I closed my eyes, trying to focus on the real memories I had of running with Darius and wanting to see him in the mornings like this and using them to centre me. When I opened them again, I felt a little more in control and I blew out a breath as I made myself continue towards The Orb.
We reached the door at almost the same moment and I stilled as he placed a hand on it to keep it closed before casting a look over his shoulder to make sure no one was nearby.
"Morning, Roxy," he said in that low, rough voice of his and I chewed on my bottom lip as I found myself caught between the urge to run from him and move closer. The strangest thing was, I was fairly certain that had always been the way I felt about him. It had nothing to do with anything Lionel had subjected me to.
Darius’s expression was guarded as he looked down at me, seeming to be trying to assess how I was taking this unexpected meeting and I wasn’t even certain myself, so I couldn’t exactly help him out either.
I wet my lips as I tried to quiet my thundering pulse and hunted down my voice which was hiding out somewhere in the back of my mind alongside my sanity which seemed to have departed several weeks ago.
"Hi," I replied, not having anything better to say to him than that because I wasn't even sure where to begin or if I'd even be able to find the words if I tried.
There was an endless chasm of time and unspoken pain between us and I wasn’t sure how to even start trying to bridge it, let alone if we could achieve that at all.
He paused, looking like he had a thousand words waiting to tumble from his lips but then he just pulled the door wide and held it open for me instead of speaking any of them. I managed not to flinch at the movement, but it was a hard won battle and I was pretty sure he noticed.
I stepped closer to him hesitantly, my pulse picking up the pace as I was enveloped in the masculine cedar and smoke scent of him. My gaze dipped to his inked torso for a moment and I paused as I spotted a new tattoo which curved over his left hip bone and disappeared beneath his shorts.
But before I could get a good look at it, he hitched his shorts an inch higher and hid it from view.
"You're gonna have to get my pants off if you wanna see that one, Roxy," he teased and I found myself replying before I could think it through.
"Nice try, asshole."
We both paused for a moment, looking at each other like we'd somehow stepped back in time and I offered him the briefest hint of a smile before moving inside, feeling his eyes on my back as I walked away.
I tugged the shadows closer as I spotted the H.O.R.E.S. and K.U.N.T.s waiting for me, wondering what the fuck my life had come to to find myself heading into their company for the day.
I grabbed a tray and headed over to pick out my breakfast, my stomach growling loudly as I looked at the sweet pastries on offer and I remembered the bland meals I'd been eating over the last few months. The shadows were so consuming that they’d pushed out my desire for food and I'd forgotten to even eat at all half the time. But now that I was pushing them back, my appetite was returning with a vengeance.
I stacked cinnamon buns on my plate four high then moved along to the coffee machine where Darius was pouring out two mugs. He placed one on my tray as I hesitantly approached him and I stilled, looking down at it as my stomach knotted. All the memories of all the times he’d brought me coffee in the mornings came flooding back in on me at once and I was overwhelmed with the desire to reach out to him even while I fought off the desire to recoil from him.
Darius didn't say anything else to me with so many people around and I had to ignore the urge to turn and watch him walking away with my heart pounding as I headed over to join the least desirable people in the room.
"Did you hear?" Mildred asked, crumbs flying from her mouth as she failed to finish chewing her food before speaking.
I didn't respond, assuming she wasn't talking to me seeing as there were like eight other people sitting around her but as her little beady eyes swivelled over to look at me, I realised she was.
"What?" I asked, lifting my first cinnamon bun to my lips and forcing myself not to groan as I bit into it. Shadow bitch Tory didn't take pleasure from anything except shadow torturing people, so I had to pretend my food wasn't the best thing I'd eaten in months. But fuck me with a buttery bagel, this was good.
"Daddy was involved in a Nymph raid on a Tiberian Rat nest last night. He caught six of the little squealers trying to run and lit them up like a bonfire!" she gushed excitedly and suddenly the food in my mouth didn't taste so great anymore.
"He killed them?" I asked, my tone harsher than it should have been and I hastily reached for the shadows to help deaden the rage that ignited in me as I had to fight not to leap to my feet and scream at her.
"Of course! My family are nothing if not loyal to the crown and as the future queen, I am always encouraging him to go above and beyond in the name of our king. When me and snookums are married, I'll personally help him eradicate any and all threats to the throne and our royal line to make sure our children have a clear route to a peaceful rule," Mildred said proudly.
My gut twisted at the thought of her impending nuptials with Darius and I was gifted a vivid memory of the time I'd punched her stupid troll face until she blacked out on the floor not far from here. I had a deep and urgent desire to do it again and the shadows rose up within me, hungering for that too.
“Good,” I ground out, knowing I had to seem pleased by her little announcement even as the word burned my tongue like acid on the way out.
With a force of will, I stood up and walked away from her, my face a mask of nothingness as the shadows pushed deeper into my veins and I found myself forgetting little by little. But I couldn't afford to do that. I couldn't lean into them too hard because if I let myself forget to feel anything again, I'd practically be back where I started.
The K.U.N.T.s all started laughing behind me as Mildred began to reveal more details of her story and I pushed my way into the bathroom, not stopping until I was inside one of the stalls.
Shadows flickered behind my eyelids as I danced along the line of falling into them and I called on my Phoenix to help me push them back.
I needed to get a hold of myself and make it through the rest of the week amongst these people. Gabriel had told me that I’d be able to help us work against Lionel if I could keep my poker face in place, so I just had to focus on that. I wanted to get revenge on the man who had done this to me, and I was in the perfect position to help orchestrate that. I just had to keep my head in the game.
Besides, I had plenty of practice being an asshole. I could do that. I just needed to keep my emotions in check and my face blank. If Gabriel believed this was the best thing I could do to help us in our fight against Lionel right now then I'd do it. I trusted him. I just had to be careful with the shadows, make sure they didn't drive themselves into me too deeply again and try not to give into them when I didn't have to.
But as Mildred’s words echoed in my ears and my blood sang with the desire to march back out there and punish her for them, I found myself sinking into the dark again. The shadows were familiar now, comforting and calling me back to them with the promise of oblivion.
Maybe a few minutes wouldn’t hurt. I could just let them have me for a little while, wipe away this pain, take away my fear…
My Atlas buzzed in my pocket and I flinched at the interruption to my emotional meltdown, pulling it out with shaking fingers and frowning at the name on the ID.
Darius:
What are you wearing?
For a moment I couldn't understand why he was asking me that - he'd literally seen me ten minutes ago and knew I was in my academy uniform. But then the twisted fog of my thoughts lifted a little, reminding me that we used to message each other a lot before Lionel took me. And his strange question was actually our own little greeting to each other which didn't require a direct answer. It was just an opener.
I chewed on my lip as my gaze moved back and forth over the words
and the frantic racing of my heart began to slow a bit.
I wanted to reply, but a shiver of fear moved along my spine at the idea too and I frowned as I found myself unable to form the words I needed to say to him.
But that little message was exactly what I’d needed to drag me out of the shadows and help me see things clearly. I couldn’t dive into them now. I had to keep my head clear enough to remain myself. Mildred Canopus and the rest of the K.U.N.T.s would get their comeuppance one day soon, but in the meantime, I had to focus on playing the part I’d been forced into. We could use my position close to Lionel and Clara to our advantage and I needed to keep my attention fixed on that goal.
The door banged open outside my toilet stall and I drew in a shuddering breath as I fought my emotions back into line and unlocked the door.
I stepped out and came face to face with Xavier whose mouth dropped open as he spotted me, colour rising to his cheeks as he looked around the restroom in horror.
“Ah shit, am I in the ladies?” he groaned and I couldn’t help the laugh that slipped from my lips even as I fought back the urge to cry.
Fuck, I really needed to lock my shit down or I was going to ruin this plan before it even started.
“Are you…okay now, Tory?” he asked hesitantly, seeming to notice I was on the edge of some kind of brain malfunction and I guessed Darius had filled him in on the whole busting me out of the shadows situation.
I glanced at the door and flicked my fingers to cast air magic against it to keep it closed then threw a silencing bubble around us before I spoke.
“I don’t know about okay, but can we go with functioning and work from there?” I asked with a hesitant smile.
“That sounds a bit like me with my Elemental magic,” he joked. “Everyone expects me to be able to do magic the way Darius can even though he got four years of early training before he even came here – it’s a total nightmare.”
“I’m sure you’re not that bad,” I said and he shook his head, causing glitter to tumble from his dark hair.
“It’s fine. I’ll get there. And in the meantime I don’t have to be in that fucking house – or palace now I guess. Point is, I’m here, I have a herd, I’m free. Or at least as free as I ever dreamed of being.”
I smiled at him, realising I had to look up at him now. He wasn’t just tall either, he was muscular too and his face had lost most of its boyish qualities. Genuine happiness washed through me and I found myself relaxing in his company. “I’m so pleased for you,” I said honestly.
“I never really got the chance to thank you for that,” he added.
“All I did was push you out of a window,” I teased but he shook his head, stepping forward and yanking me into a tight hug.
“No, Tory. You saved my life. You gave me…everything. I was too afraid to do what you pushed me to do alone but now I’m out of that house, away from those sessions he was making me have with Gravebone, I’m free to be the Pegasus I was born to be. And one day I’ll find a way to repay that debt to you.”
I smiled into Xavier’s blazer as he squeezed me hard enough to crush bones and something inside me seemed to settle. He was right, I had managed to do something good for him by showing the world what he was and freeing him from Lionel’s clutches. And if I was right by that monster’s side then I might have the chance to help someone else. I could listen to his secrets and use them all against him. For every life I managed to save and every plan of his I helped to sabotage, I’d be striking back against him. Little by little.
This feeling right here was what I needed to rely on to get me through the days of K.U.N.T. company and time spent by Lionel’s side. For every vile, stomach churning thing I had to listen to or witness, I would find a way to counter it with something good. I’d find a way to help. And then one day, we’d be ready to strike back at him and tear him from our throne.
“Thank you, Xavier,” I said, pushing out of his arms and giving him a fierce smile. “That was exactly what I needed today.”
“No problem,” he replied, not seeming to know what I meant by that, but he didn’t need to understand. The point was that I could do this. I could go back out there and play this part and no one would suspect a damn thing about where my true loyalties laid until it was too damn late.
I headed for the door, but Xavier called out to stop me before I could pull the door wide.
“Darius never gave up on you, you know that right?”
“What?” I breathed, the mixture of confusing emotions I felt towards his brother rising up in me again at the mere mention of his name.
“I just thought you should know. All the time Father had you, he spent every single minute searching for you, fighting back against the Nymphs, letting Darcy burn him half to death with Phoenix fire just to try and remove the shadows from his body so that he could challenge Father without Clara being able to stop him. It broke him losing you… So I guess what I’m saying is that I think you should give him the chance to make things right between you two. He’s been to hell and back losing you, Tory. Please don’t let Father win by keeping you away from him now.”
My lips parted on an answer, but I wasn’t sure what to say to him so I just nodded before dispersing the magic I’d used to hide us away in here and heading back out into The Orb.
I was going to have to spend some time figuring out what Darius was to me now. And what he'd been before. But everything about him had me feeling so confused as fear and pain mixed with hope and longing and it was too much for me to cope with all at once.
Right now I needed to just get through the week and perfect the shadow mask I had to wear. Because come Friday night I was heading back to the palace and I was going to need to fool the worst monster of them all. Lionel Acrux was my priority at the moment.
Darius was going to have to wait.
M y first few weeks at Zodiac had been freaking intense. I’d made it through Hell Week and soon had The Reckoning coming up which I was studying my ass off for. I barely had time to chill out and the fact that I’d brought my Xbox with me to the academy was kind of laughable now. Any free time I had I spent flying with my new herd. And shit, it was the best fucking thing I’d ever known. Being around my kind, soaring through the clouds and feeling as free as a damn eagle was unbelievable. If it wasn’t for my father being the absolute asshole of the year forcing all of the Orders to stay apart, I would have said this time had been perfect.
I didn’t care that I worked my ass off from dawn ‘til nightfall. I didn’t care that I was exhausted and waking up early was brutal in comparison to the lazy mornings I’d been used to. I had a purpose now. And freedom that made me grab life by the balls because part of me feared how long it would last. I only got four years at Zodiac, then who knew what kind of life Father would design for me beyond that? I just hoped it didn’t get that far. That Darius, the Heirs and the twins would find a way to bring him down, because we were all screwed if not.
It was difficult to see the other spares, but we made it work. All of us but Ellis anyway who seemed more concerned about breaking the law than the others. Athena, Grayson, Hadley and I had found some unused caves out in Earth Territory which we met up in as much as possible. Athena and Grayson had brought a bunch of blankets and lumen crystals for light to make it comfier, and me and Hadley had carved a few roughly hewn seats out of the rock with our earth magic.
I sat on one now, the four of us having preferred to eat our lunch here instead of at The Orb where the K.U.N.T.s watched our every move. The place wasn’t very busy these days and I reckoned a lot of the other students had the same idea. I hoped most of the Fae here weren’t abiding to my father’s new law, but it was hard to say. The problem was, I couldn’t work out anyone’s allegiance. So I made sure I only spent time with the few people I trusted. And it turned out, once I’d let slip that I didn’t approve of my father’s shit, these guys had agreed.
Athena was floating on a cloud of air near the cave roof while Hadley gazed up a
t her in frustration. He’d tried to bite her again and I was pretty sure she loved evading him.
“What if you just did it as a favour to me?” Hadley called up to her. “I won’t hunt you. Just help a friend out.”
“Bite Gray if you want a taste of Wolf,” Athena called, hanging herself upside down and spiralling through the air toward us.
Hadley growled and leapt up to try and catch her hair, using his strength to throw himself higher. She spun up and away from him again with a taunting laugh.
“If you wanna bite me, you’ll have to fight me for it,” Grayson said where he was lying on a blanket, tapping out something on his Atlas.
“I don’t want you,” Hadley muttered, pacing beneath Athena. “All of her taunting sparks the hunger in me.”
“Tut tut, Had, you’re not supposed to get yourself caught up in the hunt,” Athena teased.
“Get down here and say that to my face,” Hadley dared and Athena lowered herself to the ground like she was about to do just that. Hadley immediately shot toward her, crashing into an air shield that made him fly backwards and hit the ground on his ass. I broke a laugh, whinnying at his attempts.
“For fuck’s sake,” Hadley snarled, smoothing his dark hair back and pushing himself up. “Just give me a taste, Athena.” He was practically salivating and I didn’t like that thirsty glint in his eye.
“Nah,” she said lightly, moving over and sitting down beside me.
“Hold onto her, Xavier,” Hadley growled and I scoffed, casting a ring of wooden spikes to grow up around us.
“I can’t be bought, dude,” I said with a smirk and Hadley huffed, dropping down to sit beside Grayson and eyeing his throat like he was considering changing his mind and fighting him for a drink instead.
Zodiac Academy: Fated Throne Page 29
