I open my eyes and peer up at Kaleb standing there with his hand stretched out, his chest rising and falling, a nice shiner already forming around his left eye, and what appears to be a gash on his right cheek. He’s pressing a hand to his right side, and I can tell he’s hurting.
Pain. All I feel is pain. The physical sense of it I can live with. I want more of it. If only to knock me the hell out for days, weeks at a time to make the excruciating discomfort inside my chest disappear.
“You feel better now?” Kaleb asks, and for a split second, I want to smile as he glances down at me with a shit-eating grin on his face. Fuck, I have no idea when I last smiled. I do, actually, but I sure as hell won’t allow my mind to go there. I take hold of his hand, allowing him to pull me up.
“I feel about as bad as you look, motherfucker.” I turn and spit out the blood that’s been filling my mouth.
“Good. Then my job here is done. Get yourself cleaned up. Have some dinner. Get some strength back, because Jade can punch harder than you.” I growl at his comment, ready to tell him to go look at his face then tell me that when the sound coming from Jade has me closing my mouth.
“By the looks of it, I should beat both of your asses. Is this what you think you need, Harris? For the two of you idiots to beat on each other? This is not what I meant when I asked you to fight with me. I wanted to get your blood flowing back in your system, to give your body a workout, pump up the adrenaline. Jesus, this is crazy. This only proves to me you need help. God, what’s gotten into the two of you?” I say nothing. It’s none of her business what the hell I do or how I go about doing it.
If this is the way I want to work through my shit in my head, then it’s my decision, not hers. She may have been trained the same way as the rest of us, but the underlying fact here is she is a woman. She doesn’t understand that inflicting pain on yourself and others in a physical way is what a man as fucked up as I am needs.
“Settle the hell down, Jade.” Kaleb snags her around the waist, pulling her close to him. I feel it again. That painful, jealous rage that wants to claw its way to my soul and drive, twist that bolt of envy whenever I see the two of them together hitting me hard. I wince from the way he holds her tight, which has Jade rushing to my side to inspect my injuries. She’s always telling me with each passing day that my battered heart will heal. What the hell do any of them know anyway? These two have each other. My entire world has left me.
“I’m fine,” I tell her, backing away before she reaches up to inspect my face like the mother hen she’s been lately.
“Are you now? The two of you beating on each other like you hate one another makes you fine? This isn’t healthy. You smell like booze; you look like hell. Please stop doing this to yourself. I need my best friend back. I miss you,” she pleas with sadness in her eyes. I have to look away.
“Thanks for this. I needed it.” I lift my chin at Kaleb. I can’t handle Jade right now. I know she’s hurting like I am. It’s not until my hands grip the handle on the door that I feel like an asshole for not responding to her. I’m not going to give her some fucked-up excuse, lie to her, and admit she’ll get me back as a friend. How can I be a friend when I am barely breathing through each day? Why would I want to come back? I have nothing to return to.
I keep my back to the two of them, shove open the door, and say, “You bring me back my light, and you’ll get your friend back. Until then, leave me in the fucking dark.”
I’m almost to my cabin when I hear footsteps rushing up behind me. “You asshole. Don’t you think I fucking miss her too?” Jade punches me in the chest, knocking the wind from me the second I turn around. “Don’t you think I want to ball up in a hole and die because of what happened? I’m fucking gutted and trying to grieve, and your selfish ass refuses to even exist. Well, guess what, she was in your life for months…She was in mine for years. How am I supposed to remember to live when I have to keep reminding you to fucking get out of bed? If you’re so fucking miserable here, then take your ass somewhere else.” Her words echo in my ears, and I can finally feel someone else’s emotions for the first time since I held Mallory’s lifeless body in my arms.
“I loved her. I know you were happy with her, and I wish like hell I could bring her back to you, even if it’s for one last laugh. She would’ve been a great mom.” And with that, she bursts into tears, causing my heart to sink deeper into the darkness.
I can’t process what to say to her, because I’m too numb to respond. The only response I have is to wrap my arms around her when she steps close to me and fight back my own tears as she cries into my chest.
I wish it had been me who died that day.
CHAPTER THREE
EMMY
That man is a walking time bomb. He walks around here like an arrogant jerk. I would rather sleep outside and let the bugs eat away at me than stay in this house with him, but I won’t; and knowing how protective Kaleb is of me, he wouldn’t allow it anyway.
Kaleb’s protection is what has me here in the first place.
“None of us are safe, Sis. You and mom are coming to the compound where I know I can protect you. End of fucking story. Go pack your shit now.” That’s all we got. No reason why we’re here. No explanation. Not a damn thing. We made him let me finish my semester out and he only allowed that with extra security on us at all times.
I’m in my third year of medical school, and I’m royally screwed. I’m not allowed on the computer, no communication with anyone back home. Not that I had time to associate with anyone outside of school when I was in Florida. My school life is extremely hectic. All I’ve ever wanted was to practice medicine and become a doctor. And now because of a threat that I’m being left in the dark about, I’m fucked.
Guilt hits me, and I slump down in the kitchen chair farther as I sit here in this stunning house with top-of-the-line stainless steel appliances in my vision. Smooth earth-toned countertops and a view that steals my breath away. I stare out of the window at the different colors of green along the plateau and ridges overlooking this particular beautiful region of our country and try to stomach the awkward position I’m in.
I met Beau briefly about six months ago. I remember it well. However, the way he looked at me earlier tells me he doesn’t recall meeting me at all. I can’t say I blame him, really; the man has been through hell. The hollow look in his eyes tells me he’s still living in the depths of it. Not to mention everything that Jade has told me about the way he recluses himself in that room. He barely eats and refuses to talk to anyone. His situation is what has me feeling like a bitch for wanting to tear into his ass for being such an asshole.
You would think after growing up with a man like my brother that I would be used to men ordering me around, but I’m not. Kaleb I can handle. The two of us are as close as siblings should be. Especially after everything my family has been through with our brother, Ty. His drugs and verbal abuse toward my mother were more than I could handle.
Then his sudden disappearance years ago, when we all actually thought he was dead, didn’t make it any better. Only, he was very much alive, living in Mexico as a drug lord, running a traffic operation, the illegal life completely consuming his life in a way I can’t begin to fathom.
His connections in the cartel eventually led Kaleb directly to him. Unfortunately, when Kaleb was captured, Ty tortured him as if he were the enemy instead of the brother who tried to help him before he disappeared. And God…he would have killed the only brother I’ve truly had if it hadn’t been for Jade and the rest of the guys finding him and saving his life. I really believe Ty would have killed Kaleb.
It tore my mother’s heart out of her chest. She’s still grieving the loss of her son to this day. While as screwed up as it is, I’m not. I lost my brother, Ty, years ago. His death hurt me, but not in the way it has my mother, because I mourned the loss years ago when he became an evil shell of himself with no morals.
My mind drifts back to Beau and the fact behind the reas
on he’s living the worst nightmare any person could live. The not knowing and the tragedy of a loss that great saddens me. I’ve been kept in the dark about all of the details, but I don’t have to know anything to know he’s gutted and has lost his will to exist the way he used to.
For whatever reason, Beau hates me. I can sense it even when he’s not in the house. The minute those deep blue eyes of his met mine this morning, I could tell he despised me. I may go to hell though, because even knowing about the depth of his pain, it didn’t stop me from looking at his tight ass when he turned around. Or that massive, thick chest, those strong legs, and…God, I need to stop. This isn’t right. I’m mentally mind fucking a man who doesn’t know I exist. And for God’s sake, he shouldn’t either, especially after he lost his fiancée and baby like that.
I need to do something, anything to take my mind off him. I sit upright, slide my body out of the chair, and jump, clutching my hand to my chest when I see Beau standing in the doorway. His face is covered in blood and sweat. His eyes stare at me like he wants to shoot me dead. He’s gripping his side too. The man is hurt, and I don’t know if I should offer my help or let him be. My mouth processes the decision for me when the words seem to tumble out unexpectedly.
“What happened to you?” I ask while trying to remain calm and willing my feet not to go to him and help him like he truly needs. It’s only a few seconds before my healing instincts kick in and I start to walk toward him. He looks like he’s had the shit beat out of him, and I can’t just let him bleed.
“Nothing.” He takes a few steps toward the kitchen and turns on the water when I finally give in to the instinct taking over.
“You may need stitches.” I walk toward him, quickly pulling out a few towels along the way.
“I don’t need any damn stitches. I’m fine.” He’s irritated, but in this moment, I don’t let him intimidate me. I need to see for myself just how deep these cuts go.
“Who did this to you?” He tenses up when I touch his arm, but I step in beside him so I can see just how bad that one on his right eye is.
“I did it to myself.” As soon as my finger touches his face, he pulls away from me. My eye follows the blood trickling down to his chest as it continues to stain his shirt.
“You may as well get over yourself. I’m going to check on that one cut before this conversation is over, so you can do us both a favor and stand still long enough for me to see it.” He takes a deep breath and stands against the cabinet in his pissed-off demeanor. “Let me clean it up so I can see it better.”
“Just hurry the hell up. I need a shower.” His eyes are dark, and so far, there’s not too much swelling.
“If you don’t put ice on this, the swelling will get worse.” I’m worried about who did this to him. Do I need to call Kaleb and make sure he knows this guy was attacked?
He lets me get closer, but I can feel he’s one word from bolting, so I stop talking. I wipe the blood off his cheek and exhale with relief when I see the blood makes it look worse than it truly is. I just find it sad to see his gorgeous face marked in any way.
It’s hard to breathe this close to him. I can feel hurt and anger radiating from his entire body and can’t help but feel a deep sadness when I look into his face. If I didn’t know what his response would be, I’d ask him what it was that truly hurt him.
“It looks like you’ll be fine, but I’d like you to let me put something on it when you get out of the shower.” He watches me closely as I continue to inspect his face and neck. I keep a professional outlook on this even though he’s no doubt one of the sexiest men I’ve ever seen in my life.
He’s hurt so much deeper than these minor cuts and bruises. I can feel it. I take a step back knowing he’s reached his limit of me fussing over his wounds. He finally takes a breath and walks away as soon as I give him the space to move.
I’m not going to pry, however, I’m going to hope. Hope that somehow the man I can tell is dying inside can turn his life around and be the kind, caring and yet hard-ass man Jade has told me so much about. Beau Harris is in there somewhere; I hope he figures out how to make it through the darkness.
CHAPTER FOUR
HARRIS
Fuck. I should’ve never let her close enough to touch me. I can still smell her as I make my way into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind me. For one minute, her smell intoxicated me, a minute that was way too long for my liking. Her touch wasn’t supposed to make me feel anything, yet it did. She feels like sin, and that’s the last thing I need to get mixed up in. Her sassy personality and her body are a dangerous combination and something I need to stay the fuck away from. Besides that, I don’t know a damn thing about her except she’s Kaleb’s sister. What in the ever loving fuck is wrong with me?
Her eyes were so focused on cleaning me up, but I couldn’t help but notice them. She was so intense as she inspected me through the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen. She held me captive without even looking to meet my eyes. She would hate me more than I believe she already does if she had. I’m empty, hollow, and I have nothing but anger to see. She didn’t tell me what she did for a living, but by the way her sturdy hands inspected my face, she has to be in the medical field.
The way she stormed right over to me and bossed me around proves she isn’t afraid of me one bit. That alone should piss me off, but I guess I shouldn’t expect anything less from a Maverick. I mean, look who her brother is. For fuck’s sake, Beau, get her out of your head.
I crack my head from side to side as if I can shake those thoughts of her out of my head, when what I’m really trying to do is shake the unnerving feeling she’s creating in me. I shouldn’t be feeling a fucking thing at all, and that woman out there knows it. I wonder if she knows how dark I am and how screwed up my mind is? If she did, she would run as far away from me as she could.
I need her gone so I can escape back to my introverted ways. Alone. I’m done talking to her. It wouldn’t surprise me one bit if she were here on Jade’s request. That stubborn woman will do anything to save me. Bringing a woman here is not going to bring back the friend she lost. That man is gone forever.
I know Jade’s hurting as much as I am. Christ, I’ve never seen her lose it like she did at Mallory’s funeral. Not even when she thought she would never see Kaleb again. But then again, with him, there was hope. With my woman and my child, there was nothing. Only a coffin that held my soul in it. My life. My heart. My world.
I flip the lever on the shower, bend and untie my shoes, slipping them off my feet and ridding myself of these sweaty and blood-stained shorts.
The hot water burns the hell out of my face when I step in to rinse the rest of the blood away.
With my eyes tightly closed, I can see her face. Her smile. Her expression when we walked out of the doctor’s office that day is something I’ll never forget. Both of us were so happy after hearing our baby’s heartbeat. When she first told me she was pregnant, I was shocked and terrified, which quickly turned to excitement as the reality of it all slammed me in the heart. I couldn’t wait to meet our baby.
Now, the only thing I hold on to is the hope I’ll come face-to-face with the person who took it all away from me.
All of it vanished that day. Blood, so much blood there wasn’t a thing I could do but drop to the ground and hold her, screaming for them both to come back to me. She died instantly. I didn’t even have the chance to tell her good-bye. I wanted like hell for it not to be true. Her eyes were completely vacant, while her left hand sparkled with the diamond I gave her and the dreams I had wished for us and our future family. I loved her and our unborn child, and some crazy son of a bitch took them both from me.
“Fuck!” I yell out without a worry if anyone can hear me. Why did this all happen? Why didn’t they kill me instead? Who in their right mind would kill a woman, let alone a pregnant woman, and why in the hell would they snipe her of all people out?
Every goddamn report that came back proved to be the same. Mallo
ry was murdered. She was a hit. A mark. For what, I may never know. She never hurt anyone, and I’m worried like hell that what I’ll find out is the only mistake she made was fall in love with me.
I know Kaleb and all the guys are busting their asses to try and figure this out. I should be helping them. But I’m honestly afraid of what they’ll find. Something tells me that it was me this person was really after and she took the bullet right between her eyes for me.
There’s no way that mark was meant for her. It has to be a warning from someone trying to prove a point. Well, point fucking made, motherfucker.
No wonder Maverick moved his sister here. He’s keeping her safe.
If that’s the reason, then I want her safe as well, but not in this house with me. Hell, send her to stay with Jackson. That man will have her laughing from the crazy spilling out of his unfiltered mouth that never shuts up. He can talk all day long, while the last thing I want to do is talk at all.
Maverick is out of his mind if he thinks she’s safe with me. Even I know this. I’m as unstable as they come. I need to talk to him. He needs to be told that either she goes, or I do. He can move her to a different house, so I don’t have to worry about who I offend, which is destined to happen if she’s left with me.
Fuck it. If he won’t force her to move, I’ll leave. I’m not sure where I’ll go, but I’ll find somewhere new. Every place I could go from my past will be a reminder of Mal.
Fuck. Maybe I should try to get my shit together and prove to the Army I’m stable enough to go out on missions. That’ll get me the fuck out of here and away from everyone.
My stomach growls in the middle of my tormented breakdown. Go fucking figure. It has to be a sign for me to get my ass cleaned up and out of here. And I mean out of this house. Away from all of this. My head is so screwed up right now I’m surprised I’m able to stand upright.
Stone (The Elite Forces Series Book 3) Page 3
