by Sykes, Julia
A loud bang almost pierced my happy bubble, but not quite. Something cold and round was instantly pressed against my cheek, and a hand fisted in my hair, lifting my head. I glanced up to see what was going on, only mildly curious. Bradley was holding a gun to my head. I giggled, finding it bizarrely funny. He couldn’t hurt me. Nothing could. Everything was so… perfect.
“Let her go, Bradley.” I recognized the furious voice instantly. Sean was standing before me, a gun trained directly at his best friend’s heart. He was radiating that sense of power that I found so incredibly sexy. Heat flashed over my skin as my body awoke for him.
“Sean,” I said his name huskily, longingly. I needed him to take me, wanted him to join me in my blissful world.
“You’ll leave now if you know what’s good for you, boy-o,” Ronan warned from beside me. He also held a gun, and to my horror, he was pointing it at Sean. Something important was swirling at the edges of my mind. There was something that I needed to remember…
“Get out of here, Sean,” I ordered, my words slurring slightly. “I have to die.”
“We’re not leaving you, Claudia,” a different voice said. Was I dead already? I blinked hard, trying to focus my wavering vision. I could have sworn the man standing beside Sean was…
“She’s right, you know,” Ronan interrupted my concentration. “The snitch has to die. It’s the only way to protect ourselves. It’s the only way to protect you.”
Sean barked out a laugh. “As though you’ve ever cared about my well-being. And she’s not the snitch, old man. I am.”
Ronan’s face twisted into something so terrible to behold that a sliver of fear cut through my happiness. “You betrayed me?” He seethed. “For this cunt?! You’ll pay dearly for that, boy-o.”
His arm swung towards me, the direction of his aim changing. I knew that I should be scared, but I just felt relieved. I was going to die, and Sean was going to be safe.
“NO!” The crack of the bullet leaving the chamber mingled with his furious roar. I watched as Ronan dropped, his body hitting the floor with a heavy thud.
No no no!
He was supposed to kill me. I was supposed to be dead. Sean wasn’t safe…
“Step away from her, Bradley,” the other man commanded.
The coolness of the gun left my cheek. As soon as his hand released my hair, I slumped forward. I no longer had any control over my own body. I could feel myself falling, but the impact with the floor didn’t hurt. Fluffy clouds cushioned me, and I could taste warm rain on my tongue.
“Claudia!” Sean’s voice was filled with alarm. The feeling of his calloused hands upon me as he cradled me in his arms was exquisite.
“What’s wrong with her?” The other man’s voice demanded from above me. He sounded so familiar. But that was impossible. I looked up at his blurry figure, trying to force him to come into focus.
“She’s overdosing,” Bradley sneered. “You’re too late.”
“Fuck!” The man cursed. “Hold on, Claudia. The paramedics are already on their way.”
I concentrated on him hard. When I saw him, I knew that I was dying. “Clayton,” I smiled. “I’m glad you’re here.” I was so relieved. Sean was going to live.
“That’s right, Claudia. We’re here. Stay with us.” The beautiful sound of Sean’s lilting voice called my attention back to him.
“You’re going to be safe now,” I told him happily. “I’m dying. He can’t hurt you. He promised.”
“No!” He said sharply. “You’re not dying. You’re going to be fine.”
“But I have to,” I insisted. “I love you, Sean.”
And it was the truth. My love for him flooded every fiber of my being, filling my weightless body with a sweet, comforting warmth.
“You stay with me, Claudia. Do you hear me? That’s an order.”
I savored one last moment of looking into his gorgeous eyes before I allowed my own to close.
“No! Goddamn it, Claudia, open your eyes.” His voice was shaking. “Look at me!”
I love you, Sean.
I was happy to die.
Chapter 10
The first thing I became aware of was the warmth of his hand on mine. Although I was in the dark, I recognized the electric touch of his fingers instantly. They were lightly tracing the lines that crisscrossed my palm, tickling my skin. I smiled and let out a happy sigh.
“Claudia?” His voice was rough, strained.
“Mmmm?” I responded sleepily. I rolled over in my bed, seeking to shape my body around his. His hand was instantly at my shoulder, pressing me back down.
“Lie still,” he ordered. “I’m going to call the nurse.”
Nurse? Why would a nurse be at my house? And why wasn’t Sean holding me? I usually awoke to him pressed up against me after we spent the night in one another’s arms. And last night had been…
Wait. Something was wrong. I hadn’t been with Sean last night. I had been in that dingy apartment. I had been… dying. But if Sean was here, then he must be dead too.
No! Ronan had promised!
My eyes snapped open, and my heart twisted as Sean’s breathtaking face came into focus. I clutched at his hand with both of my own, panicking.
“Sean! What are you doing here?”
His eyes widened in surprise. “I wasn’t going to leave you, Claudia. Not for one second. I promised you that I wouldn’t.”
“No,” I said staunchly. “You promised that you would go on without me.”
His brow furrowed in puzzlement. Then comprehension dawned in his eyes, and he smiled at me gently. “You’re not dead, Claudia.” His lips abruptly twisted down into a frown. “Despite your best efforts. What the fuck were you thinking letting go like that? If the paramedics hadn’t gotten to you in time…” A ghost of remembered horror flickered in his eyes.
I sat bolt upright. “But if I’m alive, you’re not safe.” My fingernails dug into his skin as terror gripped me. “Ronan. He’s going to kill you!”
His hand was back at my shoulder, pushing me down again onto what I could now tell was a hospital bed. His expression was curiously blank when he spoke. “Ronan is never going to hurt anyone ever again. I killed him.”
“What?” I breathed, shocked. I searched my mind, trying to piece together disjointed memories. I could perfectly recall everything up to the point when the needle pierced my skin. After that, things got hazy.
“He was going to kill you, Claudia,” he said, his voice hard. “And he almost succeeded. I stopped him.”
The image of Ronan falling to the floor flashed across my mind. He really was dead. Sean had killed him in order to stop him from shooting me.
“Are you okay?” I asked quietly, studying his face carefully.
Lines of tension appeared at the corners of his eyes. “I’m fine,” he replied, his tone clipped.
I eased the ferocity of my grip on him, but I maintained my hold. “He was your father, Sean,” I said gently.
Anguish warred with fury in the depths of his eyes. “He was a monster who ruined so many lives. Yours, mine, my mother’s. I wasn’t going to let him take you from me.”
I reached up and touched his face lightly. “But he was still your father. It’s okay to be upset.”
His handsome features were tight, strained. “He deserved it,” he whispered. A single tear trailed its way down his cheek. I caught it with a brush of my fingertips before it could fall. “But yes, he was my father.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m sorry that you had to do that because of me.”
His expression suddenly turned fierce as he speared me with his intense green gaze. “I would trade him for you a thousand times over and never regret it.”
I cupped either side of his face in my hands and gently pulled him towards me, rising to meet him halfway. Our lips met briefly, needing the contact the reassure both of us that the other was real. He pressed his forehead against mine, and his warm breath tickled across my lips as
he spoke.
“I love you, Claudia.”
A joy so intense swelled within me that I thought my heart would burst from it. This was far better than any drug could ever be.
“I love you too, Sean.”
He smiled at me gently. “I know. You told me. Now, do you want to explain to me how loving me goes hand-in-hand with you wanting to die? If you love me like I love you, why would you try to leave me like that?” His voice was laced with pain.
“I’m sorry I almost let go, Sean,” I said, my voice small. “I was so strung out at that point. I didn’t process that Ronan was dead. He told me that he was going to kill you if I didn’t kill myself. He thought that I was the only leak, and he decided that there wouldn’t be any credible evidence against him if I was dead. It was supposed to look like an accident so that it could never be definitively linked back to him.”
Sean’s arms tensed around me. “I wish I could kill him again,” he growled. “More slowly this time.”
“Don’t say that, Sean,” I insisted softly. “I know that’s not who you are. Don’t let him change you. The Sean I know wouldn’t hurt anyone.”
“The Sean you know isn’t a killer,” he said hollowly.
I looked at him levelly. “Am I a killer, Sean?” He blinked hard and drew back from me slightly, bewildered.
“No. Of course not. Why would you even ask that?”
“I shot Hector Garcia,” I reminded him, my voice tripping over the dead man’s name. “You told me that I did what I had to do, that I’m not a murderer. You’re not either, Sean. You did what you had to do. And you didn’t even choose yourself over him. You chose me. You chose to shoulder the burden of another man’s soul in order to save my life. It was a selfless act, Sean, not murder.”
He looked at me in wonder. “How can you be so good to me, Claudia? After everything I’ve done? Knowing everything that I am?”
“It’s because I know everything that you are. Better than you know it yourself. You’re always telling me what a good person I am, but you can’t see that you are too. I need you to believe that there is goodness inside you, Sean. I need you to see what I see.”
“I don’t know if I can,” he said hoarsely, shaking his head slightly.
I smiled at him gently, stroking away the creases in his furrowed brow. “Then I’ll show you. I’ll remind you of it every day until you finally give up and agree to see things my way.”
The corner of his mouth tugged up in that lopsided smile that made my heart flutter. “So you play the long game, huh? Do you really think that you can manipulate me, little one?”
I cocked my head at him, considering. “I can try.” I smiled slyly. “I’ll have plenty of time to learn from the best.”
“Do you really mean that?” He asked, his eyes shining with hope. “How much time do we have? I want to be with you, Claudia. Will you stay with me after all of this is over?”
Beaming, I flung my arms around his neck, hugging him to me tightly. “Yes, Sean. I want that more than anything. I love you.”
He returned my embrace with equal ferocity. “I love you too.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing that,” I declared happily.
“You had better not,” he said playfully.
We held each other for long minutes, and I gloried in his warmth, his scent, his touch. I could hardly believe that this was real, that somehow I had survived and Ronan was no longer a threat. Sean and I were finally free from his father. The feeling of lightness that spread throughout my being was incredible. What had seemed an insurmountable weight of grief had finally been lifted. The sadness at the loss of my parents and Clayton would always linger, but it would no longer control my life.
Clayton.
Something was hovering at the edges of my mind. I thought back over my memories of the night before. I knew that I was missing something important. Reluctantly, I pulled away from Sean.
“How did you find me?” I asked.
A wide grin split his face. “I have a surprise for you. Let me call the nurse so that the doctor can give you the all-clear.” He pressed the call button before I could protest.
“But how did you find me?” I persisted.
He kissed my forehead tenderly. “I promise I’ll explain everything. Just be patient for a while longer.”
I rolled my eyes at him, exasperated. Why couldn’t he just tell me now?
“Watch it, little one. You know that I don’t like it when you roll your eyes at me.”
The nurse entered the room before I could deliver a retort. She checked me over thoroughly before telling me that my vitals looked good. “You’re very lucky that we got you the naloxone when we did,” she told me. “It helped counteract the overdose. You should be good to go.”
I pulled on my clothes after she left the room, relieved that I was allowed to leave. Even though I was a doctor, the idea of being a patient in a hospital didn’t sit well with me. It put me in a position where people could boss me around, and I hated that. A doctor came in briefly and gave me the all-clear. I couldn’t wait to get out of there and get home. Then maybe I would get some answers out of Sean.
When we left my room and entered the elevator, he surprised me by taking us up two floors instead of back down to the lobby. “Where are we going?” I asked, curious and a bit peeved that I wasn’t going to leave the hospital.
Sean just smiled down at me. “You’ll see.”
I frowned at him and put a hand on my hip. “I don’t really do cryptic, you know,” I informed him.
His smile remained in place. “Well, I like surprises. And I’ll spring them on you until you learn to like them too.”
“Who’s playing the long game now?” I muttered, but I was more amused than annoyed. No one had arranged a surprise for me in years, and I honestly couldn’t remember if I liked them or not. Maybe I could learn to. It didn’t look like Sean was going to give me a choice in the matter anyway.
When we exited the elevator, Sean led me a short way down the corridor before knocking lightly on one of the doors.
“Come in.” My heart skipped a beat. That voice… It couldn’t be.
Then Sean pushed the door open, and my knees went weak as shock tore through me. “Clayton?” I breathed as Sean gripped my upper arms, preventing me from falling.
Clayton grinned at me from his hospital bed. “Hi,” he said brightly. “You’re looking better.”
My eyes remained glued to Clayton’s blue ones as Sean guided me to the chair beside his bed. I collapsed back onto it as soon as he released me. I looked up at Sean. “Are you sure we’re not dead?” I asked him faintly.
“Nope,” Clayton answered, drawing my attention back to him. “All three of us are alive and well.” He grimaced slightly. “Mostly well. I kind of hurt all over, but other than that, I’m good. The doctors say I’ll make a full recovery. You know, if I stop leaving the hospital without authorization. They were pretty pissed when I showed back up with half of their work undone.”
My mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. “How…?” My voice stuck in my throat. I swallowed and tried again. “What the hell is going on? You were dead, Clayton! I watched you die.”
He frowned, anger flickering in his eyes. “No, you didn’t. You watched me lose a shit ton of blood. I didn’t die, Claudia. Well, technically my heart stopped for six minutes, but we’re not counting that.”
How was he so nonchalant about all of this? Didn’t he know what he had put me through? I was suddenly furious. “If you weren’t clearly already in pain, I would punch you in the face,” I informed him hotly. “I was at your funeral, for god’s sake! I saw your… Oh, god, your parents! How could you put them through that?” I demanded angrily.
Clayton’s easy smile was gone, his expression anguished. “I’ve contacted them to let them know that I’m okay. I think they’ll come around to being pissed at me, but right now they’re just so relieved that I’m alive that they’re st
ill talking to me.” He looked at me intently. “I did something stupid, Claudia. Several years ago, I told the FBI that if I was ever severely wounded they could stage my death so that I could go in deep cover somewhere. Like what Santiago is doing with the Latin Kings.”
“You’re right,” I said seriously. “That was stupid. No gangster is ever going to believe that some corn-fed boy from the Midwest has any street cred.”
He smiled self-deprecatingly. “Fair point, Dr. Ellers.” His expression sobered quickly. “When I woke up in the hospital and they told me what had happened, I was furious with myself. I should have signed off from the program when I became your handler. You were still in danger, and I was powerless to protect you. I wanted to come to you immediately, but it turns out a bullet to the gut isn’t something to take lightly, even if it did miss all of my major organs. Yesterday I was finally strong enough to escape, ah, I mean leave. So I went straight to your house to check on you. Sean told me that you had returned to work but that they hadn’t successfully arrested Ronan or Bradley. Incompetent, irresponsible idiots,” he muttered.
“Agreed,” Sean said coolly.
“Hey,” I rushed to Sharon’s defense. “If anything, it’s my fault. I insisted that they let me go. It was stupid.” I glared at Sean. “And don’t you dare say ‘I told you so’.”
He held up his hands, placating. “I didn’t say a word.”
“I could hear you thinking it,” I accused. He just shrugged, unapologetic. I supposed I deserved that. But I would never admit as much.
“Well, when I found out, I tried to call you to make sure you were okay,” Clayton continued. “I got worried when you didn’t answer, and I made Sharon go into the clinic to check on you. As soon as she told me you weren’t there, I tracked the location of your phone. Sean recognized it as an address where the Westies sometimes deal. We called it in, but we didn’t wait for the cavalry to show up. If we had waited, you would probably be dead right now.” Something darkened in his eyes as his gaze turned inward.
