“None of this has been fair on my end. You’ve gotten everything, and I’ve told you an awful lot about my family, and I’ve gotten not much from you in return. Now you want me to admit I want to jump your bones again? Just like that?” Natalia snapped her fingers and I flinched at the sound in the middle of all the white noise of nature. “I won’t give you something for nothing, buddy. That’s not fair and you good and well know it! Jesus, I’m a virgin! What we did yesterday meant a lot to me, so before you go asking for more, know what you’re asking of me.”
Once she seemed to wind down, the words finally sunk in through my thick skull. Virgin. Natalia was a virgin. A sense of disgust ripped through me as I nearly tore my hair out from its roots. I’d been so pushy yesterday. She said I hadn’t, but I couldn’t believe her now. There was new information on the table, and everything was seen through a different lens. I’d been a fucking brute.
“Fuck…Natalia…I’m sorry…” I scrubbed a sweaty hand down my face and wanted to punch something for being so careless. “I didn’t— “
“No, Liam. It’s not about my sexual experience here. I mean, it is, a little, but it isn’t. Not right now. Right now it’s about me giving everything and you always being in control. That’s the problem.”
“One of many,” I muttered with a small prayer for patience.
“Excuse me?” she blinked at me, her lips thinning with her hands on her hips.
Now I’d done it. I cringed watching her face both crumple and tighten as if she wore a mask. This wasn’t supposed to be this way, we were supposed to have a good time, and it should have been to make up for yesterday, not as another starting off point to more conflict between us. We had enough outside help without the extra fighting from each other. I sighed and sunk down onto the picnic blanket Tanner had thrown out for us unable to look at her just yet as my head digested all the new information scrolling through my thoughts.
“How can I make it better?” The words crawled up my throat coming out in a husky rasp. The stress of our first fight was practically turning me inside out. “I didn’t realize.”
“I know,” Natalia’s voice seemed to deflate, all the anger going out of her in a rush. I heard her footsteps near me and then she sat down next to me. “I know you’re used to protecting yourself after the attack, it’s only natural, I get it. But you shouldn’t have to protect yourself from me. Don’t you get that? I’ve done everything I can…to prove that you can trust me.”
The last few words seemed stuck in her throat. I cringed at the knowledge that she might not think she was trustworthy, that she was giving huge pieces of herself to a man who she didn’t even think valued her that way. Shit, I’d really screwed the pooch.
A sickening shudder tightened my stomach as I clutched it. Neither of us touched, and I was thankful for the lack of physical contact. My emotions were on overload and even her body heat from a few inches away seared across my senses, an awareness that I could never shake off. If we even brushed each other, I wasn’t sure I could keep myself from turning. Heat sizzled beneath the last layer of my skin until my blood boiled with the bone-deep urge to give in to my turmoil.
I’d done that yesterday in the helicopter, and we’d seen how well that worked out for everyone. Instead, I focused on my breath. Small counts, in and out, focusing on the moment rather than the anger and hatred rising up my throat and threatening to spark to life beneath my skin.
“Are you okay?” Her gentle words floated to me from somewhere else as if she wasn’t that close to me anymore.
I took a step away from her at first, but turned to face her head on. That look of worry returned to her whiskey brown eyes. Her eyebrows went up, and even though I hadn’t said a word, she nodded with understanding as if she could read my mind. If only it were that easy.
“I’m okay, I just needed a minute to get myself together.”
“You’re still new yet.” She nodded as if that was the only answer she really needed before she bit her lip, assessing me with her gaze. “Do you trust me?”
“Yes.” The word was past my lips before I could think about it. Because there really wasn’t any thinking that needed to be done here, I’d trusted her once with my life, when I was helpless. Now that I was free, I trusted her with a lot more than that—because she’d earned it. “Yes, I trust you.”
“Then prove it, Liam.”
Chapter 19 - Liam
“How?”
“Let me show you the fun in being at one with your internal turmoil. You’ve learned the restraint, the bottling up. Have you explored the silver lining at all?”
“I doubt there’s a positive side, Natalia,” I spoke dryly, not trying to conceal my doubt, and she made a small clicking noise with her tongue.
“You said you trusted me, right?”
Our eyes met, and she looked away first. I’d really done a number on her over the past few days. I hadn’t meant to at all. I needed to stand up and be a man of my word. It was the only way to fix things between us. Even if the idea of losing it while she was around left my pulse in a chaotic tempo against my temples.
“What do you need me to do?”
“Let go. That’s it, just let go for me. I’ll take it from there, okay?”
I nodded, no longer trusting my voice. It’d be easy to let out the rage right now. There’d been enough outside stimuli, and there was no one to see us, no one to report the incident. We were safe, even if getting angry around her would make me vulnerable. That was the point. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, readying myself to surrender like I’d done yesterday except only this time he wasn’t going to fully take the driver’s seat again. There was some training in place, and I had to put it to use.
It wouldn’t be like last time. When I’d lost it in the shed, the space had closed in on me, locking me in a claustrophobic nightmare as Natalia talked to me, barely able to reach me. This wasn’t anything like my memory. The only thing that remained constant was Natalia.
On my next breath, everything changed.
Chapter 20 - Natalia
There was an audible pop as Liam sloughed off his pretentious attitude, and came to me as a regular guy. Deep down, I was sure this was the real Liam. Raw and honest. There wasn’t time to waste. Now that I had faced my anger, it didn’t take much out of me.
There was no one here. There was nothing but the sharp, crystal-clear water. I breathed deep and started heading up the path past the falls. My hope was that he would follow me. Let everything else go and let nature right-size him. Within less than a minute, I got my wish, and Liam was at my side, kicking up dirt in his wake as if carving an entirely new path.
I wasn’t sure how long we hiked, using every ounce of energy to pound across the trails and paths. At one point, it became like second nature. One foot in front of the other until we were at the top of another small waterfall. Aches and pains ran deep through my muscles. I ignored every single one of them. With a hiss of warning, I knocked him with a sharp elbow to his ribs, and he doubled over. While he caught his breath, I leaped off the rocky ledge into the water.
The big splash behind me a few moments later told me he wasn’t against getting a little wild and dirty. I could hardly react, given the icy feel of the water compared to the killer heat of the desert. I swam through the pool, fighting the current as I headed toward the opposite bank with him close behind. As I climbed out, I looked back at Liam. He swam behind me, water foaming at his chest. He hopped up onto dry land and shook off some of the water weighing down his clothes. We never took our gaze off each other for too long. He dove back into the water, swimming under the roar of the waterfall, and when he was tired, we flopped down on the sandy red bank. The sun helped to warm our cold bones, and ease the throb of our muscles.
A solid sense of simple contentment wrapped around us as we hung out in our own little piece of perfection. Liam seemed in his element. Any moment, I expected him to return to the water and grab a fish with his bare hands for lun
ch. I let my eyes close, slightly lounging in the heat. We could be this open around each other now, because something had grown between us that wasn’t there before. Or maybe it was. Some form of trust. The notion was as elusive as the sadness inside me, which soaked up the sun and overtook my brain.
I gave into her urges letting a large sigh relax my body. Stretching out on the ground, I kept one eye trained on Liam as he approached and took a seat beside me. Was he even aware that he put his arm around my shoulder and kissed my cheek? It seemed like second nature. It felt oddly right. As he settled in next to me, I was so relaxed that I rested my head on his shoulders. Aa nap didn’t sound too bad.
Someone was shaking me until I jerked awake with an automatic hiss.
“Bout fucking time, hellcat!”
When I thrust off the ground, I was dimly aware of Liam’s bodyguard standing over me. His facial expression was close to feral. It was the only way to describe the tension coming off the man in waves as he threw a bundle of clothes at me.
“Get up.”
“What? What’s going on?” I shoved on the workout clothes and glanced around for Liam, who was nowhere to be found, at least not where I’d least seen him. A startling prickle of apprehension niggled low in my gut. “Talk to me. Where’s Liam?”
“Your boyfriend is waiting in the back of the ATV. We’re headed back to the mansion. Maybe if you hadn’t pulled a Sleeping Beauty we could have been quicker about it.”
He pinned me down with a glare, and I fixed him with a dark look of my own before following him down the trail. Until we came to the ATV with the engine running, ready to shoot out with all of us inside it. My heart rose in my throat at the sprawled, dirty body thrown in the backseat. I rushed forward for the pulse in his neck. Tanner jerked my wrist at the last second and dragged me over to the front passenger seat.
“Leave him. He’s fine. Needs to sleep it off in his home, is all.”
Still I crouched and looked behind me the entire ride toward the helipad keeping an eye out for the uneven rise and fall of Liam’s chest. Sure, transitioning after what he had gone through couldn’t be easy. Not so soon. It was a well-known fact, and someone must have taught him that—but had I overestimated his skill? Had we been acting like crazed individuals for so long that he couldn’t calm down anymore? I racked my brain for the answer and came up empty handed. It had been too long.
If I was too careless with him, this would be on me.
Chapter 21 - Natalia
By the time we were crossing the enormous threshold to Liam’s home my only thought was for the preservation of his ribs as he jostled along, unconscious, over his bodyguard’s shoulder. Any complaining from me was silenced with one look. I’d stopped trying midway through the helicopter ride. He walked through the grand foyer as if he owned it, carrying Liam as though he were no more difficult to hold than throwing a necktie around across his shoulders. I bit my lip and looked away again.
I cleared my throat as Tanner called through the house.
“Yo, anyone home? We have a situation here.”
He seemed cool as a cucumber while I thought my jaw was going to fall off from clenching it so hard. I dug my fingernails into my palms. My head cocked at an angle, straining to hear footsteps. We couldn’t be the only people here, a house like this must come staffed with at least a dozen people. I knew Liam wasn’t getting his nails dirty dusting the banisters. A small sigh came out of me, and Tanner looked back with a disapproving expression.
“What?” I snapped, ready to carry Liam up the stairs myself to any old room if it meant getting him comfortable and off the brute’s shoulders.
“Hello, how may I—oh. Oh, my…” A small women seemed to have come out the woodwork from somewhere and was blinking at Liam with wide eyes regarding Tanner with a stern look. “What’s going on here? I expect some answers.”
If she had a broom, I thought she might beat Tanner with it.
“We’ll give you answers while you show us to your boss’s room, cool?” Tanner was already starting up the stairs as if the woman had a choice. I could only assume she was the housekeeper.
Within a snap of a finger, she had crossed paths with Tanner who grunted at the woman’s quick gait and then we were following her down the hall until she opened a bank of double doors and showed us into the master of the house’s room. Or rooms, I should say, considering there was more than one. There wasn’t a huge amount of time to digest this fact. Not when Tanner shuffled his burden before dumping him on the bed. Both myself and the housekeeper offered startled exclamations, but the huge man didn’t seem worried as he fumbled in his pockets for a pack of cigarettes.
“Not inside, you big oaf!” The other woman nearly chased Tanner out onto an adjoining balcony before she smoothed her pressed pantsuit and looked at me for the first time. “And you would be?”
I gave the woman, whose name I later found out was Mrs. Matthews, a quick, sketchy introduction, and that I was a good friend of her boss. Good. Everything minus the drama. I simply explained that Liam had passed out from heat exhaustion, which wasn’t entirely a lie. Her stare flicked from him and back to me, but she seemed resigned to accepting my story. Her lips curled into a half-smile and her eyes narrowed as if she hadn’t meant to be this nice to me.
“I’ll call a car for you.”
She turned away, and I stopped her by briefly tapping on her shoulder before she moved away. Mrs. Matthews turned back to face me with a stunned expression on her face.
“Yes?”
“If you don’t mind, I’d like to stay with him.”
The woman blinked again, lips pursing as one eyebrow arched upward with a question she wasn’t about to speak. Her hand curled around the edge of the four poster bed, knuckles white, I noticed. When I settled down on the bed next to Liam and tucked a blanket more firmly around him, she made a small noise.
“I can take care of him if that’s okay with you.” I didn’t dare look away from the man’s pale, blank face. There was a crash of the balcony door and Tanner came back around into the room clearing his throat.
“Alright, looks like he’s taken care of by the women. I’ll be downstairs in the game room if anyone needs me.”
Neither of us looked at him, but something tingled on the air. Some subtle energy lingered between us as I took Liam’s hand in mine. Still somber, I traced along the bluish paleness of his veins with my thumb. It took me a while to acknowledge it, but this was my perfect shot to score information for Jared. I knew with a hollow ache that I couldn’t bring myself to do it, even with such a threat resting on my shoulders.
I’d have to give them false bits of information or lead them on a wild goose chase.
“Should I call the doctor, do you think? You were there, did he fall or hit his head?” Mrs. Matthews’s pleasant questions cut through the fog in my mind.
I shook my head ripping my gaze away from Liam’s face.
“No, Tanner caught him before anything could happen, and we came back here. Once he wakes up, he should be fine. We could use some food and water if you wouldn’t mind.”
“Of course, what would you like?”
When I gave her my order her forehead crinkled with concern, but she nodded and headed off to give the order to the cook. I was sure the request for rare steak and salmon sounded strange, but it was the best get-well meal I could think up. Our version of chicken noodle soup. There really wasn’t anything else for me to do now, other than wait it out. Hopefully, I could pass the time thinking up convenient lies to tell them. Until now, I was out of ideas.
Chapter 22 - Liam
A sharp stabbing pain in my ribs woke me up as I startled back into awareness, unable to shake off the grogginess of what felt similar to a really bad hangover. In the back of my head, I knew I hadn’t had anything to drink. The last thing I remembered—
“Hey, you alive over there?”
Natalia’s voice intruded on my mentally taking stock of all the various aches and pains
that even as I rested began to recede into small, soothing tingles. I’d never felt anything so violent before. I’d been knocked flat on my ass, that was normal. However, aching all through my body stung, and wiped me out.
“This…normal?” I groped for some form of speech, my throat parched and aching as Natalia moved toward me, grabbing a water bottle on my bedside table, and helping me drink from it.
“Now that you’ve woken up, you should be fine. Your body needed quiet time to recover. That’s probably why you passed out, but in a few days, with hydration and some food in you, you’ll be good as new.” Her hand rested on my forehead and her fingertips skimmed my cheek. “You feeling okay otherwise?”
I nodded again, untrusting of my voice. She gave me an abbreviated version of how I came to be in my home again and thrust a plate of slightly cold steak in my face. It was less than appetizing. Still, it didn’t look like she’d remove it from under my nose until I took a bite. The first piece went down, and I wrinkled my nose, stomach closing like a fist. A second piece and I was suddenly ravenous.
At one point her hand latched around my wrist, and heard a soft groan.
“Slow down.”
I realized the rumble was coming from my throat and tried my best to take it down a notch before falling back on an old habit and chewing thirty times before swallowing my food. It no longer mattered that it was cold, tough meat. Afterward, she put both plates outside my bedroom and closed the door. She stood there for a brief second looking at me.
“Afraid I’m going to fly away?” I gently teased to hide the angle of my thoughts.
“No,” she laughed and nudged my leg so she could sit on the edge of the bed next to me. “I was worried about you for a while there. I’d never seen someone be so…still.”
“You probably don’t have much experience with a crowd like ours, and I imagine every clan has a different recovery time.”
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