by Nicole Locke
‘Did you suspect this before or after we lay together?’
He paused.
‘You bastard.’
* * *
Ignoring the greetings and cries calling out to her, Anwen weaved through the packed carts, cattle and people. She needed to breathe, to think, to get as far away from the Traitor as possible. She didn’t see Rhain until he grabbed her arm and forced her to stop.
‘I am sorry, Anwen. Teague told me you lost more than your home.’
Was this entire family bent on humiliating her? She didn’t want to shed any tears in front of the Traitor’s brother and pressed her hands to her cheeks to stop the tears from coming, but it didn’t work. It seemed nothing was in her control any more, least of all her hurt and anger. ‘Yes, we all seem to have our own demons, don’t we?’
Rhain raised his eyebrow. ‘So he told you of the threats.’
She wished she could avoid him, but there wasn’t any place for her to go. ‘I wish I didn’t know.’
‘If you had not suffered life-threatening injuries, he would never have brought you to Gwalchdu. He knew the risk. Everyone’s life at Gwalchdu is threatened.’
She snorted. ‘The lives at Gwalchdu are threatened, but Brynmor was innocent.’
‘So is Gwalchdu.’
‘I do not believe anything Gwalchdu does is innocent. Your brother’s past decisions ensured Gwalchdu’s stones are covered in blood.’
‘Teague made the choices he needed to make.’ Rhain’s jaw tightened.
Anger flared again in her. The choices the Traitor made were to remain in power and control. To cruelly wield them over those weaker than him. What a fool she’d been. ‘Yes, and it’s easy for a second-born to sit on the decisions of his older brother.’
‘Don’t ever say it is easy for me being Teague’s brother!’ Rhain took two steps towards her, anger etched in every beautiful plane of his face. ‘You know nothing of the past and what sacrifices were made.’
Why was she even trying to talk to him? Gwalchdu’s men were all the same. ‘I know your brother has taken my home away. Taken my very way of life!’
‘Is that your worry?’ Rhain pulled up short. ‘There is enough for you to do at Gwalchdu now.’
She thought of all the work before her: the farming, planting, building of homes and helping of the sick. All her life she helped Brynmor’s people. How was she to help Gwalchdu when it had always been an enemy’s home?
‘Brynmor’s people feel as I do. No one would stay at a traitor’s fortress.’
‘Teague ordered Gwalchdu’s gates to be locked. Essentially, there’s nothing to do but to work.’
‘Of course, he’d imprison everyone.’
Rhain shook his head. ‘He cannot allow people to leave Gwalchdu. The enemy is amongst us. Teague does it to protect you. He feels respons—’
‘He is responsible!’ she interrupted. ‘It is his fault my sister is dead because he brought the danger to Brynmor. I wish all of you would leave me alone.’
‘You know that will never happen.’ Rhain tilted his head in that familiar way that Teague had. The movement brought a bitter poignancy to her chest. ‘And there’s a part of you that wants that. You battle with yourself. That is why you are angry.’
Anwen brushed past him. ‘Don’t ever presume to know what makes me angry.’
* * *
‘I’m going now.’ Robert tied the final crate on to the cart.
Teague turned to his friend. Robert had changed dramatically since the fire. It was as if his soul had been consumed in the flames and all that remained was a shell of the man he fostered with.
He expected Robert to leave long before now, but had been grateful he’d stayed to help. They accomplished much in the last sennight, but none of it would have been possible had Robert not persuaded the families to move to Gwalchdu. Teague owed him a great debt.
‘Where?’ Teague asked.
‘I’ll return to King Edward’s court; he’ll have need for my sword.’
‘I have need of it as well, Robert, you are welcome—’
‘I can’t.’
Robert’s grief tore through Teague. Just weeks before he’d mocked his King’s worry over his wife, Eleanor. Now that he had received the gift of Anwen’s loyalty, Teague couldn’t mock or dismiss Robert’s loss. If he lost Anwen, he would grieve, too.
‘You always have a home to return to.’
‘Thank you.’ Robert placed his hand on Teague’s shoulder, but Teague rebuffed it, giving Robert an embrace and pounding him on the back for good measure.
Robert winced. ‘I’ll feel that for some days to come.’
Teague chuckled. ‘That was the point.’
Robert lifted his mouth, a ghost of recognition fluttered across his face, but it was quickly replaced by the lines and furrows that appeared to have grown permanent overnight.
‘Goodbye, my friend.’
* * *
It was close to the end of the day when Anwen spotted Robert saddling his bags to leave. If she intended to apologise, she’d have to face him now.
‘Robert?’
Robert did not turn to address her, but he stopped in his task. It was the most she could ask for. He had ignored her since Alinore’s death, as she had him. What she had accused him of was so terrible that no apology could possibly make amends, but now she had to try.
‘She...’ Anwen watched his back flinch as if she struck him. She regretted causing him further pain. He did not look at her and that, too, caused her regret. Although he did not mean it, his withdrawal from her and leaving hurt. He was English, but she had known him for most of her life.
‘Yes?’ he prompted.
‘She may not have told you. But I wanted you to know she loved you.’
Robert shuddered, as if his body was suddenly and terribly cold.
‘She told me, in confidence.’ Anwen brushed her tearing eyes. For a sennight, she deliberately hadn’t mentioned Alinore. She swallowed to keep her voice still. It didn’t work.
‘She told me; then she smiled. You made her very happy.’ Anwen clenched the folds of her skirts. She needed pain in her healing hands to stop the pain in her chest. ‘That’s all I wanted you to know.’
Robert turned. The hollowness in his eyes ripped through her. ‘I failed her.’
Anwen swallowed, and answered, ‘Me, too.’
Then she walked briskly away so she did not see him leave. She had seen too much leaving.
Chapter Seventeen
It was time to go. Anwen walked to where Teague and his soldiers readied the horses. Her anger from yesterday deepened. She knew he had his own agenda in taking her to Brynmor, now she knew what it was. She could not judge him for seeking the killer, but she would judge him on the risk he took by coming here.
He gently stroked the neck of his destrier and adjusted its bridle. She felt those hands as if upon her own body. His warm palms, with thick calluses had pressed into the flesh of her calves, then her thighs as he slowly moved up her legs. She, too, like his horse had gentled for him. Her body hummed. She didn’t understand how she could hate him, yet want him.
That was yet another betrayal she made to herself when it came to the Traitor. She didn’t regret lying with him; it was her decision. But she did regret this wanting him still, especially when she knew what he had done. Brynmor had paid for his need for power. She would do well to remember this.
He turned when she came nearer. His stance showed him in profile, the curve of his shoulder, the indentation of his back. Anwen brushed her hands on her skirt to wipe off the sudden moisture there.
‘Where do I ride?’ she asked him.
His eyes were impenetrable. ‘With me.’
She assessed the other riders and thei
r heavy satchels. Only his horse was bare of burdens. He left no room for her to argue, but she wasn’t pleased about it.
‘Ready?’ he asked.
She nodded as he put his hands on her waist. He hadn’t touched her so intimately since that time after the fire. Her body was all too aware of the fact. His men watched, so she kept silent, but she challenged him with her eyes.
He was looking at her again in that arrested way of his. She felt locked to his gaze, forgetting the stamping destrier next to them and his men on their horses flanking them. All she could see was his blackness and the heat. Desire, fast and hot, hit her. She lifted her chin, hoping he’d mistake the flush of her skin for anger instead.
His eyes flared and his fingers pressed just a little deeper before he lifted and settled her on his horse. Then he pulled himself behind her.
She was immediately impacted by his muscled thighs and hard chest. She pulled herself forward in a vain attempt to give more space between her body and his, but he was wrapped around her. Even the way he smelled wove through her senses.
She had no weapons against her wanting him, but she must try...if not for his past betrayals and his need for power, then she must remember he had killed her sister.
* * *
Raising his arm in the air, Teague urged his horse forward and his men followed. Anwen sat stiffly in his arms and she was trying not to touch him. He knew it was right; he needed her hatred, he owed her protection and safety by staying away from her.
Still, he wished he had waited until they crossed on to Gwalchdu land before he told her of the threats against him. It would be a full day’s journey before they arrived at the fortress’s gates. If he had waited to tell her, they could have had a pleasant, if not pleasurable, ride. But her anger meant it would be a full day of hell for him and he only had himself to curse.
He made the primitive decision of having her ride with him because the alternative, of her being this close to another man, was unacceptable. He had not accounted for what it would feel like to put his hands on her again. He’d had only one night with her and it was not enough.
Anwen was sitting against him, forbidden, but she was not immune to him. She tried to cover it up, but he felt her desire when they mounted.
His body tightened as the image assailed him. He needed a distraction from this need for her. If it was hours like this, he would not be able to get off his horse when they reached Gwalchdu.
‘Tell me about your precious hawks,’ he asked.
‘You want to know of my hawks?’
Her voice was low, husky. Ah, yes, she felt what was between them even as she sat stiffly away, trying not to touch him. She was angry about her desire. And he still wanted her despite the fact he knew better.
‘It might take our minds off what we truly want to speak of and do.’
‘I want to do nothing with you now,’ Anwen lied. ‘I don’t want to talk to you either.’
‘We have hours to go and we both need distraction.’
She hated to give in to his demands, but he was right. She couldn’t sit with only her anger and the knowledge that, if she turned her head, their lips could touch.
‘I don’t remember a time I wasn’t in the mews,’ she said and felt the exhalation of Teague’s breath as if he’d been holding it. ‘Melun was the head falconer and he eventually trained me.’ It was good to talk of past times...happier times. Birds fascinated her, both with their beauty and deadliness. But mostly, she loved the way they could soar.
‘When Melun began to lose his sight, I tried to become his eyes. I didn’t want Urien to know. If he did, I feared he would send Melun away, or give him tasks that would damage his pride.’
‘What of Robert? Would he have not provided protection?’
She paused, remembering Melun’s words to her. ‘I didn’t think he would, which was why I was worried for Melun when I was...recovering at Gwalchdu. But he told me Robert intervened when Gully went missing.’
‘Why an astringer, why not become a falconer?’
‘Hawks can be difficult to train because of their unpredictability, but I like the challenge of them.’ Some of her tension eased as she talked of her training. ‘I like Gully in particular—sometimes he would catch the lure quite willingly and at other times he would act as if I insulted him.’
Teague chuckled before asking another question. Anwen found it was surprisingly easier to talk to Teague, but, then, given the beauty of his mews, it was clear he liked the training of birds. And it did take her mind off other matters, like her body’s betrayal in wanting him, or his risk leading to the death of her sister. But more importantly, it helped her avoid thinking about the way his laughter warmed her in a place she thought closed to him. Her heart.
* * *
When they passed over the river, Anwen saw the castle looming and the villagers’ new homes being built. It was late when they arrived and torches were being lit.
Teague helped her dismount and she took a step away before realising she didn’t know where to go.
‘I don’t know where I’m to stay.’ She yawned.
‘I took the liberty of securing your room.’ Teague gave the horses’ reins to a stable boy and walked away. ‘Edith will show it to you.’
Watching Teague return to his home, Anwen felt more like a reluctant guest than a resident. The fire had taken away her home, her shelter, her place in the world. Teague might be master and lord here, but she was supposed to make a life here, as well.
A temporary life.
She couldn’t stay at Gwalchdu, not knowing Teague’s past and his present actions. Not with her sister’s death. She had no reason to stay under the roof of another man of power. Her home was gone as was her family. She might have stayed at Brynmor for Melun and Alinore, but she didn’t have that here. Melun didn’t belong here either. Neither she nor the old falconer were needed. Gwalchdu was efficient, orderly. When winter ended, she and Melun could go and find the life where they were needed, where power and dominance didn’t threaten the home she always longed for. A home with chaos...and love. She couldn’t make her home within Gwalchdu’s controlled walls ruled by an even more controlling lord.
Edith and Greta pounced the moment Anwen entered the residence tower.
‘Oh, there you are! Whatever was he thinking, making you take that trip with you barely well and all! Oh, we worried, we did, didn’t we, Greta?’
Greta nodded her head emphatically.
‘Look at you, more slender than a blade of grass.’ Edith pushed Anwen’s hair away from her scar and started to pull her towards the stairs. ‘That looks well and is healing just fine. What with your hair, you can’t even see it.’
It was almost a relief to have someone give her directions, but that feeling disappeared when Edith opened the door adjacent to Teague’s room.
Her sudden halt caused Edith to stumble.
‘I can’t be next to Lord Gwalchdu’s rooms. There must be some misunderstanding. That room is for the lady of the castle, not me.’
Edith firmly patted Anwen’s arm. ‘The room’s ready for you, I say. Come, you’re just tired. I know you won’t be having me and Greta working on somewhere else this late.’
Anwen scowled, knowing she couldn’t argue now. ‘I will find more appropriate rooms in the morning.’
‘Gwalchdu is full.’ Edith followed behind her. ‘The stables, too. With all this space, I didn’t think we’d ever be full. But don’t mind me, dearie. Complaining I’m good at. I’m too used to Greta’s silence and must talk for the both of us.’
Anwen smiled. She couldn’t help it.
Despite the fact that it had been dormant, the room was freshly cleaned and aired out. Yellow linens covered the walls, a green crisp coverlet and drapes adorned the bed. Ornamental chairs padded with the same pillows and bl
ue tassels were placed beside tiny tables. Every comfort was there for a lady, but it was the bed that beckoned and Anwen crawled under the covers.
* * *
The next morning, she found Teague training in the lists. It reminded her that he was a warrior, not a gentle landowner, and he’d been away from Gwalchdu for almost a month.
The weather had turned ever colder and he wore clothing this time. But it was thinned, well-worn, and clung to a body that glistened with sweat. Indomitable man.
‘You shouldn’t be here.’ Teague nodded to Peter, who bowed and left.
She didn’t need a greeting. ‘That’s why I wanted to talk to you.’
He crossed his arms. ‘I have a feeling we are not talking about the same matter.’
‘You have placed me in the rooms adjacent to yours. They are the Lady of Gwalchdu’s rooms.’
‘Yes, I did. My servants would not presume those rooms for anyone. They were my mother’s and I have left them empty.’
‘It isn’t appropriate. I have no intention of being the lady of this castle. I need to change with someone else.’
‘No. There’s no other room. Everyone is settled and it won’t matter anyway. You were put where I ordered.’
There the lord was again. Arrogant, autocratic. She clenched her teeth to keep her voice even. ‘You are being unreasonable.’
‘I never said I was reasonable.’
‘Why?’ she pressed.
‘Because I want you in that room. No one knows what happened between you and me. I have purposely stayed away from you so there will be no gossip-mongering. You’ll stay in that room and that’s that.’
He was already walking away. She was dismissed. Anwen unclenched her teeth to let him hear her anger. ‘I’ll not stay! I’ll find somewhere else.’
He peered over his shoulder. ‘No. You won’t.’
* * *
Anwen never found another room. She did find Melun, however, in the gardens.
Brynmor might have burned to the ground, but she recognised some flowers had been successfully replanted here at Gwalchdu, where no flower had been planted before.
