object from the inside out.”
“Which can get pretty ugly,” said Sky.
Sky and Ray materialized on either side of Spark.
“Your turn,” said Sky. “You know, if you’re familiar with teleporting and dematerializing, maybe Ray’s way would be easier. Not that it’s better—because it’s not—but maybe easier.”
“How about this,” Ray said to Darion. “How about you try teleporting and rematerializing in the dematerialized state a few times first?”
“Okay,” said Darion. “Like walking through the main entrance, right?” Darion dematerialized and collapsed into a ball of light that disappeared. The ball of light reappeared in a flash and Darion appeared in the spectral state of dematerialization.
“Good,” said Sky, “quick learner.”
“Dude, could you go visualize something or something,” Ray snapped at Sky. “This is my method. I got this.”
Sky rolled his eyes and shook his head.
“Now,” said Ray, “do the same thing, but this time appear in Spark—as Spark.”
“Here goes,” said Darion, and he disappeared and reappeared in Spark, but not quite as planned. Darion appeared standing in the same spot as Spark, but they were separate, as if Spark was standing in a projected image of Darion.
“Okay,” said Ray. “Now, this time when you reappear, see yourself as Spark … ”
“Visualize,” chimed Sky.
“Whatever,” said Ray. “Visualize yourself as Spark when you reappear—materialize as him, as his body.”
Darion stepped away from Spark and rematerialized. He disappeared again and reappeared with disastrous effect.
Spark exploded in a blossom of wires and metal. The debris settled and Darion stood woozy where Spark had been, an exact replica of Spark.
“You messed up and materialized as a solid in the destination, exploding Spark from the inside out,” Sky said with a sigh.
“That’s some good shape-shifting though,” said Ray. “You reappeared looking like Spark, but not as Spark—you shapeshifted.”
Darion looked down at his arms and saw that he was a Bot—Spark in appearance. “Crap,” he said, “I’m sorry, Sky. How do I change back?”
“Just dematerialize and reappear as yourself,” said Sky.
Darion returned to normal and picked up some of the pieces of Spark. “Man, I’m really sorry,” he said.
“It’s no problem,” said Sky and he extended his arm. His eyes began to burn golden, and the scattered remnants of Spark rose into the air and began to fit together, reconstructing Spark.
“Thank you Master Sky,” said Spark.
“Uh … we’ll come back to transphysical acquisition later, Darion,” said Sky. “Possession of a Bot or an animal is way different than possessing a full sentient—a person. Possession of a sentient being can get pretty tricky. Aside from the chance of blowing up the host, to take possession of an unwilling host, the host’s conscience must be restrained—dominated—which can be difficult, or so I’ve heard. I haven’t learned that part yet.
“A
nyway, once you know the basics of transphysical acquisition and are familiar with the thing you want to control, you can control a being from a distance as well, but enough of transphysical acquisition. You wanted to see Oneiric connection too, right? It’s a little easier, I think.
“Oneiric connection—the joining of another in the Oneiric Plane, in dreamland. Uh … we should set the stage. Ray, lay on the couch for me, would you?”
“Oh, crap,” Ray sighed and laid down.
“Go to a happy place, Ray,” said Sky.
“Going to a happy place,” said Ray and he closed his eyes.
“Okay, Ray is resting, his body is resting, his consciousness is on the Oneiric Plane—just like someone on earth who’s sleeping or unconscious,” explained Sky. “You want to join his consciousness on the Oneiric Plane.” Sky placed his hand on Ray’s forehead. “You don’t have to be touching them to join their consciousness,” he continued, “but I think it helps. Similar to transphysical acquisition, you want to transfer your consciousness—not to his body though, but to close proximity to his consciousness. Not to dominate or take over his consciousness: but to meet it, join it.”
“Concentrate on the person you want to join,” Sky continued. “Get a good mental image of them. Once you get that image think unite in consciousness, and let yourself go—teleport.”
Sky looked down at Ray. “Unite in consciousness. Unite in consciousness,” he repeated and vanished in a flash. A few seconds later, Sky reappeared. “Ray’s an idiot,” he said casually.
“Why, what happened?” Darion laughed.
“You’ll see. Your turn.”
Darion gave Sky a skeptical glance. “Uh … okay, man,” said Darion and he walked over to Ray and placed a hand on his forehead. “Unite in consciousness, right?” Sky nodded.
“Unite in consciousness. Unite in consciousness,” chanted Darion and his eyes flamed gold as he vanished in a flash.
Darion successfully transported himself to the Oneiric Plane where Ray’s consciousness dwelled. He had no time to admire his surroundings because of a massive object crashing toward him from above.
“What the—!” yelled Darion. He quickly ducked and rolled away as the thing smashed into the ground where he had been standing. “What’s going on!” He saw that the object that had nearly crushed him was a gigantic green foot, easily twenty feet long. Even more strange was the fact that it was no mere foot—but a reptile’s paw. Darion looked up and met the eyes of a gigantic, green tyrannosaur snarling down at him. The tyrannosaur opened its mouth and a bluish light began to form in its dark throat.
“Move!” shouted Ray.
The bluish light exploded in a beam from the tyrannosaur’s mouth. Darion sprang and flew quickly to the side, avoiding the blast, but was sent tumbling out of flight and to the ground by the force and debris caused from the beam’s impact. Darion lay there on his hands and knees for a moment, and, suddenly, Sky materialized beside him.
“What is this … ” Darion started, but was interrupted by Sky grabbing him by the wrist and hurling him a few yards to the side just as a ball of red plasma hit the spot where Darion had just been. The ball of plasma burned through the green turf, several feet into the ground; Sky backflipped into the air and flew away just as the plasma ball exploded in a pillar of red smoke and lightning.
The plasma orb had been cast by a creature in the sky, a fivefoot– tall, alien-looking thing—the popular grey kind with the large head and eyes, but this one muscular in build.
“Darion, defend yourself!” yelled Sky from the air as he dodged a beam of atomic breath from the tyrannosaur.
Darion got to his feet and looked around. The surroundings were natural—blue sky, green rolling hills and forestry—but vibrantly colored, cartoonish.
“Raarrh!” came a cry and Darion quickly ducked, letting the blade that was meant for his neck lodge in the tree he was standing in front of. The dog-faced barbarian with jet-black skin left the sword in the tree and grasped Darion by the throat with both hands and shook him savagely.
This is for real, it suddenly occurred to Darion, and he realized that he needed to fight back. He sent a right uppercut between the orc’s arms that rattled its chin and released its grip, and followed up with a swift left hook that sent it spinning to the ground.
“What is this place?!” yelled Darion. “Middle-earth?” He ducked and rolled from a stream of bluish electricity that had his name on it. “The Savage Land?” Darion looked ahead and saw the source of the electricity attack—a seemingly feeble, wrinkled old man in a black cloak.
“Die!” shouted the hunched man, and another stream of electricity shot from his fingertips. Darion barely had time to duck behind a tree to shield the blast; the tree went up in flames. “You cannot hide from the strength of the dark power,” said the cloaked man, and the burning tree was ripped asunder as if by some invisible force. The cloaked man was startled when he didn’t see Darion behind the tree. Suddenly, Darion materialized with his arm extended behind the cloaked man.
“Solar canon!” shouted Darion, sending a ball of plasma crashing into the man’s back, which rode him forward before detonating.
“Good job,” shouted Ray from high above, quickly flying circles around the head of the noticeably confused tyrannosaur. “Watch out, Darion—a necromancer!”
“Abracadabra!” came a shout from behind.
Darion managed to roll away just as a blast of blue energy went shooting by. He turned to his attacker—a thin man with a snake-like face wearing a black robe and holding a black wand in his hand.
Darion and the necromancer shouted at the same time, “Abracadabra! Solar canon!” The blasts met head on and the plasma orb incinerated the blue energy and smashed into the necromancer, exploding on contact and leaving only a smoldering crater where he’d stood.
“What is this?” asked Darion.
“Isn’t it cool?” said Ray. “Defend yourself, Darion, like in a video game: but you’re actually inside it! The forces of evil have united: Sauron, Saruman, and Pokemon. Only we can defeat them.”
“See what I mean; he’s an idiot,” said Sky as he flew through the air fighting hand-to-hand with the grey alien. “Darion! Watch out!” he yelled.
“What?” shouted Darion, as he looked from side to side all around.
“On the ground!” shouted Sky.
Darion looked down to see what appeared to be a cute, yellow, bubble-eyed, beaver-like mammal with black, lightning bolt-like lines on its back.
“Hi little guy,” said Darion, and he kneeled to pet the creature.
“Atchuuu!” shouted the little thing and a bolt of electricity shot from its body into Darion, tossing him a few yards onto his back. Darion lay there for a moment, stunned and smoking. He sat up and got to his feet. The little creature began to glow and sparkle with electricity as if charging up for some attack.
“That hurt, you little … ” Darion raised his hand at a destination high above the creature and manifested a large boulder there. Darion quickly motioned his arm downward, sending the boulder diving: the creature had no time to react before being crushed by the massive rock.
“A little help here!” yelled Ray as he flew in zigzags, dodging the tyrannosaur’s atomic breath.
“I got a plan,” said Sky as he exchanged furious blows with the alien. “Come over here and grab the alien!”
Ray flew up behind the alien and grabbed it in a full nelson.
“When I say go, let him go and fly up as fast as you can,” said Sky.
Sky flew toward the tyrannosaur and drew its attention and aligned himself between the beast and the struggling Ray. After a few moments passed with the alien thrashing to get free, Sky shouted, “Go!”
Ray released his hold and he and Sky flew straight up as the tyrannosaur let loose with atomic breath intended to disintegrate Sky. The alien was caught in the blast and withered, reduced to ash in the gust of atomic flame.
The tyrannosaur shifted its ga
ze up to Ray and let out another atomic blast that Ray barely avoided. “Gee, thanks, Sky,” said Ray. “The monster is still after me.”
The tyrannosaur began to charge at Ray and Sky, but came to a screeching halt, its feet digging into the earth, creating two hills of dirt. The monster turned its head around in confusion.
“I got him,” shouted Darion. “Now what do I do with him?”
Darion had the tyrannosaur by the tail, gripping its tip in both hands. The monster let out a deafening roar and began thrashing its tail wildly. Darion refused to let go, even though he was taking a lot of punishment. The tyrannosaur slammed its tail into the ground and smashed it through trees and boulders while simultaneously fending off Ray and Sky with blasts of atomic breath.
The battle was getting desperate. If someone didn’t act soon, they would all be defeated by the enormous beast. Darion thought of Jacob and how he didn’t have time to be messing around while his friend was in need. On top of that, he wondered how he would fare against the real Enemy if he let himself be defeated by an overgrown gecko. These thoughts solidified Darion’s resolve and boiled over into rage, his eyes erupting with golden flame.
Darion let out a savage growl as he exerted all of his might. The tyrannosaur’s eyes widened in surprise as it succumbed to Darion’s power. Darion began spinning faster and faster, twirling the tyrannosaur by its tail, creating a massive emerald whirlwind. With a fierce cry, Darion hurled the tyrannosaur straight up with all of his might. The massive monster appeared smaller and smaller as it sped into the atmosphere and disappeared. Darion stood, gasping and looking up after the beast. Ray and Sky looked up, astonished as well.
After a few moments looking up, Sky said, “I don’t think he’s coming back down.”
Darion and Sky rematerialized in the living area beside Ray lying on the couch; Ray returned to consciousness.
“That was awesome,” said Ray.
“That was pretty tight, Ray,” said Darion.
“The tyrannosaur was a bit much, Ray … but not for Darion, huh,” said Sky.
“Yeah, that was pretty sweet, Darion,” said Ray.
