“Can I start taking them tomorrow?” Nasrudin asked.
“Why?” the doctor inquired.
“Because I’m scheduled to wrestle in the championship match tonight,” Nasrudin replied.
One Apple Per Answer
A man at the village center began asking the locals a variety of questions—but they, being unable to answer most of them, referred the man to Nasrudin.
“Can you help me out and answer a few questions?” the man asked Nasrudin.
Nasrudin eyed a sack of apples the man was carrying and replied, “I’ll answer each question for one apple.”
The man agreed, asked the questions one by one, and paid an apple each time—each of which Nasrudin immediately ate while he answered the question. Finally, the man ran out of apples.
“OK,” the man said. “I’m going to go now. But before I do, I just want to know one thing.”
“What?” Nasrudin asked.
“How did you eat so many apples?”.
“Since you have no more apples,” Nasrudin responded, “I can’t answer you.”
Nasrudin’s New Child
Friend: “Congratulations, Nasrudin. I heard you had a new child.”
Nasrudin: “Yes.”
“Is it a boy?”
“No.”
“Is it a girl?”
“Yes. How did you know?”
Instructions
Nasrudin was very old and on the verge of dying.
He turned to his wife and said, “After I die and am buried, don’t put a stone plaque over my body.”
“Why?” his wife asked.
“Because,” Nasrudin explained, “I don’t want to hit my head on it when I am ascending to heaven.”
Nasrudin’s Curse
One of Nasrudin’s enemies noticed Nasrudin’s donkey parked outside a store, and began urinating on its harness.
Seconds later, Nasrudin caught the man in the act.
“You scoundrel! By the grace of God, I put a curse on you“and in one week, you will badly injure your leg.”
The man, quite distressed to hear the curse, began to worry that it might come true; and as he walked away from Nasrudin, he was so full of anxiety and fear that he accidentally tripped on a rock.
After falling, he grabbed his leg and exclaimed, “Oh, my leg! The pain is excruciating. Nasrudi—you said it would be injured in seven days, and yet, here I am with a broken leg, just seconds after your curse.”
“Then that was the result of someone else’s curse,” Nasrudin replied. “When my curse comes to fruition, you’ll have to crawl on your hands and knees.”
When Will the World End?
Philosopher: “I have been traveling, researching, and contemplating for years, trying to determine when the end of the world will be-yet I still have not found out the answer. Mulla, do you know when the end of the world will be?”
Nasrudin: “Yes-I have known that information for a long time.”
“Well, will you share this knowledge with me?”
“Of course. When I die, that will be the end of the world.”
“Are you certain it will?”
“It will be for me.”
Which End of the World?
Man: “Mulla, when do you think the end of the world will come?”
Nasrudin: “Which end of the world do you mean?”
“How many ends of the world are there?”
“Two?”
“Explain.”
“When my wife dies, that will be the first. When I die, that will be the second.”
The Thief
One night, a thief broke into Nasrudin’s house and began putting items in a sack. Nasrudin then joined him and added a few items.
The thief was so bewildered that he turned to Nasrudin and asked, “What in the world are you doing?”
“Well,” Nasrudin replied, “I thought we were moving, so I began helping you pack.”
The Discussion
One day, a man came up Nasrudin, and they began to discuss a variety of matters, including local gossip, personal issues, their families, businesses, and philosophy topics.
After about twenty minutes, the man said, “I must be going now.”
“Excuse me friend,” replied Nasrudin, “but who are you?”
“Do you mean to tell me that you don’t know who I am?”
“No.”
“Then why have you been talking to me for twenty minutes on all sorts of personal matters?”
“Well, I saw your clothes, beard, and turban, and I mistook you for someone else.”
“Who?”
“Me.”
Get Me a Pencil and Piece of Paper
One night, Nasrudin awoke and exclaimed to his wife, “Wife! Please get up! I have just been divinely inspired! Get me a pencil and piece of paper at once!“
His wife lit a candle, fetched the pencil and paper, and handed it to Nasrudin.
Nasrudin wrote rapidly, and was about to put out the candle and go back to sleep when his wife exclaimed, “Wait. Please read me what you wrote.
Nasrudin picked up the paper and read, “Wherever you go, there you are.”
The Guest
Nasrudin heard a knock at his door one night. He opened the door, and the man standing there said, “Mullah, can you help a brother out and provided me with some shelter for the night. I am God’s nephew.”
“Oh, is that so?” asked Nasrudin.
“It surely is,” the man replied.
“Well then,” remarked Nasrudin, “for an exalted guest such as yourself, I must offer only the most exalted place to spend the night.”
Nasrudin stepped outside and closed his door, and then turned to the man and said, “Follow me.”
The man curiously followed Nasrudin.
Hundreds of meters later, they reached the local Mosque.
Nasrudin turned to the man and said, “And what better place could I offer you to stay the night than here at your own uncle’s house!“
The Pot
Nasrudin borrowed a pot from his friend. The next day, he gave the friend back the pot, plus another smaller pot.
The friend looked at the small pot, and said, “What’s that?”
“Your pot gave birth while I had it,” said Nasrudin, “so I am giving you its child.”
The friend, happy to receive the bonus, did not ask another question.
A week later, Nasrudin once again borrowed the original pot from the friend. After a week passed, the friend asked Nasrudin to return it.
“I can’t,” said Nasrudin.
“Why not?” the friend asked.
“Well,” Nasrudin answered, “I hate to be the bearer of bad news…but your pot has died.”
“What?” the friend asked with skepticism. “A pot can’t die!“
“Well, you believed it gave birth,” said Nasrudin, “so is why is it that you can’t believe it died?
The Lamp
Nasrudin and his wife were sleeping late one night, and were awoken by the sound of two men arguing intensely in the street.
“I’m going to go find out what they’re fighting about.” Nasrudin told his wife.
“Just go back to sleep,” his wife remarked. “This has nothing to do with you.”
“Fine,” Nasrudin said.
But as the two men outside continued arguing, Nasrudin took picked up his lamp and decided to go out and see what the commotion was about. As soon as he got outside, one of the men grabbed his lamp and ran off with it.
Nasrudin returned to his bed. His wife asked him, “What were they fighting about.”
“My lamp,” Nasrudin replied, “As soon as they got it, they stopped fighting.”
The Hole
Nasrudin was digging outside, and his neighbor asked him, “What are you working on?”
“Well,” Nasrudin replied, “There’s a lot of excess dirt on the road, so I’m digging a hole to bury it in.”
“But what are you going to do with the dirt that you ’
re digging out of this new hole?” said the neighbor.
“Hey,” Nasrudin replied, “I can’t attend to every single detail.”
The Weight Lifting Contest
One day, as Nasrudin and sonme other locals chatted at the town square, a bragging contest soon developed among the group.
One by one they spoke of amazing feats they accomplished, each tale seeming more outlandish than the last.
Finally, after hearing everyone else, Nasrudin stood up and took his turn. “A long time ago, all the strong men in town wanted to decide who was the strongest. There was this massive tipped-over pillar near the grocery store, and they decided to see if anyone could lift it. One by one, each of them tried, and one by one, each of them failed. Keep in mind that these were massive, muscular guys. Then I stepped up. I rubbed my hands together, and gripped the pillar as all the others watched.”
“Yes, go on!“ the others remarked. “And then what happened?”
“And then I found out I couldn’t pick it up, either!“ replied Nasrudin.
The Strength Test
Nasrudin and some others were in the town square one day, and the topic of conversation turned to how they changed since they were younger. Some of them talked about how they were wiser, and some talked about how they were weaker. Nasrudin spoke up and said, “Not only am I wiser than I used to be, I’m as strong as I was in my youth.”
“Are you sure?” One of them asked.
“Yes. I’ve tested it,” Nasrudin replied.
“How did you test it?” they asked.
“Well there is this big rock outside my house. I couldn’t lift it when I was young, and I still can’t lift it now.”
Man Waits for an Hour
A local man was proclaiming that no one could trick him. Nasrudin heard this, and said to him one day, “Just wait here for a while, and I’ll figure out how to trick you.”
The man waited and waited and waited. A merchant from a cross the street noticed him, and asked, “What are you waiting here for?”
The man replied, “I’ve been waiting here for an hour, just to see if Nasrudin can trick me. He still hasn’t come back yet.”
“Well then,” the merchant said, “it appears that you needn’t wait here any longer, for you’ve already been tricked.”
Nasrudin’s Discovery
Nasrudin was hanging a painting in his room. As he hammered the nail, he accidentally hit too hard, and made a big hole in his wall. He looked through it and saw goats on the other side, but did not realize that he was looking into his neighbor’s yard.
Nasrudin immediately ran to his wife and exclaimed, “Wife! You are not going to believe this! Guess what!“
“What?” she replied.
“I was hanging a painting in my room, and…you’re not going to believe this!“ Nasrudin exclaimed.
“What!“ his wife asked curiously.
“My hammer went through the wall, and…this is really incredible,” Nasrudin said.
“What?” his wife replied, now totally full of anticipation.
“I accidentally discovered another universe right in my room—a universe of goats!“.
Nasrudin’s Cherry Logic
Nasrudin loaded a barrel of cherries on his donkey, and went off to the bazaar to sell them. On his way, a group of about a dozen children noticed him, and were elated to see all the cherries he was carrying. They began dancing and singing in anticipation of eating cherries.
“Mulla,” they said, “please give us some.”
Now, Nasrudin was in a dilemma. On one hand, he adored children and did not want to disappoint them; but on the other hand, he loved profits and did not want to sacrifice them either.
After thinking the matter over, he took six cherries out of the barrel and gave them to the children.
“Can we have more?” the children asked.
“Listen,” Nasrudin replied, “these cherries all taste the same. What difference does it make if each of you eats half a cherry, or each of you eats fifty?”
Feud With the Donkey
One day, Nasrudin was standing in the street, and a donkey came behind him and kicked him in the rear, sending him flying in the air and hitting the ground.
Several days later, Nasrudin spotted the same donkey secured to a tree by its owner, and he immediately picked up a stick and began beating it.
The donkey’s owner noticed this, and yelled out, “Hey! What do you think you are doing to my donkey? Stop that immediately“
“This has nothing to do with you,” Nasrudin answered. “It is between me and the donkey. He knows exactly why I am beating him.”
How to Become Wise
Friend: “Nasrudin, how does one become wise?”
Nasrudin: “Listen attentively to wise people when they speak. And when someone is listening to you, listen attentively to what you are saying!“
The Doctor
Nasrudin’s wife felt sick one morning, and asked Nasrudin to go get a doctor. As he got dressed and rushed out the house, his wife yelled out to him, “I suddenly feel better. I don’t need a doctor anymore.”
Nasrudin continued running out the house until he got to the doctor’s house. The doctor opened the door, and Nasrudin began explaining, “Doctor, my wife was sick this morning, and told me to go get a doctor. As I left the house, she suddenly recovered, and told me that she didn’t need a doctor anymore. So now I have come here to tell you that you don’t need to bother coming to our house.”
Carrying the Oranges
Nasrudin was riding a donkey, and at the same time was supporting a sack of oranges over his shoulder. His friends saw him and asked, “Why are you going to the trouble of carrying that sack over your shoulder. Why don’t you just attach it to the donkey?”
Nasrudin replied, “I am not an abusive man. My donkey already has to carry me-do you think it would be fair to add the weight of these oranges?”
The Town Gossip
The Town Gossip: “Nasrudin, I just saw some men delivering a huge tub of stew.”
Nasrudin: “What’s it to me?”
The Town Gossip: “They were taking it to your house.”
Nasrudin: “What’s it to you?”
Nasrudin’s Vinegar Principle
Friend: “Nasrudin, I heard that you have a barrel of thirty year old vinegar. Is it true?”
Nasrudin: “Yes.”
Friend: “Can I have some?”
Nasrudin: “No.”
Friend: “Why not?”
Nasrudin: “Well, it’s just the principal of the matter.”
Friend: “What do you mean? What principle?”
Nasrudin: “The principle that if I had given some vinegar to everyone who asked me for some, I would not have any thirty year old vinegar.”
Balancing the Earth
Man: “Nasrudin, how come every morning, some people are traveling in one direction, and some in others?”
Nasrudin: “Because if everyone traveled in the same direction, the Earth would tip over!“
The Lost Ring
A man noticed Nasrudin intently inspecting the ground outside his door.
“Mulla,” he said, “what are you looking for?”
“I’m looking for a ring I dropped,” Nasrudin replied.
“Oh,” the man replied as he also began searching. “Well where exactly were you standing when you dropped it?”
“In my bedroom,” Nasrudin replied, “not more than a foot in front of my bed.”
“Your bedroom?!“ the man aasked. “Then why are you searching for it out here near your doorway.
“Because,” Nasrudin explained, “there is much more light out here.”
Nasrudin the Proud Parent
Nasrudin and a friend were watching Nasrudin’s children.
.The friend asked Nasrudin’s young son, “What is a dilettante?”
The son replied, “That is an herb used for seasoning.”
A delighted Nasrudin turned to his friend and sa
id, “Did you hear that? What a fine boy I have. Just like his father. He made up an answer all by himself!“
Early Bird Gets the Worm?
Friend: “Nasrudin, you should get up early in the mornings.”
Nasrudin: “Why?”
“Well, as they say, ‘the early bird gets the worm.’“
“Well, I still don’t know if getting up early has any merit to me. After all, I am not hunting for worms.”
“I thought you might say that. But listen to this. A few days ago, I woke up at sunrise and went for a walk, and on my way, I came across a gold ring lying right on the ground!“
“Well how do you know it wasn’t lost the night before that?
“I’m sure it wasn’t. I was on the same road the night before and did not see it.”
“Well, then, that shows that it isn’t always so great to get up early.”
“Why is that?”
“Because the person who lost that gold must have gotten up earlier than you did!“
The Stranger’s Request
One day, Nasrudin was repairing his roof, and was interrupted by a stranger knocking on his door.
“What do you want?” Nasrudin shouted down to him from the roof.
“Come down so I can tell you,” the stranger replied.
Nasrudin angrily climbed down the ladder.
“Well!“ Nasrudin snapped at the stranger, “What’s so important?”
“Can you spare some money for this poor old man?” asked the stranger.
Nasrudin started climbing up the ladder. He turned to the old man and, “Follow me up to the roof.”
The latter did, and when they both reached the roof, Nasrudin turned to him again and said, “No, you can’t have any money. Now get off my roof!“
200+ Mulla Nasrudin Stories and Jokes Page 3
