by Zohar Neiger
"As in, you're the whole reason we're here, on this trip," I continued, "and… we would never let you come to harm, not if we can help it. I know I act stupidly sometimes, but I hope you can still trust me. And still forgive me. I am sorry."
Alioth closed her eyes, nodding subtly enough for me to notice.
"Akhet is still upset with me, I think," I said, "or maybe just with herself. She'll come around. We'll make it to the Northern Lights, after we visit Urumqi."
A long pause drifted over us, wherein she opened her eyes again. I felt myself growing sleepy, almost knocking myself out. My arms and legs were tired from carrying her over from where she was injured.
"Shaman Fang."
"Yeah?" I slurred.
"Please keep talking."
I snapped out of my drowsiness, gawking at her with widened eyes like two moons. "Hm?"
"I… wonder if there's a God," she said, her voice rough. "A God that loves me."
I let a little smile touch my lips, facing the ground. "I can't really help you with faith in god, but Akhet is pretty good proof."
"No," she said, "that loves me."
I had no idea how to respond, so said nothing.
"Just keep talking, please," she begged.
"Alioth, I'm not sure what to say. I… just want to know what happened to you."
"Akhet saved me," she replied. "From a whirlwind I got sucked into."
"A whirlwind? Wasn't—"
"It wasn't Janet," she snapped, "it wasn't."
"Okay," I said. "See? Akhet loves you, right? She saved you even though you're a demon and she's an angel."
"She's more like me than you think," Alioth said. "But if you or Akhet love me, does God not love me?"
I don't believe in her god. I don't believe in a god at all, because a god would never let humans' hubris expand so much that he lets them decide who gets to be immortal and who doesn't.
Even if Akhet is proof, they have been on earth for a long time, and there's no telling if god is still there.
"I think god loves you, sure, yeah, maybe even sent Akhet to save you," I responded despite my point of view. "I mean, I guess it's essential… to be loved by god, in order to continue living."
"I was born to be hated by God," she muttered. "Never mind. Forget I asked."
"Alioth," I ticked my tongue. "You won't ever meet god, right? So… isn't it more important that the people that are important to you love you? Putting it that way, god may have been the father of the first people, but now we're too many generations in and he turned into that judgmental relative in a holiday dinner. Who cares if he created the universe? It's still a stuck-up thing to do."
"Hooey," Alioth barked out a laugh. "That's what I meant, when I didn't want you to stop talking."
"H-huh?"
"You cheer up my soul. Thank you."
I smiled, convincing myself that was a compliment. "At least you admit you have one of those."
"Shaman Fang?"
"Yeah?"
"Even still… I think, since… since it wasn't Janet, maybe I'm the Whirlwind Curse, after all."
I took a pause.
"Hey," I laughed, "don't be silly."
"How else would you explain it?" She looked at me with alarmed eyes. "I mean, whirlwinds aren't that common. And Janet wouldn't… they wouldn't… do that to me, would they?"
I furrowed my eyebrows. "Originally, they said your mother is to blame."
Alioth huffed, but the deeper meaning of that sunk into both of us at the same time.
Her jaw came loose. "You mean she could be in the area?" she whispered.
"Maybe."
I looked at the young girl beside me, and the more I looked, the more she resembled my Lan'er. Sorry. Princess Huilan. Not my Lan'er.
Princess Huilan.
I squeezed the cloth into the water again, going back to cleaning her burns. She flinched at its touch. I think it's time I told her, now that Akhet knows the truth about me. I hope this wins her trust for good.
"Alioth, I knew your mother." I turned my head away, so I don't have to meet her reaction, but that didn't help, I felt her eyes on me anyway. They were back.
"I thought so," she murmured. "She knew of you, at least."
I was relieved she wasn't shocked. "Yes, she knew of my cataract when no one in your Bedouin city did. Your mother was… she was born in China."
"We were traveling traders once." Alioth nodded. I could see what she was doing: she was backing up my claims with proof of her own, to verify them for herself.
"She was abandoned as a child."
"She was a jinni."
"And adopted by the emperor, given the highest rank of army general under himself."
She had no way to verify this, so she went silent.
"She was the one who sent me from China to the monastery. That's how she knew I was there, and I'm assuming that's why she chose to go to your city, of all places, after the empire fell."
"I…" Alioth gulped.
"But there was another thing," I smiled softly, finishing the cleanup of her right arm. "We were engaged."
"Wha—Ah!" She moved her arm, and her facial features scrunched at the pain. "You were…"
"You can imagine what I felt about your existence," I chuckled, helping her sit in a relaxed position again.
When her eyes opened, they were glistening, reddening by the moment. "My father must have truly loved her," she said.
"What?"
She didn't respond until a few moments later. "If my existence bothers you, why did you agree to join me? Why did you help me?"
"It doesn't bother me anymore. I… uh…"
I felt protective.
"I felt a duty to her, I suppose."
Alioth looked down to her feet, eyes miserable and far away again. Maybe I should have said I felt protective instead.
"But that assures you of my loyalty, doesn't it?"
She found this funny for some reason, and laughed without a smile. "I guess it does."
"Did I hurt you?" I asked.
She looked at me, perplexed.
"You never tell me when you're hurt."
"I'm not hurt. But what you said makes a lot of sense."
We sat in brief silence. If, as Janet said, Lan'er brought Diana with her to the city, and also caused whirlwinds, telling Janet to pose as the cause of them… could it be Lan'er was sheltering Diana, by obscuring the presence of a Hawaiian ku'pua in the city through whirlwind distractions? They didn't know Diana was in the city until she examined me, like Doctor Hadeel said.
"My mom… what if she really is in the area?"
"If she is," I said, "Janet will do as I asked, and send her our regards."
Alioth went silent for a bit.
"I guess there's no drawing for me, for a while, with these burns…" she lamented.
38
May you be Forgiven
Our camp was in shadow for a few moments when Akhet announced their arrival over the sun.
Their gigantic feathery wings held a pure glow around their edges, golden tips shimmering in the sunlight. They landed on the ground, dusting themselves off from the sand that blew up into their dress. They were holding things in either hand.
"Got a couple things for ya," Akhet announced, not to anyone in particular.
"Akhet, where's your necklace?" Alioth asked from within the tent, watching the outside from the shade. Yes, the three-sun necklace I carved was missing from Akhet's neck.
"Very observant, o demon," they grinned, "I traded it for some Aloe Vera for you."
"You did what?" I jumped.
"Found a city, found Aloe Vera, found a way to pay, found a way to treat Alioth's wounds, what do you want from me, Houyi?" Akhet slung words into my heart. After they were done, their sap-colored glassy eyes softened, handing me the other item they had in their hands. "I did something for you, too, if it makes you feel any better. You didn't even have to ask this time."
Alioth crawled up to
the edge of the tent, arms shivering in her movement. Akhet tossed her the bottle with the lotion, missing her hands. She took it off the ground.
"Sorry," Akhet said, "Only humans can accurately throw things, of all my Papa's creations."
I looked at the item Akhet handed me. It was a letter, encased within an open envelope. It smelled of rain.
Inside was a long letter in Latin letters, handwritten in cyan ink, but under each line was the Arabic translation in a different handwriting.
"Aloha e Akhet,
Glad to hear you're doing fine on your mission. We miss you too, but we know you'll find Hoku Lele one way or another, and it is good to "mix things up" sometimes.
The expansion of the human telescope here is still going on, but so are the protests. I'll keep you updated.
As per your request, I gathered the girls and we brainstormed those (that we know might exist) that left to do their jobs outside of Hawaii, and here's the list:
Ao-puahiohio – Ku'pua of the storm. Forms: human, greyhound. Cause: went to cause floods in various rivers in her father's honor.
Lau Malo'o – Ku'pua of the leaves. Forms: ladybeetle, yellow cat. Cause: went to cause Autumn in Japan. Probably got adopted somewhere.
Tane – God of forests. Cause: has been away since the war between him and the storm gods.
My eyes skipped over the rest of the long list.
And of course, Hoku Lele – Ku'pua of shooting stars. Forms: human, silver fox. Cause: went to shoot stars back into the sky wherever needed.
There's still a steaming hot He'e Poke bowl for you when you return, with ginger and avocado like you enjoy.
Take care,
Lilinoe."
I looked up from the letter, at Akhet who was watching me with crossed arms.
"I can see why you want to go back," I tried to laugh, "they seem nice."
They turned their eyes to the ground. "I think the ku'pua in the Al-Nuri city is Ao-puahiohio. You know, Diana," they said. "it checks out."
"But, why would you check this for me?" I asked.
Akhet looked away, refusing my eyes. I studied the cut on their nose. It was flayed, and still didn't bleed.
"We should patch up your nose again." I walked up to them, lightly touching their forearm, feeling their scales for the first time. They were cold and smooth like a rock.
"Oh, Hou," Akhet said, a disappointed tone to their voice, reaching their other hand to lower mine. "I'll do it myself."
Somehow it was so easy to apologize to Alioth, but not so with Akhet. I couldn't bring myself to say anything.
"Did you see shooting stars last night?" Akhet asked casually, walking up to the supplies to get another band aid.
"No, Akhet, sorry."
Oh. I just apologized. I didn't even think about it.
Akhet's back straightened, and they were stretching a bandage with both their hands, rolling it around. They answered in Huapaya's imitation: "May you be forgiven." It took only another moment before they let escape a sneaky smirk. "Actually, doesn't matter, you won't be going to heaven or hell, will ya now?"
Are they still talking about me seeing shooting stars?
They padded down the bandage on their nose, sticking it with tape. "I guess that's what unifies the two of us, you know, you, me. We're not going anywhere."
I watched them hissing at the pain that ostensibly came from touching the cut. "Akhet, what does god want with that ku'pua you were sent after anyway?"
"Ah, Houyi, no guessing what my Papa wants."
"But… I mean, according to your story, you decided to follow her yourself. So then why are you on earth, really?"
"Been here for a while, Houyi," Akhet murmured, eyeing down the tent. "Look, we just recovered from an argument, let's save this one."
I chuckled, "So, I guess we both know each other's soft spots now, eh, Akhet?"
They managed me a sad smile, their fang only slightly poking out their lip. "Let's hope the situation in which we can use that against each other never arises."
Knowing myself, I'll never stop asking myself more and more questions about Akhet. Still, they're right, I don't want to upset them again. They're my friend.
We set off again, Alioth finally putting on her hijab.
Though we were on foot, and though it took us much longer to cross through Iran this way, we made it eventually.
Each time, we traded little items for a night and a warm meal. Once, an innkeeper offered us 7 nights in exchange for Akhet's halo ring, but of course, I refused.
Now, if only I had my Chinese passport…
39
Navy Blue Ink
It took quite a bit of broken Chinese to explain to the Chinese border patrol agent why we had no documents. However, it was quite enough for Akhet to willingly reveal her true form for the agent to faint, and we sifted right by, into the same mountain range we were in before the border.
We were walking on a road surrounded by sand, at 4,693 meters of elevation. Akhet stubbornly demanded I climb it on foot with Alioth, because my lungs needed time to adjust to the thin air. It took multiple days, and I was exhausted.
It was freezing cold, and Alioth and I were wrapped up in the sleeping bags as we walked. The mountain Akhet spoke of, the second tallest in the world, Mountain K2, was visible in the horizon, blanketed with snow.
"Isn’t it a beauty?" Akhet gushed.
It's been too long since I spoke Chinese, though I always thought in Chinese to preserve it. I would mutter in Chinese under my breath when looking for an Arabic word, but Huapaya would always scold me for doing so. He couldn't scold me for thinking in my native language.
With every step into China I worked on embedding my thoughts back onto my voice, the words dripping back on my throat like acid rain from my cloud-shaped brain. I was growing anxious. Maybe, the language has changed so much since I was last here, that no one would understand me. It's worth a try.
My tongue wouldn't sit comfortably in my mouth.
"Hey, Akhet," I jogged up to them, hot smoke trailing out my mouth. They were always a little up ahead, their majestic wings drooping and dragging on the ground. "Nǐhǎo."
"Oo!" She squealed, eyes lighting up, "Ni'ihau!"
"It's been a while since I've been home," I said. "A long time."
Akhet patted me on the back, walking shoulder-to-shoulder with me. "Anyone waiting for you?" she asked.
The question lodged a bullet in my throat.
She looked at me, expression shifting immediately at my reaction. "Lucky you."
"What's lucky about having no one to come back to?" I whimpered.
She exhaled audibly out her nostrils.
I continued, "you have friends who love you back in Hawaii."
"Look, Houyi, sometimes it's better to have no one to come back to than to have someone who you will get in trouble with when you return home. That's… all I'm saying."
I wondered if that's how Lan'er felt with me, if she feared to get in trouble with me so never approached me in the monastery. Though, she was never one to avoid confrontation.
I wondered again about the whirlwind that attacked Alioth. It happened a month ago, but I couldn't get the thought of Lan'er being near out of my head. I shared these thoughts with Akhet, and they laughed, shoulders shaking. "Don't worry yourself with fantasies like that, Houyi."
Well, she's out there somewhere.
As I thought that, I felt my mind shift to a thought I haven't had before. Maybe I left her.
She took the bold move and married someone else, but I did the much smaller, much more poisonous move that day in the shelf closet.
By selfishly risking my life, I proved to her exactly where my loyalties lie. I would gladly leave her behind if it meant any tiny chance that I could singlehandedly save my sister.
All the while, she brushed it off, deciding to help me instead. Didn't she help me? If I'd have stayed in the empire, I would have died one way or another, whether by public execution or
by the hand of the rebels. She saved me, even though I must have cut her deep… and I never considered it.
I think Huapaya tried telling me this years ago.
