Dead Ice

by Laurell K. Hamilton

  "You underestimate my abilities with my animal to call, Richard. Because Jean-Claude is so gentle with you and your wolves, you think that is the only choice."

  "Narcissus didn't want to fight your control of him before, Asher, so you thought you were more powerful with your animal to call than Jean-Claude, because I was able to fight his control, but Narcissus couldn't. He'll want to fight now."

  "He can try to fight me, but I am still his master."

  "No," Jean-Claude said, "no, you are not. Do you not understand yet that if Narcissus fights you he can keep most of his people free of your call? He is more powerful than he has let you see; like a woman who hides how strong she is so as to stroke her man's ego, so Narcissus has been with you."

  Asher shook his head.

  "Did you, do you still think that you can have control of Narcissus against his full will?" Micah asked.

  "He will fight you, mon ami, and he is more powerful than Richard, because he is not conflicted about his ties to his group, or his own leadership; he revels in it. He will keep you out of himself and thus out of everyone else. One on one, you may be able to force your will on them, but as a group you must go through the head to gain the body, and you have insulted and discarded the head. You have forced me to lock him up. Do you think he will forget, or forgive that?"

  "I am sorry, Jean-Claude, truly sorry if my decision made things difficult."

  "Difficult?" I said. "He bargained my body and my hyena to call to Narcissus, so he wouldn't kill Kane, at least Kane. He wanted to kill both of you."

  Jean-Claude hugged me tighter, either willing me to be nicer or for comfort. I could have opened my shields and known what he was feeling, but not if he wanted to keep me out, and I was betting that he didn't want me in his head that far right now. Some things need to be private, and how he actually felt about Asher was probably one of them. Richard was stroking a hand over each of our arms, soothing us both, I think.

  "If you had made him your beast, he wouldn't be imprisoned," Asher said.

  "The werehyenas are almost not the largest group in St. Louis anymore," Micah said, "but combine the rats, wolves, leopards, and lions, and they aren't even close to having the most soldiers."

  "It is unnatural for different kinds of wereanimal to work together like this," Kane said.

  "You say that as if there's anything natural about us in the first place," Micah said.

  "One last time, why the fuck are you here for this talk, cat?" Asher said, and almost snarled it at him, flashing fangs, which he almost never did.

  "He's my other fiance, and one of the two men who may be joining me in a commitment ceremony with Jean-Claude."

  "You're marrying Jean-Claude."

  "Yes, but hadn't you heard that we were doing a group commitment ceremony, too?"

  "I heard rumors of it, but I did not credit it." He looked at us sitting all cozy on our end of the couch. "Now it would seem you would need to add the Ulfric, if you are truly doing a second ceremony."

  "Why don't you believe that we are going to do a group commitment ceremony?" Micah asked.

  "I would have believed it of the three here on the couch with me, once. I would believe it of you, Nathaniel, and Anita. But I do not believe that you and Jean-Claude would tie yourselves together, and I know you and Richard loathe each other."

  "You know that old saying, the enemy of my enemy is my friend?" Richard asked.

  "Fighting beside someone you hate is one thing, my top. Sharing a bed with them is very different. You loathe Micah, and Nathaniel, so I do not fear you joining them."

  "You are quite right, mon ami," Jean-Claude said, and even using the 'my friend' as opposed to his usual nicknames was calculated to make Asher insecure. "We cannot include Richard in the ceremony, because he does not get along with enough of us, that is true. But Micah, Nathaniel, Anita, and I are going to join with others in a commitment ceremony. I had advocated for you to be included in it, but you just couldn't leave well enough alone. You had to alienate, or anger, too many of them."

  "You are not allowed to touch Micah; how can you commit to something so empty? Even Nathaniel is only food for you. Nathaniel is my lover, my submissive, but only food to you, Jean-Claude. You do not marry your food."

  "Who I marry, who I commit to, who Anita makes her animal to call, who feeds us, who fucks us, none of that is your concern anymore. As you did not see fit to ask my opinion, I shall no longer ask yours."

  "Jean-Claude . . ."

  "No, Asher, no, it is enough."

  "Why is the girl always what drives a wedge between you and Asher?" Kane asked.

  Jean-Claude sat up, abruptly, and though we were still touching each other it wasn't cuddly anymore. "It's not Anita, it's not the girl, that drives a wedge between Asher and me, it's Asher! It's always Asher that drives the wedge home again and again into a piece of wood until it breaks apart, so he pushes at me and the love we have for him." He lay back against Richard again, taking me back into a suddenly strained cuddle. "You consulted none of us before you took Kane as your animal. Narcissus almost killed him and you. I would have bargained for him to be Anita's hyena to call, and catapulted him back to an even higher perch in our power structure and tied her forever to someone she loathes."

  Jean-Claude stood, not fighting free of us, but needing to stand, so we let him. I was suddenly left with only Richard to cuddle and it felt awkward, but my moving away now would undercut the show the two men had put on, so I let him hold me against his body while we watched Jean-Claude pace in front of us.

  "Richard has been your dominant for over a year. You top Anita and you like being with them both very much. Nathaniel has been your submissive for almost two years, along with Anita as your bottom, and both are your lovers. You have told me how much this means to you, and yet you talked to none of us before you mortally insulted Narcissus and threw all our careful plans to ruin!"

  "I am sorry, Jean-Claude. I am sorry to all of you; I do not regret making Kane my animal to call, but I regret not discussing it with all of you first."

  "I would have urged you to make Narcissus your moitie bete, your animal half. You could have married Kane, but to share power it needed to be Narcissus; do you not see that?" He was almost pleading with Asher, wanting him to at least understand what he had done wrong.

  "Marriages can end. Asher wanted to show me he loved me forever and meant it," Kane said, cuddling into all that golden hair while his gaze stayed on Jean-Claude the whole time. It was a defiant, or maybe triumphant, look.

  "Oh, my God," I said. "You let Kane manipulate you into this, didn't you? It's his attempt to isolate you from all your other lovers, and it's a damn good attempt."

  Asher looked at me, letting me see all that beauty like a weapon aimed straight for my heart, or at least my libido.

  "Kane isn't that smart." Nathaniel said it. We all looked at him, because it was snarky for him, more like me.

  Kane started to stand up, but again Asher held him in place on the couch. I think at least the vampire had realized that they were in hostile territory with us tonight, and none of us liked Kane.

  "Nathaniel is right, that's far too devious for Kane," Micah said.

  Asher pointed a finger at him. "The others are in our beds, or guarding our safety, but you are nothing to Jean-Claude, or to me."

  "I was the one who talked Jean-Claude into not allowing you any hyena guards," Richard said, "not Micah."

  "I do not believe it," Asher said.

  "You are not a king. You are not even a master of your own territory. You do less and less business as Anita and Micah take on more responsibilities, especially Micah. He has become Jean-Claude's right hand, which I should have been, or you, but we both failed him, and Micah didn't. Because Jean-Claude loves you, because so many of us are intimate with you, that makes you think you have more power than you do, Asher. I wasn't here the last time you tried to throw the hyenas in everyone's face, but people ended up injured. People could
have died, so we treated you like what you are, a master vampire who is fourth in command in a territory. That earns you nothing, nothing! No guards, no honors; nothing. You used hyenas to hurt Anita, Sin, and Nicky last time, so you get nothing."

  Richard was still holding me, but the tension of his emotions sang through his body, so it wasn't exactly restful. I was petting my hands down his arms, trying to soothe him a little, because it was either that or I had to get up off this couch.

  "You almost had a kingdom in your hands," Micah said, "but without Narcissus the only thing you have in your hands is the hand you're holding now. You have Kane, and that's all."

  "That is a great deal," Asher said, and kissed the man he loved to prove that point.

  "If you're talking love, then I'll take your word for it that Kane is worth that to you, but if you're talking power, then he is weak, Asher, you know that."

  "You know nothing, cat, nothing about me, or Kane, or Jean-Claude."

  "Why do you keep picking on Micah?" I asked.

  "He doesn't like Micah, because Micah doesn't find him attractive, at all, and Asher can't stand that," Dev said. He was looking across the room at his lover, the only person he'd ever proposed marriage to, as if he'd never seen him before. People say liquor makes everyone pretty, but sobering up is a bitch--well, being in love makes people beautiful, and falling out of love makes you see the truth. It may set you free, but it's going to fuck you up before it does.

  "You are not a part of this, Dev," Kane said.

  Asher ignored Dev. "I do not like Micah because he keeps you at arm's length, Jean-Claude. I know how it ate at me to see you closer to others, before you recommitted to me as your lover. I dislike Micah because he offers such pain to someone I love."

  "Micah is the only one who doesn't want you, Asher, and that eats at you," Dev said.

  Nicky raised his hand. "I'm not attracted to Asher either, just saying."

  "Me, either," Domino said.

  "Asher doesn't care about either of you, not seriously. He'd fuck you once if he thought he could seduce you. He has a real thing about being a straight guy's first, or even only, male lover. That totally does it for him," Dev said.

  "So not happening," Domino said.

  "He wouldn't be my first," Nicky said.

  That got everyone's attention. "You told me you didn't like guys," Dev said.

  "I don't, but the bitch who raised me made me sort of anti-girls for a few years. If I were a little less of a raging heterosexual, and had a different therapist, I'd probably still be hooking up with guys."

  "I guess I'm just not pretty enough," Dev said. "You shut me down in the shower with Anita pretty fast."

  "The only thing I looked for in a guy when I was a teenager was good hygiene, good at giving blow jobs, and a willingness to take anal sex."

  "Hey, I'm all of those things," and Dev pretended to pout at him.

  Nicky smiled, shook his head hard enough for the triangular fall of hair to swing, and said, "If I were still into guys, I'd totally do you."

  Dev grinned at him.

  "Empty words, Rex, because you know you'll never have to do it," Kane said.

  "You know that I don't like you, right, Kane?" Nicky said.

  "You don't like Dev any more than you like me."

  "I like Dev a hell of a lot more than I like you."

  "But not enough to fuck him, even naked in the shower with him."

  "You and I were naked in the showers, and I didn't want to fuck you," I said.

  "I don't do girls."

  "And I don't do stupid, so we're both safe."

  Kane stood up. Asher tried to pull him back, but this time he stood his ground and kept his feet. I stood up. Richard didn't try to hold me on the couch. I stood there facing Kane. He had his hands in fists. Mine were loose, cupped, and waiting for me to decide whether I was fighting.

  "I already proved that I can beat you, Kane. Do you really want an audience for it this time?"

  "You cheated in the locker room."

  "You're almost a foot taller than me, with an arm and leg reach that's almost twice mine, you're a man, and you're a werehyena; there is no such thing as a fair fight between us."

  "So you admit you cheated."

  "Talk like that is for amateurs, Kane."

  "I am not an amateur," he said.

  "Okay," I said, and half-turned away from him, so that I could plant my foot, turn my shoulder, make a fist, cock my arm, and turn back around with everything I had, so that my whole body acted like a spring to power the punch into his solar plexus. He doubled over, unable to breathe for a second, and his face was low enough for me to put a knee into it, so I did. In rapid succession, holding the back of his head so I could drive my knee into his face with all the force I had, four times. I backed up from him, giving him room in case he recovered enough to try to grab me. I did not want those long arms and stronger body grappling with me.

  If he'd been human the fight might have been over, but he wasn't human. He came at me with a roaring growl that danced over my skin in goose bumps, but he gave me time to get set for a kick. I still had my hands up guarding my face, elbows tucked in over as much of my torso as I could cover, but I didn't plan on him getting that close. He was so angry that he just forgot all his training and simply ran at me. I kicked him in the solar plexus, which stopped him. He fought not to double over as much and guarded his face better than last time, so I didn't go for his head. I kicked him in the side of the knee, and he fell to the floor with a scream. He didn't try to get up, just stayed on his hands and one knee, the other leg held out to the side the way a dog will when it's hurt.

  "You broke my leg."

  "It's not broken. I didn't even hear that meaty pop, so I didn't even dislocate it. One shape-change and you'll be good as new."

  "You bitch, you sucker-punched me, you cheated again."

  "And that's why you're an amateur," I said.

  "What the fuck does that mean?"

  "Did you expect rules? A referee or a judge to step in and give a list of the do's and don'ts for the fight?"

  He just glared at me, and said, "Bitch."

  I smiled and said, "Pussy."

  Heat poured off him, and his brown eyes turned paler, golden brown--hyena brown. The Browning was just in my hand; muscle memory took over before I could even decide. I was already aiming at his head, right above his eyes. It was my best kill shot from the angle I had.

  "Don't shift, Kane, not here, not now," I said; my voice was low and careful, because my finger was already on the trigger. No matter what gun you have, once your finger crosses that point, you treat all guns as if they have hair triggers, and be damned sure that if you pull, you want whatever you're aiming at dead.

  The heat spread through the room like someone had left the tap open on a really hot bath, and we were about to drown in it. "Silver bullets, Kane, you won't heal a head shot."

  There was movement to my left. "No one move," I said.

  "Anita," Asher said, "please," and I felt him coming closer.

  "Freeze where you are, Asher, or I swear to God I will shoot Kane and then turn on you."

  "Ma petite . . ."

  "No, Jean-Claude, not this time. If Kane shifts I will shoot him. If Asher interferes, I will shoot him. That is the difference between amateurs and professionals. Amateurs whine about rules, fairness, and plead for mercy. Professionals know that there is only one rule--survival--violence is not fair, and there is no mercy."

  "Anita," Nicky said, "if you kill Kane, fine, kill Asher, I'm fine with that, too, but you won't be."

  I kept staring at Kane's forehead, and that spot where the bullet would go. I'd shot people up close like this before. I knew the mechanics of it, and exactly what would happen. It was just a different face staring back at me.

  "Ma petite . . ."

  "Don't." That was Micah. "Let Nicky talk to her." Hearing Micah's voice helped me listen better to something outside the calm in my head. I fe
lt nothing, staring down the barrel of my gun at Kane; nothing.

  "You're not alone out in the field, Anita," Nicky said. "We got this regardless of what Kane does. You don't have to kill him. If you wanted to kill him, I'd be okay with that, you know that."

  I whispered, "I know."

  "But I can feel what you're feeling, and you don't want to kill him. You've just gone quiet in your head, but your emotions are waiting outside that quiet. You don't want the emotional fallout if you killed Asher, Anita. I think he's a manipulative shit, but you love him, and Jean-Claude loves him more."

  "So not worth it," I said, each word enunciated carefully between almost gritted teeth. I wasn't really looking at Kane anymore, just at that point on his head where the bullet would go if I finished this.

  "No, he's not," Nicky said, voice soft, and closer to me, but his closeness didn't make me want to turn the gun on him and protect myself. Asher I didn't trust not to do something stupid, but Nicky--he wouldn't be stupid. He might be violent, but it would be on purpose, with a better reason than not thinking things through.

  I drew back from the empty quiet in my head, and the pinpoint concentration that had narrowed down to the aim of my gun and my target, and realized that the energy that had been rolling off Kane was gone. I blinked and saw his brown eyes staring up at me. He'd pushed his beast back in its box. He was still holding his damaged leg, but he was trying to be as still as the injury would let him be, as if he were afraid to move too much, afraid of what I'd do if he did.

  "Good," I said, softly, "very good."

  "What's good?" Nicky asked.

  I eased my finger off the trigger and raised the gun toward the ceiling. I kept looking at Kane's face, though. "Did you see your death in my face, Kane?"

  "I thought you were going to kill me."

  "So did I," I said. I put the Browning back in its holster at my side. I felt light and empty, not bad, but it was odd. I didn't usually get to this point and not shoot someone. I felt weird, as if the process were incomplete. I'd tried to explain to friends the difference between what I did and what other cops did, and that was it. Most cops go whole careers and never draw their gun, or if they do, they still think more about saving lives than taking them, but I didn't. When I drew my gun I almost always got to use it, and using it, for me, meant someone was dead. Legally, lawfully, no review board, no questions asked--dead. I was the Executioner long before I was Jean-Claude's ma petite.