by Tasha Black
“You look great too, Ava,” he said warmly, ignoring her awkwardness. “Especially for someone who just traveled from Glacier City. Come on in.”
He stepped back and she followed him in.
“Something smells amazing,” she said, wondering if it was a candle, or maybe some sort of canned air freshener.
The sound of the children squealing was louder now that she was inside.
“I just pulled some baked French toast out of the oven,” Dax said. “Hopefully you’re not one of those no-carbs people.”
“I’m very much pro-carbs,” she said, impressed. “I actually brought you guys these cinnamon buns. Though they seem kind of underwhelming now.”
She handed him the box.
“Oh, wow, they’re from Kelly’s place, aren’t they?” Dax looked delighted. “These are our favorite. Thank you so much.”
She smiled, glad it hadn’t been a total mistake.
“Come meet the babies,” he told her.
His words triggered a sudden pang of sadness, not over her friend, but over her own ruined ovaries.
Ava had needed cancer treatment quickly and there was no time to harvest and preserve eggs. Though she had no husband or reason to think she’d have a family in the future, she still went through moments of intense sadness about her lost fertility. It was often at times when she least expected it - times like this.
She followed Dax into the family room. The space was bright and sunny as there were no walls between the family room, kitchen and dining area.
Toys and board books covered the floor. There were matching baby swings and two jumperoos. The dining table was set with four chairs and two highchairs.
In the center of the floor, one blonde-haired baby clung to the outside of a cardboard box, crowing with glee.
Inside the box, a nearly identical blond baby chuckled and slapped the floor of the box with a little hand.
“Hey, babies,” Dax said.
They looked up at him, smiles of adoration illuminating their faces.
“Da,” one of them said.
“This is Ava,” he told them. “Ava, this is Maddie standing up, and that’s Mason in the box.”
“Hi guys,” Ava said, letting go of her suitcase and crouching on the floor. “You look just like your parents.”
And they did. She recognized Jill’s dimples, though they truly resembled their father in most ways.
Mason looked down, suddenly shy.
Maddie took a wobbly step closer and smiled at her, showing off her tiny teeth and accentuating those adorable dimples.
“They really like that book,” Dax said, pointing at a copy of a Maurice Sendak classic. “If you want to read to them, they would love it. Mason will warm up fast if you’re a good reader.”
“That doesn’t scare them?” she asked, looking at the monsters on the cover.
“Give them funny voices,” he suggested. “I’m just going to scramble up a couple of eggs and we’ll eat. Is that okay?”
“Of course,” she said, feeling pleased that she could at least help by reading to the kids. “Do you guys want to read this one?”
“Wah-oh Yump-ee,” Maddie said, stomping her little feet with delight.
Mason peeked up at her.
“That’s right, Maddie,” Dax said. “Wild rumpus. Read it with Ava.”
Ava opened the book and began.
By the time she was finished Maddie was murmuring some of the words along with her and Mason was sitting on her lap.
His warm weight felt so good.
There was no way to be anything but one hundred percent in the moment with these two. It was refreshing to be so focused on them that no other worries could invade.
She was surprised when she looked up from the book to see that Dax was sitting at the table, several steaming dishes at its center.
“Are you ready to eat?” he asked.
“Sure,” she said.
“Yay,” Mason yelled in a sweet baby voice.
“Yay,” Dax agreed with him. “This is going to be a really good breakfast.”
Ava got up and watched him strap the kids into the matching highchairs.
“Sit, eat,” Dax encouraged her. “Meals are kind of an active thing for me with the kids, so you can’t stand on ceremony.”
“Can I help you?” she asked.
“Oh, we have a routine,” he said. “Don’t worry. How was your trip?”
Mason yelped and slammed his chubby fist on the tray of the highchair.
“Are you hungry, buddy?” Dax asked him as he put a bib on him.
“Da,” Mason agreed.
“Eeeeeeeeeet,” Maddie squealed excitedly.
“Yeah, baby, we’re going to eat, don’t worry,” Dax told her as he secured her bib.
Ava watched in awe as Dax began cutting up baked French toast into tiny pieces for them at lightning speed, and then placing it on their trays a few bites at a time.
Mason gobbled his up as Dax served Maddie. He squawked imperiously for more as Dax cut the next few pieces.
Maddie’s was finished before she was served again too, and she banged on her tray, her mouth too full to yell.
“Dear God,” Ava murmured.
She grabbed a slice of French toast and cut it into tiny pieces and handed her plate to Dax. “Here you go.”
“Oh, wow, thanks,” he said. “They’re good eaters.”
She smiled at the obvious pride in his voice.
“Want to slice up some fruit for them?” He smiled at her hopefully and pointed to a plate of cantaloupe.
“Sure,” she said, glad to help.
Together they cut up food as fast as they could and gave it to the children until the feeding frenzy was over, as suddenly as it had begun.
“Wow,” Ava said, watching the twins half-heartedly munch their last few pieces of fruit. “They eat more than you would think.”
“Yeah,” Dax said. “And you have to be so careful cutting things up and keeping an eye on them. Mason gave me a scare once trying to swallow a bite that was too big.”
Maddie chirped and ripped off her bib.
“Okay, princess, I hear you,” Dax laughed.
He took her out of her highchair and wiped her hands and mouth.
She clung to him with one hand and whacked his face approvingly with the other.
“Ouch,” Ava said sympathetically.
“She’s patting me. They don’t really know how to be gentle yet,” Dax explained. “Easy, baby,” he said fondly to Maddie, who chuckled at him.
He sat, holding Maddie and finally took a bite of his own breakfast.
“Oh man, that’s good,” he said, eyes closed. “Sorry. I’m not trying to compliment my own meal. I was just getting pretty hungry.”
“No worries,” Ava said. “It is good. And I’ll bet you are hungry. It looks like they keep you busy.”
He nodded and took another bite.
Mason made a growling noise and flung a piece of fruit from his tray onto the floor.
“Somebody else is ready to get out,” Dax laughed.
“Oh, let me,” Ava said, already out of her chair. “Can I hold you, baby?”
Mason eyed her suspiciously.
After a moment he put his arms up, as if he had decided she was okay. His eyes were still solemn.
“Wow, look at that,” Dax said. “He’s usually shy with new people. You made a real friend.”
Ava pulled out the tray like she had seen Dax do, and carefully unbuckled Mason’s straps.
“Ready?” she asked him.
“Uh,” he agreed.
She scooped him up, marveling at the solid weight of him. He was small but so satisfying to hold.
He butted his head into her chest once and then relaxed.
She leaned down to nuzzle his hair without thinking about it.
He smelled incredible, like French toast and baby powder.
Too soon for Ava, he began to wiggle.
She put
him down and he toddled off unsteadily.
“They’re amazing, Dax,” Ava said, looking after Mason. “You’re doing an incredible job with them.”
“Thank you,” he said. “I feel really lucky to be their dad. They keep me out of trouble.”
Ava laughed in spite of herself.
Mason painstakingly picked up the book she had read to them earlier and carried it back to her with a grin so big his cheeks practically covered up his eyes.
“Mmmmmm-ak,” he announced, handing Ava the book.
“Yes, this book is about Max,” she told him. “Do you want to read it again?”
“Es,” he said, nodding his little head up and down.
“Want to sit on my lap?” she asked hopefully.
He put his arms up in reply.
She lifted him and sat him on her knee, then began to read again. This time, he leaned back against her chest and absentmindedly twirled her hair around his finger as she read.
When she looked up, Dax wore a dreamy sort of expression, and his eyes were moist.
“Sorry,” he said gruffly. “It’s nice to see them with you.”
She heard his unspoken words. He had probably been picturing Jill across the table from him holding his son instead of Ava.
“It’s nice to be with them,” she told him sincerely.
“Well, I guess you probably want to get settled,” Dax said. “I never even showed you your room. You just jumped right into the trenches with us.”
“I like it in the trenches,” she said. “But sure, I’d love to see my room.”
“Absolutely,” he told her. “Hop down, Mason. I’m going to show Ava her bedroom.”
Mason industriously climbed out of her lap.
Dax placed Maddie down too and went over to a stack of soft blocks. “Want to play with blocks?”
The kids headed over and he closed a plastic gate around them.
“I try to keep them contained if I leave the room even for a minute,” he said. “Though they’ve gotten too smart for me.”
“How could they get out of that?” Ava asked, looking at the latch, which seemed to need an adult sized hand to release.
“Maddie has climbed on Mason to get over the top twice before,” Dax said, laughing.
“Twins are hard,” Ava said appreciatively.
“But fun,” Dax said. “And they’ll always have each other.”
He picked up her suitcase and she followed him up the stairs.
The stairway was dark and narrow and so was the hall above.
He led her to a room at the front of the house and when he opened the door, she saw it was sun-drenched and spacious with a view of the tree-lined street.
“Sorry, there are so many books and toys in here,” Dax said, indicating a play mat and a large bookshelf that seemed to be bursting with picture books. “The whole house is slowly turning into a playroom for the twins.”
“It’s very cheerful,” Ava said. “Thank you.”
“Well, spread out and relax,” Dax said.
“Will do,” she told him. “I’ll be down in a little while.”
“Take your time. And thank you for coming,” he said, his voice deep and grateful.
“It’s good to be here,” she told him again.
He nodded and stepped out, pulling the door shut behind him.
Ava took her shoes off slowly and decided to stretch out on the bed for a just minute.
Travel wore her out more than it used to. Everything seemed to wear her out.
But today it was a happy kind of tired. She was thrilled to see the kids doing well and Dax so relaxed and easy with them.
Helping him make a great plan for their future felt like the best use of her years of education and experience that she could possibly imagine.
As Ava drifted off, she heard the happy sounds of singing and laughter coming from the rooms below.
4
Dax
Dax dried the last dish and then looked around in satisfaction. The babies were sleeping, and the house was quiet. Another day was winding down.
The only trouble was that Ava had been up in her room since he’d shown it to her in the late morning.
He hoped she was okay. It felt odd to check on her like she was a little kid. Maybe she’d just been overwhelmed by all the action when she’d first arrived. He sometimes forgot that life with twins wasn’t what people were used to.
As if he’d called to her, he heard the click of a door upstairs and then water running.
It hit him that she hadn’t had lunch or dinner. He headed back to the refrigerator to fix a plate of leftovers to warm up for her.
She padded quietly down the stairs just as he was taking it out of the microwave.
“Perfect timing,” he told her. “Did you have a good rest?”
“Too good,” she said, looking embarrassed. “I’m really sorry I slept so long.”
“Don’t be silly,” he told her, placing her plate on the table. “I’m glad you felt at home enough here to get a nap. Especially with all the noise we make.”
“That’s happy noise,” she said smiling. “And I get worn out more easily these days because of the treatments. I used to be able to do more, but now a lot of things kick my butt.”
“I’m sorry,” Dax said. “That must be infuriating.”
He felt like a fool for letting her exhaust herself like that.
“Yeah, it is infuriating,” she said, with a twinkle in her eyes. “You know, most people just say, it must be so hard, as if all I could feel is sadness. But it pisses me off. I used to be a runner.”
Dax nodded. It had been the same when he lost Jill. He was sad, but also so angry.
“Maybe you’ll run again one day,” he told her.
“Maybe,” she said. But she didn’t sound convinced.
“Are you back at work?” he asked, sure that she’d be happy to talk about work. Jill had always said how dedicated Ava was to her job.
“Not yet,” she said. “I took a year of medical leave. I wanted to have all my energy to fight my illness. Now that I’m in remission, they don’t seem too eager to have me back.”
“That’s bullshit,” Dax said, shocked. “Is that even legal?”
“Probably not,” she replied. “Which is why they won’t say it out loud, but I get the message loud and clear. If I go back, they won’t be giving me a decent client load. And I guess the hours and stress aren’t good for me now anyway.”
“So what are you going to do?” Dax asked. “Find something less stressful? I have to say, when you have kids it’s nice not to clock so many hours if you don’t have to.”
She bit her lip. “I, um, I won’t be having any kids.”
He gazed at her, stunned. She seemed to love kids, she had gotten right on the floor with Mason and Maddie.
She smiled at him. “I know that sounds harsh. I like kids. But my treatment impacted my fertility. I’m not in a relationship, and I’m in my thirties, so chances weren’t great I would be having kids anyway - married to my job and all.” She gave him a half-smile.
He hated that self-deprecating humor. It was total bullshit that Ava couldn’t have kids if she wanted them.
“I know I’m not supposed to say you could adopt,” he said, searching for words, but needing to tell her how he felt. “I’m not really sure what I am supposed to say. I guess it was really easy to picture you with kids in your life, after seeing how great you were with the twins.”
“You said the right thing,” Ava said with a smile. “And your twins are exceptional - that’s on them - not me.”
“Let me grab you a drink,” he said. “Would you like wine, beer, soda?”
“Water would be great,” she told him.
He headed to the kitchen for a glass of water for her. When he came back, she was eating her dinner with gusto.
“You’re an amazing cook,” she told him.
“Thanks,” he said. “My mother-in-law taught me a lot and I rea
lly enjoy it.”
“Does Carol come by a lot?” Ava asked.
“She sure does,” Dax said. “If she weren’t still working, I think she’d be here every day.”
“Wow, it would be great if she could watch the twins for you,” Ava said, looking up from her plate.
“I don’t really want that,” Dax admitted. “I like being home with them. Actually, that’s part of the reason I’m glad you’re here.”
“You want to stay home with them?” Ava asked.
She looked curious - no judgement.
“Yeah,” he said. “I’d love to stay with them until they start pre-school at least. I feel bad that their mom isn’t around. I want to be here for them as much as possible.”
“How many more years is that?” Ava asked.
He could hear the note of professional interest in her voice.
“Well, it’s another two years,” he said.
“And I remember you had enough savings for one year, but we’re beyond that now,” Ava said with a frown.
“Yes, fourteen months,” he told her. “But I’ve been careful. We’re still okay. But not for much longer.”
“I see,” Ava said.
“There are some assets I haven’t touched,” he told her. “Some of it is for the kids’ educations, and of course I won’t touch that. But I’ve got some other savings.”
“Let’s take a look,” Ava said, hopping up from the table and heading to the kitchen with her plate.
“No, no, please eat your dinner,” he said. “I’m so sorry to bring it up now. We have plenty of time.”
“The kids are asleep, right?” Ava asked. “Isn’t this the perfect time? Besides, you just gave me a finance problem. I’m going to go bananas if I can’t try and solve it. I might not be able to run, but my brain is still fit, and aching for a workout.”
She was telling the truth - his wolf could sense it.
“Okay, sure,” he told her. “What do you need from me?”
“We’re going to take your financial temperature. So, we’ll need all your accounts,” she said, her eyes sparkling. “Checking, savings, retirement, etc. And a list of all your assets too, anything you own besides money. And of course we’ll need a rundown of your debt as well as your regular expenses.”
“Okay, I’m on it,” he said, hopping up to grab his laptop.
