by K A Sands
“What is there to avoid?”
“He wants to see you. There’s been no mention of Stella from him and according to Ryder, he can’t keep his mouth shut about you. She’s not in the picture, Laura. I promise you.”
“He said her name,” I whispered. “I wasn’t expecting him to call out for me, I wasn’t expecting him to call out for her either. The situation was shitty, I get that, but Taylor...after the things he said...” I trailed off, there was no point trying to understand it.
“Let him explain.”
“Why? The outcome will be the same.”
When I shrugged in defeat, she pushed from my arms, her agitation winning out. Beautiful things were not meant to be difficult, I wasn’t supposed to have the better things in life. There was no point to pursuing anything with Lucca. His life was up in the air and mine was a complete mess. Nothing pleasant could come of it. I’d end up with a heart far more broken than it had been in the past. Lucca wasn’t worth the risk to my sanity.
“No.”
Taylor left. She’d hugged me goodbye without saying anything further, and left.
I made my way upstairs after shutting off all the lights and making double sure the doors were locked and bolted. I sat on the floor at the bottom of the bed, the wool rug cushioning me from the wooden floor, and stared out the expansive window trying to figure how to move forward without going backward.
When Lucca’s text came later that night, I answered. Firm and resolute. I could not let him in my life. I wouldn’t survive it.
Lucca: Can I come see you?
Me: No.
I powered off my phone and climbed into bed where the prickle of thorns stabbed at my dreams and the trickle of tears continued for hours.
Lucca
The muffled noise of heels on the linoleum floor had my full attention, rousing me from a light doze. Peeling my heavy eyelids open, I watched Stella round the bed and slouch into the chair. The sight of her made me sick to my stomach. Not from fear, more from disbelief and betrayal.
Her sigh permeated the thick air and I rolled my eyes, it had become a habit of mine whenever Stella was around. I was lying in a hospital bed, a bed she put me in, and she was the one feeling aggrieved. Sounded about right, whatever was going on was always about Stella. Always.
“What do you want, Stella?” I croaked out, my throat still dry and scratchy from the intubation tube. It had been removed a while ago, but I still suffered the after effects. I licked at my dry lips, craving some water.
“Can’t I visit my husband?” The audacity of her question stuck in my gut. “I haven’t signed anything, you’re still married to me.”
Regardless of the legalities, I wanted her out of my room and out of my life forevermore. I had the ammo with which to make it quicker now. Ryder hadn’t understood my need to feign ignorance. I wasn’t silly, I knew what I was doing.
“But you will sign, Stella.” I twisted to face her then. “Or I tell the police. You’re no longer my wife.”
“That’s right, you have little miss perfect all lined up, don’t you? Trust me when I say, Lucca, there’s not a shred of evidence.”
“Give it a rest.” I rubbed over the cannula in my hand they’d yet to remove, wincing at the sting. “You should leave.” I tipped my head in the direction of the door. “I don’t want you here.”
“What did you think would happen, Lucca?” She settled back in the chair, clasping her hands in her lap. “Someone encroaches on my territory, I don’t stand for it. You know this.”
I saw no point arguing with her, ignoring anything more she said. Another sigh. I gave no fucks if I’d hurt her feelings. I wanted this woman gone. I wanted to wake up in the morning without worrying if I’d make it through the day. Not wonder if I’d be able to climb back into my bed in one piece at night. I was done with her and all the fucked-up ways she’d controlled my life. I was done being her whipping boy. Any modicum of residual feelings I’d had for Stella were left lying on my kitchen floor when she plunged a knife in my chest. I regarded the woman I’d given twenty years of my life to, and nothing but revulsion remained. I clenched my teeth.
“You need to fuck off, Stella, and not come back.”
Her sickly-sweet smile turned lethal as she grimaced then got to her feet. Moving closer to the bed she peered down at me. “I always did love you on your knees, Lucca.” She reached out and squeezed cold fingers around my wrist, her thumb pushing into the cannula. “You should stay the fuck down.”
Letting go, she twirled on her heels and marched from the room. The only sign she’d been there was the lingering Poison perfume she loved, and I hated.
I leaned back in the bed, cursing the tightness in my chest where the stitches pulled. Reaching up to my head, my fingers gingerly touched the scabby wound left behind by the staples, my shaved hair beginning to come back in. It wasn’t a massive area and I wasn’t vain, but man, the patchy bit was going to look silly for a while. I’d contemplated shaving my head, but Ayden had talked me out of it. Smart boy.
He wasn’t privy to the ins and outs of what happened. My boy had been scared enough, no point in putting the fear of God into him over Stella, she was his mother at the end of the day. A boy still needed his parents. I loved my son, protecting him was what I was doing, he’d never know. Only Ryder knew the full truth, and I’d lied to the police. Of that, I was not ashamed.
My thoughts veered back to Laura, I couldn’t get the woman out of my head. I was confused as to the silent treatment she was giving. Ryder had said she’d been here after I’d had surgery, before I’d woken up. No matter how much I talked with him about her, he had no answers. Taylor had been in and out with Ryder and I’d gotten to know her relatively well, she’d had no answers either, her sense of loyalty to Laura had nothing to do with it, she simply had no idea. Sometimes she stopped in when Ryder was somewhere else, sneaking me food that didn’t originate from the hospital canteen. We became firm friends over The Boardwalk’s chocolate cake.
Laura consumed my thoughts far more than was likely healthy. Since I’d married Stella, I’d never looked at another woman, never mind my cock twitching at the sight of one. On night’s out, holidays, stag do’s, casual fuck me glances from beautiful women - not a peep. My blood had sizzled for my wife only. When Stella’s games and lies began to unfold, the constant hard on I’d had for her did a disappearing act. After the humiliation of being tied to a bed and beaten, then fucked against my will, it was enough for the man downstairs to shrivel and hide forever. Abuse of that kind kills many a thing, sex doesn’t enter the equation anymore.
Stella hadn’t managed to kill me, but she’d broken me. There was a reason she hadn’t finished the job years ago and landed the jackpot, I couldn’t quite figure it out. I’d no doubt her sticking the kitchen knife into my chest was a last-ditch attempt at making things go her way. Too bad for her I’m still here.
I loved my wife - past tense. And Laura had nothing to do with those feelings diminishing, that was all Stella. Laura was a woman I could see in my future, I wanted her in my life one way or another, I’d need to fight for her. From the minute I’d seen her she’d caught me with those big, brown eyes. I wasn’t for walking away, no matter where it took me. A gut gnawing rumble inside was telling me that Laura was going to change everything. Stella may have shredded me, but I realised I wasn’t cynical enough to think I couldn’t have a second chance at life. I had to work it out, get it straight in my head and make her see the same thing I did. I wasn’t a quitter and Laura would see that soon enough.
“Hey.” Ryder breezed in some ten minutes later. “Nurse is coming to take that shit out your hand, bro.”
I glanced down at the cannula, the bruising green and yellow, and thanked him for the info. He clapped his hand across my shin as he ambled to the chair Stella had been sitting in not long before. He twitched his nose like the air was polluted and I smirked.
“Home tomorrow.” He grinned at me. “How you feeling? R
eady for it?”
I rubbed at my shorn hair. “Could do with a hat.” He eyed the side of my head, unamused.
“I’ve brought clothes in, bring you a hat tomorrow, dude.”
Ryder was a godsend, the other half of my sanity most days. “Cheers bro, I owe you.”
He waved me off. “Don’t talk daft, you owe me nothing. Recap for me?”
“You gonna be my nursemaid, Ryder?” I grinned at him while he levelled me with a stare. “All right, fuck. Swallowing is better, no headaches, itchy fucking stitches. Good enough?” I gritted my teeth when a jolt of pain shot through my chest.
Stella hadn’t aimed too well, thankfully missing my heart. Still, a chest wall puncture was no laughing matter, the pain excruciating at times. I wasn’t tanked up on a shit load of meds because I didn’t like that crap. It was a case of grin and bear it if I could. I was in decent health; good enough shape and it was making recovery a bit easier. Physical therapy was helping as well but I had to go easy and not open what they’d closed in surgery. My antibiotics had been done days ago and there was no sign of a chest hernia or any residual infections from the intubation. I was a-okay!
If only...
“I swear to you, Lucca, this better be the last fucking time that bitch lays a hand on you,” he said angrily.
“Ryder, hey...” I tried to calm my voice. “No going back, I promise.”
I wondered how many other times throughout the years Ryder had sat and agonised over things Stella had done to me. He’d been by my side for all those trips to the hospital or doctors. How many times had he reined his temper in because I’d begged him to? How many times had he watched from the side-lines, only to let Stella walk away against his better judgement? I’d been a shitty friend, I was ashamed I’d dragged him through my mess of a marriage without a second thought, I’d taken my friend for granted.
“I’m sorry.”
My emotions got the better of me. We didn’t hide from each other, ever, I was thankful for it. I cringed at the plain truth of it all; I’d put aside Ryder and his concerns in lieu of making my sham of a marriage to Stella work. Except it hadn’t - ever.
“What’s done is done, Lucca.” He watched me as I shifted uncomfortably in the bed. “Time to move on. Fresh start. It’s all there waiting for you. Put Stella to ground, then move the fuck on.” His voice was low and steady, full of determination.
He rose from the seat and came at me, his hand gripped the back of my neck as he leaned down and tugged my forehead against his. “You scared the shit out of me. I love you, but it’s time to live, bro.”
I gripped his wrist and closed my eyes soaking up all that was this amazing man. I’d never known anyone like him. I shuddered when I thought about the ten-year-old boy I’d met almost thirty years ago on a pebbled Brighton beach. Life could have been so very different for my best friend. I sent silent thanks to my father, who, for once in his wretched life, did something right for a change.
“I love you too, bro.” I pushed him away playfully. “Now stop being a pussy and catch me up on shit. I can’t wait to get the hell out of here.”
* * *
The fresh air was glorious, chilly but refreshing, even if it did catch my breath. I wanted out of the stupid wheelchair that was hospital policy for patients when they were leaving. I scowled at the porter pushing me, he knew I could walk fine. As soon as we breached the sliding doors of the entrance, I told the porter to stop and I stood up, Ryder at my side.
“Let’s go home.”
Home we went, back to Beaufort. Back to the rented house where Stella had attacked me. Back to the house I had every intention of buying. I was making my own roots, I’d never felt more settled than I did when I walked through the front door. I was finally home.
The kitchen had been scrubbed by who I didn’t know. I noticed some things missing but I brushed it off. Whatever Stella had taken or smashed during the ‘break-in,’ she was welcome to. Possessions made no difference, they could be replaced easily. I was safe in the knowledge she hadn’t penetrated the safe where the important stuff was, and that was all that mattered. No point in being annoyed over replaceable items. I didn’t care.
Ayden, and his best friend Jake, were there. Ryder had moved them both down while I lay up in hospital, driving back up north with Jake and packing up the rest of their dorm. He’d hauled down the last of his belongings with the boys’ stuff. Ayden refused to go to the house, the one I’d shared with Stella. We’d sort it in the future, or maybe not; depending on what Stella had or hadn’t trashed. I had little confidence she’d left Ayden’s stuff alone, there was no way he was going back himself.
Taylor rallied round, not wanting me to strain myself, I let her get on with it believing it best not to argue with her. I watched Ryder slap her arse and kiss her cheek before she slipped into the kitchen. I could smell delicious aromas wafting through the house and I was suddenly ravenous; hospital food was awful, and I’d been eating it for too long. I craved whatever it was Taylor was cooking because I knew what her food tasted like.
We sat around the sizeable table in the dining room and tucked into a big bowl of creamy pasta with gusto. Guess I wasn’t the only one with hunger issues. Everything was normal. Easy. Relaxed. While I was more than happy to be home I couldn’t help but scan the table to figure out what was missing.
Laura.
Laura was missing. For her never having set foot in my house before, it was surprising how much it bothered me she wasn’t here with us.
“Where’s Laura?”
Taylor studied her plate, Ryder shifted in his seat, Jake kept eating. Only Ayden was focusing on me.
“She’s not here, dad,” he said.
“I can see that. Where is she?”
“She had some things to do.” I swung my head toward Taylor and stared at her, more than likely glaring, cos she was lying for sure. “Fine, she won’t come.”
Scanning around the table, all eyes were on me. Fuck it, time to make a move. I’d begged, I’d pleaded and now I was going to confront, then drag her arse back here so she could eat dinner with us. Among family and friends.
“She belongs here...” I growled as I got up from my chair, anger tripping over me.
Not waiting for anyone to say anything or to follow, I walked out the house and jumped into my car. Shit! I had no keys. Dumbass. I wasn’t up for losing my steam and going back in the house. A sharp rap on the window got my attention and I jumped, seeing Taylor dangling keys from her fingers. I slid the window down and grabbed them from her hand.
“Thank you.”
“Go get her, Lucca.” She grinned and moved away from the side of the car.
I may have exceeded the speed limit more than once on my trip through town, but I didn’t give a shit. I was off to get my woman, nothing was stopping me.
Taylor
“You gave him his keys?”
I pushed back down into the chair at the table. “Yeah.”
“Will he be all right? Shouldn’t someone go after him?” Ayden worried across from me.
“Leave them to it. They need to sort their shit out.”
Ryder forked another mouthful of pasta into his mouth. I swore the man shovelled his food like it was his last bite. Jake was doing the same, uninterested in the shenanigans.
“My sister’s stubborn at times. Needs the confrontation before she pulls her head out her arse, believe me.”
“I like Laura,” Ayden said. “My dad does too.”
Ryder grunted, and I smirked. “I got that impression, Ayden.”
“She cares,” he added. “And that matters.”
“Of course she does. It’s not easy, for either of them, I imagine.” I wasn’t stepping on his toes by insulting his mother at this point.
Jake finished his food first and stood up from the table. “Should I wrap the pasta for Lucca?” He pointed to the dish in the middle of the table.
“Go ahead,” mumbled Ryder as Jake headed to the kitchen,
dish in hand. “Caveman will bring woman then eat.”
Ayden burst out laughing at his uncle. Ryder finished next and pushed his licked clean bowl away from him. “Your dad’s gonna be all right, dude.”
“I know,” Ayden agreed, discarding his bowl too. “I got a fright is all. I don’t want to see him like that again.”
Seeing his father at death’s door was bound to scare the boy. Ryder had been spending a lot of time with him while Lucca got fixed up in the hospital. I loved the relationship they had, it was beautiful, like Ayden had two dad’s all the time. I couldn’t help but wonder what Ryder would be like with his own children. Would he want that? Did I want that? I wasn’t sure, there were so many factors to consider and Laura was the biggest. I didn’t know if I could do that to my sister. I pushed the sour thought away.
“Won’t happen again, Ayden. I can promise you that.”
Ayden looked at Ryder, seeing something in his expression that satisfied him for the time being, and he nodded his head. “What do we do about him and Laura?”
I think the man boy liked the thought of his dad and my sister together, it warmed my heart he was on side. “Leave them to it buddy, they’ll work it out,” Ryder said from my side.
“Yeah but...” Ayden bit his lip, a tinge of colour catching on his cheeks, “...he’s only ever been with mum.”
“And that’s got you worried, why?”
He looked away embarrassed. I reached over and patted my hand on top of his. “Let them work it out, like Ryder says.”
It was Ayden’s turn to chuckle as he flipped his hand underneath mine and clasped hold of my fingers. “It’s going to be fun to watch. Nobody ruffles dad’s feathers,” he told me. “Laura’s managed it for sure.”
Ryder growled low, a warning I laughed at and squeezed Ayden’s hand tighter. My boyfriend’s possessive nature knew no bounds, even with family it appeared. I slapped at Ryder’s shoulder.
