by Mia Archer
Still, accusing me of… that? And insulting Claire in the process? He really was a bigger asshole than I thought.
I needed a drink. Without thinking about it I tipped my cup back and started chugging. I felt a little bit of beer running down around my cheeks but I managed to catch most of it.
“Um, Allison? Are you okay?”
I held up a finger from my free hand as I kept up with the chugging. Sure downing a whole cup of beer probably wasn’t the best way to deal with my anger, but in the moment it seemed like a pretty damn good solution even if I wasn’t a huge beer drinker. Or a huge any sort of alcohol drinker, for that matter. By the time the cup came down I was feeling a little dizzy.
“That asshole,” I spat.
“Yeah, he is an asshole, but you might want to take it easy there with the beer,” Valerie said. “You’re kind of a lightweight and all.”
“I don’t care. I need to get drunk tonight,” I said.
And with that I was heading back to the keg to get another glass of beer. The stuff tasted like piss water, I imagined it was the cheapest booze available down at the local liquor store, but I was feeling buzzed so at least I knew it was doing its job even if it tasted terrible.
I scanned the beach. I noticed that more than a few guys had stopped and were staring at me in my bikini and once more I blushed, but it didn’t bother me as much this time around. No, the only people who really seemed bothered by my barely-there bathing suit were girls who caught their guys staring at me, but it’s not like that was my fault.
I wasn’t looking for guys checking me out though. No, I was on the lookout for someone else. Claire. Where the heck was she? The sun was low enough that dusk had set in making it harder to make people out on the beach, but I was a woman on a mission.
Sure I’d thought about going up and talking with her earlier, but after what Derek said I had an ulterior motive. If that asshole thought I was a lesbian then I’d show him a lesbian! Okay, maybe not a lesbian. I don’t know where that thought came from exactly. What I was going to do, though, was sit and talk with Claire like old times and hopefully Derek would see it and choke on his beer.
I don’t know why I was so preoccupied with what Derek thought of me since I wanted nothing to do with him. Maybe it was twisting the knife just a little. Whatever. If sitting next to our school’s only lesbian and maybe leaning in a little close to her would twist the knife with Derek then all the better, damn it!
I needed to top off my drink though. The whole reason I came to the damn keg in the first place. So I pumped and filled.
And as I filled my cup I thought seriously about what I was considering and felt a little guilty even as I felt another blush running through me along with a heat that was pretty strong for thinking about getting revenge on Derek. Almost as though there was something else there warming me up at the thought of talking to Claire.
Maybe it was shame, because the more I thought about what I was about to do the more I thought it really wasn’t fair to use Claire like that. Originally I’d been thinking about talking with her just to bury the hatchet before we both went off to college and there wasn’t time to say anything anymore, and now after a couple of beers I was thinking of using her in a crappy revenge plot?
I felt guilty about it, but that wasn’t going to stop me. I turned towards the bonfires and had to wait for a moment while the rest of the world stopped spinning. The spinning finally stopped and Claire finally came into focus. I was looking right at her, but I hadn’t realized it with everything whirling around me.
She was sitting on a log on her own staring into the fire, and she was looking good in a swimsuit of her own, softball had definitely been good to her. It seemed unfair that no one would be hanging out with a girl that beautiful just because she decided she wasn’t interested in dudes.
Still, she was all alone which is what I needed. It was the perfect opportunity to approach.
“Allison, what are you doing?” Valerie asked.
I moved in the direction of the bonfire which caused some of my beer to slosh out of my cup. I’d have to take this one slower. I really was starting to lose control, and I hated when I started to lose control.
“I’m going to talk to an old friend who looks like she could use a friend,” I said. “And maybe teach Derek a lesson too!”
Valerie followed my gaze and her eyes went wide when she realized who I meant. Claire was the only one sitting alone at the bonfire.
“You can’t talk to her Allison. What would people think?”
“What would they think if I was talking with Claire? What do you think?”
“But she’s…”
I shoved my drink in Valerie’s face while I made my point. Some of the beer sloshed out but Valerie managed to back away with a surprised yell at the last moment. Good. I wouldn’t want her to ruin her tank top, though that might encourage her to break out her own barely-there bikini so I wasn’t the only person embarrassing myself.
“I don’t care what everyone thinks,” I said. My eyes narrowed. “I just care what Derek thinks, and if he thinks what he thinks while I’m talking with Claire then good! Fuck him!”
“Allison, you can’t get revenge on Derek like this. This is crazy!”
“Yup!” I reached out and poked my index finger against her nose. She went cross-eyed which made me giggle. It looked so damn funny. “Which is exactly why it’s crazy enough to work, Val-e-rie!”
I whirled around sending more beer flying. I was going to be out of the stuff before I had a chance to take a drink, but that might be a good thing considering the beer already inside me was really starting to go to work. Valerie reached out to put a hand on my shoulder and stop me but I ducked her grab.
I was a woman on a mission. Was it a little crazy? A little stupid maybe? Not all that well thought out and probably inspired just a little by the booze coursing through my system?
Yeah, maybe, but I didn’t care. I was going to talk to my old friend for the first time in five years and maybe do something stupid to make Derek jealous in the process!
5: Unbelievable Changes
"Is this seat taken?"
I looked up and blinked. Damn. Allison was the last person I expected to see standing in front of me looking down with a slightly sloshed smile on her face and sporting that incredibly distracting bikini.
“Um, hello?”
“Hi Claire!” she giggled and took a step forward causing some of her beer to go sloshing out of her cup. I looked close trying to see how tipsy she was, but she didn’t seem quite so bad. Maybe one drink in.
“So can I help you?”
“Yeah! Is that seat taken?”
I paused and searched her face trying to figure out of this was part of some joke. I glanced around to see if there was anyone maybe snickering behind their hands or something, but everyone else seemed to be busy doing their own thing. No one was paying attention to use like there was some big joke going down or something.
I sighed. I’d thought about talking to her ever since I got here and now here she was right in front of me. So what was wrong with actually talking to her now that she was right here in front of me?
That damned bikini. It was so distracting. Looking up at her, her toned body, those dangerous curves, the way the thin material seemed to mold itself to her body. It was all very distracting and I was having a hard time thinking straight.
"No, it isn't taken.”
“Good!” she said, and she sat down beside me. She peered at my own cup of beer. “This stuff isn’t that great, is it?”
I glanced down at my cup. It was filled with something brown, liquid, and carbonated that tasted like piss. I’d never been a big drinker in the first place, and this stuff wasn’t doing anything to help me understand why people were so obsessed with it.
“It does taste like piss water.”
Allison giggled and then she leaned in close to me and smacked my shoulder which sent fire coursing down the nerve endings
in said shoulder and straight to my pussy. Damn. A single touch from her was enough to do that? For that matter why was she touching me like that after we hadn’t spoken in years? What was going on here?
"So what brings you out here finally?" Allison asked. "I don't remember ever seeing you at one of these parties."
I blushed and found myself wondering about what was behind that statement. She’d never seen me at one of these parties before. Did that mean she’d been looking for me? It seemed like wishful thinking more than anything else, that I was reading far too much into that statement, but why shouldn’t I read too much into the situation with the way she was leaning into me and giggling?
This was a very different Allison from the one who’d passed me by in the hallways without so much as a word, though she had always looked at me and then looked away with a blush like she was embarrassed about not talking to her old friend. Hell, this was a very different Allison from the one I’d known back in middle school when we were inseparable.
Was it the booze? If it was the booze then I was liking this side of her, though I found myself hoping it wasn’t the booze because the last thing I wanted was for her to be acting flirty like this just because she was in the sauce.
I shrugged and stared into the fire instead of looking at Allison. In many ways staring at the bonfire was far less dangerous than staring at the white hot heat that was Allison in that bikini. Talk about the kind of outfit that could drive a girl to distraction! No, if I was going to talk to her and she was going to be acting like this then I figured it was better to look at the safe real flames in front of me rather than the far more dangerous metaphorical hotness sitting beside me.
"I was dragged out here against my will,” I said. Then for some reason I went on, figuring honesty was the best policy in this case for some reason. Maybe it was some of that residual best friend vibe I got from Allison even though we hadn’t talked in years. “I haven’t exactly felt welcomed by most of our class since my announcement, and so I wasn’t exactly pumped to come out to a party where all those people would be drunk and a little more up front with some of the stuff that’s been whispered behind my back.”
“I’m so sorry I never said anything,” Allison whispered.
I turned and blinked in surprise. Maybe it was the booze, but that sounded surprisingly honest. Allison turned to me and smiled, a warm and inviting smile that was so unlike anything I'd seen from her in the past five years which made me wonder who this girl was and what she'd done with the Allison who comfortably ignored me for so long, and I felt a thrill running through me.
There was something about that look that told me she was looking at me. Looking at the person she’d ignored for so long and not at the notorious girl who’d come out of the closet and created a minor or major small town scandal depending on who you talked to.
And there was also something new there that gave me goose bumps despite the warm summer air around us and the heat blasting from the bonfire in front of me. No fire needed, thank you very much, those goose bumps came from the heat blasting from Allison. It seemed like she was sizing me up with that look in a way she never had before whether it was back when we were still friends or in the five years since when she’d done her best to ignore me. A way that made me feel weirdly self-conscious for a change which wasn't something I was used to.
Self-consciousness was something I’d had to get over pretty damn quick when the typical unfounded teenage paranoia that everyone was talking about me behind my back turned out to be absolutely true in my one special case thanks to my having the audacity to come out. I’d long since realized I could either let that cripple me or own it.
Only now Allison was breaking through all of those barriers with a single look and making me feel vulnerable again. Vulnerable in a way I hadn’t felt since before I came out and I lived in terror of what might happen if someone found out the truth about me. Vulnerable in a way that I kind of liked even as it terrified me at the same time because of how easily she was able to break through the barriers I’d erected to protect my sanity when I found myself surrounded by a sea of small town hostility.
“Claire?”
I shook myself out of my funk. Right. She’d been talking to me. Apologizing for how I’d been treated. That was probably worth some sort of response, though I couldn’t for the life of me think of how the hell I was supposed to respond to something like that. How did you respond to someone you hadn’t talked to in years apologizing for not mounting a defense I never expected in the first place?
“Why should you be sorry? It’s not like I expected anything from you anyways.”
That was honest enough, though there was more heat to my voice than I’d originally intended. I hadn’t expected anything from her because she’d abandoned me. Still, it’s not like I was going to sugarcoat everything. I didn’t know where this strangely flirtatious version of my former best friend came from, but it didn’t make up for years of ignoring me. That weak apology certainly didn’t make up for how I’d been treated.
Maybe it wasn’t fair for me to take out that anger on Allison, especially when she seemed to be making an effort to make amends, but there was a part of me that couldn’t help but feel that it was too little too late, all things considered.
A pause. Then Allison did something that really surprised me. Her arm reached around my shoulder and she was patting my back. Hell, from the way she was staring at me she seemed a little surprised at what she’d done too, but she wasn’t pulling her hand away.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Damn that felt nice. It felt right somehow. And so we just sat there for a moment, her arm around my shoulder, staring into the fire as time seemed to freeze and I was unsure how the hell to react to that move. Though my body seemed to know how to react just fine from the way my hair was standing on end.
I surprised myself just a little too by leaning into her. I don’t know why I did it. I just know that for some reason it felt right. At least it felt right for me. I wasn’t so sure how it would feel for Allison. I half expected her to push me away, but to my surprise she sighed almost imperceptibly and kept her arm around me.
This was getting interesting. I still didn’t think it was going anywhere, but it was interesting.
I told myself that leaning into her like that was just the booze doing the thinking, but honestly in the deep secret recesses of my mind there was a big part of me that enjoyed leaning into my former best friend, especially feeling our skin brush together in our suits. I felt an electric jolt at feeling her up close and personal like this. I wasn't sure what it was about her that got me going, what it was that drew her to me tonight of all nights, but I couldn't deny how I was feeling.
Sure it was crazy, but I figured fuck it. Fuck what might happen in five minutes when she realized what she was doing by letting me lean against her in the moment.
I was going to enjoy this moment while it lasted.
Allison’s response was also getting more and more interesting. It had to be the booze, because she wasn’t reacting at all the way I expected her to. I glanced up and saw her eyes squeezed shut and then she shivered. And I found myself shivering in response to her shiver.
It felt like we were creating a closed feedback loop where I was enjoying the fuck out of pressing against her and she seemed to be enjoying it just as much as I was, and then I was getting turned on in turn by her reaction.
Convoluted, crazy, and it didn't make any sense. I was the one who liked girls. Not Allison, who as far as I knew was still dating Derek who I was pretty sure had a penis unless there was some major news I hadn’t heard about him, yet I couldn't deny how I was feeling or how it seemed she was feeling in that brief booze-fueled moment of heaven.
“Weird how good this feels,” Allison muttered.
I blinked. Did she really say that? Was I hearing things? Was I losing it and my fantasy world was intruding on reality?
“You have no idea how weird it is,” I replied.
Then again Allison was doing the same to me. I figured turnabout was fair play if it got Allison up against me like this. Maybe that was the reason why she’d come out of the blue? Was this some fucked up attempt to make Derek jealous?
No, that couldn’t be it. If she was trying to make him jealous she’d be with a guy, not with me. I’m sure there’d be plenty of willing gentlemen.
Hell, there were other people around the bonfire who were cuddled up close together like we were, with the major difference being that all of those people were heterosexual couples. We were the only same-sex coupling that I could see.
Though it’s not like we were actually a same-sex coupling. As much fun as that would be. As much as just the thought was enough to get my blood pumping and set every part of my body on alert. As much as it felt like there was a bonfire raging at the tip of every nerve ending wherever her skin made contact with mine, and in bikinis there was a hell of a lot of contact happening.
Yeah, I was drunk on a hell of a lot more than the one beer I’d had, and I was going to keep drinking it in for as long as Allison would let me.
Part of me wanted to ask her what was going on here. Why she was suddenly moving in close to me like that. Exactly what it was about our bodies coming together that felt weirdly good to her. I knew exactly why it felt so damn good to me, but it would be nice to know her motivations to. To clear up what was probably the biggest moment of confusion surrounding someone’s sexuality since I’d had to come to terms with my own.
