“I’ve never tried rattlesnake, so I’ll go for that.”
“Hmm…yummy.” She crinkled her nose, but was secretly liking his adventurousness.
“I’m about to find out.”
They moved forward one spot.
“So,” she said, “why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you?”
Staring ahead, he asked, “What makes you think I wanted to discuss something that upset me?”
She spoke quietly from the side of her mouth. “Because I saw that shitty look on your face when you walked up to my station, followed by you going ballistic on that douche canoe, the Chadster—thank you for that, by the way. I can’t tell you how much he had it coming.”
“I figured.”
“You figured well. So what’s up?” She prayed with all her heart he wouldn’t say it had anything to do with Catrina ending things. After all, they’d only traded a handful of emails, and for a cautious man like him who was just getting over a big divorce, he couldn’t possibly feel sad about that. I hope, I hope, I hope.
“It’s almost too embarrassing to admit,” he said.
Embarrassing? She drew a breath, and they both stepped forward in line. “Well, Dr. Reed, spit it out. I’m not getting any younger, and I see there are frog leg tacos calling my name.” Not really calling, but it seemed like the only meat she could go for without looking like a wuss.
He glanced down at her. “I want your advice. It’s about a woman I like.”
Woman?
Romance advice?
Fuck…
All hope of a future with Jack drained from the soles of her feet, a feeling of dread taking its place. A man only asked female relatives, like a sister, or friends for romantic advice. It was worse than the romantic kiss of death he’d given her on their walk the other day. This is like a romantic sledgehammer of death.
But as that thought entered her mind, something inside her clicked. She didn’t want to throw in the towel. She wanted him too much, and she wasn’t going to stand by and let some other woman win his heart. Because, eventually, someone would. He was too damned special to stay on the market forever. Don’t give up, girl. You’re sexy and fun. He’ll see it if you give him time.
She glued on a stiff upper lip. “Go on.”
“I’m very interested in her, but we don’t know each other well.”
Christ. This was about Catrina, which only undermined her flagging optimism. Don’t get discouraged. Don’t get discouraged.
“And?” she said cheerfully.
“And I don’t think she believes I’m serious,” he said.
“Serious about what?”
“About having a relationship, and that I have no interest in casual dating.”
“You don’t?”
“No.” He glared from the corner of his eyes.
“Sorry. Okay, then tell her the truth. If she doesn’t believe you, that’s her problem.” It was how she truly felt—had they been real friends. Just standing in line for icky tacos. I am loathing this moment with all my heart.
“I’m not sure she’ll accept the truth.”
“Why not?” Macie asked.
He scratched his stubbly square jaw. “I’ve gone out on dates with a few women since my divorce—nothing serious. Just dinner or lunch.”
Code for not sleeping with them? Macie’s heart rejoiced. “And?”
“And they hold back being themselves or trying to get to know me. I can only assume it’s because they believe that men like me are shallow.”
Macie rubbed the back of her neck. “Well, you are kind of…” her voice trailed off.
“What?”
She cleared her throat. “You’re kind of perfect—educated, genuine, handsome, and successful. Any woman would find it hard to believe that you’re not after the hottest arm candy you can get.”
“You think I’m perfect?” He tilted back his head and laughed with that deep sexy voice. After a long moment, he cleared his throat and rubbed his scruffy jaw.
She looked away. This lunch conversation was turning into so many flavors of uncomfortable.
He continued, “Thank you, but I assure you, I’m far from perfect. So let’s say for argument’s sake, she won’t believe me. What more can a man do than say the truth?”
“I don’t know.” Maybe you could not torture the invisible woman to your side, for starters. “Send her flowers. Take her on a long weekend. Show her how you feel. Then keep showing her until she sees the light. Eventually, she’ll have to admit that you’re not superficial. Those kinds of guys pack it up after a few nos.”
“Good advice.” He nodded pensively. “I’m glad I asked you.”
I’m not. Though, if he saw her as a friend and she felt this strongly about him, what choice did she have but to stick with this and try to change his mind? Make him see I’m more than just my big juicy woman package. In all honesty, she’d never actually attempted to pursue a man she felt attracted to. The moment they “friends-onlyed” her, she gave up.
No giving up this time. Jack made her want to fight. She wanted him more than any man she’d ever met and, well, maybe it was time for her to believe in herself. To be clear, she felt good about her career, intelligence, and social life. But when it came to bellying up to the love bar and demanding a drink, she never felt secure.
It has to change if I want this man. Perhaps Jack Reed was the catalyst she’d been waiting for.
“We still on for baseball Thursday?” he asked.
“Sure,” she said, trying not to sound shaken by the thoughts tumbling around inside her.
“I’m looking forward to it.” He cleared his throat. “I like being around you—you’re easy to talk to, but I’m sure you already know that.”
Macie couldn’t contain her smile. His flattering words were an absolute confirmation that she’d just made the right choice to fight for him. A sign if I ever saw one.
“I’ve been told a few times,” she said.
“So why aren’t you seeing anyone?” he asked.
He wanted to know about her love life? Another sign!
“It’s complicated,” she said.
“Recovering from a broken heart complicated or something else?”
She chuckled softly. “Not a broken heart.”
“Then?”
She turned and looked up at him in all his glorious handsomeness—tall frame, well-built everything, stunning eyes, and a smile that made her liquefy. He was so gorgeous it pained her. But now she knew it was because he was so good looking on the inside, too.
“You wouldn’t understand,” she said.
“Try me.”
She wanted to, but it wasn’t so easy. All these years, she’d never truly opened up to anyone. Not even herself really, which was insane, but true.
“Macie, I won’t judge you. I promise.”
“All right.” She drew a breath. “I gave up—dating, wanting anyone, ever thinking that this package would beckon the kind of man I’m looking for.”
“I see.”
“What’s that mean? ‘I see’?”
He faced forward. “The problem is in your head.”
“I know that.”
“Good. Because I’m sure there are plenty of men who find you attractive, but you give off this vibe of being unavailable. You’re completely closed off to love.”
Was he trying to say he was one of those men, or was he blaming her for being single? It sounded like the latter, and she didn’t like it one little bit.
“You’ve got it all wrong. I mean, yes. Perhaps I am—was—closed off to love, but that’s because the men who are typically attracted to me aren’t my type. They all want a big woman who can cook like their mothers, or they’re into big asses and tits.”
The man in a suit, standing in front of them, turned around and glanced at her.
“Sorry,” she said, apologizing for her crude language. Meanwhile, Jack smirked.
“You think this is funny?” she fumed.
>
He shrugged, looking ahead.
“You saw it for yourself today,” she added. “Men don’t always treat me well.”
“Dr. Bollinger is not a man. He’s a piece of shit. You of all people should know the difference.”
“So I’m single and it’s my fault, and I should be perfect and strong like you and not let it get to me when a coworker goes out of their way to offend me?”
“I wouldn’t use those exact words, but yes.”
I don’t believe it. Mr. Hottness-Perfect Life just talked down to me. Now he’d done it.
“Do not speak to me like I’m a child who needs to be taught the ways of the world. The truth is you see life differently because you’re a beautiful man and you’ve lived your entire life being pined over. People are nice to you, and it’s not like that for everyone, so stop being such a—a dick.”
“Dick?” He chuckled.
She just about lost it.
“Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I was just trying to point out that things might not be the way you see them.”
Says the sexy doctor with rich famous friends and family. “Fine. Got it.” One person to go and they could order and end this horrible lunch outing.
“I was fat growing up,” he blurted after a few moments of silence.
“What?” She looked at him.
“Yeah.” He bobbed his head. “They used to call me Jack the Giant. I lost the weight by about sixteen. Teenage love does wonders to motivate life changes.”
Macie blinked. “You were overweight?”
“Horribly. My mother died when I was young, so I tried to replace her with food. Didn’t work.”
“Oh.” Macie didn’t know what to think about that. She wasn’t an emotional eater like he’d been, but she did understand.
He continued, “On the bright side, I developed a love of exercise, and I think it’s why I wanted to be a surgeon—to help change people’s lives.”
Ugh! There he goes again, being all goddamned perfect and saying the right things.
“I shouldn’t have misjudged you,” she said petulantly. She’d made assumptions, a lot of them, because when it came down to it, there was still so much about him she didn’t know—something she wanted to change immediately. “I’m sorry for assuming you didn’t understand.”
He leaned sideways a bit. “What was that?”
She sighed and rolled her eyes. “I said I’m sorry.”
“Apology accepted.” He smirked and nodded. “I still say it’s in your head, though. You’re not unattractive.”
Not unattractive? Macie couldn’t tell if he was trying to say “you’re not too hideous” or “I think you’re cute.” Why is this man so impossible to read?
“I never said I was ugly,” she clarified. “I said that the men who are usually attracted to me aren’t my type.”
“What’s your type, if I may ask?”
“Are you going to try to set me up with a friend? Because I don’t do blind dates.” Almost all of her guy friends in the past had tried to set her up. But she wasn’t going to be put into the friend box so easily this time.
“I’m asking because I want to know. Does a man need any other reason?”
“I suppose not.”
“Well?” he pushed. “What’s your type?”
You. I like you. She liked being active, like him. She loved being adventurous and trying new things, like he did. She loved her work and family. And yes, my stupid friends. Whom she needed to call. She wanted a man who was romantic, but not needy. She wanted someone who would love her forever even when she was ninety, wrinkled, and peed just a little when she sneezed because she’d had beautiful children with him. She wanted to make his life better and for him to do the same for her. Most of all, she wanted someone who didn’t hold her back, but pushed her to her full potential—just like he was doing with the running.
“I like men who can keep up with me.” She grinned.
“Uh-oh. That’s a tall order.”
She looked over at him, and he stared back with that intense gaze.
“But I’m sure he’s out there,” Jack added with a wink.
He just said that and added a wink? Wink of encouragement or flirtation? Dear God. More mixed signals! Macie didn’t know how much of this she could take.
The cashier called them up.
“I guess it’s our turn,” Macie said, pulling her eyes away from him. More than anything, she wanted to fling her arms around Jack and kiss him to put this entire thing to rest once and for all. But if he rejected her, she wasn’t sure her heart would recover.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
“How’d lunch go?” Kirsten asked as Macie stowed her purse and grabbed the paperwork from the bin to see which patients were next.
Macie shrugged. Lunch had been intense and full of a million mixed signals, but she felt more determined than ever to win him.
“I gave him dating advice,” she said, “about some woman he’s interested in.” And she’s actually me. Because I catfished the poor guy. Still, the glass half-full person would say that it meant that the real her and real him had potential.
“Oh, ouch. You okay?” Kirsten asked.
“Sure.”
“But didn’t it sting for him to ask you about another woman when you like him so much?” she asked.
“Is it that obvious I’m attracted to him?”
“Honey, we are all attracted to him. Reed is complete husband material. And bean-flicking material. And heartbreak, fan-club, tramp-stamp material.”
Macie nodded solemnly. “He’s all that and a bag of sriracha corn chips. And yes, it did sting, but I think we have a connection. Even if it’s at the friendship level.”
For now. All Macie had to do was get him to see that they could be so much more. The ironic part was that he already saw it. Sort of. But if she ever told him that she was Catrina, he wouldn’t just never speak to her again, it would do him serious damage. She could tell he was still trying to get over his ex-wife’s betrayal, so discovering he’d been tricked—by none other than herself—would all but decimate the man’s ability to trust a woman again.
It’s simple. He can’t ever find out. But when Macie thought about months or years down the line, could she really look him in the eyes, listening to all of the nice things he said to her, knowing he trusted her, all the while, she carried this ugly secret?
She probably couldn’t.
But there were two choices at this point: lose him forever, or march forward, forgetting Catrina ever happened. After all, what harm had she really done? Catrina had ended things before they ever went beyond a few emails. That meant there was only one real option. Never say a word and learn to forgive herself for the mistake.
That evening, after work, Macie got home and texted Foo and Goo, asking them to come over around eight to talk. Macie needed to apologize, but not for getting upset at them like she had. She needed to tell them how she truly felt and that they all needed to be honest going forward. However, it had to start somewhere, and that somewhere was with herself, even if it wouldn’t be easy.
Next, she needed to come up with a plan to seduce Jack and show him all the wonderful, fun things about her without coming across as desperate or trying too hard.
Man. This would not be easy. She would wait until the girls got here. They might know what to do.
Macie had about twenty minutes before the girls showed up, so she went to check her email.
A note from Dr. J-Love. Oh no. She wanted to read it as much as she wanted to delete it.
Read. Delete. Read. Delete.
Read. She groaned at herself.
Dear Catrina,
I understand. And as odd as it is to admit, when you told me you needed to work on yourself, it made me realize it’s what I need, too. I recently got out of a long relationship, and losing this woman damaged me more than I realized.
I think I was hoping that jumping into dating would erase the pain and memori
es. And when you and I traded notes that first night, you said everything I wanted to hear from a woman. I think I became too excited by the idea of moving on, when in reality, I’m not ready. What I need to do is face the truth. I’m not over what she did to me.
I still think you sound like an incredible woman, and maybe someday soon, when we’re both ready, we can meet.
Dr. J-Love
Wow. Wow. Wow! What did this mean? Jack was struggling to get over his cheating ex and backed off the idea of him and Catrina going on a date. So… Catrina wasn’t the catch he’d hoped for? Or he wasn’t ready to date anyone?
But the advice she gave him today at lunch had been to pursue like crazy—horrible advice because that would’ve only made him become more persistent with Catrina.
He didn’t take my advice. He took Catrina’s. Sort of. Catrina hadn’t really given him advice as much as told him she had other priorities.
Macie frowned, not knowing what to think about all of it.
She began typing a reply:
I’m sorry to hear about your ex. That’s got to be rough. But I know there’s someone out there for both of us. When the time is right. Thank you for understanding what I’m going through.
Catrina
Macie’s doorbell rang, and she glanced at the wine grapes clock on the wall. It was a little early.
She went to answer it, expecting to find Fiona or Grace, instead finding Dr. Reed holding a gift-wrapped box.
“Oh. Jack, I, uh…what are you doing here?”
“I hope you don’t mind; Kirsten gave me your home address. Just wanted to drop this off in person.” He held out a white box with a big red bow.
“What’s this?”
“An apology.”
“For?” she asked.
“For stepping over the line today at lunch. I can be a little too direct sometimes, as my ex-wife used to love to tell me.”
Macie didn’t know what to say. It was so unnecessary and so thoughtful, which literally made her tingle. Yes, down there. But also, she suddenly felt something stronger happening inside her heart. The sight of him standing at her door, holding a box with a beautiful red bow, made her feel special beyond words.
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