by K A Sands
Parking in the spot beside my house, I successfully managed to keep my mirrors intact, I whooped in triumph, feeling lighter than earlier. I was almost to my door, digging in my bag for my keys, when I looked up at the front porch steps, catching sight of the flowers. I froze, one foot on the bottom step, my fingers curled around the keys. Reeling wildly around, I tried to figure out if whoever left the blood red roses was still lurking.
Bile curdled fiery and fast as I turned my sight back to the bouquet of terror leaning against my door frame. The sickness in my stomach threatened as I gulped in large breaths, feeling like there was no air at all. I doubled over and retched, the soured ice cream splattering all over my steps and shoes as I emptied my stomach. Searing tears drove their way from my eyes.
Standing back up on shaky legs, I swiped the back of my hand over my mouth, struggling to breathe, not too far off a panic attack. I was sweating profusely inside my coat but felt chilled to the bone.
Not again...
I scampered away from the front of my house like a petrified mouse and let fear take over, sinking to my knees on the wet grass, wheezing and gasping for five minutes in sheer panic. Counting my breaths, the way I’d been taught, I thought of nothing else. In and out, in and out - until I could drag precious air into my lungs and get the oxygen going in my head again.
“You love roses, Jessie.” He pushed the thorny stem into my soft fleshy palm and forcefully closed my hand around the tiny little daggers. His teeth caught my lip and he bit savagely, a sharp cry muffled by tainted lips. Wetness trickled down my chin. When he pulled away he grinned, red blood-stained teeth prominent. “Roses, Jessie...”
Another couple of minutes passed before I stood again, staring at the roses. Shaking wildly, I collected my fear and scrabbled around for my bag, reaching inside for my phone. My trembling fingers struggled to push at the buttons to call Taylor while minding my surroundings. Fear was helpful, I convinced myself, kept me strong.
“Come on, come on...” I chanted, scrolling through my contacts list and locating her number.
I pressed call and waited, still glowering at the offending ‘thing’ on my porch. The call went to voicemail - I didn’t want her fucking voicemail, I wanted Taylor. I didn’t know what to do and I was freaking the fuck out. Dragging my eyes to my screen I concentrated on calling her again. Same thing, I dialled another time, only for the disappointment to mount. A sense of forced calm came over me as I focused on calling Taylor one last time. I caught sight of those fucking awful flowers and it was time to move before the hysterics set in. I couldn’t stand here with puke all over my shoes a second longer.
Tears fell down my face - I needed my sister, she’d know what to do. I took another glimpse around, nothing looked out of place, cars were in drives that should be, no eerie feeling of someone watching me. Paranoia was taking over, I didn’t feel safe here, I had to be away from the house.
I swiftly walked across my grass and through the gate. I started running the minute I hit the pavement, I ran down the street trying to think of somewhere public and safe.
Irrational thoughts ran amok much the same way I was. Aimlessly. Fast. He was here, somewhere near. What a fool I was to ever think I could live in peace, could ever find a place to call home. This was the beginning of the end of another chapter in my sad, sad life. I had tried to convince myself he wasn’t searching for me, wasn’t looking to finish what he started. I was so goddamned wrong - he’d always come looking, until I was dead in the ground.
Maybe...maybe this time I would wait for him, then he could put me out of my misery once and for all.
Lucca
Fucking hell! “Shit!”
Ryder fell about laughing his arse off at me making a giant dick of myself, I didn’t do it often. Nope, not me. Cool as a cucumber was I.
“What the hell’s got into you, bro?”
He tried to rein in his snickering, failing miserably. I grumbled out a ‘nothing’ to him as I continued to stare at the end of the aisle where a very, very sexy Laura had disappeared. I rubbed my hand down my face and hung my head, sighing.
“Hey, man.” Ryder clapped me on the shoulder. “Wasn’t that bad. I think she likes you.” He turned toward the shelf of brass rings and drawer knobs. “You got to take off that fucking ring, dude. It don’t mean shit and you know it.”
The piece of metal on my finger was a fucking disaster, I swore under my breath. No wonder she took off, what a goddamned idiot. Her hasty retreat made sense.
“Yeah,” Ryder said.
I stuck my hands in my pockets not wanting the reminder of my fucked-up reality and the woman who’d stole the best years of my life. Anger bubbled up quickly. “I don’t need another steak knife jammed in my hand, Ryder.” I snarled.
He knew every single scar on my body Stella had put there. It wasn’t pretty when the clothes came off, trust me.
“I hear you brother, I do,” he said in understanding. “Where are the two holing up?”
Stella and Alexa had been remarkably scarce since turning up a few days ago. I’d seen Stella twice in passing since Friday night and no words had been spoken between us. Not even a hello.
“No idea, I prefer it that way. Don’t you?” I raised an eyebrow at him.
“Sure.” His words were cautious. “I don’t want to find out too late if they’re up to something dodgy is all.”
He was right. The gloves were off, what with the divorce imminent, Lord only knew what Stella had in mind. There would be revenge for what I’d set in motion - that was a given.
“Come on, let’s get out of here. I can’t be arsed with looking at this shit today. I wanna go see my girl.”
I followed him through the store, needing a beer and some down time. Ayden was arriving soon, and I wanted to be organised.
His transfer down to Brighton, to finish out his university was soon, and he was bringing Jake with him. Over Christmas he’d insisted the course was the same and it wouldn’t harm his future by transferring. He didn’t need to come, the fact he wanted to, had me beaming. We were close and shared a first-rate father/son bond, having him nearby would be a relief. Transferring mid-term was tricky but we could pull it off. A student apartment had come up and he was excited for the change, loved the area, loved his new campus too. Brighton was only an hour’s drive from Beaufort on a slow day, so plenty opportunity to go back and forth as often as he and Jake liked. It also meant he wasn’t stuck relying on his piss poor mother, who was as good as useless when it came to being a parent.
However, he had no idea the history Brighton had for our family - his grandfather’s history. I had no confidence I could keep it from him either.
“So, Dad.” My heart knocked when I heard his voice, like it always did when I hadn’t seen him for a while. “How’s life treating you?”
“Your mum’s here,” I said.
“Ah ha, no chasing any skirt then,” he sniggered. “You know that, right?”
I couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not. “As if, Ayden.”
“Oh, come on. You’re not dead, dad. Give it up!” Did I mention I loved this kid more than life itself? He was a cheeky so-and-so at times and I hoped he never lost his enthusiasm for life.
“Ryder’s dating.”
Ayden fell quiet. He knew all about Ryder’s appetites, and although hadn’t seen them first hand, he still had a clue what his uncle got up to with women.
“Okay. That’s great, right?”
“Yeah son, it is. Very good. I think he’s fallen for her in a big way.”
“Well, there’s time for you yet, old man.”
All Ayden wanted was for me to be content. Watching his mum and I rip each other to shreds hadn’t been easy. He’d never been blind to the situation, no matter how hard I’d tried to keep him away from the fights and arguments, it had been impossible at times, his mother not caring who was privy to the way our marriage worked. I sighed, hoping we hadn’t scarred him too much.
“No hot studs on your radar?” I asked.
My boy full on belly laughed, his voice low, sounding like the young man he was. “No dad, nothing biting.”
I loved he felt comfortable enough to discuss his sexuality with me and I mentally patted myself on the back for having at least done one thing right with him. Being gay was tough enough without adding parental disapproval, I wasn’t going to do that to him. If he was happy and safe it was all that mattered. Who cared whether it was with a man or woman? Love was love.
“Right, I need to get off. People to chase, you know?”
“But no skirts?”
“Plenty skirts, Ayden. I’m still technically married you know.”
“Listen to yourself. Like she remembered.”
When did my son get so smart?
“I’ll drive up with a van, okay. It’s a long haul. Make sure you and Jake have your shit together and ready to go when I get there, yeah? All right?”
“Yeah, dad. We’re gonna stay at the house a few days though.”
“That’d be fantastic, kid. Ryder’s missing you too.” I told him, knowing that he missed his uncle right back.
We said our goodbyes and hung up, it wouldn’t be too long before we’d be seeing one another. Maybe he felt ‘home’ calling him too?
No sooner had I hung up with Ayden, my phone was ringing again. Ryder must have forgotten something. He’d gone over to Brighton with Taylor to pick up the mouldings we couldn’t get in Beaufort, collect some flooring samples and scope out the Loft I’d mentioned to him a few weeks back.
“Hey bro, what you missing?” I didn’t wait for his hello, that etiquette went out when we were about fifteen.
“Taylor’s freaking out.” His voice was tight with worry. “She can’t get hold of Laura.”
Her name had my undivided attention. “Okay.” I hesitated. “What’s the problem?” Ryder had a habit of telling half a story, I hoped this wasn’t one of those times.
“Not sure, man. She needs someone to go find her.” The phone muffled, and I heard him mumbling to someone before he came back. “Laura called Taylor three times in a row, didn’t leave a voicemail. And now, Taylor can’t get hold of her. She’s worried she’s freaked out over some shit.”
“I can go look. I got nothing that won’t keep until later,” I offered.
“Listen, I don’t know what these women have been doing or where they’ve been for eight years, Lucca. Taylor doesn’t talk about it and I’m pretty sure whatever happened was Laura’s thing. If my woman’s freaking out? She has cause to, that’s all I know.” His words made sense. He knew her better than me.
“Shit, okay. Text me her address.”
Stuffing my keys into my pocket, I shuffled paperwork into the desk drawer, sensing Ryder wasn’t finished, that he had more to say, and was taking his sweet arsed time as per the usual.
“Spit it out, Ryder,” I said in a hurry.
He coughed, like he was uncomfortable. “Take your gun.”
I almost choked at his demand. “Are you fucking kidding me? I can’t take a gun in my car, Ryder. I’m asking to get arrested. What the hell?”
“Please,” his frustration was clear, “I don’t know what skeletons they have in their closet, I’ll be getting to that real soon, trust me. Taylor’s scared. I’d feel a lot better if you had it with you.”
The mention of the gun had me far more worried than before. I knew he cared a hell of a lot for Taylor, and by extension, Laura, but to take a weapon out onto the street? This was some serious shit and I didn’t like it one bit.
“Please?” he asked again.
I threw my head back in exasperation and cursed under my breath. “Okay. I’ll let you know. If I get my arse hauled in on a weapons charge, I’m so gonna fucking kick your head in, Ryder!”
He clicked off, no goodbye.
Whatever.
Unlocking the bottom desk drawer, I rifled under the papers to find the box with my gun in it. Checking it was loaded and the safety was on, I tucked the gun into my coat pocket as I moved out of the room, ignoring the weight of it. The thought of walking around with a gun made me sick, I’d not used mine in years; the consequences of shooting the gun far outweighed my need to feel safe. Laura was a stranger, was she worth getting arrested for?
I didn’t get far. I pulled up the text for Laura’s home address Ryder had sent as I was passing the school gates at the end of Main Street. A movement from the side caught my attention.
Mesmerised by the lonesome figure swinging back and forth on the too small swing inside the playpark, I slowed the car to a stop. Even from a distance I could see Laura was distraught.
Parking up, I sat for a moment to watch her. She was a million miles away, lost in her own head, tensing up now and again. It appeared she was crying, I couldn’t be positive, and I simply wasn’t okay with that. I exhaled a breath and climbed from the car, heading toward the park, thinking about how to play the scene out. I didn’t want her to know I’d been searching for her, didn’t want to freak her out if she was already feeling that way. I’d shoved the gun in my glovebox before making a move, thinking she wouldn’t appreciate that either.
I leaned against the multi-coloured fence that surrounded the park and shouted a friendly greeting. She spun around to face me. Yeah, she’d been crying, I could tell, even from this distance. My heart simpered for this woman I’d only just met. I was protective of her for some insane reason. I wanted to dry those tears, take her hurts, keep her safe; to chase all her worries away. What was it about Laura that brought out these instincts in me? She exuded an unhappiness I could identify with, yet Ryder said she had been the life of the party. Contradictions aplenty.
“Can I join you?” I asked, moving into the park before she could shoot me down.
Grabbing the iron links of the swing, I moved to sit in the one right next to her. She eyed me sceptically as I manoeuvred my body into the rubber seat. Or rather squeezed. Big fella and little swing didn’t exactly mesh well.
“What?” I grinned at her. “I can fit!”
She snorted; a half laugh, half choke.
Laura rolled her head away from me and continued to swing. I did the same, now that my butt was wedged firmly on the rubber, I’d most likely be stuck in the kiddie seat. Fuck my life.
Scanning the park, noting it was just the two of us, I twigged why she’d come here – the school was behind us, as safe a place as any. Perfect spot for someone feeling vulnerable. I took a gamble and asked what was really on my mind.
“What’s your story, Laura?”
I didn’t expect an answer. I didn’t know this woman, she didn’t know me. I’d have liked to have changed that, not this way, not with her looking so downtrodden and me wanting to fix all her ails.
She shrugged. “How long you got, Lucca?”
“That bad, huh?”
She shrugged again, pulling her coat around her ears. I looked up at the darkening sky realising how late in the day it was. Laura pushed harder on the swing, going higher, legs out in front of her. She was a tough cookie to crack, I could see that about her. It didn’t faze me in the slightest because I thought it might be worth it, if at least I offered to be a friend, or even a shoulder for her to lean on.
“Where have you been all these years?”
I didn’t look at her when I asked. My straightforward nosiness must have been appreciated because she answered me. With one word, Laura slayed me open and confirmed what I’d thought since the night at The V.
“Running.” Her voice was emotionless, which I found disconcerting.
“Yeah?” I stopped swinging and took her in, willed her to look my way. “I’ve got a clue who you are, Laura.”
Another fucking shrug, like she didn’t give a shit anymore. What could possibly break this vibrant woman so woefully? I wanted her to care, wanted to see some sparkle in her eyes. It would be a beautiful sight to watch her bloom and thrive with life.
She finally regard
ed me, holding me captive for the longest of moments. A tear slowly tracked down her cheek and she sniffed. I squeezed myself from the goddamned kiddie swing and moved to stand in front of her. I had not a care she didn’t know me, had no reason to trust me but I was compelled to comfort her, wipe her tears away. Promise her that life would get better. She had to believe it would.
Laura stopped swinging, my body in front giving her no choice. She stared up at me with the most sorrowful eyes I’d ever had the misfortune of looking into. My chest tightened, and I sucked in a breath at how tragic she appeared. Moving closer I pushed between her parted legs, wrapping my arms around her shoulders and drawing her into me. Her head thumped against my chest and we stayed that way a while. My fingers played absently with the locks of her hair as she clutched at my jacket. Light, flurry snowflakes began to tumble around us as she trembled in my arms. Before long Laura was full on sobbing and wrapping her arms around my waist, sneaking up under my coat, seeking warmth. Seeking comfort I desperately wanted to give her.
What had life done to this woman?
Leaning down I took the liberty of kissing the top of her head, her hair tickling the tip of my nose. “Let me take you home, Laura?”
It was a question I had no intention of letting her say no to. She was going nowhere without me. I stepped away from her a fraction before tugging her with me. Laura had no protest when I reached down and twined my fingers through hers and led her out of the park towards my car.
