The amusement in his eyes made her long for the days when she was the one who’d mattered most to him. Uncomfortable with her thoughts, her mirth vanished.
She pulled a scrap of paper out of her coat pocket and laid it on the counter. “The reason I’m here is to ask if you have the name and number of the man who made those custom-sized pans for me.”
“Ya.” He pulled out the tape measure and started working again.
“May I have it?”
“Now?”
She resisted laughing. “No. I could wait until you’re asleep tonight and toss a rock through your window.”
“Again?” He mocked gaping at her. “Didn’t we get into enough trouble the first time?”
“Uh, I didn’t get into trouble. Only you did. Actually, I think my Daed was quite proud that his only daughter could throw a rock that far and that hard at twelve years old.”
“What was the deal with you throwing a rock and me getting in trouble for it? I was asleep!”
“Mammi Beiler said it had to be your idea, and since you were older, I was totally under your influence.”
“Whatever,” he teased.
Her heart pounded, enjoying the nostalgia they so easily shared. She reminded herself of who he was and cleared her throat. “The man’s name and number?”
“Sure. Dennis Ogletree. I met him on a job site one time, and we’ve stayed in contact. He’s a machinist by trade. He can make the pans in less than a day once he gets to the project. I’m just glad to see a spark of life returning to your face.”
“Do not say the word spark to me, please.”
His familiar lopsided smile that held more compassion than humor sent fear running through her. Getting along with women came effortlessly to him, and she was a fool to be drawn in so easily.
A hint of a thought darted across his face before he took a wristwatch out of his pants pocket and glanced at it. He grabbed a carpenter’s pencil off the countertop.
While he wrote down the information, she noticed a small bucket filled with a bundle of fall flowers sitting on the floor near the washroom. Since it was the end of November, they had to come from a florist.
“Aw, Beth’s getting flowers from Jonah. How sweet.”
He glanced up, his face flushed. She hadn’t meant anything by her observation, but he certainly seemed uncomfortable.
He slid the paper across the counter toward her. “You should go call him now.”
“You think he’s home in the middle of the day?”
“You won’t know until you try.” He gestured toward the door, clearly trying to hurry her along.
She studied the measurements he’d jotted down under the name and phone number. “Are these the size pans I should order?”
“It’s what I ordered before.”
“Denki.” She put the paper into her pocket while going toward the door.
“No problem.”
When she went outside, she saw a car pull up near the house. She continued down the steps and toward the store. The driver tooted the horn and hopped out. She had short black hair and wore dangly gold earrings and a bright red sweater with a yellow and red scarf. She was stunning, and Mattie couldn’t help but think that she strongly resembled the girl Mattie had caught Gideon with three years ago. But she was too young to be Ashley.
“Is Gideon here?” she asked Mattie.
His desire to hurry her out the door suddenly made perfect sense. He didn’t want her to know he was still seeing Englischer girls. She’d kept her mouth shut about it when they broke up. Did he think she’d make trouble for him now by telling the church leaders or his family? It was broad daylight, and he wasn’t exactly sneaking around, so people had to know, didn’t they? “He’s inside.”
The girl reached in and tooted the horn again. He came out onto the porch, the container of flowers in hand.
“Oh, they’re beautiful!” She scurried up the steps and threw her arms around his neck.
Mattie’s eyes caught Gideon’s, and she wondered if he had any idea how disappointing his behavior was. Would he ever mature and either join the faith or leave it? And would she ever grow out of caring?
Gideon got into Sabrina’s car. She maneuvered the flowers as she climbed behind the wheel, then passed them to him and started the engine. Soon they were pulling onto the road.
The look in Mattie Lane’s eyes made him want to slither away. Living a lie was so much easier when she wasn’t here to see him. If his life had gone down the path he’d expected, she would have understood the reason for what he did to her, and she would have forgiven him.
Sabrina held out her hand, palm up. “We don’t see each other often enough.”
He put his hand in hers and squeezed it before letting go.
“So who was the cute blond chick?”
“Chick?” He tried to sound jovial. “Is your generation using that word now?”
“My generation? You’re not that old.”
He couldn’t think of one humorous thing to say, and he only had the energy to be honest. “I feel old.”
“Yeah, Ashley used to say that too.”
Weariness engulfed Gideon as he remembered his friend.
Sabrina pulled into the cemetery and parked the car. “I can’t believe it’s been two years.” She gripped the steering wheel and stared at the headstones. “It’s so unfair.”
He got out and went around to her side of the vehicle. After opening her door, he passed her the flowers. “Kumm.”
They ambled through the beige grass, and dried leaves crunched under their feet. When they came to Ashley’s headstone, Sabrina removed an old arrangement and replaced it with the new one. “We didn’t forget you.” She brushed her fingertips along the top of the headstone. “We’ll never forget,” she whispered. She moved to Gideon’s side and wrapped her arms around him. “Do you still miss my sister?”
“Not the same way you do, but ya.”
“Nothing was ever the same after she was diagnosed.”
He squeezed her tight. Even now, in spite of how much they’d talked about Ashley and her painful journey, Sabrina couldn’t manage to say the word leukemia. “How’s your family?”
“Coping better, but a piece of everyone who loved her died when she did.”
“I know.”
His heart had never been heavier.
If he explained his motives and reasoning to Mattie for what he did, she’d feel differently, and maybe she’d regain a tiny measure of respect for him. But he wouldn’t do it. He refused to chance opening a door for her to return … or to risk watching her learn the truth and then not come back to him.
Sabrina tugged on his coat. “Come on. I’ll let you buy me lunch at Zook’s.”
The weathered headstones stood stark and lonely as he and Sabrina drove toward the exit, and suddenly he was filled with a desire to grab on to life while he still could. But such longings weren’t meant for people with a death sentence. What could be gained by reaching for something he couldn’t hold on to?
Even as he asked himself that question, he knew the truth—he didn’t want to take hold of something for forever. Only God knew how many days he had on this earth. Gideon trusted Him with the keeping of every sunrise, sunset, and all that was in between. He trusted Him concerning every battle, and he knew the power of the Cross. Those were the big issues, and Gideon had peace concerning his days and the end of them, but that aside, he still craved one thing—a little time with Mattie.
Sol stood in the tiny shed he called a workshop, behind his Daed’s house, hammering out his frustrations by attaching stringers to yet another pallet. But his mind wasn’t on the work. His thoughts lingered on Mattie … or, more accurately, on what Katie King had told him yesterday about her.
Mattie had been gone less than a week, and he felt all out of sorts. Displaced, he guessed. He had to talk to her, if just to regain his bearings. Yesterday he’d gone to King’s Harness Shop to use their phone and call her at her Mamm’s.
But no one answered.
While he was there, Katie had braved the cold winds to walk from her house to her Daed’s shop so she could tell him some news about Mattie.
“I was helping Daed, and I couldn’t help but overhear the conversation when James Eash stopped by to call his mother.” Katie had smoothed her dress time and again. “In response to something his Mamm said, James said it was hard to believe that Mattie and Gideon were able to work in the same house together.”
When she’d said those words, Sol had felt a storm of emotions he couldn’t begin to decipher.
“That struck me as an odd conversation. I know I’ve heard James mention that name before, but I don’t know who Gideon is. Do you know him?”
After swallowing hard, Sol had said, “We’ve met.”
“James also said he wasn’t surprised that Gideon was doing whatever he could to help her replace all her pans.”
Sol’s jumbled emotions had funneled into one: irritation. First the man broke her heart, and then when she was clearly in a relationship with someone else, he decided to treat her right. “Maybe I should visit Mattie … make sure she’s doing okay.”
“That’s sweet, Sol.”
“I hope I can find a driver on such short notice.”
“You know, my family’s going to Lancaster tomorrow. Daed has some business there, and the rest of the family is going to visit relatives. We have to go through Apple Ridge on the way.”
“Think your Daed would mind if I hitched a ride with you and your family?”
She’d grinned. “I know he won’t. He’s got an order to drop off at your Daed’s place. He could do that tomorrow and pick you up while he’s there.”
Tired of replaying yesterday’s events over and over, Sol put another board on the pallet and nailed it into place. There was no way Mattie would get involved with Gideon again.
Was there?
Through the tiny window of the shed, Sol saw a large white van pull into his Daed’s driveway. The driver turned off the engine and leaned back, waiting for his passengers to disembark.
Benuel King, Katie’s Daed, got out of the van, and his wife and five children followed suit. Sol’s father came out of the house, and the two men opened the back of the van and pulled out two leather horse collars and the rigging, which they carried to the barn. Katie’s Mamm and four siblings went inside the house with Sol’s mother.
Katie stood on the driveway, looking at him through the shed window. She pointed at herself and then his shed, asking if he minded her coming over. He hesitated but motioned to her. He didn’t want to talk with her, but she didn’t make him as nervous today, probably because he was in too foul a mood to care what she thought.
Katie meandered into the shed, her brown eyes studying every inch of the small room. “Do you always work with the doors open and the kerosene heater running in winter?”
He put the unfinished pallet under the workbench. “Most of the time,” he mumbled.
“You don’t like being closed in, do you?”
He hadn’t thought about it, but she was right. He shrugged rather than answer.
Katie shoved her hands into her coat pockets. “I shouldn’t have said anything to you about what I overheard James saying on the phone. I feel like such a gossip.”
“Why did you tell me?” Sol put his hammer on its peg to avoid looking at her.
“When Mattie first moved here, the single men went wild, all wanting a chance with the new girl. But it was obvious to me that she had her sights on you.”
Katie made him sound as if he were a buck grazing in an open field and Mattie had bagged him. He turned to her. “You sound jealous.”
She froze for a moment, and he could see remorse reflected in her eyes. “It’s true. I have been for so long, I guess I jumped at the first chance to make you see her in a bad light.” She closed the gap between them. “But I’m not a bad person, Sol. I’m not jealous because of her success or because she turned the heads of all the other guys. What bothers me is that you started talking to me before she butted in. After that, you never even noticed me.”
Three years ago it never dawned on him that Katie was interested in him. He’d thought she was just being her silly self, talking about nothing. Seemed odd she’d still be miffed about that, but he wasn’t interested—not then or now. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you felt that way.”
“Are you upset with Mattie over what I told you?”
“I’m not going to Apple Ridge because of some one-sided piece of a conversation you overheard. I just want to visit her.” He looked at Katie, realizing he no longer was the bundle of insecurity he’d always been around girls. For the first time he didn’t feel nervous and miserable. He felt confident, just as he did when sitting in Mattie’s cake shop talking to her.
He saw their Daeds returning from the barn and walked toward the door.
Katie grabbed the sleeve of his coat. “You let her hold too much power over you.”
Sol gently pulled her hand free of his coat. “You don’t look so good in green, Katie.”
Mattie hitched her Daed’s horse to a carriage and led the old girl to her front door. “Wait right here.” She patted Jessie Bell’s head and hurried into the kitchen to grab her sample cakes and head for Beth’s.
Mamm stood at the table, wiping it down.
“Mamm, it’s clean. Go rest.” Mattie kissed her cheek. “Please.”
“There’s something sticky.” Mamm scrubbed a spot as if trying to remove tar. Her gray hair had lost its luster long ago, and her pale skin had deep lines. She didn’t need to stay in the kitchen the whole time Mattie was baking, but Mamm wouldn’t have it any other way.
Mamm had gotten up with her before dawn this morning, helping her look through the stack of cake magazines Mackenzie had sent with her. The glossy pages had all sorts of pictures of wedding cakes, and they’d poured hours into looking through them and flagging the ones to show Beth and Lizzy. None of the images quite matched what Mattie wanted to make for them, but it would give the brides-to-be a few ideas so she could begin to make plans.
Mamm had stayed by her side while she prepared four types of cakes and frostings. Mattie intended to surprise Lizzy, Beth, and Jonah with samples of flavors she could make for their big day. She planned on stopping by Omar’s on her way to the store to see if he could come to this surprise tasting too.
Taste-testing events were fun. The couples tended to enjoy each flavor of cake and frosting. But then they had to keep tasting and talking about the cakes until they could decide which one was their favorite.
She’d made Beth and Lizzy each a cake from a favorite flavor of theirs, then she’d added Belgian chocolate and buttercream filling to one and chocolate ganache with vanilla pastry-cream filling to the other. After that she made two cakes from flavors that were a bit more romantic in her estimation—an orange coconut cake with orange syrup and buttercream icing, and an apricot-praline cake with Bavarian cream filling.
Mamm had watched, cleaned up after her, and even offered suggestions, but she didn’t have the energy to keep up with someone Mattie’s age.
When Mamm stopped scrubbing her table, Mattie took the rag from her and put it in the sink. “Kumm.” She took her by the hand and led her into the living room. “You prop up your feet and read awhile, okay?”
Mattie counted each year that her Mamm lived as a blessing, one she never took for granted. But sometimes they were too close for their own good. Moving away after she and Gideon had broken up hadn’t been easy, but it’d been good for both of them.
Mamm had nearly died when Mattie was sixteen. She’d spent months in the hospital, battling lupus, and she’d had some close calls after that. At the time, Mattie had stopped everything to become her caretaker. But Mamm had slowly regained her strength, and she’d been holding her own since then.
Mamm slapped the arms of the chair. “Oh, I should go to the grocery store and get more supplies for you while you’re at Beth’s.�
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“You’ve done plenty. I’ll get whatever we need.” She didn’t know how to handle the next few weeks where she’d need days of long hours to get Beth’s and Lizzy’s cakes made, but working in Mamm’s kitchen wasn’t the answer.
“Mattie,” Mamm fussed, “the grocer is in the opposite direction of Hertzlers’.”
“I know that, and I’m fine.” She passed her a paperback book. “Promise me you’ll rest.”
Mamm’s blue eyes stayed steady on her. “You’re the one who was injured. And you’re dealing with the shock of your shop burning.”
Mattie sat on the ottoman near Mamm’s feet. “Look me in the eyes. Do I appear to be falling apart?”
She shook her head. “No, but I heard you crying a few times after you crawled into bed.”
“But the busier I stay, the better I feel, as long as I know I’m not wearing you out while I do it, okay?”
“You’re sure you don’t need me to—”
“I’m positive. What I need is for you to trust me.”
Mamm patted her knee. “You always were a sweetheart.”
“You too.” Mattie squeezed her hand and returned to the kitchen.
She grabbed her mother’s four cake carriers before getting into her carriage and heading to Hertzlers’ Dry Goods. She’d ordered the pans from Mr. Ogletree Saturday evening, and he’d said she could pick them up at Lizzy’s place after lunch today. So Beth and Lizzy were expecting her, which was good, but the cake-tasting venture would be a complete surprise.
A few hours after the deliverymen installed the gas-powered refrigerator and oven, Gideon finished hanging the last door. His joints ached, and a bone tiredness that he hadn’t experienced in a long time wearied him. Maybe he was pushing himself too hard to finish this house, or maybe his symptoms were recurring. He’d beaten all the odds, and every routine medical test said he’d been clear of cancer for more than a year, but his kind of leukemia could come back at any time without warning.
The Christmas Singing Page 7
