He grinned. “If you were a bad girl, I would have known it when I took you.” He leaned forward and kissed her eyes. “I was your first man. And you took me in sweet love,” he said softly. “There is nothing bad in that, Rachael.” He grabbed her close again, breathing deeply. “This is the happiest day of my life. It is right. I know it is right.”
“I’ve never been so scared and so excited both at the same time.”
“Do not ever be afraid, Rachael, not of anything. I am here, and soon we will be together every hour of every day.”
She met his eyes. “My father used to tell my mother to never be afraid of anything. You remind me of him in so many ways. He was so strong, and he held many of your beliefs. He was so solid and dependable.” She sighed deeply, pulling away from him reluctantly then and sitting up. She reached for her bloomers. “Somehow I’ve got to find a way to tell Joshua about us. I’m not quite sure how he’ll react, but I’ve got to try to get him on my side. That will help me through whatever lies ahead for us.”
“And if he is against it?”
She met his eyes. “If he is against it, then so be it. It won’t change my mind, not now, Brand. It wouldn’t have even before we made love. But now there is no going back, not for me.”
He sat up and touched her hair again. “Nor for me. I am only sorry I am a half-breed and that it will cause trouble and pain for you.”
“Don’t ever be sorry for your blood.” She stood up and pulled on her bloomers. “And I am not the only one who will have problems with this. Like I said, my problems will be social, emotional. You are the one who might be in physical danger.”
“It is worth the danger,” he answered. He watched her finish dressing, again marveling at the layers of clothes white women wore. He pictured Jason Brown touching her, and rage swept through him at the mere thought of it. It was tempting to keep her with him from this moment on. “Rachael,” he said, rising and standing behind her. “Even now, if you changed your mind, I would never hold it against you.”
She turned in surprise, watching his eyes. “Why do you say that?”
He took her hand, holding it up beside his own, displaying in the sun the contrast of their skin. “Do you see the difference? That is why I say it, and because I love you as I love my own life. To see you get hurt would be like tearing out my heart.”
Their eyes held. “We’ve said how we feel, Brand, and we’ve sealed it today. I gave myself to you because I love you. I don’t intend for any other man to touch me that way.” She breathed deeply. “I’m not going to let myself be afraid, Brand. You told me not to be, and I know my mother would tell me the same. She would approve of this, and so would my father. I know they both would. I don’t care what anybody else thinks, including my own brother.”
He grinned softly. “Then it is done.” He leaned down, meeting her lips again, tantalizing her with light flicks of his tongue.
Rachael knew that if there was time, she would let him make love to her again, in spite of the fierce ache that plagued her insides. How was she going to stand being away from him, even for one night?
“Oh, Brand, Brand,” she whispered as his lips left her mouth. “I’ll come back tomorrow. But let me come earlier—ten o’clock instead of one. Then we will have longer to be together”
How he wanted to take her again, this very moment. “Yes. Come at ten. I will make sure the Comanche boys who watch my horses will take care of things. We can have the whole day alone.” He kissed her neck, “But there will be no lessons, at least not from you. It is I who will do the teaching and you will do the learning.”
The splendid warmth moved through her body at the realization of what he meant. Yes, he would be the teacher. And she would enjoy the lessons immensely. What woman could ask for more than to be held in the arms of Brand Selby!
Brand gathered up their things and retied the blankets onto the horse. He picked up his rifle and shoved it into its boot, then lifted her onto the horse. “Are you all right to ride?”
She reddened again, finding it difficult to believe Brand Selby had seen her naked this day, had invaded her body. Already he knew her intimately. It embarrassed her, but he seemed to understand. Somehow she suspected Jason would have laughed about it.
“I think so,” she answered.
He mounted behind her, moving away from the stream. She felt like crying again. Would she ever come back to this place? Her whole life had changed beside this stream.
There was so much to talk about. Tomorrow. They would talk tomorrow. How had the afternoon slipped by so quickly? She looked down at her arms, touching them, feeling almost as though none of this was real. Suddenly she was not the same Rachael Rivers. She was a woman now. She had taken a man. She would have to be brave now, brave like her mother had been when she first married Joe Rivers, who was hated because he was raised by Cherokee Indians. But this would be worse than it was for her mother. Brand was half Comanche. And few whites hated Indians worse than the Texans hated the Comanche. She prayed she would have the strength to face whatever lay ahead.
Brand’s arm tightened around her, as though he sensed her thoughts. She leaned against him, and she knew that whatever strength she lacked, Brand would make up for it. He would never desert her, never let anything happen to her. They had each other. Surely that was all they would need.
Chapter Twelve
Rachael reached the trees, looking back to see Brand still sitting on his horse, watching after her. How she hated going back to town! There he was, far in the distance, sitting alone. She didn’t want him to be alone. If he had too much time to think he might decide what they had done was a great folly and that things must end. Maybe he would even pull up stakes and go away.
She raised her hand to wave, and he waved back. If only she could go back to him, lie in his arms this night. If only they could be together right now, this very day. But Joshua would be furious enough when she told him gently and slowly. And she was committed to her teaching job. A lump rose in her throat. She didn’t really care what anyone, including Joshua, thought; nor did she care now if she lost her teaching position, although it meant very much to her. She knew no one in Austin would marry them, and she couldn’t bring herself to shame her brothers by living with a man without marrying him the Christian way.
Brand was right. They were already married, in heart and body. She felt the same way. And his reasoning about a piece of paper seemed practical. But no one in her family and none of her friends would see it that way, and she was determined they should be allowed to properly marry and live as husband and wife. Somehow she had to make that happen, without endangering Brand’s life.
It took all her strength to turn away again and head into the trees. She was hot and tired, and she was anxious to talk to Lacy. The woman would probably be shocked at first, but today had been a traumatic one for Rachael. She had to share this first experience with someone, someone older who might understand. Lacy was the only white woman in town who had at least a little sympathy for Brand’s situation, who didn’t totally judge him by his blood.
She hurried through the trees, anxious now just to get home and take a cool bath; anxious for the day and night to pass so that she could come back tomorrow and be with Brand again. That was all that mattered now, her time with the man she loved.
“Oh, Mama, you’d like him so much. I just know you would,” she said softly, looking up at the clouds as she came out of the trees. She wished her mother’s grave was closer so that she could stand by it; still, she was sure that her mother was with her, watching her, guiding her. And so was her father.
She hurried to the back of the buildings on the east side of town, then through an alley between two buildings. She stepped over rocks and weeds and two whiskey bottles, then opened her parasol and took a deep breath before emerging onto the boardwalk in front of one of the buildings.
“Afternoon, Miss Rivers,” came a voice to her immediate left.
Rachael gasped. Her mind had
been so preoccupied she was not even looking; and she was so worried about being caught it made her jumpy. She stepped aside, turning to see Jules Webber standing against the building, one foot bent behind him and braced against the gray wood. A thin cigar hung from his mouth.
“Jules!” She swallowed. “Didn’t you go with Jason?”
“Had a stomach problem. Stayed behind.”
His eyes moved over her as though he knew something, and she struggled to keep her composure. Not only did she dislike this man more than she disliked Jason but also he actually frightened her. Surely Jules was one of those who had been along when Jason raped the little Indian girl, and when he did whatever other dastardly deeds he might be up to. She stepped back more.
“Well, I hope you’re feeling better.”
He nodded, then looked around the building into the alley. His eyes shifted back to hers. They were dark, discerning eyes. Rachael noticed he needed a shave, and his shirt was stained. It seemed the only time Jules Webber dressed decently was when he was on duty for the Rangers.
“You always go skulkin’ around in alleys?” he asked, his eyes moving over her again. “Doesn’t seem very ladylike for somebody like you. It could also be dangerous.”
“What I do is none of your business, Jules,” she answered, remembering her promise to Brand not to be afraid. “If you must know, I just felt a need to get away from people. I took a little walk.”
“Alone? Outside of town?” He shook his head. “Bad idea. Jason wouldn’t like that very much.”
“Jason has no say in what I do.”
The man’s eyebrows arched. “That so? Not according to Jason.”
Rachael lowered her parasol, closing it. “Good day, Jules.” She turned and strutted away.
Jules Webber watched after her, thinking what a fool Jason was for not selling her to the Comancheros. She would bring a fortune.
Rachael hurried now, feeling Jules Webber’s eyes on her back. Did he suspect something? What would he tell Jason? She decided she would have to be very careful tomorrow—make sure Jules Webber was not in sight when she left. She hurried toward Lacy’s, then spotted Harriet Miller coming down the street toward her.
The last person Rachael wanted to see today was Harriet Miller. She stepped off the boardwalk and readied to cross the street, but Harriet called out to her then. Rachael had no choice but to turn and acknowledge the woman’s greeting, and Harriet waved her over.
It seemed that everything ached as Rachael moved toward Harriet, who stood by a buggy that she was preparing to board. A driver waited to take her back to her well-guarded home.
“Oh, Rachael, I’ve been wanting to talk to you,” Harriet cawed. Her voice reminded Rachael of a crow. “I was at the boardinghouse earlier to see you, but Mrs. Reed said you were doing some shopping.” The woman patted her damp face with a lacy handkerchief. “Oh, it’s so warm, isn’t it? I liked it much better near the coast, but Mr. Miller insisted this was the place to open more businesses, since we’re soon to be the capital of Texas.”
Rachael wondered at how the woman could so cleverly manage to get something immediately into the conversation that involved announcing that her husband was an area businessman.
“Well, I suppose he was right,” the woman continued. “Austin just seems to keep growing and growing, and so does business.” She laughed lightly, and two other women walked by, nodding to Harriet Miller and giving their greetings.
“Yes, we certainly are growing,” Rachael answered, trying to sound enthused. “What was it you wanted, Mrs. Miller? I’m not feeling too well, and I’m anxious to get home.”
“Oh!” Harriet looked her over. “Yes, I see you haven’t purchased anything.” She chuckled and leaned closer. “When a woman goes shopping and doesn’t purchase anything, she certainly must be sick!” She laughed again and patted Rachael’s arm. “I hope it’s nothing serious, dear. It’s so nice having young ladies like yourself come to Austin. You add so much to our town. You’re so pretty and intelligent—and we need teachers so badly. How wonderful of you to leave St. Louis and come back to Austin.”
Rachael struggled to remain in good spirits. She had heard all of this before, and she didn’t feel like standing here babbling on about nothing. “Thank you, Mrs. Miller. You said you had been by to see me?”
“Oh yes! I just want to make sure you will be available to help with the punch the night of the dance. It’s next Saturday, you know—only seven more days.”
“Yes, of course,” Rachael said absently. The dance! She didn’t want to go at all. She wanted to be with Brand.
“Will your Jason Brown be back by then?”
“My what?” Rachael blinked at the way the woman put it.
“Jason Brown. Will he be back in time for the dance?”
Rachael put on a smile. “Mrs. Miller, he is not ‘my’ Jason Brown. I am not sure I will be going with Jason to the dance. I think I prefer to go unescorted, which I am sure is better anyway if I am to work at the punch table.”
“Oh!” The woman looked surprised and a little bit offended. “Well, I just assumed—”
“Everybody in town is assuming the same thing,” Rachael interrupted. “But no one ever asks me how I feel about Jason. I have no interest in any particular young man, Mrs. Miller.” She checked herself, realizing her temper was rising a little too high. She closed her eyes and sighed deeply. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Miller. It’s just that Jason tells people these things, but it isn’t serious at all, truly. And if I go to the dance unescorted, I will be able to meet all the other available young men in town. Won’t that be more exciting?”
The woman blushed and tittered. “Oh, well, of course! If that’s what you prefer, it would be delightful. Oh, I love matchmaking! Why, I remember the day you left Austin. We hadn’t been in town too long and I didn’t know your family too well then. We never believed you’d come back after being in St. Louis. We’re all so thrilled to have you here. We want to fill Austin with the best. Oh, will your brothers be coming to the dance?”
Rachael fingered her parasol nervously, wanting nothing more than to get away. “I don’t know. I hope so—at least I hope my oldest brother can come. If you want to do some matchmaking, do it with my brother, would you? He needs a mate much worse than I do. He and the younger boys are so alone out there on the ranch. And the house really needs a woman’s touch.”
“Oh yes, yes. I can imagine!” She patted Rachael’s shoulder. “You really do look peaked, child. Are you eating right?”
“I’m fine, Mrs. Miller.”
“Well, you look as though you had better go home and get some rest. I wouldn’t want you to miss the dance. You be there at six o’clock, can you? Ted and I are holding it at the big barn next to the house. We’ll have it all cleaned out. Oh, how I wish we had the grand home we had back East, with a ballroom and all. But it will come. It will come.”
“I’ll be there, Mrs. Miller.”
“Oh, good. I’m so delighted. I’ve planned this event for so long. It’s a kind of celebration over Austin being chosen for the capital. Statehood is only three or four months away, you know.”
“Yes, I know. I really must be going, Mrs. Miller.”
“Oh, of course. You get some rest now, like I told you.”
“I will.”
“Good-bye, dear.”
Rachael nodded and quickly left. Harriet Miller could be friendly and helpful in her own way, but only if she liked someone. Rachael knew the woman was a snob at heart, and supposed she would faint dead on the spot if she knew that Rachael had made love that very day with the half-breed, Brand Selby. The thought of telling Mrs. Miller flat out what she had just been up to brought a little smile to her lips. It would almost be fun watching the look on her face.
Rachael walked fast, looking straight ahead, praying no one else would call her over. Never in her life had she been so anxious to get to the privacy of her room. A buggy clattered by spraying dust over her dress and into her hai
r. She coughed and waved it away, wondering when Austin would have brick and paved streets like St. Louis. She stepped over horse dung and realized that her nostrils were getting so used to the smell that she hardly noticed it anymore. That was Texas—dust and horse droppings and wild growth; Indians, Mexicans, Germans—people of every race and life-style, from the most destitute farmer to people like Harriet Miller.
And Texas was Brand Selby—dark, wild, rugged, hard to put down. She had come back to Texas, and Texas had folded her into its arms.
At last Lacy’s boardinghouse was in sight. There had been no more interruptions. She walked faster. Brand seemed so far away now. She felt as though she had left him a thousand miles back. To be one mile from him was to be too far away. Would he be waiting for her tomorrow, or had he just used her because he knew Jason Brown loved her? Was it only for spite? No! Not Brand. She simply could not believe that was all it had been. It was too beautiful, his eyes too sincere.
She finally reached the door and went inside, where it was cooler. She closed the door, leaning against it, feeling almost too weak to climb the stairs. She moved to the stairway, grasping the top of the large oak post at the bottom of the railing.
“Rachael?” Lacy was calling from the kitchen.
“Yes,” she answered with what strength she had. “I’m going to my room.”
She started up the stairs but could not reach the top before Lacy was standing at the bottom of the steps. “How did it go? Did you tell him, child?”
Rachael turned to look at her, and Lacy’s eyes widened.
“Rachael, you look terrible!”
Rachael put a hand to her face, wondering if that was how she had looked to Harriet Miller. “I…I shouldn’t look terrible,” she answered. “I mean, when a girl is in love she’s supposed to look beautiful.”
Lacy frowned, lifting her skirt and coming up the stairs. Rachael looked away and went the rest of the way up, and Lacy followed her to her room, closing the door behind them. “What happened, Rachael? Did he say he loves you, too?”
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