CHAPTER SIX
EMMY
We’re both awake, neither one of us moving for obvious reasons. I feel like I’m suffocating to death, which leads me to believe he’s struggling in ways I can’t comprehend. I can feel his heart beating beneath my head frantically out of control and wish like hell I could say something to calm him down.
I don’t think he’s knows I’m awake; selfishly, I’m not moving. I like being in his arms even if it’s the only time he’ll hold me. I miss having someone hold me every night.
We had great sex; it was hard and rough and just the way I love it. In fact, the way he took me like he owned me proves he needed this. The sadness in his whisper when he first approached me went right through me.
He knows his way around a female body. His hands toyed with me, bringing me on the brink of intense pleasure all in a matter of a few seconds. It was brutal, intense, and exactly what we both needed.
Most women would feel used; hell, a typical woman would run as far away from a man who’s still in love with another woman who will only ever be a memory to him, but I’m not your typical woman. I would never expect him to forget her or to stop loving her. And I’m not stupid enough to think this was anything more than a quick fuck.
What I am is a woman with needs of my own. I have my own burning desire to have a man drive me to the brink of insanity. I love sex. I want someone to take control of me and fuck me like he means it, yet not be afraid to let me take control every once in a while.
I’m adventurous, a tad bit on the kinky side. My past relationship was very sexual. I’m aware of what works for me and what I could live without. Beau seemed to know exactly what I liked.
Being a med student has its advantages, but many disadvantages drown those out. I know that the loneliness I’ve been dealing with disappeared the minute he slammed his mouth on mine. At first, I was shocked he could go from hating me to attacking me like that, but the taste of pure male invaded my senses and all I wanted him to do was take over and fuck me. If I can help him have a night away from his own torture, then it’s a win for both of us. No-strings-attached affection that we both definitely needed.
I squirm, and my eyes fly open when he moves slightly. On instinct, I peer up at him. The guilt is there even though he tries to hide it with a tight, forced smile. I want him to be himself around me and feel comfortable enough to say whatever is on his mind. I’m not going to go bat shit crazy if he says he regrets what we did. It’ll hurt a little, but I’ll get over it. I can’t deal with the guilt that’s radiating off of him as he looks at me. I don’t mind being a much-needed release when he needed it, but what I won’t be is a regret he has to deal with on a daily basis.
This is when the rational side of my brain tries to kick in, trudging its way through the heavy fog until clarity is all that remains. Beau needs to come to terms with this himself. I can give him a slight shove in the right direction and maybe be the friend he said he didn’t need and listen if he brings it up. I don’t know. All I do know is, right now, he needs to be let off the hook in a big way, and I need to make sure he knows I’m good with everything that happened.
“Good morning.” I yawn, then move away from him. I’ll be the one to ease his mind. I can’t stand the way he’s looking at me like he’s trying to figure out what to say.
“Listen, Beau, don’t read anything more into this okay? We had sex. It doesn’t have to complicate the fact you’re an asshole. No need to regret anything that happened. I’m not expecting anything out of all of this.” I have to tease him and try to deflect some of this tense awkwardness in the room. I’d give anything to hear him laugh like he did with the guys last night. He needs to smile more; it’s very sexy on him.
He also needs to quit looking at me like he can’t believe he heard me correctly. It’s me who smiles when it takes him all of five seconds to let the air out he must have been holding and the deepest laugh escapes his lips. Lips I would love to have over mine again right now. Lips I want to bite and lick. But instead, I’ll just watch them while the two of us go back to getting under each other’s skin.
“You have no idea how fucked up I am. Hell, every day bleeds right into the next for me. As far as us having sex, I’m not a bullshitting type of guy, nor am I one to disrespect a woman. I have a lot of guilt over last night, Emmy, but to prove to you I’m not as big of an asshole as you think I am, I’m being honest when I say I don’t regret it.”
He shrugs. What he fails to understand is whether he’s using me or not, who am I to complain about being fucked by a man who clearly knows how to please a woman?
I don’t have time to think about anything more before he grabs me by the waist and hauls me up over his body. This guy is built. He’s fucking gorgeous, and the want in his eyes excite me.
“Are you asking me if you can fuck me again?” I breathe out heavily as his erection rubs against my clit. My eyes are focused on his beautiful eyes. There’s something there today, unlike all the other days where he seemed empty.
“No. I’m telling you I am going to fuck you again. Then we’re both going to shower, get out of this house, and do something. I don’t care what the hell we do as long as we get the fuck out of here. I need out of this house.”
“Hmm. You think my brother will let me leave?” I exhale sharply as he thrusts upwards, grinding against me. I’m wet and aching from the way he’s moving against me. I need more. I need to touch him and let him make me come undone, then I’ll watch him follow.
“Your brother has been on my ass to get out of here. Let’s take a walk. Jade told me there are trails around here.”
“Okay, but first I need a shower,” I tell him as I slide down his body. My eyes have to be showing him disappointment that we aren’t going to continue what we’ve started. He lifts a brow as I stand in front of him naked.
“Give me just a few minutes and I’ll be out.” I can hear him following me before I even get through the bathroom door. He reaches around me and turns on the hot water as his other hand slides down my side.
“I guess I’m not finished with you. You made me hard as hell when you walked away from me.” His deep voice over my shoulder sends chills over my otherwise naked body.
“I won’t kick you out of the shower if you want to join.” His laughter makes me smile, and I can feel his cock moving against my ass.
“Well, it’s nice to know you won’t throw me out. Fuck, your brother would kill me if he knew what I was about to do to you.”
“I’m not about to tell him.” I slide my hand around and grip his cock in my hand, squeezing until he exhales with me. His little moan sends us into another desperate race to get into each other’s arms until my legs are wrapped around his waist and we’re both moving against the wall. The water scalds my chest all the way down my stomach, but I don’t dare say a word. Fuck, this is hot.
“You’re so tight.” He closes his eyes as he fucks me. I know he’s not truly with me in this moment, and I understand that he just needs this from me. He makes me feel so good that I just grip his shoulders and let him slide me up and down the wall until we’re both moaning through another orgasm. I watch him as he finishes and opens his eyes at the very end.
There it is. Guilt again. But I don’t let him know I saw that. I simply move around him and grab the soap. I take it upon myself to lather him up and force him to let me do this for him. He doesn’t really try to fight me, just needs a little encouragement as I move around him and get his back.
I let my fingers run over the ridges in his body and can’t help but appreciate what I touch. He’s sexy as hell, there’s no doubt about that, but he’s a broken soul, and sometimes that is something you can’t overcome or compete with.
He leaves the shower once he finishes his hair, leaving me to do my own thing. I appreciate that, because I’m not really keen on shaving and doing the whole cleanup thing with someone watching my every move.
“What is that?” I ask a focused, clean-scented
Beau when I enter the kitchen an hour later. We may be out in the middle of nowhere, but a woman still has to primp. I showered, shaved, applied a tinge of makeup, and dried half of my hair, making it easier to pull it back into a basic braid that’s swung over my shoulder. I even found an old Army tank top of Kaleb’s in one the dressers. It’s a little big, but at least it won’t be sticking to my skin when we walk in this sweltering heat. Top it off with a pair of black workout shorts and tennis shoes, and I’m ready to go on this walk.
“It’s a Remington XM3.” He places the rifle back into a case then swings it across his shoulders. I gulp. I may know how to shoot a gun and actually love doing it, but that damn thing looks dangerous.
“Should I be worried about going into the woods with you?” I tease him, hoping we can actually do this walk without any awkward weirdness about what happened last night and again this morning.
“No. What you should be worried about is what I’m going to do with you when you lose.” He bends and grabs a big jug of water, a backpack, and my gun case.
“Lose what?” I ask as I follow him out the door, grabbing the jug from his hand when we step off the porch.
“Thanks.” He flips the case into his other hand then moves a little closer to me as we both make our way across the lot to the back of the house. “I saw you shooting the other day, thought maybe we could do a little target practice. Who knows, maybe place a wager to see who hits their mark first.” I stop walking, and he watches me with a huge smile on his face.
“That’s a little unfair, don’t you think? I mean, you're in the Army. You’re Special Forces, for God’s sake.” A sexy as hell badass. I shoot only to keep my aim perfected. No way can I hit a target dead center like he can.
“Well, I’ll tell you what, Emmy. I’ll drop the bet and we’ll do it for fun then. But if I win, I think you’ll still just have to pay up. Maybe I can think of some sexual favor you can perform to pay up your debts.”
“We can maybe work something out, but get ready if I beat you. You’ll have a debt to pay yourself. I may have an idea up my sleeve.” I nod in agreement as I respond to him and don’t miss the hunger in his eyes as I keep talking. The sexy smile on his face and the way he’s standing there has me truly questioning my sanity at the moment. I’m literally playing with fire when it comes to him. I can feel it.
For the first time in a very long time, I believe I’ve found a man I could fall for, and that scares the living shit out of me.
CHAPTER SEVEN
HARRIS
The minute she left me with a satisfied dick was the minute I sprang into action. I dressed in fifteen minutes and actually looked forward to spending the day with someone. I feel good, relaxed, and better than I have in a long time. I’m being honest with myself when I say I’m thinking with my dick when it comes to her. She looks like a goddamn fantasy created just for me in that loose tank top with ARMY written across the underside of her tits and those shorts that sculpt her tight ass.
My brain is reactivated for some screwed-up reason. It more than likely has everything to do with the words she easily let tumble out of her mouth when she told me it was basically no strings sex, then topped it off with me still being an asshole, which undoubtedly I am.
She eased my conscience and took my words right out of my mouth, surprising the hell out of me. If she’s game for some straight-up fucking, then who the hell am I to complain? She needs to be quiet about this whole thing though; the last thing I need is for Kaleb to be all over my shit about his sister.
If I had a sister, I’d keep her as far away from a man like me as I possibly could. Hell, most men have been known to use women for their own personal needs. I mean, fuck, I don’t know shit about her, and she could be using me as much as I’m using her. Frankly, I couldn’t give a shit if she is, but her brother, he’s a masochist when it comes to protecting his family, and even though Kaleb has been trying to get me out of my head, I highly doubt he meant for me to bury my cock between his sister’s legs. We may be friends, but the guy is overly protective of his family.
He has every right to protect those he loves. It’s his right. I’m just not prepared to tell him any of it yet. I’d hate to lose him as a friend. The guy has been by my side for so much in such a short time.
My phone rings and what do you know, it’s Jade.
“What?” I mumble.
“Fuck you too,” she barks out like the little bossy shit she can be.
“What are you up to today?” How quickly her mood can change. That’s Jade, one minute she will pull a gun on you, the next she’s sounding all concerned.
“Eh. Emmy and I were talking. She told me she knew how to shoot, thought maybe I’d head out to the woods somewhere, do a little target practice.” It’s the truth. This way when they all hear guns going off, they won’t think we're under attack and come out there and shoot us both.
“Are you sure you should be handling a gun right now?” she says in her concerned tone. What in the ever loving fuck? I may have been grieving, but I sure as hell have never given her or anyone the opinion I’m suicidal or postal. If that’s what she means. She knows me better than that. Her insinuating I’m anything but professional around guns pisses me off. I step out around the house and away from the porch so Emmy won’t hear me set Jade straight. This isn’t an easy task, and I’m sure it won’t be pretty.
“You have a hell of a lot of room to talk about a person handling a gun. I remember all too well that you pointed one directly at my head in Mexico.” I address her with the truth as well as hostility in my voice.
“That was entirely different, and you know it,” she whispers the guilt through the phone.
“The circumstances were, yes. My point is, people do crazy shit when they lose something they love. I can promise you, Jade, this is something I need. I may feel dead inside, Jade, but I sure as hell am not going to do something stupid,” I articulate in a way I hope she understands. I need space. I need to blow off steam. And pulling the trigger of a gun is what I need right now, whether she likes it or not. It’s a part of me, and I need to find me again.
“I’m sorry. I care about you and worry about you.”
“I know you do. Just trust me on this. Take it as a step in my healing. You’ve all been on my ass for weeks to get out and do something.”
“I can do that. Just please don’t shut me out anymore.” Defeat is all I hear in her voice. It pisses me off that I had to ask her to give me space. This is Jade. She’s the one person I usually tell everything to, and now I can’t seem to look at her without thinking of what I’ve lost.
“I’ll work on that. I promise.”
We hang up with everything fine between us. But still, I wonder now how screwed up everyone thinks I am. I don’t even know the answer to that myself.
~~~
“How much further?” Emmy suddenly turns around, which causes me to run right into her. Her chest smashes up against mine. “I have no idea. Never been out here before.” I take a look around at our surroundings.
“Damn,” I say. Her head shifts to the side, then she turns and catches her breath.
“Holy shit. This view is unbelievable,” she gasps. My grip on her gun case hardens. I’ve been lost in thought thinking about how good it’s going to feel to have my gun in my hands for I don’t know how long, while this scenery has been all around me? It’s magnificent. If I were a hunter, I’d be in heaven. We’re deep into the woods. Cascades of light peak through the openings at the top of the trees. A large open field is a little way ahead. The smell of the damp green grass mixed in with the musty fragrance of mother earth with the dark and clay-colored dirt. The smell of pine and oak gives off the aroma that the rebirth of spring is almost here.
“It’s beautiful out here. A little too dark to shoot a gun. Let’s walk a little further.” I lift the case I’m clinging to and point it toward the clearing.
“Are you alright? You’ve been quiet.” Her head whips back in my direc
tion, bringing with it that braid that fills my head with all kinds of debauched ideas on what I’d like to do to her.
I brought some water and a few snacks in case we needed them. I guess we were both a little too anxious to get out of there that neither one of us mentioned breakfast.
“I’m good, Emmy. Just thinking.”
We finally reach the wide-open area where the outlining of trees on the other side will make perfect targets. I pause to take one lingering look at her nicely-shaped ass before I speak and ask her to stop. “This looks like a good spot for you to get your ass kicked all over these woods.” I sit the case down in the open field. The sun isn’t as intense as it has been, yet it feels nice. I drop the backpack as well as lift the strap of my rifle case over my shoulder, being careful when I place it down.
“Okay then. Let me show you how to shoot a gun, Captain.” She moves proudly to the case and begins to inspect the guns.
“I’m assuming Kaleb taught you.” It’s more a statement than a question.
“Of course, he did. He taught mom too. She’s a damn good shot. I guess you could say it runs in the family. I practice any chance I get, which hasn’t been much lately with school.” I listen intently. Fucking hell, I never realized how much I’ve missed having a normal conversation with someone until I started to listen to her talk about something I’m actually passionate about.
“You have no idea the things I can do.” Her brows lift in a mocking way. Her innuendo shoots straight to my dick. Emmy hands me the jug of water, which I take and down some of it instantly. It feels good going down my throat after that hike. I’ve deprived my body of everyday nutrients for way too long. That shit is another change I have to make.
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