After school, I dashed home to get ready. I felt so nervous. I’d never felt like this when I was going to meet Steve. It was like I’d drunk about six cups of strong coffee and I was buzzing.
I decided to wear my combats, a T-shirt and my parka jacket as it would be cold outside. Then I combed my hair loose instead of wearing it like I usually did – scraped back in a plait. A quick slick of lip gloss, a squirt of perfume and I was ready.
About ten minutes before leaving, I heard the doorbell go then, a few moments later, Mum called up the stairs.
‘TJ. Steve’s here for you. And Dad and I are off to our concert now. See you later.’
Steve! Ohmigod! I thought as I heard his footsteps coming up the stairs. What am I going to say? A moment later, my bedroom door opened and in he walked.
‘Hey, you look nice,’ he said as he stooped to give me a kiss, but I had leaned in to give him a hug and turned slightly so that his kiss landed on my cheek. I turned my face back so that he could kiss me on the lips but, by then, he’d backed off.
‘Oh. Thanks.’
‘Going out?’
I nodded.
‘Where?’
‘Um, Highgate. Um, project stuff.’
‘Want me to come?’ asked Steve. ‘Keep you company?’
I felt like a fly caught in a web. ‘Um. Nah. It will be boring. You know, meeting schmeeting.’
Steve looked disappointed. ‘Meeting Luke?’
I nodded again. Steve shrugged then reached into the bag he was carrying and pulled out a postcard and a photo. ‘Thought you might like to see these.’
I bent over to look as Steve laid them out on my desk.
‘The painting is called Work and it’s by Ford Madox Brown,’ he explained as I looked at the postcard of an old-fashioned painting showing some men with rolled-up sleeves digging. ‘It’s really famous.’ Then he pointed to the photograph. ‘And here is the place he painted.’
‘Oh wow,’ I said as I compared the two. ‘It’s on Greenhill, just off Hampstead High Street. It’s where Mum always parks when we go shopping there.’
‘I know. It’s amazing, isn’t it? I thought it would look good as part of your display.’
‘It will. Thank you so much,’ I said glancing at my watch.
‘Sorry. Am I keeping you? It’s just I was passing and I . . . well, when I made the connection, I couldn’t wait to show you.’ He reached into his rucksack again and got out more photos. ‘Plus here’s all the shots of houses where famous people lived.’
I took a quick glance at them and they looked fabulous. He’d clearly spent a lot of time going round photographing for me. I felt rotten. ‘Steve, these are brilliant. Look, I’m so sorry I’m in such a hurry, but I’ve got to go. I’m supposed to be in Highgate at seven.’
Steve went to the door. ‘No problem. I’ll walk down with you.’
I felt like the Queen of Mean. I could see that he was making a great effort to be cheerful, like he was cool about everything, but the atmosphere felt strained and unnatural. Mean, mean, mean, a voice in my head said. For a moment, I thought about calling Luke and cancelling. I didn’t want to see Steve hurt, not for a moment, but Luke would have already left and I knew, that if I put our meeting off, it would only prolong the agony I was going through in my head.
When we got to the end of the road, I gave Steve an extra big hug. ‘Speak to you later?’ I asked. ‘Maybe we can do something tomorrow.’
‘Yeah, sure,’ said Steve lighdy. ‘Yeah. See you around, TJ.’
And he walked off in the opposite direction. I could see by the way he hunched his shoulders up, that I’d upset him. Maybe Izzie has the right idea, I thought as he disappeared around a corner. Celibacy. Or maybe I should take a tip from Hannah. Become a nun. It would be a hell of a lot easier to opt out of the dating game altogether. It was painful no matter what side you were on.
I got to Pond Square at about ten past seven, but there was no sign of Luke. I checked my watch again and looked round. I waited until half past and still no sign. I didn’t want to ring in case I sounded desperate but, by seven forty-five, I was freezing and my toes had turned to blocks of ice. I’ve been stood up, I thought. And it serves me right. I decided to give him another few minutes, then I called his number.
His mum answered.
‘Er, is Luke there?’ I asked.
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘But he’s asleep. Nodded off in front of the telly. Shall I wake him?’
Asleep? I thought, asleep!! ‘Er no, don’t wake him. I’ll catch him later.’
‘It’s Sian, isn’t it?’ said Mrs De Biasi. ‘I’ll tell him you called.’
‘No, not Sian. Er, no. Don’t worry. It’s not important. I’ll catch him later.’
I clicked my phone off and sank on to one of the benches. I didn’t want to talk to anyone while I was feeling this low. Izzie would probably say this was karma. She says that the law of karma is that what you sow, so shall you reap. In plain English, you get what you deserve. And I probably deserved this. I’d blown Steve out and now Luke had blown me out. But asleep! I couldn’t believe it. And his mum knew Sian’s name. She obviously called there a lot. Well, there’s your answer TJ Watts, I thought. That’s exactly how much this meeting mattered to Luke. So much that he fell asleep and forgot. I got up and wearily trudged down the road to the bus stop. God I hate feeling this way, I thought. Maybe I will be a nun or join those Hare Krishna people who renounce the world, shave their heads and hand people roses at airports. Anything, anything has to be easier than this.
Work was painted by the Pre-Raphaelite painter, Ford Madox Brown between 1852–1865 and depicts navvies digging sewers in Hampstead. It is currently hanging in the Manchester City Art Gallery in Manchester, England.
Chapter 15
When I got home the house was quiet as Mum and Dad were still at their concert at the Barbican. Mojo was curled up on the sofa in the sitting room and he looked up with a guilty expression when he heard me come in. He knew he wasn’t supposed to sleep on the furniture as he had his own basket in the kitchen but, as soon as Mum and Dad went out, he always made himself comfortable on the sofa.
‘Don’t get up, Mojo,’ I said as I sat next to him. He took a long look at me, then got up and licked my face. He let out a soft whine as if to say he understood, then curled up, leaning against my legs with his paw up over my knees. He’s amazing when I’m feeling low. It’s like he picks up on it, then likes to stay as close as possible to me as if trying to comfort me.
‘Rough,’ I said to him.
‘Rff,’ he agreed and sank his head on to my lap.
I switched on the TV and flicked channels for a while, but none of the programmes registered. My concentration was all over the place. After a while, I curled up with Mojo and closed my eyes and I must have nodded off because, the next thing I knew, I was awoken by the doorbell ringing. I checked my watch. Nine o’clock. Too early for Mum and Dad to be back, plus they never went out without their keys. I went to the window and peeked out from behind the curtain. My heart skipped a beat when I saw Luke standing there. Seeing a movement at the window, he glanced over as I darted back out of sight. The doorbell rang again. A long insistent ring. Then I heard his voice through the letterbox.
‘TJ. TJ. I know you’re in there.’
I tiptoed into the hall. The letterbox flicked open and I could see his eyes looking through.
‘Go away,’ I said.
‘TJ. Let me in.’
‘I don’t want to talk to you.’
‘Please TJ. Look, you’ve every right to be mad. I’m sorry I stood you up. I didn’t mean to. I don’t know what happened. I crashed out on the sofa and, the next thing I know, it was past eight. I tried ringing your mobile then, when you didn’t answer, I came straight over. I’m really sorry. Let me in.’
By this time, Mojo had come to see what all the noise was about. He looked at me, then at the letterbox, then back at me as if to say, what kind of creature is so
small they can look through a letterbox?
‘Ciao, Mojo,’ called Luke, causing Mojo to go over to the door and try and lick him through the letterbox. Then I heard him say, ‘Eyuck.’
I had to laugh. Mojo’s tail was wagging like mad, then he positioned himself on the mat inside so that he was eyeball to eyeball with Luke.
‘Come on TJ, please,’ said Luke. ‘I’m down on my knees here.’ Then he laughed. ‘I really am too. And making eyeball contact with your dog, much as I like him, is not why I came over.’
‘Five minutes,’ I said firmly as I went to let him in. I felt genuinely mad with him. I’d had enough. More than enough, and now I just wanted my life and my sanity back. As always Luke was super-tuned in to how I was feeling.
‘Mad with me, huh?’ he said as he stood up with a big cheesy grin.
I wasn’t going to give in easily. ‘You could say that. I waited for ages. I was freezing.’
‘I really am sorry. I meant to be there. Usually I’m Mr Reliable. I don’t normally fall asleep early evening, but lately . . . dunno, I haven’t been sleeping well . . . lot on my mind . . .’
‘Tell me about it,’ I said as I went back into the sitting room.
Luke followed me in. ‘TJ . . .’
‘Your mum thought I was Sian. She knows there’s someone called Sian all right, doesn’t she?’
‘Yeah, but I told you that’s a one-way thing,’ said Luke following me in. ‘Totally in her head.’
I didn’t ask him to sit down as I didn’t want him staying, so we stood at opposing ends of the room, like boxers sizing each other up in the ring. ‘I’m not so sure any more. I mean, how do I know if I can trust you? You play with people’s feelings and I don’t think you know how it affects them.’
‘Hey, that’s not fair. I never encouraged Sian.’
‘You let her massage you, I’d say that’s pretty encouraging.’
‘Not in my house. Everyone’s always giving everyone neck and back rubs. It means nothing.’
Oh, I thought, so did that mean that my giving him a neck rub meant nothing as well?
‘So what about Nesta then? You’ve certainly encouraged her and she has no idea that you plan to finish with her. If that’s not playing with people’s feelings, I don’t know what is.’
‘Yeah, but . . .’
‘And you’re a flirt, Luke De Biasi. I’ve seen you, holding girls’ hands, playing the confidante to Sian. I think you probably like the attention.’
‘Look TJ, I’ve told you before. There’s nothing going on with Sian. Nothing.’
‘Yeah, like you said it wasn’t working out with Nesta, but I don’t see you getting round to letting her in on it.’
Luke sighed. ‘Ah, well that’s difficult,’ he said. ‘I hate letting people down. And anyway, you’re still seeing Steve, so you’re one to talk.’
‘Steve! Steve? What’s he got to do with it? Why wouldn’t I be seeing Steve?’
Luke looked directly into my eyes. ‘Because of us!’
‘Us! Us? What’s that supposed to mean? What us?’
‘You know that what’s happening with us is on another level.’
That did it. I don’t often lose my temper, but this time I saw red. ‘Stop saying that! And what does it mean exactly? On another level? What level? It could mean anything. What am I supposed to think? You use expressions like that and it can be interpreted any way, it’s no wonder Sian thinks you’re into her. You probably told her that what you have with her is on another level as well.’
Luke sank down on to the sofa. ‘Just going down to another level.’ He grinned up at me.
I didn’t laugh at his joke.
‘I’ve never given Sian anything to go on,’ he said. ‘Honestly.’
‘OK. Honestly then. What about Nesta? How do you feel about her? Really?’
‘It’s over. I know, I know I haven’t told her yet, but how can I? You of all people know how difficult it’s going to be.’
‘There you go again. Why would I of all people know?’
Luke reached out, caught my hand and pulled me towards him. ‘Come on, TJ, you can’t deny it.’
‘Deny WHAT?’ I asked as I pulled away from him.
‘Please TJ, sit down,’ said Luke patting the cushion on the sofa next to him. I didn’t want to look at him as, although I was still mad, I couldn’t deny the chemistry in the room. The air was so thick, you could have cut it with a knife. Instead of sitting next to him, I sat on the floor to the right of his feet, with my back to him, and folded my arms.
He moved over so that he was positioned behind me, with me sitting between his knees, then he put his hands on my shoulders.
‘Come on, Watts,’ he said. ‘You know that there’s something pretty special going on between us. I know you do.’
He started to gently massage my shoulders and the back of my neck. I felt myself freeze, but when he began to play with my hair it sent warm shivers up my spine. It felt amazing and was starting to feel dangerous. I tried to shrug him off.
‘Come on, relax,’ he said softly. ‘Let me give you a neck rub. You need to chill out a bit. Relax.’
What he’d just said to me about us having something special had caused my brain to fuse. I didn’t know what else to say so I just sat there, letting him gently stroke my neck and my hair. It felt like my mind had gone totally blank, and everything had been turned off or tuned out except the sensation of him close behind me and the warmth of his hands on my shoulders.
After a moment, he got up and went over to the CD player.
‘Got any good CDs?’
‘Erghh. Not sure,’ I said. ‘Mine are all upstairs, but I think there are a few of my brother’s somewhere about. He left them here when he took off on his travels. They’re there on the right of the player.’ Yes, I thought. Music. Good idea. Anything to distract me from the feelings that are running riot through me.
He picked out a CD, put it in the player and switched it on.
‘I think you’ll like this one,’ he said as he sat behind me once again and resumed his gentle kneading on my shoulders.
As the CD began to play, I could hardly believe what I was hearing. I’d never heard the band before, but it was the perfect choice. Strings filled the room, then some piano, then the lyrics. All about dancing into the fire, eager to catch the flame. Tempting trouble, ready to play the game.
As the music filled the room, Luke’s hands on my shoulders suddenly stopped massaging and he turned me round to face him and put one hand under my chin, so that I had to look up at him. As our eyes met, I felt myself start to lose resistance, like I’d turned to rubber. He leaned towards me, slipped his hands under my arms and pulled me up next to him. Then he leaned in again and it was like everything went into slow motion, his face gradually coming closer to mine. I felt like I was melting into him, then his lips touched mine. I so wanted to respond, but suddenly I saw Nesta’s face in my mind’s eye and Steve.
‘No . . . No, Luke, we mustn’t. There’s Nesta and Steve to think about. Even if we do break up with them, this can only cause bad feelings.’
Luke let out a soft moan. ‘TJ, you’re killing me. This is killing me.’
He looked so sad sitting there. I hated to see him like that and realised that I hadn’t thought about his feelings. He looked at me pleadingly and took my hand again. ‘TJ, please. I can’t go on like this.’
‘But . . . Nesta . . .’
‘I’ll tell Nesta. I promise. I will. Come here . . .’
This time, as he pulled me towards him and put his arms round my waist, I reached up, put my arms around his neck and his face moved towards mine again and, at last, we were kissing properly. A long, deep, soft kiss. Nothing else existed. It was like everything went black and all I felt was the most sublime sensation of his lips on mine and his body close. Ecstasy.
After a few moments, he pulled away and smiled. ‘I’ve wanted to do that for a very long time. You OK with this?’
I was more than OK. I felt like I was in heaven. All I wanted was more and I leaned forward and kissed him again.
We must have spent at least the next two hours with our arms around each other, cuddling and kissing until my jaw was sore. I’d never felt anything like it before, kissing Steve had never been like this. I wanted it to go on for ever and ever.
We were cuddled up with my head on his chest, holding hands listening to another CD, when we heard my parents’ car pull up into the front drive. I leaped up in a panic. I’d completely lost track of time. I glanced at my watch. It was almost twelve. We’d been there for three hours.
‘Oh God, they’ll kill me.’
‘Back door?’ said Luke springing up and heading for the hall.
‘Kitchen,’ I said as we both legged it to the back of the house.
As I let him out into the garden, he gave me a quick kiss and both of us got the giggles then, as we heard the key in the front door, he sprinted across the garden. ‘See you, Watts.’
‘TJ, TJ? Are you there?’ asked Mum coming straight through into the kitchen. ‘What are you doing up?’
‘Um. Just giving Mojo some fresh air in the garden,’ I replied as I came in and began locking the back door.
Mojo chose this moment to come through from the sitting room so blowing my story. Mum looked at me, then at the dog.
‘But . . .’
‘Oh there you are,’ I said, then giggled. I felt drunk. ‘Bad Mojo. Come on, boy.’ I began to unbolt the door.
Mojo wagged his tail and made for the garden.
‘For heaven’s sake, close that door,’ said Dad coming through to join us. ‘It’s letting all the cold air in.’ Then he looked at me. ‘What’s the matter with your face?’
Mates, Dates and Tempting Trouble Page 10
