She smiled through tears, hugging him tightly. “I love you, Brand. I can bear anything others say and do, as long as I can be with you.”
He watched her quietly for a moment, but she could not read his eyes well in the moonlight. He bent close, putting his face close to hers and lifting her off her feet. It was then she felt his tears.
“What am I doing to you?” he said, his words choked.
She hugged him tightly around the neck, realizing just how deeply wounded he was. The sad and confused child in him was suddenly exposed.
“You’re loving me, that’s all,” she whispered. “You’re making me feel alive and loved and happy. You’ve made a woman out of me and I belong to you, Brand Selby. It’s gone too far now. Don’t make me have to live without you. Please, Brand.” She broke into tears herself. “Oh, we should never have come out here.”
They hugged tightly for several long seconds until he moved his lips to her cheek. She turned to meet his mouth with her own, and they tasted each other’s tears. The desperate feeling of outside factors possibly tearing them apart brought an urgency to the kiss, as though they must enhance the memory by bringing forth their wildest passions.
It was all understood as he slowly lowered her and walked with his arm around her, leading his horse and the packhorse down into a gulley Rachael didn’t even know was ahead of them. But she knew Brand had spotted it with the keen eyes of a scout, a man who seemed to see even in the night. He quietly unloaded the riding horse, then untied the packhorse from the lead animal’s tail and hobbled both horses.
“We’ll have to go another night without a fire,” he told her. “I’m not worried about the Comanche, but you never know about outlaws. Out here a fire can be seen for miles. One look at you and Comancheros would kill each other trying to get to you.”
Rachael shivered at the thought of Jason Brown possibly dealing with such men. If only she could change Joshua’s mind about Jason.
Brand spread out a blanket, then turned to her, stroking her lustrous hair. “This might be our last chance for a while. Once I take you back I’ll wait until after Saturday. We’ll be back by tomorrow night. You go ahead to the dance Saturday, but stay with a crowd. And don’t even hint to Jason about us, understand? I’d take you away right now, but Jason Brown is probably back. Next thing you know he’ll be riding out here to ask Joshua about you, and then he’ll know. If Lacy can put him off a couple of days, we can get far enough away that by the time Jason gets in touch with Joshua and finds out, they’ll never find us.”
“Oh, Brand, it isn’t fair to you. You have your ranch and—”
“It’s the only way now. Standing Horse and Gray Bear can run my horses up the Colorado to the nearest Comanche camp. Nothing will happen to them. I can find a way to come for them later. Besides, when Jason Brown finds out about this, I have a feeling I won’t have a ranch to come back to.”
Their eyes held in the moonlight, each of them feeling the weight of what was ahead of them. He rubbed a thumb over her cheek. “It’s probably selfish of me, but I don’t want to be without you, Rachael.” He swallowed, his last words sounding strained again. Her heart ached for him. “I guess this ends our lessons for a while, doesn’t it?” he tried to joke.
“I guess it does,” she whispered.
He leaned down and met her mouth, and she parted her lips willingly. He began unbuttoning the back of her dress, and the kiss lingered as he slid it down over her shoulders. Her skin almost glowed a milky white in the moonlight as he left her mouth and pulled the dress to her waist.
“You are so beautiful, like a small, soft doe,” he told her, running his hands over soft skin. She stood still as he moved his hands down to her chest and began unlacing the undergarment. “You are everywhere, Rachael, in my mind, my heart, my blood. You have become my strength, my reason for being.”
He cast the undergarment aside, moving his big hands over her ribs, nearly able to reach all the way around her waist. He moved them up over her breasts, massaging gently. Rachael closed her eyes as his hands moved back down and he pulled her dress and bloomers down to her ankles. She stepped out of them and he moved his hands back up over the calves of her legs, the back of her thighs, bringing his head up with them. She sucked in her breath when he gently massaged her bottom, kissing her gently. Wild desire shot through her with a force that made her groan, and he moved upward and tasted her breasts, her neck.
He picked her up in his arms and lay her down on the blanket, then stood and undressed. She watched him in the moonlight, a grand specimen of man, looking huge and wild in the moonlight. He threw his weapons and clothes aside to kneel down over her.
She grasped his arms and raised up, kissing his chest.
She moved her arms around his powerful shoulders, leaning up to kiss his neck. He whispered her name and moved his hands under her hips to lay her back down. He pushed deep, relishing the tender moment, reminding himself by her reaction of obvious pleasure that this woman really did love him and wanted to share that love forever.
Never had he known this kind of love, this kind of pleasure. He vowed this creature of gold and pink and sweetness would be his mate for life, would bear his children, would sleep next to him at night for the rest of his life. He would let nothing and no one stop it from being so.
“My sweet Rachael,” he whispered, as his life surged into her. He gathered her into his arms then, kissing her over and over. “I knew the day I saw you at the river that I wanted you for my own. It is a force stronger than I, a force that keeps me from doing what I know is best for you, and that is to leave now and never come back.”
“No!” she whispered. “Please don’t ever leave me, Brand. Together we can face them all. We can do it, Brand.”
He pulled a blanket over them and enveloped her in his arms. “I’m a fool, but I won’t leave you. Life wouldn’t be worth living without you.”
The night hung in a breathless quiet as they lay there together, small creatures compared to the powerful landscape that surrounded them in the dark of night. And Rachael realized she was not fighting just Joshua and Jason Brown. She was fighting Texas. Such a big land it was; yet there might not be enough room there for a white woman and the half-breed man she loved.
Lacy answered the back door and Rachael hurried inside. “Back so soon?” Lacy exclaimed. “I didn’t expect you ’til tomorrow night.”
“Oh, Lacy.” Rachael sighed deeply, setting down her carpetbag and hugging her. “It was terrible. Joshua was so abusive we just couldn’t stay. I never thought he would be that ugly and stubborn. Poor Brand. Joshua said terrible things to him.”
“I was afraid of that,” Lacy told her. “What are you going to do now, honey?”
Rachael walked to the kitchen table and sat down wearily. “We can’t stay here, that’s certain. We’ll wait ’til after the dance, when things are calmer and more quiet. We’ll leave Monday.” She met Lacy’s eyes apologetically. “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to lie for me for a couple of days if Jason or anyone asks about me. Tell them I’m sick in my room. Brand and I will need a couple of days to get some miles between us and Austin, especially once Jason finds out.”
“Well, the man is back and he’s already been here looking for you.”
Rachael closed her eyes and shuddered at the thought of having to face him. “I was half hoping he wouldn’t even get back until Brand and I were gone.” She looked back at Lacy. “What did you tell him?”
“Just what you told me to tell him—that you had gone to Joshua’s for a couple of days. How are you going to explain that you came back so quick?”
Rachael ran a hand through her hair. “I don’t know. I’ll think of something.” Her eyes teared. “We don’t know what else to do but just get out of Austin, Lacy. I don’t want to leave you, and I sure don’t want to leave my brothers. But between Jason and Joshua, we have no choice.”
“Oh, I understand. I just think it’s a shame it has to be this way for you,
but I warned you, Rachael.”
“I know.” She closed her eyes and put her head in her hands. “Josh and I were always so close. It hurts so bad to think of having hard feelings between us now, Lacy. But I love Brand too much to change things just for Joshua.”
Lacy patted her arm. “He’ll come around eventually, Rachael. After a while, after you and Brand are married and are doing fine on your own, he’ll miss his sister and he’ll want to patch things up. You’ll see. He’s stubborn, and I expect you’ve hurt his pride some, seeing as how he probably felt like it was his place to look after you. But he’s a Rivers, and with folks like those you had, he’ll accept it after a while because he’s got his mother’s good heart and his father’s ability to accept a man for his worth.”
“Brand thinks like you do. But how long is it going to take? I hate being at odds with Joshua.” Her eyes teared. “My heart feels as heavy as a stone. Sometimes I wish I never would have come back to Texas. I wonder how things would have turned out for me if I would just have stayed in St. Louis.”
“Oh, I expect you would have met some dandy gentleman who could have given you all the finest things a woman could want—except that he could never please you in the really important ways, never set you on fire and make you breathless the way I’ll bet Brand Selby does.”
Rachael looked at her in surprise and Lacy chuckled. “Oh yes, I remember how it was. I’m not that old, Rachael Rivers.”
Rachael reddened and pulled out a handkerchief, wiping her eyes.
“Real love, the kind you and Brand share, is not easy to find, Rachael. It’s worth fighting for. Don’t you fret over Joshua. He’ll get over it. You go ahead and leave with Brand and you be happy.”
Rachael smiled through tears. “Thank you, Lacy. I don’t think I could have managed through all of this without you.”
Lacy smiled and rose to make some tea. “You just go on up to your room and relax and I’ll bring up some tea. How does that sound?”
“It sounds wonderful.” Rachael rose, picking up her carpetbag and heading for the stairs, her feet feeling like lead. How she hated leaving Brand again. What if he really did decide it was best to go away? He was on his way back to his ranch right now, alone and lonely, probably full of doubts as to whether he should allow Rachael to face what she would surely face by running off with him. The next four days were going to be miserable, wondering how Brand was, if he would really come for her on Monday. With Jason back, there was no way she could go to Brand. Jason would be watching her every move. The thought of having to face him now, knowing what she knew about him, loving Brand the way she did, made her shiver with dread.
Chapter Seventeen
Rachael put the last pin in her hair and studied herself in the mirror. The last thing she wanted to do was go downstairs and face Jason. Luckily he had not even come around until this evening. She had had all day to rest and prepare for the unwanted visit.
The thought of seeing Jason Brown again repulsed her. She knew too much now. Moreover, she was determined to make sure Jason knew she wanted nothing more to do with him. Monday night Brand would come for her and they would quietly leave together, whether Joshua showed up or not. She had once hoped Joshua would come to the dance, for his own sake. But now she hoped that he didn’t. She was afraid he would say something to Jason before she and Brand could leave. Surely he wouldn’t do that to her, in spite of how he felt about her love for Brand.
She swallowed back tears and picked up a cameo pin she had purchased when she lived in St. Louis. She pinned it to the neckline of the high-necked dress, thinking how far away St. Louis seemed now, and how long ago it seemed that she had been there. Yet she had only been back in Texas for seven weeks. So much had happened in that short time. Her whole life had been turned upside down. She longed for a mother and father to talk to, was sure that if Joe and Emma Rivers were still alive, they would have backed her all the way. But her parents were gone, and she knew she had to rely on her own strength and make her own choices. That choice was Brand, even if it meant losing her brothers’ love and respect.
Her heart tightened when she heard Jason raise his voice downstairs. She had better hurry up and get down there or he would think she was primping especially for him.
“Is Joshua around?” she heard Jason ask as she went to the door. “I wouldn’t mind having a talk with him.”
“He went right back,” Lacy lied for Rachael.
“After that long ride here? He’ll be riding after dark.”
“He was having trouble with some sick cattle or something. Didn’t want to stay. He’ll be back in a few days to pick up some feed and lumber he’s got ordered. The supplies hadn’t arrived yet.”
“He won’t be at the dance?”
“I don’t think so.”
Rachael hated the sound of his voice. Little did she know why Jason was asking about Joshua.
“I’ll go up and see if she’s ready,” Lacy was saying. The woman came up the stairs and Rachael let her into her room.
“Oh, thank you, Lacy, for that excuse for Joshua.”
Lacy closed the door. “He’s dressed fit to kill. I expect you know why he’s here. I’ll stay close by, Rachael.”
Rachael hugged the woman tightly. “Thank you for everything, Lacy.”
“You just be careful around that man, Rachael.”
Rachael took a deep breath and went to the door. She dreaded even setting eyes on Jason again. Having him gone had been a wonderful relief. She had practiced over and over in her mind what to tell him, but now that the moment had come she could feel her mind going blank. She told herself to think of Brand, to be strong for this moment, because in just a few more days she would leave with Brand and be with him forever. She left the room and descended the stairs, moving on rubbery legs to the parlor. She breathed deeply to control her pounding heart as she entered the tidy room where Jason Brown stood beside the fireplace, holding something in his hand.
Jason was dressed in a dark suit of clothes. His open suit jacket revealed a ruffled shirt and a gray satin vest, and a black tie was tied into a bow at his throat. It amazed Rachael how a man whose appearance was so handsome and friendly on the surface could be capable of doing the things she was sure Jason Brown had done. All she could see when she studied the dark eyes was a man who had raped a twelve-year-old girl and then whipped her bloody.
“Rachael!” he said softly, walking quickly to stand in front of her. He took one of her hands before she could offer it. “It’s good to see you again.” As his dark eyes moved over her, she shivered at the thought of letting this man do to her what Brand had done to her.
“Hello, Jason. I’m glad you’ve returned unharmed,” she lied.
“You look more beautiful than ever,” he answered, bending down and kissing her cheek with cold lips. “How was your trip back?”
“Tiring. I couldn’t stay. Josh was having some kind of trouble with the stock and he didn’t want me out there alone while he and the boys were so involved with their problems. I’ll just have to pick a better time to visit, I guess.”
“Well, I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve been back since Tuesday. You can imagine how disappointed I was to find out you weren’t here.”
She pulled her hand away, and noticed a hint of anger in his eyes when she did so. She knew he was already struggling to remain calm and friendly. He took a deep breath, looking her over again. “Well, I’m glad you’ll be here for the dance. I had a hell of a time getting back in time myself, but I wanted to be here, for you.”
She turned away, rubbing her hands together nervously and moving to a window. “You didn’t have to do that, Jason.”
“Of course I did.” He walked over to where she stood. “Rachael, all I thought about the whole time I was out there was you. Ever since you came back to Texas I’ve been going crazy with the thought of being with you again, making you my wife.” He put a hand on her arm and pressed gently, turning her to face him. “Rachael, let’s dis
pense with the formalities. You know why I’m here. You know what I asked you to think about while I was away.”
“Jason—”
“Wait! Don’t answer me yet.” He held out the box. “Take a look at this first.”
She looked at the little box, already knowing what was inside. “Jason, please. You asked me to think about it, and I told you before you even left that I didn’t feel ready to marry. I’m sorry, but I still feel that way. I just don’t want to marry you, and for now I don’t even want to see just you.”
She felt a chill at the look that came into his eyes, and wondered if he was going to hit her. He squeezed her arm tighter.
“Why!” he hissed. “I’m not bragging, Rachael, but I do have a mirror. Other women have told me I’m handsome. I have a steady income, and I’m even considering running for some kind of government office, what with Austin becoming the capital of Texas and all. I know a lot of people, Rachael, have a lot of influence. I can offer you so much, and I…I love you.”
He seemed to struggle with the word love, as though he had only said it to win her affection. Rachael closed her eyes and turned her head away.
“Jason, I can’t explain why. I’m not blind. I agree you’re very handsome, and I know your accomplishments. But I have to love you in return, for more reasons than your looks or your attributes. There has to be a special feeling there, if I am to be your wife. And it just isn’t there. I’m sorry, but I can’t force it to be there just because it’s what you want.”
He squeezed her arm tighter. “It would be there if you would let me…if you would just marry me and let me make a woman of you. You would learn to love me, Rachael, I promise. You must have some feeling for me!”
She faced him squarely. “You’re hurting my arm,” she said, her own anger rising at the way he held her. She jerked her arm away. “To tell you the truth, Jason, I have always been afraid of you. I can’t marry a man who frightens me. There is a coldness about you, a look in your eyes that tells me to stay away from you. I might as well tell you exactly how I feel, Jason. Maybe then you will give this up. As you said, you’re a handsome man. There are plenty of other women who would probably marry you.”
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