by Zohar Neiger
"I'm sorry?" Akhet asked, their empty pipe between their teeth.
"I was talking to her," Alioth muttered. "You know it, too, don't you, Akhet?"
Akhet smacked their lips on the pipe, the dog sitting down now.
"I know your scent," Alioth said, speaking to the hound. "I know your stomach holds your real hair color."
Akhet shifted in their seat, the hound reflecting off their eyes. "You're smart, demon."
"What?" Alioth turned to Akhet, feeling her headscarf tighten around her neck.
Akhet got up, shaking the snowflakes from their wings and they landed on the ground in a flurry. They stashed their pipe in their dress's pocket.
"Akhet…? You're acting strange."
"I think since we both know," Akhet said, "Ao-puahiohio, you can reveal yourself now."
What was once a hound stretched, swirling in a sight that confused the eye from a greyhound to a different form, the thin, pale arms sliding over the paws, and the spindly legs enveloping the hind legs. The eyes, once the color of stone, were now the color of clouds.
"Hiding a form from an angel and a demon. Futile, isn't it?"
"Why did you follow us, Diana?" Alioth trembled.
Akhet sharply took in breath. They stared at Diana intensely.
"Well." Diana replied, "isn't it nice to see me?"
"B-but why? Why?"
"Say, demon, if you did something terrible, that you had no way to atone for, unless you were in disguise, what would you do?" Akhet slurred.
Alioth moved her eyes from Akhet to Diana and back. "What do you mean, Akhet…? Did you know?"
"Your winged genie friend found me in the city. He wanted me to follow the three of you to Namak Lake to ensure that there was rain for his storytelling set. I decided to watch you complete your journey."
Akhet's muscles stiffened. "I'm not a demon…" She murmured, barely moving her lips. "I'm not a demon…"
"She," Alioth murmured, "Akhet is a she. And… an angel, not a genie."
"Ah, but isn't she fallen?"
"Escaped," Alioth said, "she escaped a bad life in heaven."
"Anyway. I followed you here," Diana said. "I know it's hard to understand. But your friend Houyi is someone I want to give my life to, to repent. I never wanted to hurt anyone."
"You caused floods…" Akhet said under their breath.
"What do you want?" Alioth stammered.
"I have information," Diana replied.
Akhet scoffed.
"Don't," Diana wagged her finger. "It's about Hoku Lele. It is sundown soon."
From a sneer, Akhet swayed. Their eyes, in moments, turned intoxicated, and they spoke low. "Diana… we had a deal, right? Now, please, tell me where she is."
Diana smiled. "You'll be able to find her."
Akhet's face paralyzed. They limped backwards, looking at Alioth for what seemed like ages, and Diana for a split second. Then, with a sharp motion, like a drunk, they swooped up their wings and shot into the air.
Diana slowly turned to Alioth.
"Shaman Diana," Alioth whispered, taking a step back.
"Hi, Alioth," she grinned. "Sorry for scaring you, earlier. I'm a ku'pua of the storm, see. I can shapeshift."
"Storm?"
"Yes, I'm terribly sorry, for that whirlwind that attacked you," she clicked her tongue. "I had a rough night."
"It was you?!" Alioth panted, taking another few steps back.
"Don't be afraid!" Diana laughed, "I'm here to help you, too."
"Where did you send Akhet?"
"Listen, closely, to my words, Alioth."
44
Feathers / "Because you have done this, cursed are you above all livestock and above all beasts of the field." Genesis 3:14
I sat beside a small kitchen table, green tea with swirling smoke in my porcelain mug. Lei Caihe stood next to me.
My emptiness wouldn't go away. My eyes were in a state of limbo, between dryness and desperately wanting to cry. They just hurt. I tried to swallow it down.
"How did you find me, Young Feng?"
"Diana told me you were in Urumqi. Then, a giant dog chased us here."
His eyes smeared paint on my face again. "A dog…"
"The size of a wolf. Dark grey fur. Grey eyes. Long face."
"I suspected you didn't know." He turned his head away, flicking his eyelids.
"Didn't know?"
He smiled humbly. "Dian'er was brought to me to cultivate her morality and cleanse her soul from her sins. Young Feng, do you know what she did?"
My heart started hammering. I shook my head.
"Your lover, ah…" He closed his eyes. "I thought I taught her better."
"I don't know what you're saying." I forced the voice out of my throat. "I-I… know that she's a ku'pua."
"A ku'pua of the storm. Specializes in whirlwinds and thunderstorms."
I looked around the room in a panic. He hummed. "Dear Young Feng, if you are unwell, we will postpone this conversation."
My hand was in my satchel. The smell of rain still emanated from the letter Akhet gave me.
"Ao-puahiohio – Ku'pua of the storm. Forms: human, greyhound. Cause: went to cause floods in various rivers in her father's name."
Human, greyhound.
Lei leaned down to my sitting height, staring intensely into my eyes. "I believe," he whirred, "that she may tell you herself exactly what she did."
"Can't you tell me?" I whimpered.
He breathed, putting his hand squarely and stiffly on my chest. "Did you ever wonder, Feng Houyi, what happened to the beast who sicced lightning on you?"
A great exhaustion flooded me. I sunk into the chair, Lei's hand still on my chest. My head felt pressure on both sides, like an overflowing kettle, which dripped down to the sides of my eyes. I felt a scream gather in my throat.
Was it Ao-puahiohio who struck me with lightning and ruined my life?
"She was captured and brought to Princess Huilan, who sent her to me."
"Diana."
"Dian'er – yes, her new name. I gave it to her."
"Then what?"
"She became a Shaman, under my teachings. When the empire fell, she decided to accompany Princess Huilan, in her travels, as expressing her gratitude for sparing her all those years before."
"Why did the princess spare her?" I croaked, "why would she spare the beast who did this to me?"
I felt myself try to kindle the fire of hate for Lan'er again.
"Young Feng, it was self-defense."
"She ruined my life!"
"And she went, with the princess, to you, to seek your forgiveness."
"What forgiveness?!"
"If the hound you described is still in the area," Lei whispered, easing my tense shoulders down with his fingers, "go and ask her."
"I can't let her near… Akhet and Alioth, they were both injured by her whirlwinds before!" I jumped from my seat, startling him and making him fall back on his elbows.
"Feng, be careful!"
I ran out of the house, sighing between spikes of heartache, retracing the route we took from the waterfall. Wobbling over it using steppingstones, I sneaked as quickly and carefully as I could back down the mountain. It was already dark, the sun's tomb being the horizon.
I slipped on ice, landing on my lower back against a rock, muffling a horrible cry which begged to escape my lips. My good leg twisted, forcing me to limp all the rest of the way down.
"Akhet! Alioth!" I shouted, my voice feeling like it reached my own ears alone. The grass of the field was icy green. "Akh… Akhet!" I still could only waddle. I couldn't see them anywhere. What if they are already…?
"Alioth?" A figure I saw in the dark wasn't clear.
"Houyi." Akhet's voice froze me in place.
"Oh, God, Akhet, thank goodness, listen—"
"Quickly, Houyi, give me back my halo."
I panted, arching my back hovering my aching leg. "What?"
"Give it back. It's mine."
&nb
sp; They came closer, their face illuminated by the moon. Their eyes were sunken, hair fluffed and wild, as were their feathers.
"Wh-why?"
They pounced, snatching my wrist and bending my finger. "Ow, Akhet, stop!" I fell back on my hurting leg, the pain cramping my muscles.
"Sorry, Houyi. I need it back."
They slipped the ring off my finger, throwing off my arm and it wobbled back to my side.
"It's my wedding ring. I'm going to find Hoku Lele tonight."
I squinted at the sky, looking around. "Akhet, there aren't any shooting star—"
"I said, I'm going to find her tonight."
"What did Diana tell you?! Wha… Akhet, wait, you'd just abandon Alioth and me?"
"No, Houyi, you don’t get it." She said, dangerously, slowly.
I swallowed my voice.
"Did you ever stop to think about me? Hm? A seraph… an angel of such high rank. It may seem like a glamorous job, but the higher up you are, the worse the consequences of you messing up. The more dangerous a position you are in. Normal angels fall if they screw up; Seraphim, do you know what happens to them, Houyi?"
I feared to speak.
The higher up you are, the worse the consequences of you messing up.
"Destroyed. If a seraph were to fall, that would give them a way to reveal the highest secrets of the universe, heard straight from God's dripping lips, to undeserving ears. I felt unworthy for this position. I was far too reckless for who they wanted me to be. I didn't want to be destroyed. So then… I spent centuries planning my escape from Heaven. When I finally did it, in that first moment my feet touched ground, came the fear of death. No, fear of extermination. But very soon after the fear of extermination, Houyi, comes the realization you’ve been abandoned. That even God has left you.
Left you, so no One actually cares if you live or die. You don’t know how it feels. The feeling that here you are in this desert and it’s always, always so God damn dark, your eyes could never adjust to how dark it is on earth, all the time – the sun is so far away now. Only it reminds you of the brightness you once held and took for granted. It’s an endless pit, you see?
And since I did run away, why wasn't I destroyed, huh? Why does no One, no one care that a Seraph is loose carrying heavy secrets aboard loose lips? The only logic I can think of… is that God is dead."
I took a sharp inhale, my lips feeling like they were sown shut.
Escape from heaven, of course… How could Akhet be divine? She knew of the extinction of Hinn, she has been on earth for far too long.
"So, did you ever think about me? Or did you just assume I was a husk, wandering through my existence, not caring about… the deep longing to feel something, anything else? I couldn’t fill this void, not with friends or with earthly pleasures of any sort. I, I never wished to return to that angelic life, but I knew I lost my only connection to what is real. What is having friends and reveling when you don’t have purpose, what, Houyi? For God’s sake what?!
I... I lost, Houyi. I'm not supposed to have a self. Perhaps losing is worse than whatever death is. I don't want to. Perhaps I should have feared an eternity of loneliness, instead. So, will you still stop me from the only thing that’ll make me happy?"
"Akhet, no! Please, listen to me. What purpose? You made up a purpose! You're not in love! You already have me and Alioth, why don’t you let us be... something for you? You’re always craving a love that may never be, you can’t be happy with the friends you have if you’re always looking forward to something that... doesn’t exist, it doesn’t exist, Akhet!"
“Shut up! Shut up! Why would I need you? You clearly don’t understand me, how could you be my friend? Oh, I can't believe all this time I thought I could trust you. I thought you wanted me to find Hoku. I thought you wanted what's best for me. All I’ve known is servitude, I just want one thing that I gained. Houyi, do you know I had to cover my face with my wings? In constant shame of my existence. Why was I created if I was designed for shame? I had to cover my feet, and constantly fly all around, never to graze the sand of earth. I want something that will be mine. Oh, God, mine! I don’t know... Houyi, I can’t stay here."
"Akhet," I shook my head, feeling punched in the gut, the sides of my lips shivering and stretched, "please. Your servitude was so long ago."
She glared at me.
"Oh, Akhet… please. I need—"
"I thought you were like me because you're immortal," she panted, "but no. If humanity goes extinct, you will die with them. I will still be here. After the extinction of humanity. My immortality is unconditional. Then what? Then what? Then what?"
Giant tears welled up in her eyes, flooding her cheeks like rain. Even with all those streaming tears, she couldn't blink.
She moved her arm into her dress, revealing the lip of a blue flute. She sighed shakily. “Listen closely."
"You—!"
Akhet positioned it to her lips and blew hard, exploding my eardrums in a shrill and terrible shriek.
Before I could recover from flinching and buckling my elbows to my ears, I was knocked back onto my spine from the wind of Akhet’s wings blowing upward. She groaned, limping in the air as she clutched her raw wing, then with a clenched hand made her way toward the skyline which descended like a flatline. A few of her feathers flew like sparks and landed on the ground.
From the dark, the outline of a beast swelled nearer.
45
Fur
I couldn't move, my back hurting and the pain binding my bones, paralyzing me on the ground. The hound walked over my legs, straddling my chest with its front paws, its face looking at me from above. I wrapped my hand around its leg.
"Dian'er, I know who you are," I spat.
I felt the arm gain flesh and absorb its fur, the pretty face I once kissed perched above mine. Her light-peach colored hair hung off her head, dangling in front of me.
I felt a million insults flash before my brain, each contributing a milliliter of liquid to the tears that glazed my eyes.
"Get. Off." I grinded through my teeth, using all the strength my arms had to push her off.
She stood, still hovering over me. "Hey. Do you want up?" she dared to smile, offering me the palm of her hand. I didn't miss the sound of her syllables, like she was counting them.
My back hurt too much. I had no choice but to take her hand to get up. As soon as I was on my feet, I wanted to lay back down again, my leg spitting sharp pain into my torso.
"What do you want?" I said, containing my pain in my scrunched face.
"I didn't come here to hurt you."
"Not that you… could," I grunted, "you've already ruined my life, I think there's no downhill from here."
She clicked her tongue, running her pale eyes on my figure hungrily.
"But I tried to repent," she said. "Didn't I?"
"What?"
"Think of the things I did for you. I helped you get revenge on your princess," she pulled out her hand with a flourish, counting with her long slim fingers. "I helped you get approval from Alioth's parents, letting you run away. I—"
"To hell with all that, where is Alioth now? What did you tell Akhet?"
She shook her head. "Think about it. Look how quick Akhet was to abandon you with only a few words from me. Alioth is a mortal girl, and you will eventually lose her. You'd best get away from them, to avoid getting hurt."
"You… what did you do?" I wobbled over to her, slipping my hands firmly on her shoulders.
She twirled my hair around her finger. "I changed your life for the better, after changing it for the worse those years ago. I…"
She let go of my hair, shrugging off my arms. I stood there while she prostrated herself, bowing deeply on the ground like one would have done for the emperor.
"Beg for your forgiveness."
"I can't accept your bow," I said hoarsely.
She stayed.
"You really are like a dog," I growled, "sitting there like you're beggin
g your owner not to hit you."
I regretted those words the moment they touched my voice, but at least they made her lift her head.
"I brought you to an immortal Chinese man who would love some company, who lives on a mountain, and is a shaman and a scholar… a man like you," she whispered. "A worthy friend."
