I sigh. “Betsy. This isn’t your fault. Everyone has been drinking. And, well, they’re right to assume. I am one of the women on Dominic’s show. That doesn’t excuse their behavior, but maybe it explains why they feel they can talk to me in such a way. Dominic is a good man. He really truly is.” The diplomatic response only causes her to wince and look at the floor.
“I may not agree with his show, but I knew all along. I’m glad you’re the one who stole his heart. You love him.”
I laugh. “I wouldn’t be so sure, Betsy. Dominic is fickle in that regard. We’re happy right now, but this isn’t our real life. Our real life is what you see on television. It feels odd to say that, because it is.” I pause, searching for the right word.
“It’s back asswards,” Betsy helpfully supplies. I nod and smile.
I run my hands through my long hair and examine myself in the large round mirror. “It’s false and it’s real at the same time. That’s his life. What he wants and if I want him I have to go along with it. I do love him.”
“He loves you. He doesn’t love anyone. Not even himself, but he loves you, Kayla. A mother knows these things. I haven’t seen the light in his eyes since he was a child before the accident with Aden.” My breathing speeds. This is my chance.
“What happened? Exactly. If you don’t mind my asking.” Her eyes glass over as she pulls the awful memory from the great beyond and a forced smile meets her lips.
“Aden fell out of a tree and broke his neck. Dominic watched it happen from the ground. Literally. He was making snow angels under the tree, watching Aden climb higher and higher. It was a quick death, of course, but he’s never been the same since. As you can imagine that takes a toll on a soul.” Betsy shakes her head, and I hug her hard. I embrace her like I’m hugging a tiny boy who lost his brother. A man who watched his brother fall to his death. Surely this memory must be something he pushes away. Can he even remember it anymore?
“That’s not why he’s like this,” I say into Betsy’s hair-sprayed hair. “That’s not why.” Maybe it is, but a mother doesn’t want to hear that. I told Franklin Reed that sexual predilections have nothing to do with personality. Do they, though? I like vanilla sex, but I’m willing to do whatever Dominic wants and admittedly, it always feels good. Better than good, but maybe it feels so out of this world because of Dominic and my feelings for him.
Dominic enters the small washroom, poking his head around the door. “Everything okay in here?” His hair is even more mussed than it was before, and his eyes are wary and tired. “I’m going to need the full story, Mama,” he says, willing his mother to tell him no. No one can refuse him. I realize this now. He avoids my gaze completely.
“I’m fine, Dominic. Don’t we need to get going?” I check the bracelet watch on my wrist. It’s glittering with diamonds. It’s another gift from Dominic. To match with my innocent gown that now looks like something out of a trashy porno. He eyes the slit and shakes his head.
“Let’s leave Kayla to herself for a few moments, and I’ll give you the dirty play-by-play in the hallway. She doesn’t need to hear your father’s nasty words a second time. God is going to smote that man one of these days,” she twangs, shaking her head furiously. I nod and return to gazing at myself in the mirror. He sneaks in quietly and wraps his arms around my back. Parting my hair, he places a soft kiss on the back of my neck and leaves me to my thoughts.
I don’t see my reflection in the glass. I see snow angels and beautiful, little boys with wings falling from the sky.
Chapter Sixteen
“Topple the king”
Kayla
The sub house holds less glamour now. Perhaps it’s because the Reed Estate was so magnificent, but it’s probably because my subconscious knows exactly what this house means for my relationship with Dom. I don’t even look at the schedule on my way down the hallway. I don’t want to know who he’s filming with next. I’m numb to my emotions now. It’s the body’s defense mechanism. If it’s my name on the schedule, I’m sure someone will come and get me for hair and makeup.
Dominic tried to persuade me that everything would be okay on the private flight back to the studio, but I wasn’t biting. Somewhere in between his brother’s broken face and the story of Aden’s death, I detached myself from this whole situation. I dropped my suitcase and crawled into my bed wearing a pair of hot pink thongs and a matching lace bra. A knock at the door breaks me from an almost nap. “Come in!” I yell. I miss Dominic so much it hurts. I miss the man I met last weekend, though. The man he is here isn’t the same. He hasn’t even dropped by to visit me.
“Kayla, they need you in the confessional room for filming. Bad timing, but you were…gone. It’s supposed to be after the punishment scene from last week,” Laurel says. Popping my head out of the covers, I sit up.
I run my fingers through my tangled hair. “What? Like it just happened?” I rub my eyes.
“Well, you didn’t go there after you filmed the scene, and we need the footage.”
I shake my head. To relive that will be a literal nightmare. “I’ll be down in ten minutes.” I know better than to argue with her.
One wiry eyebrow rises. “Hair and makeup first, please. Tell them heavy, but wearing off. Just how they did it for that scene.” Dominic hates me in makeup. It makes it easier for him to pretend I’m someone I’m not if I’m wearing a lot. He told me this after the fact. It’s odd because I feel like I look like a ten-year-old without makeup. Fuck, maybe that’s a thing. His brother died as a child. I shake my head. My thoughts are out of control. My life is out of control.
When I’m primped, preened, and wearing the same black lingerie as I was that night, it’s easy to pretend I’m upset. I am. Just for a different reason. The tears fall immediately as I step into the dark red room and take my seat on the golden bench. The camera zooms in on my face, just in time to see a tear fall down my face. I’m back to pretending. Sort of.
“I can’t believe he did this to me,” I cry to the camera. “He broke me. Hearing him and watching him with another woman destroyed me.” I sob. “I want to be his only one. I want him so much. He killed me. I can’t forgive him for his. I won’t.” I make sure my gaze is sad as I bat my false eyelashes at the camera. I swallow down the emotion this brings up and cry some more pretty tears before I exit the room in my black undergarments. I forgot a robe, but it doesn’t matter. This is my costume in this twisted world. I run directly into a blond woman.
Dominic is standing next to her. “Kayla,” Dominic says. His voice breaks on the last syllable. My gaze flicks toward his voice. His magnificence never dulls. The sight of his worried face forces a pang in my chest. He reaches a hand out, but thinks better of it and lets it hang by his side. I can almost pretend I feel his touch against my cheek. It burns.
“Hi,” I say, wiping underneath my eyes. His eyes widen when he sees my face and my attire—he’s putting the pieces together. “I just wrapped a confessional scene. One we missed after our last…scene.”
The woman on his arm smiles widely and leans forward like an unrestrained puppy. “This is Suzie. She’ll be on a few episodes. We introduced her at dinner last night, but you weren’t around,” he says. Leaving my room wasn’t an option. I’m glad I didn’t have to endure another second with another woman.
Suzie extends her hand. I wipe under my eyes again, catching the mascara stained tears on my finger. “I’m Dominic’s ex-girlfriend,” she says. My eyes widen. I don’t take her hand, no. There’s no fucking way. How much more can they possibly put me through? Dominic looks like he wants to take me in his arms, but people are around. He can’t.
“She’s my ex-submissive. Not my ex-girlfriend,” Dominic corrects. Suzie flicks an odd gaze at the side of Dominic’s face. Confusion? I don’t care.
“I’m Kayla Grayson. Nice to meet you, Suzie. I don’t shake hands when I’m wearing thongs. If you’ll excuse me, please, I have somewhere to be.” I fidget with the sides of my panties. Dominic
bites his lower lip as he watches. “Sir,” I say when he meets my eyes. I nod. Reluctantly, he nods back—desire flaming to life behind his dreamy eyes.
“It was nice to meet you. Sir has told me all about you,” Suzie says to my back. I hold up my hand to acknowledge her words and continue down the hallway. I pass intern Tim in an office to the right. I smile at him weakly, and he raises his hand in a small wave.
I’m going to need more than a few games of rummy to deal with the new turn of events.
****
I’m minding my own business, a game of solitaire spread in front of me on the carpet. I’ve finished reading all of my syllabuses for my upcoming classes in Cambridge. I’ve occupied as much time as I can possibly occupy without searching for Dominic and throwing myself into his arms. Suzie, the ex of some sort, knocks on my bedroom door. Thinking it was intern Tim, I told her to come in. She’s been here for a few hours and shows no signs of going anywhere. First I taught her how to play poker and then she showed me how to contour my face. Dominic’s name hasn’t been mentioned once, but I know it’s coming. I see it in her eyes. She’ll open her mouth to say something and then close it again. How much has Dom told her about me? About our relationship? It’s none of her business. When I asked what she wants and why she’s in my space, she looked upset. Like I was the one intruding.
I have on a pair of red knee socks and my old grungy Harvard sweatshirt I’ve had since I was thirteen years old—when it was merely a glimmer in my eye. It falls to my mid-thigh. Thanks to Suzie I’m now wearing a full complement of makeup as well.
“You can talk to me, you know. About him. I’m sure you have questions. He told me you’re special, Kayla,” she says during a lull in rummy. Her slim, tan legs are folded underneath her body. Her bleached blond hair is pulled into a high ponytail. I see her black bra through her white raglan tee. She’s beautiful in every sense of the word. Of course. How could I expect Dominic to keep anything less than beautiful in his world?
I clear my throat. “I’ll be honest. I’m just tired. This competition is tiring, Suzie. I don’t know which way is up anymore. I don’t know what to do.”
“He’s different now. He’s not the same person he was when we were together.” She scoots closer to me.
Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes. “One person isn’t capable of changing someone, Suzie. So, if you’re about to offer that I’ve changed him in some earth-shattering, mind, body, and spirit, you’re wrong. That stuff only happens in the movies. In real life, the Dominant picks a submissive, and everyone else goes on their merry way. Humans don’t change each other. Only you can change you. If you think he’s different, then perhaps he’s decided to make a change in himself. I’m merely a pawn in this game, okay? He’s this strong, herculean, beautiful man, and I’m just me.” I didn’t mean to let sad, mean Kayla out to play, but I’m sick of pretending.
“I’m not very smart, but I disagree. I think humans affect each other for both positive and negative. You’ve made him better. It is definitely a positive change.”
I scoff, lay down three kings, and discard the two of hearts. “In this short amount of time? No one can topple the king in that amount of time. I just want to make it out of this alive.”
Suzie looks like she wants to say something. “Go on, tell me,” I prod.
“He wants to film a scene with the harem. Including you. I guess it’s one of your hard limits, though.” She runs a hand through her ponytail. It’s a self-conscious gesture. She smiles, showing me her perfectly whitened teeth. “Well, I heard him talking with the producers and that’s what they want before the final dismissal scene.” She lays a king down on her side, and then discards another two. I pick both of the twos up.
“I don’t know if I can watch him with the other two at this point. It’s more than I can handle. Especially with a camera trained on my face, waiting for a reaction. It will make me crazy. How dare he even suggest that?” It’s down to Jessy, Christine, and me. Both of the other girls are similar to each other—submissives down to the core. I don’t particularly hate either one, but there’s no way I’m tossing my name into the friendship circle with them. Does he expect me to be intimate with the other women? The shock factor of that would be great for ratings, I have to admit. I care about ratings because I care about him. It’s this awful push and pull of my heart and mind.
“Just a suggestion. Sometimes relenting on a limit makes a Dom see you in a new light. I think he’d appreciate the gesture, Kayla. You should think about it. You wouldn’t have to watch. I’m sure there would be some elaborate scene set up. You can always close your eyes. I’ve shared Sir before and it’s not as hard as you would think. He’s a simple man. He wants particular things in the playroom and then he wants his space. It’s easy, really.” Suzie licks her lips and draws from the deck.
She never loved him. It’s obvious. She has no clue about the extent of my feelings for Dominic. Suzie merely thinks I want to be his submissive, get my money, and disappear into an underground sex club with him. “Did he tell you to ask me?” My stomach sinks. Is this the level our relationship has succumbed to? He thinks I will listen to his former sex partner?
“Of course not.” Suzie looks to the left. “I just want you to win, Kayla. This game is all about strategy.” Why is she here? What is her strategy? Her statement puts me on guard.
I grin. I can’t help it. It’s humorous. “Are you really talking strategy with me right now?” My sadness comes back. My airheaded company kept me distracted for a little while, but it’s no longer working.
She looks like a puppy that lost its mom. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh.”
Idiot. “I really just came to tell you that you have a scene with Dominic tonight.” She looks at her watch. “You have to be down in the salon in fifteen minutes.” Fuck. I didn’t check the schedule again.
Suzie sees the terror on my face. “He changed the schedule after he saw you this afternoon.” I’m not sure that information makes me feel better.
I excuse myself and run down to the hallway outside of the sub house—my eyes scanning the wall for the damn holy schedule. Several employees eye my odd outfit choice as I make my way through the dark bustle of the behind the scenes production. They’ve all seen every crevice of my body, so my bare legs don’t cause me to flinch. When I don’t find the large piece of laminated paper, I head to the wing where Dominic’s lair is. I pound on the door several times, out of breath and panting from my pursuit of the obviously unobtainable.
Van, the security guard, ushers me in quickly and leads me directly into his living space. I shouldn’t be here. It’s risky. He hasn’t pursued a visit to me, so I know he’ll be pissed to see me right now, but I need to know what I’m in for tonight. I run my finger over a dark wood table. It’s covered in paperwork. I don’t let my gaze linger for long, because Dom rounds the corner. Instead of asking him what our scene is, or saying anything intelligent, I just start crying like a stupid, stupid, sad girl.
“What happened, Kayla?” He wraps me in his arms, and the warmth I’ve been missing hits me from the tip of my toes to the top of my head. “Is everything okay?”
I feel his lips on my forehead, his hands pulling at me to get me closer to his body, his breaths coming quicker as he buries his face in the crook of my neck. “Tell me,” he whispers, his lips a feather-light touch against my skin.
I pull back to look at him, the shadow of his thick lashes fanning on the tops of his cheeks. “What scene are we filming?” I ask through jagged tearful breaths.
“That’s why you’re upset? Because we’ll be together tonight?” He glances at the large clock on the wall. “We can cancel filming. Say the word.”
“No, no. Don’t do that. We’ll have to eventually, right? I’m just so confused. I don’t know where we stand. What is this between us? Is it real or fake or for the camera or what? Are you going to pick me and expect me to be your slave, or will you pick me and love me forever as an
equal, or, and this is a very big oh fuck or, will you pick one of them and go on about your life how you’ve always lived it? That seems plausible, Dominic. Don’t try to wax poetic with me. Give it to me straight, because I’ve just spent two hours with Suzie, and I’m not sure I can handle any more bullshit. I may very well combust.”
He clears his voice and lays a palm on my cheek. “That explains why you’re upset. You see why that relationship didn’t work out, then?” He smiles. “Calm down. Let’s talk. We’ll sort through all of this. Do you think it’s easy for me to stay away from you? That every second I don’t have shaky hands and legs that want to go directly to you and never leave? Don’t kid yourself, baby. This is part of my job, here. I have to take it seriously. I want you, Kayla. How this plays out with the show makes no difference. I want you. Do you understand?” I do and I don’t.
I laugh. It’s not pretty. “Suzie’s nice enough, but she’s missing several screws. She said you want to film with the harem, but it’s a hard limit for me. Is this something you want, or is this something the show needs? I’m not sure I can do it, but for you, I can try.” The papers scattered all over his table. I recognize them as the hard limit contracts now.
He looks away. “I was hoping we could get that out of the way tonight actually. That’s what I have scheduled.”
My mouth pops open in shock. ”Presumptuous of you, isn’t it? How did you know I’d agree?”
He shakes his head and pulls me to him. “No. I was going to do it with you or without you. I know it’s a hard limit, but I wanted to confirm. I didn’t presume for one second that you would be okay with it.”
“But you’re okay with it,” I deadpan. That means more than me agreeing to film with the other two women. He wants to. My heart starts pounding. I want out of his arms, but my body is traitorous and is soaking up every second I get to be wrapped in his embrace.
The Dom Games Page 14
