“Mom,” I call out as I enter the house.
“Back here,” she hollers. I follow the trail of her voice to the back of the house, where I find her sitting in the screened-in porch. Her legs are propped over the side of the chair, and her digital e-reader is in her hand.
“What are you reading?” I ask then sit down on the cool leather sofa across from her.
“A book that has some very hot sex in it.” My mouth drops.
“Mother,” I say a little stunned.
“What? I may not be getting any, but that doesn’t mean I can’t read about someone else getting a big, hard…”
“Stop. God. I came over to visit. Maybe I should examine your head while I’m here.” This gets the two of us laughing so hard I end up buckling over and holding my now sore stomach.
“Hmm,” she says and taps her finger on her chin. “You got some sun today. Out shooting with that sexy friend of Jade’s, I heard. How is he, by the way?” My stomach flips from her speaking about Beau. And damn that Jade for opening her mouth to the one woman who knows me better than anyone. Although, when I study her, she doesn’t have suspicion in her gaze; it’s the look of sympathy that’s written all over her face.
“I’d say he’s in between the depressed and acceptance stages.” I shrug. I’m familiar with all the stages of grief both from school and the loss of my brother, Ty. I’ve been through them all over the years. Right now, Beau is depressed and angry. Both are tough stages in the mourning process.
“There’s no normal way to grieve, sweetie. We all do it differently. I’m still not over the loss of your brother. I never will be.” Tears form in her eyes. I came over here to chat with her about anything but this. I’ve watched her cry over him enough. I’m not doing it anymore.
“Mom,” I say quietly.
“I’m okay, really, I am.” She swipes the tears from her face. “This isn’t about me. It’s about him and his loss. Jade is worried sick over him. I hate seeing her so upset. I wish I could help him, you know? I did see him walk into the office a while ago. From what Kaleb has said about him, I’m assuming it’s the first time he’s taken a step in there since everything happened. That speaks volumes, Emmy.” She’s right. It does. Beau has desensitized himself. He’s shut every emotion off. I’ve figured this out in the short time I’ve known the man. Him walking in there today to find out whatever it is they strongly wanted him to know shows he is healing, whether he senses it or not.
“Yes, he did. I’m assuming you know why we’re here then.” I state more than question. She more than likely knows more than I do, which is next to nothing.
“Sure do. I would much rather be home, but it’s nice spending time with the two of them even if their minds are elsewhere.” I sigh and lean back, my still damp hair coating a cool moisture across my skin.
“Mom.” We both jump at the sound of Kaleb’s overbearing voice and the sound of his heavy boots thumping down the hallway in our direction.
“What’s going on?” Her worry comes out from the sharp way she answers him. We stand when he stays in the doorway, imploring the two of us with hard, narrowed eyes to either sit back down or grab a hold of something to support us while we stand. Kaleb is angry, worried, and his defensive urge to protect us is rolling off of him tremendously. This is the first time I’ve really taken a long look at my brother. He’s worn so much that the the slight wrinkles of everyday life appear more prominent at the corners of his eyes.
“You are scaring me, son. Did you find something? Is Stone, Harris, or whatever name you all call him alright?” It’s not funny, therefore I inwardly laugh at how she calls him every name except his first name. I get it though. These call names they have for one another can baffle anyone’s mind to keep them all straight. I stand watching them as she positions herself directly in front of him, giving him no choice but to look down at her. The minute he does, those heavy-lidded eyes so full of stress soften.
My brother is a decent man. He’s our protector and is always looking out for the two of us. I have no idea how to go about doing the things he does. The one thing I know for sure is, he needs my help right now as he struggles internally to try and spit out whatever the hell is troubling him.
“Beau isn’t handling whatever information you gave him, is he?” He looks from Mom to me. The second our eyes connect, it’s as if he knows I’m trying to let him lean on me for once, to give him the out he needs to give Mom the basics of whatever has him distraught. I’m also conveying, ‘It’s me, your sister, and something is weighing heavily on your mind; say something to get her out of here so we can talk.’
“He’s handling it better than I thought he would. I came in here to let you know that a few of us will be leaving to follow up on a lead in a few days. That’s all the information I can give you at this point. I also wanted to ask if you wouldn’t mind making all of us something to eat. I’m afraid it’s going to be a long night for all of us.” I sense he’s telling the truth by the way he looks directly in her eyes when he speaks, but my brother is disturbed about something, and I have an inclination it has something to do with either where or why they are going.
“Of course, I will. I’ll do whatever I can to help.” Her comforting nature is a quality our mom has always had. She can ease into her role of taking care of the needs of others before her own without question. She also knows not to ask or pry Kaleb with questions when it comes to his job. I do too, except this time, I’m not about to keep my mouth shut. Not when whatever the hell is going on has him worked up on the inside to the point he’s barely holding himself together.
“Thanks, Mom. Don’t fuss too much over it. Something simple. I mean it.”
“Simple, my ass, Son. If all of you are going to be at it all night, then you need some real food. Give me an hour or so.” She leans in and hugs him tightly, places a kiss on his cheek, and saunters out of the room.
“You going to tell me what’s really going on?” Kaleb lets out a low groan that I swear erupts from his heart and sears directly into mine.
“We’ve been busting our asses for months trying to find out who the hell did this, coming up empty handed every goddamn time, Emmy. He comes in there and looks over everything, and just like that, his gut tells him this all leads back to Mexico. I swear to God if this is tied to Ty in anyway at all, I will—”
“Stop, Kaleb, right the hell now. Don’t you dare put the blame on your shoulders for the shit he did. You know better than anyone that a person who doesn’t want help won’t take it. I will not let you do this to yourself.” Every muscle tenses in his upper body as he grips the doorframe. His eyes dart back and forth as my brother battles whatever demons are swarming their way inside of his body, trying to possess him in ways I cannot understand.
I’m sure the thought of any of his friends having to go to Mexico is killing him. That’s the last place on earth Kaleb wants to think about. A part of me is praying it’ll be someone else going and not him or Jade. It may sound selfish of me to think that, but this man standing in front of me is the only man who has ever loved me. Up until now, he has been my protector, my shield. It’s about time the tables turn, because whether he wants it or not, I’m going to find out what’s going on here and do everything I can to help.
“Let me help,” I relay adamantly.
“You can help by not leaving Mom’s side.” His reply is exactly what I expect him to say. I would love nothing more than to be able to spend time with our mom. Not this time. Besides, she’s fine with her sex books and all. Plus, she can use the down time to relax out here. He’s gone too much to know she’s constantly on the go. This is good for her, even though we are all trapped inside of this well-protected compound.
“Damn it, Kaleb, no. That’s not what I mean, and you know it.” Confusion crosses over his features as he takes in what I’m saying.
“Emmy, this is dangerous. There’s no way in hell I’m letting you help with a damn thing.” I’m not tucking my head between my
legs this time like I always did when we were growing up and he would tell me he carried the burden of taking care of Mom and me. He always made sure I knew it was his responsibility and not mine.
“I’m not helpless, you know.” His brows lift slightly, while his lips fight the spasm that seems to make him want to smile.
“I know that. I also know you went out shooting with Harris today. Not sure what the two of you talked about, but I do think whatever you did helped him. You using your psychological skills on him or what?” My heart starts to thumps rapidly. My brain begins to shuffle back and forth with the unknown truth behind the words he’s saying to me.
I think before I speak, knowing my brother well. If I say the wrong thing or send vibes of what happened between Beau and me, my brother will freak the fuck out. The last thing he needs to know right now is his sister has been having the best sex of her life with a man who is using her.
“Something like that. You do have me staying with the man. It’s kind of hard for us to not talk.” I’m cautious of what I say to him.
“Well, you can help there then. Keep him talking, get him to open up. I’m afraid he’ll draw back into himself until those guys get back here. If you can do that for me, then it would keep both mine and Jade’s mind off of our biggest worry.” Good God, if he only knew that talking is not the way I’ll be helping.
“You know I’ll do what I can.” It’s just not in the way you’re thinking.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
HARRIS
Normally, a soldier is given somewhere in the vicinity of thirty days each year of leave time, unless hell breaks loose on their life like it has on mine.
I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I miss everything there is about the Army, right down to the vigorous sixteen hours a day of pushing my body to the point of physical exhaustion. Mix that with how mentally drained I used to get, and I was often left physically and emotionally numb, but that was something I grew accustomed to after years and years of that. Now I know I’m capable of accomplishing any task I’m given inside or out of the military.
It’s been months since I’ve used any form of my training, except for earlier today when I held my gun in my hand, which I owe to Emmy. She had no idea that watching her with that gun in her hand the other day had me craving to pick up mine just to prove to myself I could do it and that I could remember how to shoot.
I’d also be lying if I didn’t admit to myself that I’ve thought about her the few times I’ve let my brain stray away from studying every bit of information that’s been placed in front of me.
I owe her an apology. I was a fucking asshole to her. No one should be treated like shit when all they’re trying to do is strike up a civil conversation with you, and I basically told her to lay off my ass and quit trying to get to know me; and that’s after I fucked her and then walked away, leaving her behind like she wasn’t worthy of any more of my time.
There’s not a damn thing wrong with admitting that I like being around her and that when I get out of my own head, she’s easy to talk to. We’re actually compatible in a way that turns me on. She’s sexy, both mentally and physically.
Am I a dick for what I did today? Hell, yes, I am, and the first chance I get, I’m apologizing to her and hope like hell she accepts it.
Hell, I don’t know what to think right now. That’s the problem; I’ve thought too much today. Seen too much in those files. Felt too much. And now I’m trying to process it all. How could all of this happen?
I’m left hanging in the office, watching all of my friends move around, multi-tasking and getting shit done. Things I need to be helping with, yet shit I don’t give a fuck about, though I know I need to get back to it.
My scattered thoughts go back to Mexico and the bad vibes I’ve had that it all leads back there. It’s nothing anyone has missed in what I know has been a thorough investigation. I had to explain it to Kaleb after he returned from storming out of here a few hours ago, claiming he needed to check on his mom and sister when we all saw the guilt and pain all over his face, thinking this could all be his fault.
The guy went through hell and back repeatedly in Mexico; hell, he ended up killing his own brother over it. And now it’s eating him alive to think that his brother may have a helping hand still on earth to continue to drag him down. The fact that it’s someone trying to get to him by killing an innocent woman.
Even though Kaleb and I had words, I saw the guilt in his eyes and felt the blame in his tone. Kaleb isn’t to blame. None of us are. Once everyone set out to do the things they needed to, I pulled him aside to let him know I see it
It’s the same damn thing I see and feel daily. It took me a half hour or so to get it through his stubborn head. Once I finished convincing him of that, the rough and demanding guy smiled, which made me think he was losing his mind until he spoke the words I didn’t think I needed to hear until he said them.
“It’s good to have you back, motherfucker, you level-headed son of a bitch.” The room fell silent from his loud wisecrack before it filled with laughter as we all thought the same thing. Instead of him lecturing me on pulling my head out of my ass, it was me reversing the roles by explaining to him I would beat his ass if I saw one sliver of guilt from him for the life his fucked-up brother led.
It’s my gut instinct that’s telling me something in Mexico will put us on the right track to find the assholes who ruined my life and stole Mallory’s. I just need to go and see it all for myself. Kaleb has to know how important this is to me.
“I want to see every single thing again. All the surveillance, all the reports, and even the shit you think isn’t even important.” I look to Pierce to pull the evidence back up. It’s as though I finally leave my own body and look at it all from an outsider’s mindset. Even though this is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, it’s what I need. Emotions tend to cloud a soldier’s vision, which is why we are hardened.
“We just did that a minute ago.”
“I’m not talking about the evidence on Mallory. I want Mexico. Everything we had from when Kaleb was there. I’m not leaving here until I’ve studied every fucking detail.” Pierce gives me a look of acceptance and yells at Jackson to get the lights.
“I fuckin’ love this stuff.” Jackson settles in for the details, kicking his feet up on the table. He leans back in his chair, and we both watch as Pierce begins to show us everything from the last few missions.
It doesn’t take long before Kaleb and Steele enter and we all get lost in analyzing it all.
“Who do we know of that was connected to Ty?” I have to ask and don’t miss the feel of Kaleb’s intensity shift as I do. This has to be as hard on him as it is on me.
“He had a few. One was Fernando Sanchez, who still hasn’t been found; plus, we have a few females he was known to move around with. Al-Quaren, of course. And the further we dug, the more we realized he was in bed with fucking arms dealers all over the world.” It could be any of them or someone entirely different. I’m not saying shit to get any of our hopes up until I have solid proof.
I keep my thoughts at bay and watch Pierce as he begins to pull out even more files as Jackson sets a beer next to each of us. I wasn’t here for all of this information the first time, so it’s good for me to see it all. Jade comes in when we have Kaleb’s footage up, and I can feel her dying inside all over again. Her body begins to shake, and I can see her pain clear on her face. I hate to put her through this, but there is no way we can leave any angle out. I’m thankful when Kaleb grabs her hand while we watch it all play out again.
“I can’t do this. Is it really necessary? I don’t want to live through this shit again. Once was enough,” she chokes out, then stands and walks behind the screen to busy herself as her feed begins to play out.
Shit, I remember that night like it was yesterday. I wanted more than anything to get to him before it was too late just to keep Jade from being destroyed. It’s too bad we didn’t have the same chance with
Mallory.
“We’re combing through all of this tonight. Harris wants to know all of this, and I can’t see why we don’t make sure he sees everything. Another set of eyes is just more of an asset for us when the team goes back,” Jackson tries to explain logically to Jade, even though she already knows all of this.
This year has been hell on her. I fucking hate that I haven’t been able to be there for her, but shit, I haven’t even been functioning myself.
“I’ll let you all do that then. Me though, I’ve seen them enough. I’m going to chill with the girls and see if I can help with dinner or something.” I hear her, but my eyes never leave the screen as the guys all excuse her from staying.
What if it was these fuckers again? Some leftover piece of shit connected to Ty, a chick out for revenge, or a goddamn drug lord like Fernando? The thought of going back into that hell is the single worst thing I can think of in my life. The risk of losing another one of us will be more than any of us could take. It’s obvious that whoever is behind this has private information on us. I mean, fuck, how would someone know where Mallory and I were that day if they didn’t?
I’m not sure how long we sit there with our empty plates from dinner in our laps that Jade brought in. We ate and then watched for hours after looking at evidence, and my frustration grows. I feel lost and can’t begin to fight the hopelessness that’s stirring inside me. I stand as the last of the information flashes across the screen.
“Last one. This is the footage of the old man’s house we stayed in. Just basic shit.” Pierce puts the video on, and we all watch intently. My grip on my hair tightens as I take in the fact we have zero solid leads to go on, except my damn gut feeling.
“Fucking hell. I want to find the women Ty knew. If we have information on them, we can break them. Show them we know about their children if they have them, families, friends, or anyone they care about, and if they know anything, they’ll fucking talk. They won’t have the fucked-up mentality to take it to their grave like the damn scum we’ve been dealing with.” All the guys watch me as I begin to pace around the tables. “I’m not trying to say we actually hurt any of them, but they won’t know that we won’t.” I stop talking when Jackson speaks up.
Stone (The Elite Forces Series Book 3) Page 8
