by Ashley Munoz
She let out a sigh that sounded like relief, then she asked me another question, “So if you were to have a husband, what would you want him to look like?”
I hated that the first person who came to my mind was her dad, Jimmy the gorgeous jerk himself. I shrugged my shoulders, even though she couldn't see it. “I don't know, I haven't thought about it,” I lied and kept pace with braiding her hair as I continued, “I’m not too picky, as long as he has long arms to wrap around me, and a big heart to keep me, I am a happy girl.”
She seemed to let out a sigh and forcefully flipped a page in her notebook, crossing out a line of words. I looked down and noticed that she was writing my answers down in a journal. I smiled at the notion. So, freaking cute! She continued with her questioning, not satisfied with how I answered, “But if you had to be specific, would you want someone with dark hair or light hair?”
I gathered a few more strands of hair and decided I would play her game, I had a fairly good idea where she was going with this. “I like light hair, but not too light, it has to be a combination of both,” I said with a smile.
She wrote something down, then asked, “Do you have an eye color preference?”
I laughed out loud, and replied, “Jasmine, are you trying to find me a date?”
She dropped her head and I could hear the embarrassment in her voice when she answered, “No, not at all, I just thought maybe I could find someone you might like if I wrote down all the things you like in a boy…or a man, I guess.”
I smiled, letting out a big breath, and responded with, “Well, when you're grown up, you stop looking at how they look as much as you notice how they act and treat people. That is what I would look for in a man, Jasmine. If he treated me like gold, but looked like a troll, I might just marry him.”
She seemed defeated, then responded with, “Kind of like Beauty and the Beast?”
I bent my head down and kissed her cheek, and said, “Exactly!”
I heard the doorbell ring, signaling dinner had arrived, and I jumped up to grab the pizza.
We ate our huge slices of pizza outside on the back porch because there was still a warmth that lingered in the air from summer. Jasmine kept her journal with her, and asked a few more silly questions, writing them down. Sammy finished his pizza, with sauce smeared across his face, then jumped down and begged me to play hide and seek.
“Ramsey, you promised me, now you stay here and count, I am going to go hide and blow your mind,” he said excitedly before running back inside.
God, this kid was hilarious. I did exactly as I was told. I counted to one hundred and then went inside. I found Sammy hiding on top of the laundry room shelf, and the few times after that were pretty easy, but then it got a bit more challenging. Like when he hid in the dryer and shut the door. Talk about heart attack. Or the time he shoved his small body into the crevice between the wall and the fridge. Every time I found him, I would scream out, “Got you, hamburglar, now give me all your cheeseburgers!” Then I would tickle him.
Jasmine was laughing so hard at how hard Sammy would laugh that she finally wanted to join us, and I would do the same thing to her every time I found her.
Playing hide and seek while babysitting somewhere new was always fun because it gave me the chance to snoop in any room of the house. I always liked to do this when I was a teenager, because it made me feel better to know that there were no secret torture rooms or creepy rooms filled with dolls. I didn’t feel the slightest bit bad about snooping, if it was just looking, and not actually going through people's things.
I quietly crept upstairs and pushed open Sammy's door.
"Sammy?" I whispered while I lifted his Captain America blanket that had fallen off the side of his bed. I peered underneath he wasn't there, but neither was much of anything else. What kind of kid didn't have junk under his bed? My own bed at the moment had at least fifteen pairs of shoes, two dinner plates, and half a dozen socks. I shuddered at the image I had of my own room. I needed to clean, and promptly, because a six-year-old was showing me up, and that's just bad form.
I stood and looked around Sammy's room, appreciating the cleanliness but also how nicely it all was decorated. His room was inundated with all types of Captain America paraphernalia. Curtains, pillows, posters—it was a big mass of red, white, and blue, with a hint of gray. I pulled his long curtains back to confirm he wasn't hiding there, then moved to his closet. Clean, organized, little clutter. Still no Sammy. I left his room and ventured towards Jasmine’s, and began inspecting the purple and pink room like I did his.
"Sammy, are you in here?" I asked, while pulling back the clothes in Jasmine's closet. Her room had a variety of animal posters everywhere and her bed was covered in a large pink comforter. I checked under her bed, and again found it neatly-organized with a storage tote, and a few Barbie containers. Sammy wasn't there. I headed towards the last room down the hall.
I was nervous to look in Jimmy's room. I stood at his door and waited. Did I want to see where he slept? Where he dressed? It felt like such an invasion of privacy to a man that I had vowed to hate. I looked around the hallway again, then pushed the door open.
"Sammy, little man, are you in here? Please don't make me look through your dad's room," I pleaded, while my eyes moved around the room. Bright light filled the space, even from the sun nearly setting. A large, king-sized bed sat in the middle of the room with a dark mahogany wood frame, covered in a white duvet. Interesting. I wouldn't have pegged him or a white sheets kind of guy. I moved closer to the bed and ran my fingers along the soft covers while scanning the rest of the room. Black and white canvas photos of Jasmine and Sammy covered one wall near the window, and a large overstuffed chair sat in the corner. A flat screen TV sat on top of his mahogany dresser. I walked further into his room until I was standing in his walk-in closet. Holy hell. Jimmy had style, and an insane amount of clothes and shoes.
"Sammy?" I yelled again, just in case someone walked in. I left the walk-in closet and sauntered into his master bathroom, wishing immediately that I hadn't. Big was the only word that came to me. Big bathtub, big shower, big space, just big. The whole bathroom was bigger than my entire bedroom. Why did such a mean person get such a nice bathroom? It didn't seem fair or right. What was worse was how impeccably clean it was. Maybe he had a maid because what I knew of men, was that they were messy. I glanced behind his toilet, no grime or stray hair. My ex was a pig and left his beard hair all over the place after he shaved. There was no way that Jimmy was this clean. I refused to believe it.
"Ramseeeeeeey? You give up?" I heard the faint sound of Sammy's voice coming from somewhere down the hall. I ran back through the room and shut Jimmy's door behind me. I flung open the hall closet door and there, on the top shelf, was Sammy folded in half, giggling uncontrollably. He jumped into my arms, then we made our way downstairs. I headed towards my favorite room in the house; the kitchen. I loved his kitchen.
I loved the huge island where the kids sat while I searched the cupboards for plates. They giggled at me as I opened and shut at least three before I located the mismatched set below the silver wear drawer. Who puts plates in a bottom cabinet? I loved the corner breakfast nook that had large windows around it. I loved more than just the poorly-organized kitchen, I loved the entire house. The large, spacious living room that was big enough to fit an entire baseball team inside. It was exactly the kind of home that I would want if I had a family...a husband. I knew that I should stop with those thoughts, especially associating Jimmy's perfect home with my dream home, but I couldn't seem to stop myself.
You just met him, and he fired you… twice… Kind of.
After we played three different variations of tag for about an hour, I made the kids get their showers over with. While they did, I had the chance to reflect on what happened between Jimmy and me earlier that morning. He wanted to talk, to explain himself. What did that mean? I hated that I was regretting not hearing him out. Hated that I hoped he'd give me another cha
nce to listen. I had found fresh flowers beside our couch where he was sitting, after he left. He brought me flowers, and I didn’t even give him the chance to give them to me. I've actually never been given flowers before, not even by any of my old boyfriends. Face in my hands, I mentally battled what to do. Guilt tugged at me inside and hope blossomed in my chest when I pictured seeing Jimmy again. Why was there hope? What was happening to me?
"Ughhhhhh, this is stupid." I sagged against the wall and slid to the floor. Pride was telling me to stand my ground, but loneliness pulled at me to forgive.
I needed to apologize so I could keep seeing his kids, if they wanted to see me that was. I'd even be willing to forgive Theo. I wanted friends, people in my life, who might help me shoulder the burden of losing my mother. It was settled. I was going to apologize. I didn't know if Jimmy would accept it, but maybe we could start being friends? Acquaintances? I don't know, maybe nothing, just not enemies.
Sammy's loud singing had stopped at the same time as the water. Jasmine was already in her pajamas and was headed out of her room with a brush and some small rubber bands. We sat down, and I braided her hair into two, symmetrical, tight braids down her back. Then Sammy came out of the bathroom in matching Batman pajamas, his hair was in the shape of a Mohawk, and he was smiling like he just made the funniest joke.
Once we were all ready, I gathered some blankets and told the kids to follow me outside to the trampoline.
We crawled on and snuggled under blankets while we star-gazed and talked about the Avengers being aliens. Then, out of nowhere, Sammy asked, "If moms leave their families, do they still get to go to heaven?"
I stayed silent for a second and didn't exactly know what to say, so I redirected with, “Do you think moms who leave their families should get to go to heaven?”
I rolled over to watch him now; this was such dangerous territory. I didn't know anything about their mom except that she wasn't here, but the topic of her felt like a landmine. Sammy let out a big breath and said, “I think so. I think everyone should be able to go to heaven. Right?”
I smiled at how sweet this kid was, then responded, “Yeah buddy, I think you're right.”
He smiled, looked at me, and said, “I wish you could be my mom, Miss Ramsey.”
"Shut up, Sammy!" Jasmine yelled. Oh crap.
If I could make a stealthy exit, I would. Instead, I stayed silent. I didn't know what to say. Thankfully, I didn't have to say anything because I heard a door shut from inside the house and then a figure filled the doorway leading to the backyard. The shadow, that I already knew was Jimmy, started walking towards us. I heard his smooth voice ask…Normal voice, Ramsey…
“Is there room for one more on that thing?”
The kids both screamed, "Yes! Come up here with us, Dad."
I was sandwiched between Jasmine and Sammy. Small miracles. I wasn't ready to lay next to him, especially under starlight. I knew that I could speak up about needing to head home and maybe I should, but I decided to stay and try this friendship thing. I let out a silent breath as I tried to calm my heartrate because the sight of Jimmy crawling towards me was almost too much. I wasn't too proud to admit that Jimmy was good-looking, and the whole “single dad” thing was somehow making him look even hotter than normal.
I still needed to find a way to apologize to him. I tried to focus on how I was going to form my heartfelt apology instead of blatantly staring at Jimmy’s steady movement toward us. Then I remembered that he just got back from a date. He's dating someone. That helped put things into perspective. The kids were busy telling him all about our night and everything we did as he took his spot next to Sammy. His body was overwhelming. Even though Sammy was between us, his body heat emanated from where he laid. Dear Lord, his smell... Jimmy smelled like fresh laundry, and spice, with a hint of mint. So good, damn it. I didn't need to be feeling heatwaves or smelling spice and mint—he could keep his heat, and smells to himself and his date. Not that he was trying to share them but still. I kept my gaze on the sky, Jimmy's gaze was down on his son, listening to Sammy talk about our epic round of hide and seek. I tried to blend into the trampoline, or blankets, anything really so that I was invisible because, for a brief second, I was picturing my life as Mrs. Jimmy Stenson.
Sammy’s comment about me being his mom had lodged itself in my brain and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't shake it loose, but with it was also Jasmine's loud objection.
“Sounds like you guys had way more fun than I did, I am so bummed that I missed such a fun night,” Jimmy said with a sigh, like he was actually upset.
Then Sammy piped up, “Let’s have another night where we do exactly all the same things, but this time let's have you here, Dad, and Ramsey!”
Jimmy laughed, then let out another sigh before he continued, “Aww, buddy I don’t know that we could ask that of poor Ramsey. You two are quite a handful.”
I could punch this guy in the stomach. He’s the handful, not them. I didn't want the kids to think, even for a second, that I felt that way, so I spoke up and said, “No way, guys, I’d come back here and steal your cheeseburgers any day of the week.”
Sammy laughed again, and Jasmine was quick to join him. Suddenly, Sammy shot up like a gopher and lurched to the edge of the trampoline. There was a weird dip when he jumped, making Jimmy awkwardly slip toward me. He was basically on top of me. We were too heavy to escape the drooping center. I completely ignored him, or so I tried anyway. I distracted myself by searching for the North Star, but I couldn’t remember which part of the Big Dipper was pointing at it. My chest was rising and falling fast, my heart in my throat. With Jimmy laying there next to me and my hips just barely touching his side… this whole situation was too much to handle. Sammy was bouncing around the edge, loudly humming some weird song, and I felt like a victim in his cruel game. We were all being knocked around. Out of my peripheral, I caught Jimmy looking over at me with a genuine smile on his handsome face.
His eyes were like pools of murky water. My eyes had already adjusted to the dark, so with the stars as our light, I could see the glint of deep green that was in them. I was a total sucker for moments like these. I wanted to apologize for earlier, but the timing seemed off with the kids here. So, I just stared at Jimmy awkwardly instead, but he was staring right back. He was so close that just a little lean from either one of us and we would be close enough to kiss.
Suddenly, Sammy jumped right on top of us, trying to wiggle his way back into his spot. The indent we made with our bodies was too deep and we couldn’t seem to make room for him. So, Jimmy grabbed Sammy and stuffed him under his arm on his other side. Sammy fought against him and started arguing, “No! I want to be next to Ramsey too, Dad!”
I laughed and reached my arms toward Sammy, and he awkwardly jumped into them, kicking his Dad in the groin as he did it. Jimmy lurched to the side in pain. Since I was sitting up to grab Sammy at the same time, Jimmy’s face landed directly in my chest. Sammy was wedged between our legs, and we were in the most awkward position ever. Jimmy threw his head back and started apologizing. Sammy was laughing, Jasmine was yelling at Sammy, and Jimmy was still groaning in pain.
I started laughing because I couldn't help it, and as soon as I started laughing, Jimmy did too, and then Jasmine joined in, and we were all laughing like Sammy. We just laid there, laughing in our pile of blankets under the stars.
It was the most blissfully perfect moment that I'd ever felt in my life.
It made that my heart race and hope gained even more territory there, blossoming into something full and beautiful. Then, through bits of little laughs, I heard Sammy whisper to his Dad, “Ramsey’s shiny, Dad.”
Jimmy laughed and messed with Sammy’s hair but didn't respond. I figured it must be something just between them, but then I worried that my face was all oily and shiny from eating pizza. I gently touched my temple to see if he was right, but I couldn't feel anything, so I just let it go.
After a few more rounds of la
ughter, Sammy and Jasmine started arguing and I knew that was my cue to leave. Jimmy must have had the same thought because he grabbed Sammy by the waist and told him it was time for bed. We all started to climb out of the trampoline, the netting around it only gave a small, child-sized opening, so it was quite the feat to climb out. Once I made it to the ladder, Jimmy was there with his hand, ready to help me down. I looked at him and then placed my hand into his as I climbed out. Once on the ground, Sammy ran and jumped from the porch, launching himself into my arms. I managed to catch him like someone would catch a large dog. I situated him until I could hold him properly and carried him inside. As we walked, I couldn't stop myself from taking a mental picture of how cute we were, with Jimmy carrying Jasmine, and Sammy in my arms. We looked like a family. Stop it, Ramsey, he's dating someone.
As we walked, Sammy whispered in my ear, “Don’t forget to think about what I said earlier about you becoming my you-know-who.”
Then he winked at me. I laughed and let him down, watching him run up the stairs.
Jasmine was tired, I could tell, but as Jimmy was about to walk up the stairs with her, he stopped and looked at me. “Do you mind waiting for just a second?”
I shook my head, then Jasmine sat up in her dad’s arms and looked at me, yelling, “Wait! What if my braids fall out tonight? When am I going to see you again, Ramsey?”
I shattered just a little over the panic in her voice. I looked at her with a half-smile, not sure how to respond because I wasn't sure Jimmy wanted me back or not.
I answered the best way I knew how. “Jas, don’t worry, I will talk to your dad about coming back and babysitting. He’s a good-looking guy, I am sure he’s bound to have lots of dates, which means lots of chances for us to hang out.”
The words were out before I could process what I was saying. My face flushed red and I could only hope the dim lighting in the house covered up how embarrassed I just made myself. I just called him a good-looking guy to his nine-year-old daughter, and insinuated that he was a player. I glanced at Jimmy's face, his jaw was set and ticking, like the other day in front of his restaurant. He was angry. Shit. Not again.
