Now, if you come to me in five years’ time and say, ‘John, I loved F**k It Therapy, the only bit I struggled with was when you say it’s wrong to fart in lifts, because I’m chronically flatulent and it’s not a voluntary thing, it just happens, like, all the time, and, rather than sticking an orthopedic cork up my bottom, I prefer to say F**k It and let it go, and relax around it,’ I’ll do a garlic burp in your face. In fact, I’ll carry some garlic in my pocket especially for signings. And if you do mention something that hasn’t quite worked for you, I’ll pause, reach for the garlic, chew on a bit, gargle some sparkling water, then burp on you.)
This is the Bermuda Triangle of F**k It Therapy. Enter this magic, focused, and distilled area at your peril. The distilled magic techniques are so powerful that you certainly won’t exit the section the same person. You might not exit at all. Or if you do, you’ll come back in the pristine uniform of a World War II bomber pilot.
This may well become the most thumbed bit of the book for you.
And, talking of thumbs, the Magic Six is so easy to remember you can almost count it on one hand. In fact, we had one guest who was so keen to be able to count off the Magic Six on one hand that she had surgery in which one finger was taken off her left hand and then sewn on to her right hand. Where did she put it, you’re wondering, aren’t you? Good question. She had it sewn right in-between her index and ring fingers. To be honest, as well as the pain and the expense, I don’t personally think it was worth it. It now plays havoc with her ability to identify which one is her ‘ring’ finger. Is it the finger that was previously her ring finger? Or is it this additional finger, which now sits there next to the index finger? I don’t know whether she’ll ever figure it out.
1 Tricky or difficult to pin down.
1. OPEN
Open to new possibilities. Open to things changing. Open to life panning out in a way you would never have expected.
2. RELAX
Relax your body. Relax your mind. Take some deep breaths and feel the tension dissolving as you breathe out very slowly. Consciously relax every part of your body.
3. SHIFT PERSPECTIVE
Just getting perspective is a shift in perspective. See that things you worry about don’t matter so much in the grand scheme of things.
4. TUNE IN
Become conscious of what’s going on for you at every level and really feel it, without judging it and without ignoring it.
5. TRUST
Trust what you feel when you tune in, or that the messages you get when you tune in (e.g., ‘I’m tired’) are valuable and true. Pay attention to them like you would to the words of a legendary guru.
6. FOLLOW
Follow whatever it is that feels right once you’ve tuned in. If you trust that movement or feeling enough, you will feel it and express it fully in your life.
THE MAGIC SIX DAILY PRACTICE
Start by using the Magic Six in your daily practice. You can use the guide to Qigong in Energize It to get into how the qi feels. Then really start to play with Spontaneous Qigong.
Using the Magic Six, it goes something like this. Put some music on and stand still.
Open to the possibility that amazing things might happen in the next 20 minutes, possibly something that could make a dramatic difference to your life.
Relax your whole body, using your breath if need be.
Shift perspective when you realize that you’re tapping into something that you don’t fully understand here, that life and healing might well not work in the ways that you thought or believed.
Tune in to what’s going on for you. Do so by asking, ‘What do I feel like doing?’
Trust that the messages you get back (e.g., ‘Shake your arm about’) are valuable.
Follow that message – go ahead and do what it tells you (e.g., shake your arm about).
Go through that process until you don’t have to think about it anymore in your practice: you’ll just be standing, then following the qi in the end.
You’ll see soon enough the magic of this practice.
And, if you do continue to practice like this, watch as the magic spreads out into your life. Use the Magic Six steps consciously if you wish. But it will soon start to happen naturally (though there’s likely to be the Magic Six process present in everything that you do, underneath).
We explore how to live like this in Life On the Outside – Being Free (Living the F**k It Life) in Part VIII, Being free and arriving in a town where you forget what you came for.
WHO WILL BE SHOOTING AT YOU?
Well, it would be nice to think that, given you’ve been in your prison of sorts, and that it’s clearly not been pleasant for you, and now you’re trying to find freedom in your life, escape from that prison, use the power and magic of F**k It to bring freedom, freshness, and happiness into your life… it would be nice to think that people around you would support, nay, applaud you, for your noble pursuit of freedom.
It would be nice to think that people would only be inspired by the new life they see in you, and maybe that they, too, would be so inspired that they’d ask you what had happened and what you’d done, and that they’d then start to make similar changes in their lives.
It would be nice to think that you’d become a local role model in your community, whom people point at and whisper reverently, ‘They managed to escape this prison we’re all in, they had the courage to say F**k It and make a break for freedom.’ People would start to follow you around, hoping that, just by being near you, some of the delicious sense of freedom that you carry might somehow rub off on them. You’d be a like a F**k It Pied Piper.
It would be nice.
And it does happen. Many people who come on F**k It Retreats do so because they have a friend who came once and they couldn’t believe the change in them after just one week… they had to have whatever it was that the friend had had, so they booked a week for themselves. Those who have been on F**k It Retreats do e-mail us to say that people have been amazed by the changes – that they look different, that they’re calmer, seem to have more time for them, etc., etc.
But it’s not always like that.
You see, when you make your break for freedom, you tend to remind everyone else around you that they’re not free. And people who are in prison, but tend not to think about it too much, people who don’t actually want to make their break for freedom at this moment, don’t particularly like being reminded that they’re not free.
Let’s look at an example. You work, even though you don’t like your job, because you have a mortgage to pay. You have a mortgage to pay because you need somewhere to live, and you didn’t want to throw money down the drain on rent. You need somewhere to live that’s pleasant, too, and in this town/city, somewhere pleasant has its price, and its price means that your mortgage is high. So you don’t even have the chance to shift jobs, because any cut in pay would be critical to your mortgage-paying capacity. And that situation is similar for your work colleagues. Many of them are even more obliged to stay where they are, even if they don’t like it, because they have families to support, too. And that situation, or something close to it, is present across every office, every store, every factory, every hospital, and every brothel in the town/city where you live. And everyone has kind of accepted that’s the way it is.
Except you, who’s decided that doing a job that you don’t like is killing you. Life is short and precious, and you’re pissing it away spending 43 hours a week doing something that’s not you. You had dreams once. You wanted to be a singer or an actor. But you were put off by your first rejection letter from the drama college you applied to, aged 18. Now you’re 38, living out the uneventful drama of an unfulfilled life, an actor without an audience living someone else’s life.
Enough.
You start researching drama colleges on the internet. It gives you a thrill just to look at the sites. The thought of spending three years learning how to act, acting, and hanging out with amazing people, gives you a
rush. You say F**k It and apply to three colleges, including the best in London, in the UK, probably the world, where many illustrious actors have learned their trade. You use the tricks you’ve learned about F**k It manifestation (Attract It), and you focus on what you want, but you don’t hold on to it too tightly. And you know that if this route doesn’t work, another route will pop up for you magically.
Six weeks later, after interviews and auditions, you get a place at the best drama college in the world, to start in September, which is three months off.
You say F**k It, resign, giving a month’s notice, and start to plan a mammoth trip for your free two months.
So you’d think everyone would be pleased for you, wouldn’t you? And some are.
Subject: WOW!!!!!
Sarah,
Wow! Jenny told me you’ve got into RADA, and you’re off around the world. F**k Me, Wow! Big congrats. Am so jealous. You got room in your bag for just one little one? LOL.
Annie xx
And…
Subject: Jammy Sod
S,
WTF! Where did that come from? Don’t do this to me. Don’t leave me on my own with Lechy Lenny in the stationery cupboard. That’s just vicious. You’re a hero… Go For It.
Love and envy,
Tx
But there are others.
Subject: Your News
Hey Sarah,
Bro here. Mom told me your news. Wow, that’s some change you’re making. You know me, I’m personally all for following your dreams (why else would I be working here at Goldman Sachs otherwise?), but is this not a little extreme?
Mom and Dad are worried, too. You’ve done so well to get on the housing ladder, so why burn it now? Do you know how many actors there are out there vying for every job? And you already had a job!
Don’t get it myself, but your life is yours to lead as you fancy.
Please, though, give Mom and Dad a call, they’re worried.
xDavid
And…
Subject: Your Decision
Sarah,
Phil here. I’ve talked to the other directors about your decision to leave and go back to college, and we’re all very disappointed. You’ve been a valuable member of the team and you’ll be missed.
We’re secretly hoping that you’ll see the error of your ways and change your mind. If so, there’s always a desk here for you. In fact, Cliff reminded me of another promising manager, Isabelle, who went off to become an artist. She went back to college too, with the hope of doing what she loved and making it big in the art world… and Cliff heard recently that she’s temping at some city firm. Ouch!
Of course, we wish you all the best, and hope that it all works out for you in the acting world.
Phil
And there are always some very honest mates.
Subject: Nutter on the Loose
Sarah,
Now you know I love you to bits, always have, but WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU DOING?
I’ve got friends who would kill for your job and that money. And your apartment is so LOVELY.
Why are you throwing it all away? For the chance of a bit part in a TV cop drama?
You been taking the bonkers pills? Sorry, I know this sounds harsh, but someone’s got to talk a bit of sense into you. Call me. Text me. Change your mind and reassure me.
Yikes,
Tanny x
HOW TO AVOID GETTING HIT
A key part of F**k It Therapy is learning to care less what others think.
Whenever we do our F**k It Retreats, one of the most significant things holding people back from doing what they want, being who they want to be, is fear of what others will think and say.
It’s a key part of the F**k It Therapy process because the steps you’re taking to become free involve learning to listen more carefully to what you want, deep down inside. Much of the process revolves around this: opening, relaxing, tuning in, being more conscious of how you feel, really listening to the messages you receive, trusting those messages, and eventually following (your heart). It’s all about another perspective shift: from orienting your life around what’s expected of you by family, friends, school, work, society and doing what you believe you should and ought to do… to going inside yourself and listening to what you’d like to do and who you’d like to be.
Given that you’ve listened to what others think for so long, it’s clearly going to be hard when you come to some conclusions about what you want that are different from the things that others would want for you. It’s going to be hard. But there is most likely going to be that dissonance (otherwise how did you end up in the prison that you were in, anyway?). What you’re doing in the F**k It Therapy process is reducing the value you place on the messages you get from outside yourself (parents, friends, teachers, leaders, politicians, celebrities, etc.), and placing more value on the messages you get from inside yourself.
Picture this. You’re in a crowded room of adults – a cocktail party, maybe. It’s very noisy. Everyone, it seems, is talking. Everyone has their opinion, and they love giving it. Everyone has a story to tell, and they love telling it. Unnoticed by everyone except you, a young girl, maybe five years old, has entered the room. She’s so small that no one sees her, except you. She’s so quiet that, when she speaks, no one hears her, not even you. It really is so noisy in there. You try to get closer to her. And she continues to speak. She clearly has something to say. Soon, you’re right next to her. And you lean down to hear her. You hear a few words – ‘I just wanted to say that…’ But the noise in the room is just too much to catch any more. You ask her to wait a second. You stand up to your full height and say to the adults in this crowded room, at the top of your normal voice, but without shouting:
‘Excuse me, excuse me… Sorry… quiet please for a moment. Please be quiet, just for a moment.’ It does quiet down after a while. ‘Sorry, but there’s a little girl here, and she has something to say to us all… please go ahead.’
And the girl speaks. And what she says is for you. Or you think it’s for you. And it touches you deeply. And it makes you realize that you’ve got it all wrong. That even being in this crowded room is all wrong. And you feel sad and happy at the same time. And you thank the girl from your heart. And you say that, whenever she wants to speak, you’ll not only listen, but you’ll quiet everyone else down so you can hear exactly what she’s saying. But you leave the room anyway, because it’s just too noisy and you don’t know why you were there in the first place: all those self-important, opinionated people.
That’s F**k It Therapy. You have to quiet down the noise in order to hear what’s being said by the little voice inside you. You have to listen carefully to that voice and give it value. You then have to act on that voice, and that usually means either keeping the other noisy adult voices in the room quiet or getting out of there.
You have to, in other words, say a big F**k It to what others think of you, and say, about you.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that you’ll ignore everything anyone says to you, like a rebellious teenager who says ‘bollocks’ every time someone speaks. We’re talking about re-balancing here. Once you’re more attuned to what’s going on inside you and what you really want in life, then you can hear what’s being said out there from a different place. In fact, there are infinite wonderful things being said out there that can help you to continue to be free. And, when they align with what you want, those external voices can assist you along the whole way. We’re talking about a shift of emphasis or perspective, and a dramatic one, from placing most worth on messages that come to you from the outside to messages that you get from the inside (when you listen hard enough). This, if you want, is the ‘inner journey’ that spiritual people talk about. This, if you prefer, is listening to your inner voice or your higher self. It’s your instinct. Or it’s God. Or it’s the intelligent field of energy that pervades everything. Whatever it is, you have to care less about what’s going on ‘out there’ in order to tune in a
nd give value to what’s being said ‘in here.’
And the simple words F**k It become like a magic shield in this respect. Whenever you hear the messages that try to put you back in your box, back in your prison – the fear-mongering, risk-avoiding, follow-the-crowd voices – and it doesn’t feel right for you, then just say F**k It and keep listening and trusting and following your own way. You can imagine, if you want, a F**k It magic shield surrounding you, deflecting all the arrows of fear that are shot toward you when you make your break for freedom.
‘I don’t want to’
How does it feel to read that line?
‘I don’t want to.’
When did you last dare to say that?
A lovely woman in one of my groups found herself saying it in the middle of a session. And it sounded like a little girl’s forgotten voice.
How many things there are that we don’t want to do or be!
As children, we said it. We made ourselves heard as much as we could. Whenever things didn’t fit with our rhythm and our world… ‘I don’t want to.’
You see, that magical child has got their own rhythm, their own amazing wisdom, their knowing that isn’t based on knowledge, and doesn’t need much prodding, just love and security. Instead the adults think that their role is to teach the child and dictate how to be. So eventually the magical child shuts up, and we end up with a thousand ‘I don’t want to’s’ that remain unsaid.
And yet if you talk to anyone, there are so many things they don’t want, but don’t dare to talk about, or even to feel.
F**k It Therapy Page 19
