They stared at each other for the longest, but then Craig dropped the shirt on the floor and roughly pulled her into his arms.
“You scared me to death tonight.” He squeezed her tighter, and she could have sworn that she heard him sniff. Was he crying? “If you ever do anything like what you did tonight, I will lock you up myself.”
“Craig,” she said gasping for air, “I can’t breathe.”
He loosened his hold but didn’t let go. Wrapping her arms around his narrow waist, she laid her head against his chest and listened to the erratic beat of his heart.
“I am so sorry for everything. I’ll never be able to apologize enough for my behavior tonight.” She lifted her head and met his gaze, not missing the redness in his eyes. Tonight she had fed into all that he feared most – a woman hurt by the hands of a man. “I promise I will never put you or myself through what I put us through tonight.”
He pushed the hair from her face and covered her mouth. His tongue slipped between her lips, caressing, teasing, devouring. The love she had for him intensified with every stroke of his tongue, and she knew there was no other place she’d rather be than right there in his arms.
Toni groaned when Craig ended the kiss way too soon. He grabbed her hand and led her to the bed.
“I need you to tell me what’s going on with you, and I want the truth. I don’t care what it is. I need you to talk to me.” He stared down at their joined fingers. His thumb caressed the back of her hand. “I know you’ve been keeping something from me, and I’m pretty sure it has to do with why you ended our relationship.” He looked up at her. “I need you to trust me. Tell me what is standing between you, me and our future.”
It was now or never. Toni had to tell him. If she didn’t, she knew she’d lose him for good. On the other hand, if she did tell him, what would he think of her?
“Toni, I love you more than I thought I could ever love another human being, but if we don’t have honesty and trust, we can’t move forward.” He lifted their joined hands to his lips and kissed the back of hers.
She sighed and met his gaze. “I had an abortion.”
Chapter Fourteen
For a moment, Craig sat stunned, finding it hard to believe the words that came from her mouth, but suddenly heat flushed through his body, and a mounting rage propelled him off the bed. He stumbled back and put as much distance between them as the space would allow.
Anger strangled him as he stared at her. “You were pregnant?” he managed to ask. Bracing himself against the wall his breaths were labored as if a two-ton boulder sat on his chest. She knew how much he wanted a family, and she had the nerve to stand before him and tell him that she had an abortion. “You killed my child … our child?” He couldn’t believe this was happening.
Toni’s mouth fell open, and her eyes bulged. She leaped from the bed. “No! No, you don’t understand,” she stammered. “Let me explain.”
“No!” He jerked his arm out of her grasp and moved across the room, his legs barely able to support his weight. “It’s you who don’t fucking understand!” he roared, and she staggered back. “You had a damn abortion knowing how much I wanted a family. How much I wanted you and me to get married, and have children. And you’re telling me something like this?”
“Craig, please listen to me!”
He teetered on the edge of reality and fog clouded the part of his brain that refused to listen to anything else she had to say. Instead, the words I had an abortion taunted him.
He bumped into the wall, his back resting against the cool surface. His hands gripped the side of his head trying to stop the room from spinning. He hadn’t felt this type of pain, this type of hurt since he found out Cynthia had been killed.
He startled when she threw a large glass vase, so close to his head that he felt the vibrations, bounce off the wall. He quickly turned to Toni, noticing for the first time the wild look in her eyes.
“I said listen to me, dammit! When I was raped,” she screamed, her face contorted and her eyes blazed with hurt and defeat. “I got pregnant and that was when I had the abortion. I would never, ever abort your child, our child. How could you even think I would ever do something like that?”
Her loud sobs filled the room and Craig finally understood. I would never, ever abort your child, our child. He played the words back again in his head. I would never, ever abort your child, our child.
The fog in his brain cleared, and everything became clear.
Oh dear God. He crossed the room in two long steps and pulled her roughly against his chest. “I am so sorry. Oh my God, baby, I am so sorry.” This time he didn’t bother holding his emotion back as tears filled his eyes. What had he done? She bared her soul to him and he had turned his back on her. Just that quick. After telling her that they could get through anything, that he’d always be there for her.
“Baby, please forgive me. I am so sorry I didn’t listen to you.” He held her face in his hand, forcing her to look at him. “I … I …”
“Shh,” she said through her tears and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. “I’m the one who is sorry.”
***
Hours later, Toni lay in the crook of Craig’s arms feeling as if she’d been dragged through a landmine. Too exhausted to make the short walk to the bed, they fell asleep in each other’s arms right there on the floor.
The events of the night before weighed heavy on Toni and she didn’t know if Craig would be able to forgive her, or if she could forgive herself. Arguing with him at the pub and then leaving with Anthony was one of the most dangerous decisions she’d ever made and wouldn’t soon forget. If anyone were to ask her why she reacted the way she did, she didn’t think she could give them an answer that made any sense. She had selfishly put them through an emotional hell all because she was too stubborn and too quick to cop an attitude, instead of remembering all the reasons she had fallen in love with Craig.
“What are you thinking about?”
Surprised, Toni’s gaze shot up and she met Craig’s tired, red eyes.
“You,” she said her hands rubbing lightly against his chest. “I was thinking about you.”
“What about me?” He ran his hand through her hair, pushing strands away from her face and then allowing his hand to linger near her temple.
She hesitated, but then said. “I don’t think I can live without you.”
A small smile lifted the right side of his mouth. “That’s good because I know I can’t live without you.”
Toni held his gaze for a few seconds before lifting up. Her back protested at the sudden move, and a groan slipped through her lips. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d slept on the floor.
“You okay?” Craig sat up quick, his hand rubbing her back. “I guess the floor wasn’t a good idea, huh?”
She shook her head. They both slid back and propped up against the wall. They sat in silence until Toni said, “I’m ready to tell you everything.”
“In that case, let’s take this conversation to the bed.” They climbed on the bed fully dressed in the clothes they had on the night before. “Before you tell me anything, I have to make sure you forgive me for jumping to conclusions last night. I could blame my lack of understanding on the hellish night I had, emotional exhaustion or whatever, but I’ll never be able to apologize to you enough for my reaction. The things I said to you last night, or for the way I treated you.”
“Craig, honey, I don’t blame you for the misunderstanding last night. I think you reacted the way any man would react if the woman he was sleeping with suddenly informed him she had an abortion.” She took a deep breath and released it slowly. “I have wanted to tell you about the abortion since the first time you asked me to marry you, but I could never drum up the courage. Ending that pregnancy was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life.”
“Why were you afraid to tell me?”
“Because …” she glanced down at their joined hands and readjusted her head against
his chest, “It was bad enough deciding to have the abortion, but it was worse that I had the procedure done at an underground place. The facility wasn’t the most sanitized, and I’m not even sure they knew what they were doing. All I know is that, though I’m not pro-abortions, I couldn’t have a child that was a result of a rape and I’ll live with that guilt until the day I die.” She closed her eyes for a moment to prepare for what she had to tell him next. “There’s a lot of scarring, I can’t have children.”
Seconds passed without either of them speaking until Craig said, “For years, I’ve talked about one day getting married and having children.” He lifted her chin, forcing her to look at him. “But I’ve waited a lifetime for you. Whether we have children someday or not, as long as I have you, I have everything I need.” He kissed her lips. “I am sorry you didn’t feel you could tell me and that this secret has kept us apart for so long. Baby, I love you, whether we have children or not - I love you.”
***
Craig stood in the bedroom doorway and watched Toni as she dressed. She knew she would hear from her grandfather, especially since the drug raid made the news, but Craig wasn’t sure how she would feel about being called into a meeting at her grandparent’s house this morning.
“Hey,” she said when she looked up. She slid her belt through the belt-loops of her jeans. “Why are you just standing there? Is everything okay?”
He walked farther into the room and reached for her hand, bringing it to his lips and then pulling her close. “Everything’s fine, but Peyton called.”
Toni stiffened in his arms. “What did she say?”
“She said your grandfather wants to see you. He wants you to be at their house at eleven.”
She glanced at the time, and the digital clock read nine forty-five. She groaned and slumped against Craig. “Well, I guess I’d better get ready to go. Would you mind dropping me off at home so I can pick up my truck and change clothes?”
“I don’t mind at all, but I was thinking that maybe I’ll go with you if that’s okay.”
“You would do that?” She removed small bits of lint from his T-shirt, not meeting his gaze.
He pulled gently down on the ponytail at the back of her head, forcing their eyes to meet. “Of course. I’d do anything for you.”
***
Being summoned to a meeting with her grandfather was like being summoned to court. You might expect things to go one way, but chances were there would be some surprises. Toni had no doubt this meeting would be the same.
“Are you all right?” Craig asked and squeezed her hand. “You look like you’re going to be sick.”
“I feel like I’m going to be sick,” she mumbled when Craig pulled up to her grandparent’s estate and she noticed all the cars in the driveway. “I thought I was just meeting with Grampa. This looks like a family meeting.” Apprehension bounced around in her gut, and her stomach muscles tightened as she thought about what her family would say regarding her recent behavior.
She and Craig entered through the back door and made their way toward the front of the house. Her heels clicking against the marble floor did nothing to drown out the sound of her pulse pounding in her ears. Nor did the smell of food or the bouts of laughter she heard ease the tension crawling up her back.
Just breathe. She told herself over and over again until Craig tugged on her hand, halting her steps.
“Why are you so nervous?” he asked when he put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her part way down another hall that led to her grandfather’s study. “Your family loves you almost as much as I do. As for your grandfather, I’m sure he’s just going to tell you how disappointed he is, but that he still loves you.”
Her grandfather was always quick to tell them how much he loved them and how proud he was of each of them. It was the thought of disappointing him that broke Toni’s heart.
“I’ll be right here waiting for you.”
Toni tensed. “What? You’re not coming with me?” she whispered, panic rioting within her. She assumed that when he agreed to come with her that he intended to sit in on the meeting. “As far as I’m concerned, you’re family and I know I’m not the only one who feels that way.” She reached for his hand and drummed up some courage before they headed toward all of the conversation coming from the room.
Toni’s steps faltered when she reached the family room’s opening. She knew by the number of cars outside that many of her family members were present, but as she glanced around at the suddenly silent group, it appeared the whole Jenkins clan were in attendance even Christina.
“Ah, well if it isn’t our TV star daughter,” her father cracked and walked over to shake Craig’s hand. “Good to see you again, Craig.”
“You too, Mr. Jenkins.”
“What is this, an intervention or something?” Toni asked, anger twisted in her gut. “Because if it is, I’m not interested. I know I messed up and I’m sorry. I don’t need any of you telling me how stupid I am or how my character is built by my decisions or that my de … decisions are …” Her arms flailed around while she tried to keep her tears at bay. “I don’t need an intervention,” she said on a sob.
She felt the warmth of Craig’s hand against her back, as if he were saying to calm down.
“Call it what you want, young lady, but your behavior is clearly out of control when you get caught on television leaving a drug house.” Her father ran his hand through his full head of dark hair and walked back over to stand near Toni’s mother.
“It wasn’t a drug house,” Toni said quietly, knowing that none of them wanted to hear her excuses or explanations.
“Honey.” Her mother walked across the room and stopped in front of her. Toni stiffened when her mother reached for her hand. Natalie Jenkins rarely showed compassion and Toni didn’t know what to make of her mother holding her hand. “We’re not trying to do an intervention, but I think something needs to be said. You’re a beautiful, intelligent woman, you don’t need to be dating drunks or hanging out at drug houses. Someone might mistake you for a slut or something. We didn’t raise you to be a whore and—”
“Okay, that’s enough!” Steven Jenkins’s voice boomed from his spot near the fireplace.
Katherine Jenkins hurried over and pulled her granddaughter in for a quick hug. “Everything is going to be just fine, sweetheart.” She kissed her on the cheek and then released Toni, and turned to hug Craig.
Steven Jenkins moved toward Toni and she studied his face. She didn’t see disappointment, or anger. What she saw was the man who loved and adored her.
“Hi sweetheart,” he said and pulled her into his arms.
Tears she could no longer hold back spilled from her eyes and her body shook with sobs that rocked her to the core. She could sense Craig nearby, but her grandfather didn’t release her instead he said to Craig, “She’s all right, son. She’ll be all right.”
Toni threw her arms around her grandfather’s midsection and held on tight. The familiar woodsy scent of his cologne that he’d worn for as long as she could remember calmed her the way a pacifier soothed a baby. She couldn’t imagine her life without the man who had always come to her defense and never judged her.
Toni didn’t know how long they stood there, but she didn’t want to let go when her grandfather placed a kiss on her forehead and stepped back. She ran her hands down her face and took a deep breath. She’d done more crying in the last couple of days than she had all year and hoped her life would get back on track soon.
Her grandfather moved to the side. Aunts, uncles and cousins all greeted her, telling her not to worry and that everything was going to be fine. Toni always felt that her family was her rock, and their display of love right now made her realize just how important they were in her life.
“You two come in and have a seat,” her grandfather said motioning her and Craig to the sofa. “How are you young man? It’s good to see you again,” Steven said to Craig and patted him on the shoulder.
“
You too, Sir,” Craig said absently, his focus solely on Toni as he opened his arms to her.
“You okay?” he asked for what seemed like the hundredth time since he picked her up from the police station the night before.
Toni nodded and wiped her face with the back of her hand. She was an emotional wreck and couldn’t wait for this all to be over. Craig led them to the extra long sofa where Peyton, Jada and Kevin were sitting.
“Hey,” Peyton said when Toni and Craig sat next to her. Peyton gave her a one-arm hug. “I’m glad you’re okay,” she whispered and handed Toni the handbag that she’d left at the pub.
“Thanks.” Toni, surprised she still had tears left, wiped them away as fast as they fell. “I’m so sorry for the way I acted last night. I was way out of line.”
Peyton squeezed her free hand. “Don’t worry.”
Steven Jenkins lounged in his favorite recliner and sipped from a glass of cranberry juice before he spoke. “I called everyone here today not necessarily to discuss what happened last night with Toni, but to give you all a few reminders. Katherine and I have worked too hard to build a legacy for this family to have any of you come along and destroy it with one bad decision. You all need to remember that when you’re out there in public, it’s not just you people see. You represent the Jenkins family. The things you do and the choices you make don’t only affect you, they affect all of us.”
Toni stared down at her hands embarrassed by her behavior the night before and even more so now that everyone had been summoned to an impromptu family meeting.
“Toni, I’m not sure if you know this,” her grandfather continued, “but we have been inundated with calls from the media since early this morning, asking us why you were hanging out at a drug house and whether or not we knew you were on drugs. And my personal favorite: are there other members of the Jenkins’ family battling drug addictions.”
Still the Best Woman for the Job Page 14
