by Cora Kenborn
Regret killed me. I couldn’t count how many times I’d picked up the phone to call her. I’d dialed her number. I’d gotten her voice mail. I’d dialed it again, just to hear her voice. I’d prayed she didn’t answer. I’d prayed she did. It was a total mind fuck.
After throwing her out of Helena’s office, I’d made sure to send one of the security guards Circa had assigned to me to watch over Phoebe. I never asked for a report. I didn’t think my jealousy could take what he’d tell me. A girl like Phoebe didn’t stay single for long. Some guy had probably been there, just waiting to pick up the pieces of her broken heart.
Probably Nate Fucking Jacobs.
I dialed her number again, this time letting it ring. Two rings, three rings, four rings. God, where was she? Who was she with? Five rings, six rings.
Screw this.
I pulled the phone away and hung up. Grabbing a towel, I headed for the bathroom for a cold shower.
***
Rehearsal was uneventful. A few studio employees inquired about Phoebe, but I dodged the question by turning up the amp and playing a few ear-shattering riffs on the guitar. They quickly let the subject drop.
Once I was back in front of a crowd, I’d be fine—antsy, but fine. I knew Harlow looked out for Phoebe. It was the one thing keeping me sane. Things may have ended between us, but that didn’t mean I stopped caring about her.
Sitting in the studio, I practiced the chords Zane wanted to change in rehearsal, when someone knocked on the control room door. The band wasn’t due back from lunch for twenty more minutes, and I didn’t care to move from my seat. Then the thought of Phoebe being on the other side crept into my mind, and I tripped over myself making it to the door. Jerking it open. I instantly regretted my decision and slammed it just as quickly.
Vivian’s voice filled my ears, full of contempt as I leaned my head against the wall. “Jules, we seem to have forgotten our manners in the presence of a lady.”
Rolling my eyes, I called out through the wood. “When I see one, I’ll be polite.”
A chuckle rumbled from the other side. “How fame’s changed you.”
No one could be this fucking crazy.
“Fame hasn’t changed me, Viv. I just got bored with you.” The door flew open, and she stood seething. I barely glanced at her. “Get out, Vivian. I’ve got nothing to say to you.”
She took three steps, placing one hand on her hip. “Oh, but I’ve got plenty to say to you, baby.” She smiled and brushed her mouth against my jaw. “Don’t test me. I can ruin it all for you. You’ll lose your career, your adoring fans…even your precious Phoebe. I have ways to ruin her you can’t even imagine.”
Hearing Phoebe’s name tossed casually in a threat threw me over the edge. I grabbed her shoulders and moved her back as far as I could get her. “If you go anywhere near her, I’ll make you regret it.”
Smoothing her hair, she dipped her chin. “Threatening a woman, Julian? That could be scandalous if it was told to the wrong people.”
I stared at her in disbelief. “Tell the media whatever you want, Viv, that’s your style, isn’t it? Haven’t you heard of karma? If what goes around comes around, then you’d better lay pretty fucking low.”
“A little respect, please, Jules. Words hurt.” She covered her heart with her hand and pouted.
I turned my back to her. “Get out.”
“I’m not finished talking.”
My chest heaved. “I’m finished listening.”
She stood, defiantly staring, unwilling to move. A voice from behind her broke the glaring duel between us. “You’re not supposed to be here, Vivian. This area is for Circa employees only.”
Ty.
He nodded to me, then turned his attention back to her. “Unless you have a piano tucked in that outfit, I suggest you get out.”
Vivian glared. “Do you know who you’re dealing with, dumbass?”
Ty’s face never wavered. “Every roadie in town knows who you are, Viv. I believe I heard Julian ask you to leave. I suggest you listen, because I can guarantee you the security guard won’t be so accommodating. Should I call him? He’s right downstairs.” He held up his phone and raised his eyebrows.
Letting out an exasperated scream, she turned to me and pointed a finger. “This isn’t over, Jules. You remember what I said.”
When she walked out, I slowly sank onto a stool. Ty put a hand across my chest to stop me. “No dice, dude. It’s back to work time.”
Sighing, I grabbed my guitar. “Thanks for that. I owe you one.”
“Forget it,” he said, twisting his long hair up in some sort of weird man bun. “That woman had it coming. Plus, Tanna’s on her way, and there would’ve been a chick fight if Viv had been here. Tanna has hated her since the VIP party.”
“Everybody hates her,” I admitted. “She’s fucking toxic.” I debated whether or not to tell him what Vivian said. With my stomach in knots, I couldn’t hold it in. “She’s throwing those goddamn threats around again.”
“What threats?” Ty looked back over his shoulder, tuning his guitar.
“The ones I told you about after the album release. Only now the threats to Phoebe seem, I don’t know, darker.” The admission gut punched me. I’d have to watch her now.
Ty snapped his fingers and widened his eyes. “Oh shit, that reminds me. I saw Lilly a couple weeks ago.”
“Lilly?” I ran the name over in my head to connect it with a face.
He shook his head. “Damn, Jag, it hasn’t been that long. Lilly Moore, Lam’s old girlfriend?”
“Oh.” I hadn’t seen Lilly since Lam died. After the funeral, I couldn’t even stand for her to look at me. I knew she hated me too.
“Anyway, she wanted me to tell you something, but I forgot because we’ve had so many shows.”
“What’s that?”
“She told me to tell you she was sorry to hear about Phoebe.”
I cringed at the media spotlight I’d put on her. “Yeah, so’s everyone else. Glad to know she’s checking out the tabloids too.”
“Nah, man, she said she’s sorry she was in the hospital,” he said, turning his attention back to his guitar.
“Lilly saw Phoebe in the hospital?” I bristled.
Ty picked up my guitar from the floor. “Lilly was doing a rotation for nursing school and saw Phoebe leaving with that blond actor guy.”
My teeth clenched. “Her roommate. Gage Harlow is her roommate.”
“Whatever,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Anyway, she couldn’t tell if Phoebe was there visiting, or not, but she said Phoebe looked pretty shaken up. It bothered her so much, she checked the files to see if Phoebe had a relative admitted.”
“How nosy of her.” I smirked.
“Dude, you want to hear the rest of this? I could leave out the part where Lilly found out Phoebe had been admitted.”
I snapped my head up. I wanted to smack the smug grin off his face, but I needed more information. “What the hell for?”
Ty shrugged. “Lilly didn’t know. She just said Phoebe was admitted the day after that Vinyl article came out about you and Billy, and she stayed for three days.”
Numbness overtook me as Vivian’s words echoed in my head.
“Don’t test me. I can ruin it all for you. You’ll lose your career, your adoring fans…even your precious Phoebe. I have ways to ruin her you can’t even imagine.”
Vivian.
How could I have not seen this coming? My stalker had been right in front of my face.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Phoebe
So what if he showed up? So what if we’d planned four weeks ago to attend the book publicity party together? So what if he’d probably arrive with a new girl on his arm?
So fucking what?
I stood by the elevator, gripping my club soda so hard I was shocked the glass didn’t shatter in my hands. I thought I could save what little face I had left with Ralston Media by coming here. However, if the radio silen
ce from all of my coworkers was any indication, my actions were proving to be more than a party could fix.
“Come here often?” a familiar voice called behind me.
Still hypersensitive of my surroundings following my attack, I whipped around, ready to fight. The move spilled the entire glass of club soda down the front of my dress. Cursing, I found the kind eyes of Nate Jacobs staring at me.
“Oh shit, Pheebs, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you.”
I grabbed my cocktail napkin. “It’s fine, I’m just jumpy these days.”
Someone broke into my apartment and tried to kill me. Oh, and it’s probably also because I’m pregnant with Julian Bale’s love child.
“You work too hard, Phoebe. You need to get some R and R.” Nate took the glass out of my hands and placed it on an empty table.
I laughed for the first time in four weeks. “Yeah, because nothing says ‘I need a vacay’ quite like wearing your drink.”
Without warning, Nate dumped his entire drink down the front of his suit. “There, maybe they’ll give us both time off.”
“Oh my god, Nate! What the hell? I can’t believe you just did that.”
“Now if people talk, they at least have a couple of subjects,” he said, grinning.
We laughed and high-fived each other as the elevator door opened. With my eyes lowered, I walked directly into a figure that blocked the doorway. Nate pulled me back, and I stumbled backward into his chest. When I looked up, our eyes met, and my stomach flipped. He claimed me with a smoldering stare that darkened by the second.
God, no.
Green eyes locked onto Nate’s arm curled around my waist. Darkness consumed them until the color drained to complete blackness. His skin flushed, from the base of his neck to his forehead, and he clenched his fists.
Julian and Vivian.
He’d sworn to me that she meant nothing to him. Had everything been a lie?
Nate’s hold tightened as Julian’s body tensed with rage. I’d seen that look before. His mood was as subtle as a freight train. Three of us stilled, waiting for the other to move.
Julian waited for no one.
“What the fuck?” He didn’t bother with an inquisition as he lunged forward. Nate instinctively pulled me behind him. Vivian extended a slender arm toward Julian, holding him back. Both actions infuriated him, and he jerked out of her grasp.
“Jules, let’s go back downstairs.” She tossed a victorious smirk in my direction.
Julian’s lips curled into a snarl. “I’m not going anywhere.”
His misguided anger pissed me off, but I tried to stay calm. The fact that he brought Vivian confused me, but I stood with Nate, so I couldn’t exactly cast stones. Also, I couldn’t be sure we weren’t being watched. I’d sworn to do everything in my power to protect Julian and our baby. Causing a scene, no matter how much his being with her hurt me, would be counterproductive.
I touched Nate’s arm lightly. “I don’t feel well. Can we leave?”
With one step, Julian blocked my path and held my wrist in a firm grip. Sucking in a breath, I forced the words out in a low voice. “Get out of my way.”
“No.” His fists clenched tighter. I knew he was a ticking time bomb. I could see it in his eyes.
Nate grabbed my hand and bulldozed down the hallway. I followed him without argument, glancing over my shoulder. Julian’s penetrating stare tore at my heart. Nate opened the door to the empty banquet hall, and Julian’s voice boomed as it slammed shut.
“Oh, fuck no, I’m not finished, princess.” His stomps echoed down the hallway. I heard him pacing in front of the locked door, stopping intermittently to bang on it.
I covered my ears and begged him to stop. The incessant pounding of his fist ripped me apart. Tears slipped down my cheek, and I finally threw myself against the door. With my heart in my throat, I slammed my own fist back at him. “Go away! You made your choice.”
Julian barreled in, almost taking the door down from its hinges. The force of his entry knocked me into Nate’s arms. Julian’s chest swelled, shifting his eyes from my face to Nate’s hands. His pained eyes gutted me. For a moment, the urge to throw myself in his arms and confess everything almost pushed me over the edge. Only the triumphant sneer from behind him stopped me.
Gathering my composure, I stepped in between the two men. “Julian…”
“Phoebe, we need to talk.” He glared at Nate. “Alone.”
I didn’t trust myself. He’d lower his voice to that seductive cadence that always lulled me under his spell. Obsession would take over, and I’d be in his bed. This time, I had reinforcements to keep me strong.
Searching his eyes for an inkling of calmness, I pointed to Nate. “No, Julian. Whatever you have to say, say it here.” I waited for his move as we exchanged heated glances. Searing pain tore through me, and I realized he’d pulled me in deeper than I wanted to admit. Seeing him with her shredded me. I was right when I’d suspected he’d moved on. I’d pushed him away; not because I didn’t love him, but because I did. Selflessness had never hurt so much.
The words from my return visit to the doctor a week ago rang in my ears.
“Congratulations, Miss Ryan, that blip on the screen is your baby’s heartbeat.”
Finally breaking the stare, I glanced at the floor, softening my voice. “Julian, let’s be adults.” Watching his eyes, I sliced my heart open. “I’m begging you, leave. Live your life, and let me do the same.”
I ran into the attached bathroom, collapsing onto the floor. Resting my head against the porcelain sink, I cried for what never had a chance.
***
“You don’t have to hide out with me, you know.” I tried to mask the tears, but it was pointless.
“Where am I gonna go, Pheebs?” Nate said, wiping my face. “If Ellison finds me, she’s going to make me tell her where you are.”
“I’m so sorry. I know I acted like a psycho-bitch. He just wouldn’t leave. You know what he was probably thinking.” I motioned a finger between us and stifled a dry laugh. “I didn’t clarify because he was with her. I owe you an apology, Nate. I used you. Can you forgive me?”
We sat on the hotel terrace in the aftermath of Hurricane Julian. I hung my head in regret as a biting wind blew my hair. Nate shifted his weight, still not speaking. I met his eyes. They shone with affection, catching me off guard.
“I know what he thought, Pheebs. I’ve made no secret that I’m attracted to you. I also know you’ve backed away because of him. Of course I forgive you. If you can forgive me.”
Confusion wrinkled my forehead. “For what?”
“This.” His smile faded as his arms folded around me. The first few touches took me by surprise, and then he kissed me. It felt wrong. I wasn’t his.
Gasping, I covered my lips with my fingertips, reclaiming possession. Tears rained down, and his face registered my rejection. “I’m sorry, Nate.” Stealing a deep breath, an apology rushed out. “I can’t do this. I don’t know when I’ll be over him—if I’ll be over him. You deserve so much more.”
“Pheebs, it’s okay,” he said, attempting a small smile. “I’m not an idiot. I knew it was a long shot. I had to try. If not for me, for you.”
“For me?”
“You aren’t over him. Anyone can see you’re still in love with him. Pheebs, the man is head over heels for you too. Not that I blame him. You both fucked up, but it doesn’t change what I saw in his eyes. That’s a man devastated.” He rolled his eyes and halfway smirked. “I didn’t think he had it in him. Regardless, I just proved to you that you don’t want anyone else.”
I was barely hanging on. “Nate, I can’t even tell you…”
He placed his hand on my cheek. “Don’t tell me, tell him.”
Closing my eyes, I sighed. His words hit home. My intentions and heart were in the right place, but what was my long-term plan? Eventually, I’d have a child who’d want to know about its father. What would I say then? I owed Julian the tr
uth. Things were so fucked up between us, but he deserved to know everything. Telling him that his stalker had gotten to me would be hard, but telling him he was going to be a father petrified me.
Standing up, I wiped the tears away. “Nate, I don’t know what to say.”
He pointed to the door. “Whatever happens, I’ll be here when you need me.”
The sob caught in my throat. “I don’t deserve you.”
He grinned and pushed me toward the terrace door. “No, you don’t. Now go.”
I blew him a kiss as I walked out the door. With a pounding head, and a hand on my belly, I set off to find him. I hoped it wasn’t too late and prayed he didn’t hate me.
And he wasn’t with her.
***
Rounding the corner to the bar, a boisterous crowd had gathered, intensifying my headache. Sipping a soda, I surveyed the room. The hotel was huge. I could call Julian, but two problems existed. My phone was in my purse, which was still with Nate, and I highly doubted he’d answer anyway. Placing my elbows on the bar, I ran one hand through my hair.
“You know you’re bordering on OCD with that, right?”
I coughed and slammed the glass on the bar. Attempting to regulate my breathing, I tensed under his stare.
“Seriously, the silent treatment, Phoebe? I’ve never known you to be silent.”
Pushing the drink away, I faced him. Guarded jade eyes stared holes through me. Julian stood less than a foot away. His rolled his neck, cradling a short glass of tequila.
My stomach somersaulted, and I glanced at the floor. “I’m not silent, Julian. I’m figuring out what to say.”
His laugh was flat. “You didn’t have trouble finding words before, did you?”
I deserved that. I had no choice but to blurt it out. “I need to tell you something.”
He baited me. “What’s that? That you fucked him? Was it before or after I saw you?”
What the hell?
Anger surged, and I entertained thoughts of telling him to fuck off. Stopping myself, I tried to calm down. No, I’d tell him the truth, if it killed me.
