“You’re in deep thought over there, Gray. What’s going through that beautiful head of yours?” Jett asks, dragging the tip of his index finger long my jawline.
“Oh, I’m thinking about how these fools need to get themselves a room.” I smirk.
What? You didn’t actually think that I was going to say something as ridiculous as, “Hey, I think I’m falling head over heels for you, man,” now did you? Hellz nah. ‘Cause even though I truly am falling for him, Jett and I go together like oil and vinegar. We’re only compatible if we sit side-by-side, but no matter how hard you try to mix us together, we will always separate in the end. Why? Because my need to use my scalpel will always be more powerful than my need to love another human being.
Unless it’s Andi or Jaz.
Jett chuckles. “I was thinking the same exact thing.” His free hand smacks the table hard enough that the empty shot glasses clank as they bounce up off the table. “Hey, are we orderin’ drinks or suckin’ face?”
“Order, motherfucker,” Cole mumbles around Jaz’s lips.
Drew and Cole finally stop slobbering all over Andi and Jaz when the waitress sets a round of shots and a plate of chicken wings on the table. As everyone grabs their glasses and fills their plates with wings, Drew and I exchange a glance at one another. It’s quick, but it’s a sincere “how you hangin’ in there?” look. He gives me a subtle wink, which I respond to with a faint grin.
For the most part, I keep my eyes fixated on my plate, too wrapped up in my own head to care what any of them are saying, or doing for that matter. But in order for it to appear that I’m involved in what’s happening at the table, I toss a chuckle or a smile every once in a while to make it look like I give a rat’s ass. In all actuality, the only thing I can think about is getting out of here.
“Excuse me a moment,” I say, pushing my chair back. As I stand, Jett’s hand grabs mine, but before he can ask where I’m going, I answer, “Going to the ladies’ room. Be right back.” I return his smile with a crooked grin and head straight for the bathroom where I lock myself in the last stall.
I need to take a breather, and the only way I can do that is if I hide in the bathroom stall for a minute to collect myself. There’s too many emotions swirling around in my body that I don’t quite understand, but I know that I can’t sit at that table for much longer without coming unglued. I’m walking a fine line of playing two completely separate roles, one I’m comfortable with, and the other...not so much. Okay, not at all. I live for being the real me, and I can only be the real me when I’m behind the doors of my compound. But being here with Jett, Cole, Drew, Jaz, and Andi, acting as if I’m your typical, run-of-the-mill school teacher, has me flooding with anxiety. I’m not sure how much longer I can play the game.
Needless to say, the paranoia, panic, anxiety...whatever you want to call it, has made me lose my appetite. I’m not particularly fond of feeling like a caged bird trying to find a way out, and having to watch how everyone else is engaged in each other, acting as if there isn’t a nuclear bomb ready to explode at any given moment, has my insides jittering profusely, to the point my teeth are clattering together. All I know is, I can’t stay here any longer.
After I’m done using the bathroom, I wash my hands then exit, running into Drew in the hallway.
“Hey, Gray,” his smooth voice chimes.
I stop in the hall to greet him, but before I can say a word, he wraps me in a hug.
Oh, okay, we’re like this now, eh? Those who kill together, get chummy together.
I try to respond with a, “Hi,” but he squeezes me a little too tight, so all that comes out is a clipped, “Ha.” I suck in a breath when he releases me and ask, “How are you?”
“Um...fine. You?”
“Okay.” I can guarantee I’m doing far better than he is. I’m used to draining the life out of people, but Drew—no, he’s too sweet of a guy to be able to handle what he’s done. “You sure?”
He says, “Yes,” but his eyes say otherwise. I’m not too sure whether he’s solemn because of what’s weighing on his shoulders or if being in my presence is like rubbing salt in an opened wound.
The air is thick and stifling, and the wary grin across Drew’s face makes it apparent he’s not dealing well. He can plaster that goofy smile on his face all he wants, but I know he’s uncomfortable...anxious. It’s one feeling I know too well. Poor sucker. Eh, he’ll figure out how to use his facial expressions as a facade for what’s hiding within his soul. And the more time separates the execution of Brian Harvarti, the easier it will be for Drew to cope.
Finally, after a long pause, Drew drops his voice and whispers, “You took care of things, right?”
I dip my head in a slight nod and offer an assuring grin. “Yes, Drew. I took care of things.”
“I...I just hadn’t heard anything from anyone, so I thought—”
“Who did you think you’d hear from, Drew?” I ask, interrupting him.
He shakes his head. “I dunno. Jett, maybe. Or another one of our mutual law enforcement friends who might have found something possibly linking me to...well, you know. Or you. I never heard anything from you...about...well, you know.”
Wow, he’s struggling more than I thought.
I take a moment to run through what I’m about to say in my head. But no matter how I say it, it’s going to sound a bit brash. I mean, he can’t really be that clueless, can he? God, I sure hope he’s not that dense. So as politely as I can, I ask, “Who would call you, Drew? You were never there...remember?” My eyebrows raise as I wait for his response.
He runs a hand through his hair. “Yeah, I remember. I’ve just been...”
“Paranoid,” I finish the sentence for him.
Drew shrugs his shoulders and nods. His eyes roll back and a heavy breath expels from his parted lips. “Fuck. Okay, you’re right. No one would call me, but you did call the cops, right? They deemed it self-defense and there’s nothing to worry about?”
“Yep,” I lie. Oh c’mon, he doesn’t need to know that I chopped Mr. Harvarti up into tiny li’l pieces and used him as fertilizer. Nope. All Drew needs is to be reassured that I did exactly as we talked about. Unless he goes fucking searching for what really happened after he left the compound, I should be in the clear, which also means he is too. I hope for his sake he forgets all about it and never speaks of it again, otherwise this could easily turn into a shit storm.
Oh God, please don’t be that fuckin’ stupid.
“You. Were. Never. There,” I repeat slowly, letting my words sink into that tiny brain of his. “I can’t imagine what you’ve been going through since all that happened, Drew...”
Ha! Of course I know what he’s going through. But I’m not a damn pussy.
“But may I suggest, let it go. You did the right thing, Drew. You saved me. You’re a fucking hero.”
Drew’s lips grow wide hearing me curse. So, I force a giggle even when I’d much rather roll my eyes and jab him in the forehead with two of my fingers.
Men. They’re so fucking gullible. I swear, bat your eyelashes and say a naughty word and you have them eating straight outta your hand.
I touch Drew’s arm, hoping the simple gesture further eases him, plus it’s another way for me to show my appreciation for his heroic efforts in saving my life without having to actually say anything more than what I have already. Because, quite frankly, it’s too sappy for me to continue to keep trying to help him justify killing an asshole.
After we stand in silence for a long moment, not knowing what else to say, I grin and excuse myself. “I should get back to the table.”
Drew’s head nods. “Yeah, of course.” I begin to walk past him, but he calls out to me. “Gray?”
I stop and turn back to him. “Yeah?”
“I promise this will be my last question about this whole thing, and I swear I’ll never mention it again, but have you done this before?” He runs his hand through his hair again and grunts. “Sorry, I
didn’t mean to imply that you...I just...how the hell are you so calm? I’m freaking the fuck out.”
Because I’m a killer, you fucking idiot.
My face gives nothing away as I say matter-of-factly, “I’m calm because there was no other choice, Drew. An intruder was beating the poo outta me while attempting to brutally rape me and most likely would have killed me. It was self-defense. There is no reason for you to freak the fuck out when you weren’t there.”
Drew’s silent for a long pause then nods. “You’re right.”
I’m tempted to express my gratitude once more...continue to beat a dead horse. In retrospect, it’s becoming harder and harder to find another human being who’s genuinely kind and selfless, but Drew is a true testament that they really do exists. The people I come in contact with are the polar opposite, so the fact that Drew put someone else’s needs before his own and did something as drastic as taking a life...well, I’ll never be able to say thank you enough. But no matter how many times I say it, and no matter how much I try to convince Drew that he did the right thing, he will only ever see the blood on his hands...not the life that was saved.
“I’m gonna go back to the table,” I say. “It’s all going to be okay, Drew. I promise.”
Drew doesn’t speak, only waves his hand in my direction, so I do the same, raising my hand then walking away.
It’s amazing what travels through my head on the short walk back to the table. Jaz and Andi are in true acting mode, all smiles and giggles as they talk to Cole and Jett. I must say, when it comes down to it, those girls impress me with how well they can pull their shit together on a dime. I give them a good razzing, but those two cumtwats are the other half of my heart. Damn, I love those biatches.
And then there’s, Jett. A man who has done a serious number [B3] on me. I’ve never felt an attraction to anyone like I have with him, and I want more. But am I capable of more? That is the question.
Well, there’s only one way to find out.
I stroll right up to the side of the table, and with every bit of confidence that I can blow out my ass, I rest my hand on Jett’s shoulder and say, “You wanna get outta here?”
His smile bursts across his face, and with a growl, he says, “Hell yeah.”
Andi and Jaz hoot and holler at me as I take Jett by the hand and pull him from his chair. With a straight face, I look over at my girls. “Peace out, ladies...and Cole.” Before Jett and I exit the bar, I toss my arm up in the air and give my cat-callin’, cock-lovin’, coo-coo for cocoa puffs biatches one last wave goodbye with my famous one-finger salute.
Thankfully, it doesn’t take a lot of convincing to assure Jett that it’s safe for me to drive. I’m not even the slightest bit buzzed, but of course, Jett has to ask one last time when he opens my car door. “You sure you’re okay to drive? We can leave your car here and get it tomorrow.”
I press three of my fingers to Jett’s lips. “Shh, I’m good. Is Thomas home tonight?” I let my hand fall to his chest.
Jett stares at me for half a breath, his eyes blinking in quick flutters before he responds, “Oh, yeah, no. Thomas is at a friend’s tonight.”
My heart hops in my chest. “Great, then I’ll follow you home.” I press my lips to his and slip my tongue inside his mouth.
Oh.
Goosebumps tickle my skin, and Jett deepens the kiss, pulling me into him so the bulge in his pants pokes me in my lower belly. I’m tingling all over, and my clit is buzzing, and when I release my lips from Jett’s, his eyes are smoldering, burning into my flesh.
Oh yeah, baby. I’m feeling a bit frisky myself.
* * *
I’m going to go my whole life with never having an orgasm. I just know it. Poor Jett, he’s giving it the ol’ college try, but he keeps coming up short...literally and figuratively. I keep insisting I’m okay if he comes, I want him to, but he’s a stubborn goat and refuses to unless he’s successful with giving me the almighty Holy Grail. The way it’s going, Jett’s going to have the worst case of blue balls in the history of all mankind if he keeps trying to wait for me. Because, it’s never going to happen.
Oh, woe is me.
I can’t say that I know what I’m missing, ‘cause I don’t, so for me, we’re having a good time making each other feel good. But for Jett, well, this has turned into a game for him, and I’ll be damned if he’s not going to try to fuck me into oblivion in every attempt to get me off. He’s relentless, and quite honestly, I don’t think my pussy can handle much more jackhammerin’ tonight. How he has managed to hold back his own release, the last three times, is beyond me. He must have super powers, or at least some serious restraint from not letting his release blow. I don’t think there’s any other man that can hold their jizz every single time. But he’s a trooper, this one. He collapses after each round, takes a breather for a few minutes, then hops right back on board to try for it again. I give him kudos, that’s for damn sure.
“Motherfucker,” Jett grunts above me with one last thrust of his hips. Sweat’s dripping down the sides of his cheeks and his chest is heaving as he tries to catch his breath.
I press my palms against his drenched skin. “Please, Jett, let yourself go. Don’t hold it,” I plead with him.
He takes my mouth in a hungry kiss. “Not gonna happen, woman. We either blow together or not at all.”
“Well, when you put it that way.” I giggle. “It sounds so romantic.”
Jett laughs and flops to my side, resting his head on my chest. “I will admit, this is harder than I thought. You’re a tough nut to crack, sweetheart.”
Hm, not sure if I should take offense to being called a nut that’s hard to crack, or if I should feel bad that he’s put in a shit ton of effort for a whole lot of nothing. Look, I am who I am, and I can’t do a damn thing about it. And, I did give him fair warning. Honestly, I’ve tried everything that Jaz and Andi have told me to do...getting out of my own head, relaxing...hell, I even tried givin’ myself a rub-a-rub-rub on my beady little clitoris while Jett pounded into me like a cleaver to a chunk of meat, and still, my vajayjay maxed out at a pleasurable hum. But, no fireworks here. As usual.
“I’m sorry, Jett. I know this can’t be all that enjoyable for you. Now, if you weren’t so darn stubborn, you’d let yourself release and not be so sexually frustrated.”
“Speaking of which, how the hell are you not sexually frustrated?”
I shrug my shoulders, causing Jett’s head to rise and fall with the movement. “Eh, I’m used to it by now.”
Jett props himself up on his elbow and cradles his head in his palm. “Damn, Gray, how is it possible you’ve gone this long without ever having an orgasm?” he asks in disbelief.
“Sometimes, being numb is better than feeling anything at all.”
“How? How is it even possible to compare being numb to one of the best feelings in the world?”
I cock my brow at him with a stifled giggle. Oh, I bet I can name something else that’s far better than having an orgasm. But I’ll just keep that little tidbit to myself.
“All I mean is, even when you’re numb, you still have a sensation of tingling under your skin. You know, the pins and needles feeling? Well, I’m actually quite fond of that feeling...the tingling and buzzing part. And if I still have that, then I know I’m still alive, and I’m A-Okay with that.”
Jesus fucking Christ, he’s fucked me stupid.
“What?” Jett laughs.
I giggle along with him. “I have no idea what I’m saying. I’m pretty sure you have succeeded in screwing me into a dumb stupor.”
Jett kisses me. “There has to be a reason why, though. Have you even been checked, you know, by a doctor?”
Well, this shit just got weird.
“I’m going to pretend that you aren’t implying that there’s something wrong with me.” Because there is. “And no, I have never been checked by a doctor, but that’s because there’s nothing they can do for me.”
“Fuck, I’
m sorry. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. I’m only thinking that maybe if you saw a doctor, they’d be able to give you a pill or something.”
“They can’t give me a magic pill for what I’ve got, Jett,” I say with a sigh.
I know where this is heading, and I’m not doing myself any favors by letting my mouth run amuck.
“Well, I’m sure there’s something they can do for—”
“I’ve been sexually abused my whole life, Jett. For cryin’ out loud, there’s no pill that can magically erase the years of torture that I’ve endured.”
The way Jett’s staring at me has my heart racing in my chest. I’ve never told anyone else my history before, except Jaz and Andi, and I don’t want to. Let’s be real, all you get when you dig up old bones is a big damn pity party, and I’m not one to attend one of those. But, for reasons I’ll never be able to understand, I open my mouth and vomit up my past like it’s last night’s meal.
“It’s not a big deal. My mother was a crackhead my whole life and, on top of that, a hooker, so the people she used to bring into the house were highly questionable. My mother never had good judgment when it came to men, and the men she let in took advantage of me when she wasn’t looking. Those were the nice ones,” I ramble.
“Nice?” Jett scoffed. “Opposed to what?”
I roll my eyes. “You know what I mean.”
“Actually, no, I don’t. How is anyone that rapes a child nice?”
“Because the ones that raped me with mother’s consent were brutal. See, her boyfriends didn’t want me to tell on them, so they’d be sneaky and made sure I was quiet, which meant that they had to be gentle so I wouldn’t scream. They didn’t realize that my whore of a mother was the spawn of evil, and all they had to do was ask if they could ride the baby train, because she would have let them. In fact, she wanted them to, that way she could get more drugs from her pimp. Now, the guys she sold me off to weren’t so nice. It ended up being more of who could hurt me the most to get me to fight back, because if I did, not only would I be beaten to a pulp, so would my mother. And if that happened, she wouldn’t get her payment in drugs, which then would result in her not feeding me and on top of my lashing from the pimp, she would whip me with a wet tea towel.” I roll my eyes. “Fun times,” I say dryly.
What Lies Beneath The Flowerbed Page 33
