by Joyce, T. S.
“Karis, right?” Ava called, running faster.
Shit. She wasn’t going to make it away from this little sprinter without a confrontation.
Karis dashed her hands over her cheeks again and sniffed. She stomped her foot once in the snow and leveled Ava with a look. “I’m on my way out.”
“I can see that, but it’s like two degrees and it’s a long way to town.”
Karis frowned. “I don’t understand. I thought you were trying to stop me from leaving.”
Ava snorted. “My brother is the ranch idiot. I’m surprised you stayed this long. Hop in the truck and I’ll take you. I’ve got an extra set of keys.” Ava walked around the front of Colt’s old truck, muttering to herself. “I mean, I’m not supposed to have extra keys, but I made extras of everything because the boys would lose their dicks if they weren’t attached to their nethers, so he can thank me later.”
Karis would’ve laughed if she wasn’t so devastated right now. She looked back at the little cabin, and a strange feeling hit her. Sadness replaced her panic. She was really going to leave.
But…she should…right? She wasn’t meant to be a breeder, and she’d disappointed all the people who meant the most to her. And now she would disappoint Colt.
Slowly, Karis ripped her gaze away from the cozy little home and made her way to the truck. Genie was watching her go, and for the first time, the squirrel didn’t look evil. She looked as happy as a little bushy-tailed clam. Great. At least Karis wasn’t a disappointment to someone.
Karis tossed the suitcase in the bed of the truck and climbed in. Ava turned over the engine and they were off. For one entire minute, Karis watched the winter woods of the Two Claws Ranch pass by. But just as she was relaxing back into the seat to wrap her head around what she was really doing, Ava slammed on the brakes and rocked the truck to a stop.
The pretty, blue-eyed girl gripped the steering wheel. “You’re a runner.” Her frozen breath chugged in front of her with every word.
“Not usually, but right now I have to be.”
“I think you should read that,” she murmured, shoving the book Colt had made across the bench seat until it bumped the side of Karis’s leg.
“I don’t want to. That will just make this harder.”
“My brother has his issues. He has his hang-ups. But I can say this. If you give him a chance and let him get loyal? You’ll never find a man who will treat you better. Once he picks his people, he will die for you.” Ava blinked slowly and looked over at Karis. “If you run, you’ll always wonder what-if. Especially on a man like Colt. He’s my brother. I give him shit and pick at him, but I’ll tell you the truth. No sugar coating anything, no embellishing. He’s a good one. To his core good. He raised me. I was ungrateful, but he raised me anyway and never made me feel bad for acting out. He sacrificed everything to make sure I had a chance in this world. He gave up his youth. While other boys were out partying, he was working three jobs to keep the lights on and food on the table. He didn’t have to do that, but he did, and he hid how hard it was on him. Hid the strain. I’m only finding out now how much he’s done for me because Trigger tells me. Colt is someone who will put in the quiet work and never quit. But if you quit right now? You’ll never get to know the man behind the scars, and that would be tragic, because he’s a really good one.” She shrugged up one shoulder and said, “Well, he’s an outlaw and he fights all the damn time and his bear is a monster to deal with and his taste in music leaves something to be desired… He also drinks straight out of the milk carton, but other than that…he’s good.”
“I thought you were just going to drive me into town,” Karis muttered.
“I changed my mind. I can’t do that to Colt. You should’ve seen his face every time you texted him back over this past week. He’s a tough guy, but I watched his eyes light up, and he would read your responses more than once. I could tell. And that was in front of me. He’s usually tougher in front of me, but he couldn’t help the excited look on his face. So…I’m giving you the choice. I’m gonna walk back to the house, but I’ll leave the keys in the ignition. You choose on your own whether to leave or not. But I’m asking one thing before you go. Please…please…just read the book. See a peek at the man you’re leaving. You owe it to yourself and to him. He spent every last bit of his savings to fly you here on the off-chance you liked him back.” Ava stuck out her hand, clad in a pink mitten. “I’m Ava.”
Karis hesitated for a few moments, then shook her hand. “I’m Karis, nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you, too. I hope it’s not the last I see of you.” Ava’s smile was kind but worried as she slid out of the truck. And without looking back, she tramped along the tire marks behind the truck in the direction of the cabins, shoving her hands in her jacket pockets as she did.
In a rush, Karis slid over the bench seat and settled in behind the wheel. But when she went to put the truck in gear, she couldn’t make her hand move. She just sat there, holding the shift lever, staring out the front window. Chest heaving, she looked over at the book lying on the seat next to her.
With shaking fingers, she picked it up and flipped it open to the first page.
Favorite color: Blue
Favorite food: Pizza. Or steak. Okay pizza when I was human, and now it’s steak. But rare steak. And I can say this because you are a shifter so you won’t judge.
Favorite time of year: Autumn when the leaves turn and everything in the woods smells different. Richer.
Favorite music: Elevator music. Lol just kidding. I like the screamy stuff and death metal. And Adele, but don’t tell Trigger or I’ll deny it until my dying breath and put my balls on your toothbrush.
Favorite drink: cheap whiskey and coke
Favorite position: Reverse cowboy. Seriously, Karis, if you’re ever searching for a birthday present for me? Let me watch your ass while you ride my dick.
Whoa, that made her stomach clench, and a tiny smile ghosted her lips at the memories of last night. She hadn’t been the only needy one.
Okay, this first page was generic enough. She was feeling good about this. She could still remain detached.
Karis turned the page, but it wasn’t Colt’s handwriting scrawled across the page. It was his handwriting scrawled across a piece of lined paper that had been ripped out of a notebook or journal and taped to the page. It was dated six years ago.
I think she’s gone for good. This sucks. I don’t remember my mom. I don’t even remember what she looks like, but I have it in my head that Ava looks like her, so I just imagine her but older. I still miss my mom, and sometimes I imagine I can remember her laugh. It’s the strangest thing. With my dad? I don’t give a shit about remembering him. I wish I could forget. Ava had it built up in her mind that he was a good dad, but he sucked. He put us down all the time and wouldn’t work. Wouldn’t take care of us. Wouldn’t buy Ava new clothes when she outgrew hers, or fix her hair before school, or even look at her. I watched for him to. He would avoid looking at her. I hated that part. I tried to understand him. Sometimes I tried to convince myself that he didn’t want to look at her because she looks like Mom did. But then I remember he wouldn’t look at me either, and I look like him. Sucks to look in the mirror and see the person you hate the most genetically imprinted on your face. First Mom, and then Dad, and now Ava’s all that’s left, and she ain’t comin’ back. I’m thinking of going up to Alabama and paying her a visit.
The next page was another journal entry.
Welp, no more worrying about looking like Dad. My face is ruined. Something awful happened before I could get to Alabama. Before I could get to Ava. I’m different now. I’m changed on the inside. I used to be steady, and I was proud of that. Despite the shit my Dad put me through, I fought hard to be a good man. I fought hard to be the opposite of him, and now look at me. I still can’t look in the mirror, but it’s for different reasons now. No girl is gonna settle for this hideous face. Better beef up my personality or win the lo
ttery, ha. Fuck. I don’t even care about the devil in me half as much as I care about losing Ava. How can I bring her back home now? Trigger’s all I got left. My only friend, and he’s the one who did this to me. I’ll never forgive him.
Karis gasped softly and covered her mouth with her hand as she turned the page.
Pain, pain, pain, pain. My whole life is pain. The devil in me is eating me from the inside out. I can’t stop it. Can’t keep it from destroying the man I wanted to be. Every night I’m breaking and Trigger won’t talk to me anymore. He just watches the monster he gave me bend my bones. Loneliness is the biggest pain. Feels like I’m bleeding out, and I ain’t got no red on me.
Next page.
Things are looking up. Trigger took over one of the local MCs, and he’s doing good things for the community with it. Okay, we get into trouble. A lot of trouble. And we do a lot of shit we ain’t supposed to do, but I know he took over this motorcycle club for me. He’s trying to give me a family. Trying to give me friends. Brothers. Yesterday he made me his vice president. I’m so fucking proud of this VP patch on my cut. I tried to tell Ava, but she won’t pick up the phone. I get it. I wish I could run away from this place too. I hope she’s doing good. I wonder about my sister all the time.
Next page.
It was a black and white photograph of a dozen beefed-up men in sleeveless shirts with motorcycle vests on, standing behind a Harley, mean-mugging the camera. Colt was the only one smiling. He looked happy.
Next page.
It was an obituary. It was the death announcements for four of the men in his motorcycle club.
Next page.
There was a picture of Colt sitting on a bay horse, his back to the camera, sunrise over a river in front of him. He was looking over his shoulder at whoever took the photograph, and the scars on his face looked so raw and red. The wounds still looked open, but they must’ve been years old by then. There was a handwritten caption under the taped picture. Back at Two Claws Ranch. Trig’s Dad passed, and he needs help to keep this place running. The MC is done. My Harley is sitting in the back shed and it’s a fuckin’ tragedy. I can’t even look at it anymore without missing the guys. We ain’t got no money to keep this place running. We need cattle prices to go up like…yesterday. Also, I need to get laid. Like…yesterday. I’ve been single too damn long and I think it’s making my inner devil go crazy. Trig keeps watching me like he’s worried. He should be.
Next page.
This one had a sketch of a cow with a little calf nursing off her. It was a quick drawing and all smudged with whatever medium he’d been using. Charcoal perhaps.
Next page.
It’s a strange feeling going from raising a kid sister to having nothing and no one to take care of. I feel like I have no purpose. I keep waiting for this instinct to fade, but the longer she’s gone, the worse it gets. There is a good possibility I’m broken. Or maybe I was never right in the first place.
Next page.
This was lined with movie tickets. All action adventures. At the bottom it said, Guess what my favorite kind of movie is? Hint: No, Karis, it’s not porn.
Karis huffed a laugh and turned to the last page.
It was a picture of Ava and, she guessed, Trigger. They were standing in a clearing, looking out at some woods, side-by-side. Where they held hands, Colt had circled it with red marker and drawn an arrow to a caption. Someday, I want this.
Someday I want this. She read that part over and over, and she knew down to her bones she couldn’t leave like this. Ava was right. Colt deserved for her to try.
Karis pulled her phone out of her purse and connected a call to Mom.
“Hey, Karis,” Mom answered.
“Put me on speaker.”
The line clicked, and Karis said, “Yes, I’m a breeder, and no, I didn’t tell you about it because I was ashamed and scared of what you all would think of me. I thought you would see me as the failure I am. But I found something really surprising here in this tiny town called Darby, Montana. A man. A nice man. A shifter like us, whose animal can deal with mine. And he treats me nice, and he’s interesting, and I’m going to stay here for a while and try to figure out what I want. And I need you to support me.”
There was a long pause before her dad murmured, “Okay.”
“Todd,” her mom whispered.
“No, honey. She’s telling us she has to do something. And what will it help for us to give her grief? She’s right. She’s grown, and she’ll do it anyway. We can make her miserable while she figures this out, or we can accept it and hope she makes the right decision.”
Karis could just imagine her mom and brothers shaking their heads, but Mom said, “Okay then. Let us know if you need anything. Keep us in the loop.”
Karis smiled as her throat thickened up with emotion. “I love you guys.”
“We love you, too,” Trevor muttered, “even though you smell like poo.”
“Poet!” Mark crowed, and there was a slapping sound of a high five.
Feeling better about standing her ground, Karis said her goodbyes and hung up the phone. When she looked out the window, Colt was there, leaned up against a tree, his cowboy hat riding low over his fiery eyes. His lips were set in a grim, thin line, but he wasn’t moving to stop her from leaving.
Karis huffed a sigh and scooted over to the passenger’s side. Hugging up the book with one hand, she waved him to the truck with the other.
Colt pushed off the tree and made his way to the driver’s side. He got in, closed the door beside him, but didn’t speak. He only sat there, his hands clenched against his thighs.
Karis slid over to the spot beside him and rested her head on his shoulder. And staring out the front window at the winter woods, she admitted, “I got scared.”
“Well, when I heard you roar ‘Stop,’ you sure as hell didn’t sound scared.”
She giggled and rested her hand on his thigh. “Genie and I were fighting. Again. Take me back to the cabin?”
“You sure?” he asked. “Because I don’t want to be scared of you turning chicken on me and running off. When I heard my truck engine, I thought I lost you. It wasn’t my favorite feeling.”
“This book is really special,” she murmured, running her hand down the glossy spine. “Getting to see this side of you makes me want to try.”
“Don’t run again without saying goodbye.” His whisper was raw and tugged at her heart. She’d hurt him. Him. A big tough grizzly bear shifter. He really did like her, and that was to be treasured, not thrown away.
“Take me home,” she whispered back, searching his gold eyes.
Colt leaned over and kissed her temple, rested his hand over hers on his thigh, and turned the truck around.
They weren’t just breeders anymore, waiting to put ink to a contract. The book had changed that.
The book had made this real.
No more running from the things that scared her.
A good man like Colt deserved for Karis to find her courage and make a stand.
Chapter Nine
It was almost dark, and Karis had already cleaned the cabin from top to bottom, put all her clothes from her suitcase into the bottom two drawers Colt had cleared out, successfully ignored eight texts from Jackson, and made three grilled cheese sandwiches. All of this was her stalling like a champ to talk to Ava because, truth-be-told, she was embarrassed for panicking this morning.
Ava had seen her at a weak moment, and first impressions were important. Karis knew she needed to get out of the cabin and face Colt’s sister. And his squirrel.
Puttering air out of her cheeks, she grabbed her favorite blue scarf and made her way out the front door into the cold. Suspiciously, she looked around, but there were no rodent teeth aimed at her neck, so that was a victory. Movement caught her eye, and the little squirrel was up in the branches of the nearest pine, holding what looked like the crust off a piece of toast. She chewed languidly and glared at Karis as she passed.
“Good girl,” she murmured when she walked past the tree without bleeding. She walked backward, too nervous to give that little critter her back. Those little needle teeth hurt! She didn’t turn back around until halfway to the big house.
All the lights were off in Ava and Trigger’s house, and Karis’s sensitive ears picked up some racket coming from the barn, so she aimed her boots through the crunching snow past the big cabin. The barn was old, rustic, and made her smile because it seemed so homey—like everything else on the ranch. Every inch of this place had a lived-in feel. A warmth about it.
Karis made her way past a fenced-in area that had a white horse and a paint, trotting along the edge, blowing frozen breath with every snort. She pushed open the sliding door to the barn and was hit by the fragrant smell of animals and hay. It wasn’t unpleasant. Instead, it was familiar, like the horseback riding camp she’d gone to for a summer when she was a kid. To keep the heat in, she hurried to slide the door closed behind her. The barn was well lit, had a loft above, and a strange, red door with a wreath hanging from it at the back. There was a beautiful black horse in the first stall on the right, but when she went to pet it, the horse did what every other animal she’d met here did and snapped its teeth at her. She yanked her hand away just in time, and he kicked the stall with a boom!
“Beast,” she muttered, her feelings hurt by the hateful creature.
“That’s Harley,” Ava called as she came out of the second stall. She turned around just in time to block a little brown and cream-colored animal’s escape through the open stall door. “No, no, no, you were tired just a second ago, Norman.”
“Is that the baby reindeer?” Karis asked in a pitch way higher and girlier than she’d intended.
Ava laughed as she pushed him back and shut the door quickly. “He’s my hairy baby. I snuck him in the house one time when Trigger was out looking for a lost cow, and now he thinks he’s too good to sleep in the barn.”
