by E. A. James
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
She shrugged.
“Maddie, you know I would have given you a ride.”
She shrugged again and began walking towards the stop. “I don’t need one. Thanks.”
I didn’t want to touch her again, but I had to. I didn’t know when I would be able to again. I held her shoulders softly and turn her to look into my eyes. “I am not going to let my friend take the bus when I have a perfectly nice car.”
She looks like she’s going to say no again, so I leaned in closely.
“Just say yes.” Her eyes remained firmed, but I wasn’t above begging. “Please?”
She sighed heavily. “Ok.”
I didn’t want to see if she would change her mind. I took her hand we walked back to the diner.
“Nice truck,” she said as I held open her door.
“Thanks,” I smirked. It was more than a truck. It was a customized F-150 Supercrew, the best truck there was to have. But she didn’t need to know that. Last I remembered, Maddie didn’t care about cars.
I started the ignition, and we sat there a few awkward moments before I said, “So you have to tell me where to go.”
“Right,” she said staring out of the window.
Finally, she started giving directions. We left the center of Small Town and descended into the poorer areas.
“So you were a little vague at the diner. I understand if you don’t want to talk. I know you just got off work and all but I really just wanted to know what happened to you.” I glanced to the right to see if she was listening but I couldn’t tell.
“I mean, everybody knows what the last four years of my life looked like. It was obvious and mostly broadcast but you…you’re a mystery. Is that by choice or are you just averse to talking to me?”
She sighed, “It’s not you.”
I smiled against my better judgment. “Ok cool, so tell me what happened to you Ms. Music Prodigy. I was expecting to see you somewhere on TV too.”
She remained silent, and I leaned to nudge her shoulder.
“You going to make me beg again?”
My jovial question was not met with friendly jest, she continued to direct me and stilled as I park in front of a tattered apartment complex.
“Look.” She turned to look at me while clutching her purse. “I never made it to the music conservatory. I never made it to college. I’ve been here for the past four years. Thanks for the ride. Bye.”
She said it all in one breath, rushing and embarrassed, before slamming the door and running up the stairs to her apartment.
CHAPTER SEVEN
“Hey,” I say, fidgeting at the door.
“Ah!” she screamed pulling me into the room. “What a surprise.”
I can’t believe I was here. The only reason I was here was to confirm I would not be attending the dress rehearsal.
“Umm, look, I can’t stay I just...”
“No, you must sit. I’ll be right back,” she said, leaving me standing alone in the foyer. After an awkward five minutes, I sat down.
What else could I do?
She came from the direction of the kitchen with a few sandwiches on a plate.
“Here you go. You must be famished. I know am” she said leaning back to cross her legs. “Now, how are you? I must say it’s so great to see you. I missed you so much when I was in LA. I still can’t believe I’m getting married. Can you? We always said you’d be the first.”
We did. We always said Cara was too headstrong for marriage, and I was more likely to make a man happy. Look at us now - me without a man and her, making one happy.
I nodded along. “That we did.”
She sighed, taking a moment to chew a bit of her sandwich. “Amazing how things change huh?” She got a faraway look in her eyes, “whatever happened to those girls?”
“They grew up.”
The reminiscing was too much.
“Look, I just wanted to tell you I won’t be coming tomorrow.”
“No, why not?” She moaned.
“Why are you screaming like your cat died?” he said, walking from around the corner. “Hey Madkins,” he said bending to kiss the top of my head.
“Hey, Liam.” I tried hard not to cringe. This was going to get bad.
“My two favorite people,” Cara said eating a little more.
Liam leaned forward and grabbed two, eating them in one bite.
“Ugh, you pig!” she said slapping his arm.
He laughed, as he ate another one.
“So what are you screaming about?”
“It’s Maddie,” she wailed like a child. “She keeps saying no.”
“To?” he asked, looking at me.
“To the dress rehearsal!” Cara answered for me.
You would have thought I was missing one of the wonders of the world.
“Why not Mads?” he asked waiting for an answer.
“Because I’m busy. I told you that. I just thought if I come by today, you’d be alright with it.”
“I will not.” She pouted and crossed her arms.
“Maddie, can’t you just?” Liam said, but I interrupted.
“No, unfortunately I can’t.”
Cara interrupted, “Ugh, Liam, make her stop! Please.” She stood abruptly. “When I come back I want to hear that she is coming to my dress rehearsal!” She had gotten better with the dramatics since being in LA I thought to myself as she stormed off.
“Well she certainly knows how to make an exit,” he said eating another sandwich.
“And an entrance.”
“Oh really?” he asked, inclining his head to the last one, “want it?”
I shook my head no. “Yes really, you should have seen how she accosted me at the door. I just wanted to say I wasn’t going, and she practically yanked me in the door, demanding I sit for sandwiches.”
He laughed, “I mean but really, did you expect she’d change that much?”
I had to laugh too, “true.”
The laughter tempered down and then I was left feeling awkward again. How did he keep getting me alone?
“You know, I’ve been thinking.”
I could feel how serious this was about to get.
“About the last time we were here.”
I stood quickly. “Look I really have to go.”
“Ok, I’ll let you go.”
“Great,” I said relieved. I really didn’t want to have this conversation.
“Under one condition.”
Crap. I gulped in anticipation. “Come to the rehearsal dinner.” That wasn’t so bad…“As my date.”
Double crap. I couldn’t do that. I shouldn’t go. What about Emmy? Just thinking about her made my stomach roil.
“Um...”
“Listen Maddie. We can do this the hard way or the easy way. You can either say yes or deal with the hound dog name Cara.”
I could only fidget with the hem of my dress.
He stood up and walked near. “I just want to talk.” I could smell his cologne and his hands were soft as he tilted my face up. “I want to go, and I want to go with you.”
He rubbed my cheek, and I was so weak I turned my face to his palm.
“…Ok.”
He chuckled lowly, “I’ll take it.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
The bar was what I expected, crowded since it was the only one. The rumbling of the talking crowd didn’t go silent as I entered. It wasn’t the kind of silence where everyone knew who you were. It was the kind of ongoing noise where you were accepted. No one pretended to look at me…they ether looked or they didn’t. I was a celebrity, but I wasn’t royalty here. I was family.
I sat with a cold one and the few men I could still call friends sat drinking on the stools around me. All I needed was the cool refreshing taste of alcohol to numb my pain. A brunette beauty wedged herself between the counter and me. She was naturally toned and too beautiful to be living around here. More than likely, word was spread
ing of my whereabouts. Her blouse was pink and flowing with lacy patterns but her skirt was short and tight. It held tightly to her wide curve and flowed down her legs into black heels. Her stance was perfect, with all her weight on her right foot and lifting the other. She held out a 20 and asked for whatever was on tap while looking over me. She smiled catching me staring. A true southerner would have blushed. Her eyes were as dark as her hair, and she smiled before a peek of tongue dashed out to wet her pink lips. She was tempting yes, but not what I wanted.
I wasn’t even here to drink, not really, but here I was nonetheless. Everywhere I turned I could see her. I could smell her. She wouldn’t leave my mind. I didn’t like to drink. It tended to make the next few days of training hell. I was a celebrity. I shouldn’t drink. But I was drinking, stuck in a memory that I would give anything to relive. Memories. Why do they haunt me? Why was she floating in front of me, living and sleeping in my mind? All things changed because of one choice made.
I could have invited the women, flocking to me in droves, back to my place. The blonde and Latina were a beautiful combination. Even the barmaid giggled at my charm. But I didn’t. I responded by drinking more. They weren’t her, were they? By the time the bar closed, I was hammered. I knew it but I didn’t care. The women I refused to go home with did though.
In my drunken stupor, I found myself somewhere I shouldn’t have been…
The corner tiles were tattered and falling apart. Despite that, there was a locked door with no intercom. How was I going to get in? Did I have her number? I checked my pockets. I couldn’t remember. Even if I did, the damn thing was dead. Ok. No intercom. No phone number. Dead phone. Well, I could always call her.
“Maddie,” I whispered aloud. I wonder which floor she’s on.
I looked on the ground for a rock. Maybe I could guess which balcony is hers.
“Maddie?” I yell a little louder.
“Maddie!” I yell.
“Aye pipe down out there!” someone screams.
If he was awake, maybe Maddie was too.
“Maddie,” I sing.
Something about the way I said it makes me laugh and I find myself giggling saying her name.
“Maddie Mads,” I said before making it into a song. “Maddie, Maddie, mo, maggy, banana, manana, fo, baddie, fee, fi, fo maney, Maddie!
“What in the entire hell?” I heard and looked up. There she was yell whispering. “Would you be quiet?!”
She was beautiful. Practically glowing. Her blonde hair was wrapped in a tight bun. Her blue robe was pulled tightly to her body, and she looked mad enough to kick a hornet’s nest.
“I can’t. I’ve got to see you.”
“You can’t,” she hissed.
She misunderstood me. I now knew where she was so I lumbered towards the building and analyzed the bricked levels. I could probably scale that. So I did.
“Good Lord what the hell are you doing?”
I just kept climbing. She was a smart one. She would figure it out eventually.
When I was equal to her balcony, I turned to answer her.
“I was climbing. Now, I’m staring. Hey, beautiful.”
Her face was indescribable. Part awe, wonder, and anger. I recall she did value her sleep.
“I will ask you this one more time. What are you doing here?”
“I came to see you. I want you.”
She gasped and looked aback. “Excuse me?”
I gripped the metal of her balcony railing tightly and hoisted myself into her presence. “I want you.”
“Well, you can’t have me.”
“Give me one good reason why.”
“Emmy.”
Well, that didn’t make any sense, especially to the drunk brain.
“…What is an emmy?”
She growled and pulled back the curtain, previously blocking my view of the inside of her apartment. I could see, just beyond the light of the streetlight, a small body curled into a ball on her bed. I almost lost my grip on the balcony.
“That’s an Emmy,” she said letting the curtain go.
“Now. Go. Home.”
“Is she mine?” I ask.
Her face, hidden by the shadows, faltered. “No.”
She strengthens her resolve before growling, “Now go away.”
Her tone was chilling, so unlike herself and even more so, convicting.
CHAPTER NINE
Lying sucks but sometimes lies are for protection. I didn’t want to lie to Liam. I shouldn’t have, but I had to…didn’t I? It wasn’t true. I lied to Liam, and I lied to myself. Only one man had ever touched me. Only one man had ever loved me. Only one man had known the real me. But here he was, on the other side of the door, unfurling everything he touched. He was unraveling me, unraveling the lies and loosening the lock on my safe. I could feel his life on the other side of the door. I could feel him begging me for more. I could feel it, as real as my heartbeat. Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? Why did he have to leave? Why couldn’t he stay? Why didn’t he go? I couldn’t decide which was worst. Going back on the lies I’ve told or wanting those lies to stay untold.
I couldn’t deny how cold I was before and even worse, the way my voice changed the look on his face. Of course, he came guns blazing, full throttle into my life, drunk and waking up the whole apartment building. He didn’t know how to do anything halfway. He was just like his sister - loud, brazen and obsessed with having his way. Could I admit that being his focal point was exhilarating and the best thing that's happened to me since Emmy?
“Ok. Look,” I said, stopping his dissent. “You’re drunk. You should not be scaling buildings,” I said jokingly. “You can come in. Take a shower. You reek,” I said stepping aside.
He threw his leg over the rail and lumbered into my apartment. The balcony door looked tiny compared to his body. He attempted to tip-toe, freezing to look down on Emmy’s curled body.
“She’s beautiful,” he whispered.
I pulled the covers up to her neck and whispered back, “I know.”
I sat on the bed, aware of the way my body tightened under the silk. “Now go.”
He nodded, walking to the door and looking back only once.
I could hear the water running as he took his shower. That was probably for the best, considering he smelled like he rolled in the beer not just drank it. I looked at Emmy, small and sleeping soundly beside me on the bed and smiled. She deserved a daddy. She deserved the truth, even if I didn’t want to tell her. Maybe Liam did deserve to know. Maybe the truth is actually good for the soul.
Sometimes, in the dark, for just one moment, I would allow my mind to think about what I needed and wonder if he ever needed me the way I needed him. I wondered if the thought of me prevented him from sleeping like the thought of him did me. I could never admit it, not to myself and not to him but he was the center of my universe, even if I was only a distant star in his.
He was loud, though he tried to be quiet. In reality, it was probably because he wasn’t used to being so big in a small confined place. I could imagine his home was ten times the size of this one bedroom apartment. I had to say something to him.
I silently walked to the living room, making sure the bedroom door was firmly closed behind me.
“Hey,” I said, to his wet back.
He turned, drying his hair with a towel.
“Sorry, I used your towels. Is that ok?”
I shook my head. “Well you already used them,” I said sitting down. “A little late for apologies.”
He sat beside me, clad in only his boxers.
“Hey.”
He smiled and relaxed fully into my couch.
“Hey, yourself.”
“You smell better.”
He chuckled, “and you seem nicer.”
I shrugged. “What can I say? Home is where the heart is.”
He turned, wrapping one arm around the back of the couch and melted into the cushions. “Can I ask you something?”
> I shrugged, “No bets that I’ll answer.”
He shrugged, “never anything certain with you.”
