by Julie Dewey
“Does it bother you though, James, that you would court an inmate of the Willard Hospital for the Insane? A woman without proper home-making skills?”
“I don’t think you are insane. You have never shown me that you are anything but stable and strong. Besides that, you are beautiful and a great farm-hand. We can muddle through the rest.”
“But what if the delusions start again, James, what would you do then?”
“What would you do if I had delusions? Hmm?”
“Why I would invite them to sit with us for tea, of course.”
“Ahhh, then I would do the same.”
We kissed a little longer and he lay me down on the blanket. His hand approached my breast and I remembered the way I felt when Cat tried to touch me there. This was different, it was welcome. James stopped his caressing, stood up and claimed he needed to be a gentleman around me. He did not want to take advantage of me, and since I had no one to look out for my well-being he had to control his impulses better. He also said I needed to resist them, but I didn’t want to and if that were a sin so be it.
After our lunch, we rode the beasts further down the lake, allowing them to break into sprints and work up a sweat. We had set up logs along the lakeside that they could jump and they did so with little effort, neither breaking their stride. Finally, we slowed the animals to a canter and rode to the farm side by side.
“We could just run away you know. If my father refuses to sign my papers.” My voice was as quiet as a whisper.
“I have thought about that, about taking you away from all of this. It wouldn’t be an easy life. All I know is farm work and it doesn’t pay overly well. I’d rather see if he signs, but if he doesn’t, well, we have two beasts that could take us away from here.” He gestured with his hands at all that lay around us, what had become my home.
“Giddy up,” I said to Savannah, out-pacing Lucky for the jaunt home.
Later in the evening, Patty stormed into my room. “Why you sneaky little whore.”
“Patty, please go away.” I begged, exhaustion settling into my bones.
“A little birdy told me you were making hay with that farm boy of yours, James is it? The birdy said you two were rolling all over one another down by the lake today.”
“Honestly, Patty, I don’t think so.”
“Well, I do. Cat is a good little spy and she has told me a few other interesting details as well. I hear you are spending some quality time sleeping in the morning while lover boy mucks the stalls? I suppose you are paying him in interesting ways to do this. I will have to report it at once. This has sin all over it.”
“Don’t you dare,” I spat.
“Afraid, are you? Well if you don’t want it reported I suppose I could try to rid you of the devil myself.”
“What do you mean, rid me of the devil? You know what, never mind. Dr. Macy knows how hard I work, he’ll never believe you.”
“The devil is in you, Iona, it is so strong that it is causing you to sin in the most dreadful of ways, but I know how to rid you of his evil. As for Dr. Macy, if he knew what was going on up in that farm, tisk tisk, he’d be sorry he gave you an opportunity like that. It’s no place for a lady anyway, you’ll never learn to be a home-maker by working with those beasts. I have a better idea of what needs to be done.”
That night Patty entered my room when the lights were out and she tormented me until morning. She violated my body in ways that were previously unimaginable. She shackled my hands and led me to the bath-house. A tub full to the brim with ice was waiting for me. Patty forced me to disrobe in front of her and then she plunged me into the tub. After nearly an hour in the frigid water I was certain hypothermia had set in, my teeth chattered non-stop, my skin was blue, and I was numb.
“See there? The red devil is being pulled out, you can get out of the tub now.” I could barely rise, the cold air hit me full force and Patty wrapped me in a wet towel.
“I tried starving the beast out of you, now I suppose I’ll have to beat it out of you.” She launched into a torrent of jabs and punches to my gut. I dropped my towel to protect my body but was too weak and cold from the tub. She never hit my face or arms, only my trunk. She turned me around and punched my kidneys, then started slapping my skin making it sting as it thawed. Finally, battered and beaten down, she shackled me once more and dragged me, naked, back to my room.
“See you later, Iona.” Patty winked at me as she left.
My body could not endure another night like this. My mind could not endure another minute of this. If this was how it felt to be broken then Patty had succeeded. Still, I forced myself to go through the morning’s motions. I showered in cold water because there was no alternative. I dressed in yesterday’s attire and ran for the barn. I entered it with red-rimmed eyes and collapsed immediately. Hetty stood beside Savannah stroking her mane. She glared at me and shook her head in disappointment.
“Shut up, Hetty. Who asked you?”
“Who you talking to, pretty lady?” James had come upon me with hot tea and rolls.
I lay on the ground and sobbed from exhaustion. My body was weak and unmoving.
“James, I cannot bear it. It was awful.” I allowed him to cradle me in his lap and comfort me while I replayed the events of the night with disgust.
“I need to leave this place, today. I will not go back there for another night.”
“What happened?” James and John were both with me now. I lay propped against James and recounted what took place yesterday, leaving out the most gruesome and shocking of details because they were too humiliating. But because of the way I held my lower stomach, they were able to figure it out. I told them Patty had a spy and that she found us by the lake and threatened to tell the doctor what was going on, including their involvement. I then told them Patty spent time in my room ridding me of the devil, and left it to their imaginations to determine exactly what I was reduced to. I shivered when recounting the ice bath and beating.
“Why don’t you two saddle the horses and take them for some exercise this morning, give me some time to think.” John said.
We put blankets under the saddles, included a snack and some water and sauntered away from the barn that had become my safe haven.
“I’m sorry, Iona. It’s my fault. I led you to the lake yesterday and kissed you. If Cat saw that, then I am to be held responsible, not you. I will resign from my job and speak to the doctor on your behalf.”
“James, can I tell you something?”
“Yes, you can tell me anything.”
“Last night, when Patty was beating me, I saw Hetty for the first time in months and now I am afraid. I am crazy, James. Hetty came back to me.”
“No, Iona, you were assaulted and it wasn’t right. You probably saw stars too. I hope Hetty was able to give you some comfort, God only knows what you went through but I beg your forgiveness.” He slowed my horse by pulling on her reins as he rode beside me. He looked all around before leaning in to hug me tight.
“James, I don’t know how to say this, but you, you are the only one who has ever cared for me this way. I think I love you, James. Let’s run now,” I pleaded.
“We could be caught for stealing horses and we don’t have any food. Let me gather supplies tonight and we’ll run tomorrow. We can go to Waterloo and find jobs. We can sleep in barns until we find proper housing, and when we do, I will make you my wife.” I breathed in a sigh of relief.
“Iona, will you be my wife? Will you marry me?”
“In sickness and in health, James?” I had to ask.
“Yes, in sickness and in health.”
“Then, yes, I will marry you. Just take me away from this. I never want to look back.”
We returned to the barn with the animals and James and John cared for me all afternoon. They dressed the wounds on my wrists as well as the scratches that covered my torso. They were reluctant to allow me to go back to the hospital and tried conjuring stories that would allow me to spend the n
ight at the barn. If only one of the mares was pregnant then they could say they needed a woman to help with the birth. They had to let me go so we didn’t arouse any suspicion, we all agreed I had to hang on for one more night, then we would run tomorrow.
Patty came into my room when the lights were out, I lay motionless in bed. My limbs were achy and I had no energy to fight her. She half carried and half dragged me to the ice bath, submerging even my head this time. I wanted to die. I was no match for Patty, if there was such thing as the devil in me, he had surely gone, for I had no fight left. I don’t remember being removed from the bath and if I was beaten, I must have passed out. I woke in my bed sometime the next night feeling delirious. My fever was one hundred and five degrees. The nurses were moving me to the sick ward where I would be tended directly by them. They would see the bruises and be told I had inflicted them upon myself.
I was diagnosed with influenza. Most patients came down with it in the winter months but a few patients streamed into the sick ward late in March and early April with fevers and body aches like mine. My glands were swollen to the size of grapes and speaking, eating, or drinking was impossible.
I dreamed of Hetty, sweet, larger than life Hetty. She was brazenly yelling in the ear of the nurse on duty, but when the nurse didn’t pay her any attention, I knew I was indeed crazy. I had only one reason to live. James. Hetty tried to nurse me herself, but she couldn’t get me to open my mouth to drink and though she tried warming me with her large hands I shivered for days on end. My fever lasted four days and finally broke the evening of the fifth. I was drenched in sweat and parched. The nurse offered me small sips of water, encouraging me to eat crackers as well. The water slid down my raw throat and landed in my hollow belly, but the crackers were too dry to eat. I stayed in the ward for an entire week. The nurses showed me a kindness I didn’t know existed in a mental hospital. They were treating my body, not my mind and therefore weren’t concerned with the supposed trouble I caused. They moved me to tears with their gentleness as they swaddled me in blankets and rubbed my hands and feet. They hand fed me spoonfuls of broth and took time to wash my body and hair. They gently massaged my scalp as they lathered my hair and carefully brushed it out after it was towel dried.
I felt human once more and although I was not restored, I was alive for this one moment and able to refocus my energy. Unfortunately, I was forbidden from working for several days. I needed to gather my strength and was told that only then could I go back. I couldn’t imagine what James thought and knew he would be worried about my whereabouts.
Patty had also fallen ill, this was my only saving grace. I still didn’t have a blanket to use for warmth, but I was allowed six hours of undisturbed sleep per night. After three days I was feeling stronger and able to eat small meals. Patty was back with a vengeance on the fourth day. She came immediately to my room, storming in with all her bulk.
“You vile creature, it was you that made me fall ill. The devil’s spawn tried to get into me, but I wouldn’t let it. You will be rid of it once and for all, Iona. Tonight.” She chained me to the bed with my arms spread out to my side. I was mounted in the shape of a cross and left naked. My skin was raw and exposed, goosebumps my only blanket.
I panicked, waves of nausea forced me to vomit my last meal across my naked chest. I shook with apprehension at Patty’s threat. She had no empathy whatsoever for me and I knew this would be my last night on earth. I closed my eyes in contemplation, James filled my mind and soul. If I could run to him now I would. If I died right in this moment that would be a saving grace. Just then my door creaked open and Cat crept into my room.
“She’s going to kill you tonight for sure. Here,” she said as she fiddled with my restraints, “let me help get you out of here.”
“Cat, you loathe me, why on earth would you want to help me now?” I asked through gritted teeth.
“Because you and I are about to run away from this place together. I know what’s happening to you, but things are happening to me too. I can’t take one more day. You know how to ride a horse, I don’t.”
I pulled my wrists free and rubbed them to ease the pain. My muscles ached from being stretched and I rolled my shoulders back and forth to loosen them.
“Patty is on her break, it’s now or never. Come on,” she pulled the pillow out of it’s case, “grab a few outfits and let’s go.”
I had no time to think this through but prayed it wasn’t a trick. I filled my pillow-case with one set of night clothes and my shoes, and a skirt and blouse. I would wear my boots and long-johns under another dress. We stood side by side at the door, Cat peered out and when Jay gave her a nod, we snuck down the hallway.
Jay told Cat how to avoid the guards at the building’s entrance, so rather than go out the front, we ran to the back of the building, past the main dining hall and lounge and through the laundry room. From there we disposed of our current clothing and put on the white shirts the laundresses wore and although they were soiled, we didn’t care. We donned them anyway and walked straight out in to the night carrying what appeared to be sacks of fresh linen.
Once we made it past the physician’s house we were in the clear. A few doctors were still seeing patients, and the night nurses were busy attending them, attendees were on break in the attendee lounge, and only the aides were a concern. We walked across the property when a group of night-shift workers crossed our paths. They were headed to the tin shop, “Ladies,” they said, nodding our way, but paying us very little attention. Cat and I breathed simultaneous sighs of relief.
“Cat, I can’t just barge into the barn and steal the horses. I have to find James first. He will help us.”
“We don’t have time for that, Iona. Now go in there and saddle up the pair, I’ll wait out here.” I walked into the barn but saw no sign of John or James. The stalls were in order, the horses had fresh oats and grain, so someone was here. I couldn’t leave without seeing James but he was nowhere to be found.
I saddled Savannah, leaving Lucky behind. Savannah was a steady girl whom I could rely on, Lucky was a little less predictable at times. I walked her out of the barn, mounted her and pulled Cat up behind me. I tapped Savannah’s hind-quarters with my boots urging her into a canter, and we were off.
Chapter Eight
On the Run
Cat wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought she would be on the run. She didn’t make any advances towards me and her attitude was fairly calm. In truth, she did save my life, I owed her that much.
“Where do you think we should go?” Cat asked, putting me in charge that day.
“Well, they’ll look for us in Ovid first because it’s the closest town. We have to get a good ten miles behind us before anyone realizes we are gone. If we head north along the lake, we will bypass Ovid, go through Romulus and could land in Waterloo. If we head south we can make it down to Lodi, then Horseheads. I won’t go southeast because that would take us through Trumansburg and then Ithaca, where my family lives.” I leaned towards Waterloo remembering the conversation James and I had about possibly living there one day.
“Okay, do we flip a coin or let the horse decide?” Cat asked with a shaky voice.
“Let’s not let Savannah decide our destiny. I vote for the north route.” I nudged the horse once more in her hind-quarters and she began to trot north. We followed the lake’s shore, stopping only once to rest Savannah and let her drink her fill. We splashed our faces, went to the bathroom in the tall grass, and ate the stale rolls Cat snatched and stored in her pillowcase. Perhaps she was planning this all along, and if so, she was brilliant making Patty think she was out for me. Then again, maybe she still was out for me, I hadn’t determined that yet. I still didn’t trust her though, she was conniving and narcissistic. I would sleep with one eye open.
“Do you think they know we’re gone?” She asked, biting her nails when the sun showed it was past noon.
“Of course they do, and they know Savannah is gone too, she belongs to the
doctor. We better get a move on, or they will catch us and we will be arrested and tried for stealing this horse and we’ll both become experiments.”
Cat fed the horse an apple from her bag and we mounted her once more, riding her all afternoon and into the evening. We stopped for a few hours somewhere along the lake as it grew dark and drank our fill of fresh water. The temperature at night wasn’t any worse than what I had grown accustomed to on the ward. We decided to sleep while we could, but as soon as the day broke we rode Savannah again, trying to make it to a town for a sense of where we were.
As Cat and I were on the run, my mind drifted to James. He could never love me after this betrayal, although I left him my pair of gloves in the stall so he would know I was there. I hoped he could understand the hidden message, he must know I had no choice but to run.
“Jesus, who are you talking too?” Cat asked.
“Just myself, now shut up.” I was trying to pace the horse but worried if we didn’t make it at least to Romulus we would be found.
Before long we started seeing other travelers along the roadside. We stopped briefly to give our mare a break, walking her slowly along the edge of the lake. All three of us were tired and hungry. When a group of three men came upon us they slowed down and asked what we were doing out here. We told them we were slightly lost and were following the river back home to Romulus.
“You’re getting close then, just another hour or so north, Ladies.” They tipped their hats at us and left us alone.
When we came upon the small town of Romulus we saw a hotel and a few restaurants. We changed out of our laundress coats into our Sunday dresses before watering Savannah and entering a restaurant. Cat had some change in her pocket, I assumed she stole it but would not ask. The change was enough for breakfast so we sat and ate pancakes. We stuffed ourselves because we didn’t know when our next meal would be. We begged an apple for our horse and fed it to her as we left. We tried not to arouse any suspicion, but this was a very small town and folks knew who belonged and who didn’t. We told the waitress at the diner that we worked in Ovid, but that we wanted a day of adventure so had taken our horse out for a morning run. She nodded her head as if she believed us but I think she questioned the authenticity of our story. What two young girls would go out riding alone?
