by Ashley Munoz
“No, ma’am, I’m sorry, I need to stay on the phone with you, and I need you to leave the body exactly where it is.”
The words, “the body” ran through my head. I flipped the words over and over in my head. She was just a body, she was going to leave me, and I would have no one. Just then, a swift knock came on the door, followed by someone opening it, and two paramedics, dressed in navy blue uniforms, walked through my door and rushed over to my mother.
I moved away so they could access her. They touched, poked, and prodded her body, then one of them ran out and grabbed a long, stiff board and started loading my mother onto it. They weren’t talking to me.
“Can I ride with her?” I asked one of them, I wasn't even sure which one.
The female with brown stiff hair responded, “Of course.”
I double-checked that the stove was off, grabbed my purse, and followed them out the door. I climbed in the ambulance after them, they shut us in, and we traveled to the hospital. "Does she have any complications that we need to know about? Any medications?" the male paramedic asked, while attending to my mother.
“She has liver cancer.” I swiped at my eyes and rattled off the meds that I knew of that she was on.
"Anything else we should know?" The paramedics brown eyes bore into mine. I blinked and tried to think. I could forget something that could save her life or end it. I felt foggy and muddled. This wasn't really happening, was it? I felt more tears fall and shook my head.
The hospital in Belvidere was small and old. I stared at the white tiles in the small room they'd given her in the ER. Nurse after nurse came in, did tests, took blood, and left. I paced the room, held my mom's hand, but she never woke up.
After a few hours, the doctor came in. He had white hair and wore blue medical scrubs with a name tag that said Dr. Fry.
“Your mother’s prognosis will require a more advanced team to evaluate her. We are moving her to Rockford via helicopter. You won't be able to go with her on the transport, unfortunately, but I will give you all the info that you'll need to see her once you get to Rockford yourself.”
Dr. Fry gave me a piece of paper, letting me know the details of her transfer and location and turned to leave. At least he didn't apologize. Although, some apology for why it took them hours to figure out that she needed transported would have been nice. I walked out of the ER and towards the main entrance of the hospital and checked the time. It was nearly midnight, and I had no way to get back home to grab my car.
I didn’t know who to call, except for Theo. I hated that the wife thing was stopping me from wanting to call him. But the longer I waited, the longer my mom was alone. So, I pulled out my phone and punched in Theo’s information.
It rang a few times, and then I heard a scratchy, “Hello?”
I swallowed any pride that I might have left. “Theo? I need you to come pick me up, it's an emergency.”
Silence, then some shuffling, “Where are you?”
“The hospital in Belvidere. I just need a ride to my house, please, so that I can get my car.”
He was quiet again, but I heard keys jingling, and a muffled, “Be back soon, it’s an emergency” to someone. My throat closed up. That was probably Jimmy. Then I heard, “What’s going on?” muffled in the background, before Theo came back on.
“I’ll be right there.” Then the call ended.
I waited exactly eight minutes for Theo. His dark green pickup pulled up to the covered pick up and drop off area in front of the hospital. I watched through the window inside the hospital, and as soon as he came to a complete stop, I hurried outside and jumped into his truck. He was in one of his signature flannel shirts and checkered pajama pants, his hair all messy. Clearly, I had just woke him up. As soon as I got in, his eyes were trained on me, and his face was soft with concern.
I looked over at him, swallowed the lump that was lodged in my throat, and said, “Thanks for this, Theo. I didn't know who else to call.”
He gave me a soft smile, then turned his eyes towards the road. He shifted into gear and pulled the truck forward, softly grumbling, “No problem, you can always call me.”
Then he was quiet. I knew I owed him an explanation, I just couldn’t bring myself to say any words. I watched out the window as streetlights lit up our little city. My mind wandered to Chicago, and whether or not I'd move back there, since my plan to marry Jimmy had come to an abrupt stop. I slammed my eyes shut, but kept my body positioned towards the door.
Soon we were on my street, and I still hadn’t said anything. As we were nearing my house, I saw Theo periodically looking over at me. He cleared his throat and asked, “Your Mama okay?”
I looked out the window, and quietly responded, “No. She’s being flown to Rockford.” Once he pulled in behind my car, he put his truck in park, and unbuckled his seat belt. I turned to look at him.
“Thanks again, Theo. Sorry for how late it is.”
He waved his hand and grunted. “Stop it, you're family to me, so don’t worry about it.” The reminder of Jimmy’s wife slammed into me with force, again.
“Right…” I quietly responded, because there was already another girl out there who called Theo family by way of a father-in-law. I opened the truck and slipped out. I heard Theo’s door open too, and he walked around until he was in front of me, then he pulled me into a tight hug. I tried to keep it together, but I hated being alone. I had no dad, no siblings, no one to help shoulder this burden with me, and I hated it.
I heard Theo whisper into my ear as he squeezed me, “It’s going to be okay, sweet girl, it’s going to be okay.”
I nodded into his shoulder that I heard him and believed him, even though I had a bad feeling about this one. I had a feeling that my mom was leaving me, and I would be totally and completely alone. I pulled away from his shoulder and started to walk towards the house, and decided I better cover my bases. “Hey, Theo?”
He looked up at me through his gray lashes. “Yeah?”
“Know how I omitted information about your financial status from Jimmy?”
He shifted his stance a little and faced me more fully. “Yeah,” he drew out.
“Well, you owe me one, and I'd like to collect.”
He let out a light chuckle and looked at the ground. “Okay, darlin’, what do you want?”
I stood tall and spoke clearly. “Don't mention this to Jimmy.”
Theo just stood there for a second, hands on his hips. It was cold outside, I only had my hoodie, and was starting to shiver, so I didn’t wait for him to respond. I turned around and headed inside. A minute later, I heard Theo’s truck leaving.
Once I was inside, I focused on getting out of there. I was exhausted, and it was late, but there was absolutely no way that I was going to miss a single second of being with my mother while she was on this earth. I pushed forward into the house and packed two bags. I packed my bag with extra clothes, shoes, my work laptop, makeup, and bathroom stuff.
Then I went into Mom’s room. Her room was exactly how it always was; a double bed with a dark blue comforter with white lilies on it. Very nineties, but she never cared. She had two white side tables with big, obnoxious lamps that you might find inside of a cheap motel. She had a long dresser with a full vanity mirror along the opposite wall of her bed. The room smelled like her. I reminded myself that she wasn’t gone yet and pulled myself together; at least enough to pack her a bag. I grabbed her pillow and all the extra things that might make her comfortable. I jumped back into the shower, hoping to wake up and rinse off all the crusted tears that were on my face. I braided my hair into a simple braid, pulled on some yoga pants, another hoodie, and some tennis shoes. I locked everything up and headed towards my car.
The trip to Rockford was uneventful; a nearly empty highway, and a silent car. I couldn’t bring myself to allow a soundtrack to accompany this part of my life. Not with losing Jimmy and possibly losing my mom. I’d take silence over being reminded of this horrible, sickly feeling in
my gut.
The hospital in Rockford was much larger, with several more stories to it, and an entire parking garage dedicated to its patrons. I found an open spot on the second floor and headed inside.
I walked onto the bleached white floor and found my way to the reception desk and inquired about my mom. A petite woman in her late fifties checked her computer, then with a sympathetic look, told me that they had put her into the ICU, but wouldn’t reveal why. At least she was helpful enough to call ahead and let them know I was coming, so they could buzz me in.
I made my way to the elevator and punched in the fifth floor, then waited. Everything seems to move in slow motion when you have a loved one hanging in the balance: the motions of the elevator seem to take longer, people walked slower, phone calls rang longer. It all just took longer. It felt like forever for the doors to open, but once they did, I was surprised at how empty and eerie the hospital was.
A carpeted waiting room welcomed me, there were large floor to ceiling windows with large green plants near them. Televisions were propped up in the corners of the rooms and there was a kid area, comfortable couches, snack machines, and a coffee bar. I was the only one there. I walked further into the room until I saw a small alcove with a large door. It had a button panel on the outside and a white telephone on the wall next to it, with a sign that read, “Lift receiver to check in.” I did as the sign said, and as soon as I lifted the receiver, it rang three times, and then was answered by a female. I told her my name and who I was here to see, then I heard the door click.
I hung up the phone and pulled the heavy door open. Again, it felt empty, and silent, except for beeps and the slow sound of ventilator machines. There were several different glass doors covered with curtains for privacy that lined each side of the large room. In the center of the room was a large round desk, which was empty. No one was around, and I had no idea who buzzed me in, but I didn’t really care. I was a big girl and could figure it out. I read each whiteboard on the outside of the rooms, where it gave the patient name, the room number, and a few other numbers I didn’t recognize. I walked past three rooms on the left side, until I found the white board that read, ‘Bennington, Carla Room 8, F5, 1 Dennis.’
I gently pulled the curtain aside and walked into the room. Mom was hooked up to several monitors, she had an IV tube in her arm, and a white monitor band around her head. There were neon-colored waves and lines moving on the black screen. She was asleep or unconscious, so I walked over to the visitor bench and set our bags down. I walked back to her and put my hand over hers. She was alive, that was all that mattered. We could face whatever it was, if she just kept breathing. That's what I told myself, over and over again, as I waited for someone to come in and tell me what was happening to her.
It took about five minutes before a blonde-haired nurse came in. She pulled Mom’s chart up from the bottom of her bed, scanned it, and moved over to one of the computers and started typing. She didn’t even acknowledge me. I stood up and cleared my throat, hoping that would do it. She looked over at me, and smiled. “Hey there, I’m Kate.”
I smiled and walked over to shake her hand. “Ramsey, I’m her daughter,” I said, as I gestured towards Mom. Kate smiled and looked back towards her computer,
“I'm sure you have lots of questions. I will answer what I can for you, but some things may have to wait for the doctor.”
“Okay, when will he or she be here?” I really just wanted to get all the information now, and not waste any time.
She stopped typing and instead, stood near my mom to take her pulse with her fingers while watching her wristwatch.
After a minute, she responded, “Tomorrow morning, around eight. You should pull that couch out all the way and make yourself comfortable.”
I guess so, since nothing was going to happen tonight. I was exhausted, but I needed something tonight. “What can you tell me? Why did they need to have her moved?”
She smiled while she listened to Mom's lungs with her stethoscope, and once she pulled the tool back around her neck, she wrote a few things on Mom’s chart. “Your mom's liver seems to be the problem. Her oxygen levels are too low, which likely caused a blackout. I know the doctor will be getting in touch with your mom's primary in the morning. We're watching her levels and have her liver monitored as well, so if anything happens, it will alert us."
She was trying to reassure me, which was kind. I smiled at her and nodded my head. She moved closer to the door and then said, "My shift ends tomorrow at ten, so I will see you a few more times before I take off. Do you need anything before I leave?”
I looked around the room, and all I could feel was sleep tugging at my eyes to give in.
“No, I think I'm good, thank you.”
She smiled again before she walked to a small cabinet in the room, and pulled out some blankets and a pillow, placing them next to me. She walked out, turning the light off with her. I made the couch bed as best as I could, piled the pillow into a big fat mound and laid down, pulling the covers up and over my head, and prayed for sleep.
It was Thursday and things were looking up. When Davis said he had found my whore of an ex-wife, he wasn't exaggerating. I had paid a Private Investigator to look into her whereabouts when I tried to serve her with divorce papers six months after she left, and nothing turned up. This last year, I reached out to a different firm who had a slightly bigger pool of connections, that might have slightly better luck at finding her. Meaning, they were MC and had connections to the Brass through a few sorted affiliations.
I didn't want it to leak back to Davis, but I wasn't surprised that it did. I guess he took it upon himself to negotiate with Lisa to physically take this meeting with me. I received a text Tuesday morning from an unknown number, telling me when and where to meet her. I knew better than to question who'd set it up or waste my time getting upset over Davis meddling in my affairs. Because when you're a part of the chapter, your business is Davis' business.
I was about to walk into a lunch meeting and see, for the first time in five years, the woman who’d abandoned us. I wasn’t nervous, I wasn’t even angry, I was just ready to put this part of my life behind me. Jackson walked next to me. Since he and Rav were the only two people who knew about my meeting with Lisa, I decided I would rather have my pit bull friend versus my terrier. Rav was most definitely a terrier when it came to women; he was soft and sweet. Regardless of what they had done in the past, he had a soft spot for the ladies.
Jackson wore a crisp, black suit, similar to mine, and we walked the few porcelain steps of the Hotel Grand, down in midtown Rockford. It was a nice place, we were scheduled to meet in their restaurant, and my lawyer would be coming in about fifteen minutes.
I wanted to watch the look on Lisa’s face when Rake Haverford walked through those doors. Rake was someone she had once had a fling with, then dumped for me. He was never in the MC, just a hopeful, but he cleaned his life up and became a lawyer. I looked him up and hired him for all my business dealings, and now personal things. We shared a mutual dislike for Lisa, and a mutual desire to stay on the straight and narrow.
Jackson looked over at me as we stepped into the lobby, his eyebrows raised, likely looking for confirmation that I was ready for this. I nodded my head at him in reply. We veered past the check-in desk and headed into the restaurant. There was a large piano in the corner, being played lightly, and a large water fountain off to the side. I gazed at the several tables set up with white cloth and flowers, and spotted Lisa in the middle of the room.
Her blonde hair was over-styled and probably stiff as hell from hairspray. I wasn't sure what I would feel if I saw her again, but I was surprised at the complete indifference I felt towards her. Almost like she was a complete stranger.
We got closer, and when she saw me, she stood up and smiled at me, like she was some lovestruck idiot who'd just won the dating lottery. Was she fucking serious? She leaned in for a hug, and I almost laughed. I walked past her, and sat down, leaving h
er in the lurch, just like she had done to me. I unbuttoned my jacket and took the seat across from her.
She had no one with her, just her glossy, over-styled hair, thick makeup, and designer clothes to keep her company. Jackson took the seat directly to my left, and she looked over at him and smiled again. It was a “come over here and kiss me” smile, if I had ever seen one, and she was using it on both of us. My guess was, she was eager to bag one of us, now that we both had made ourselves some money.
Lisa had been raised MC; she'd seen the ugly side of having a father in the club business and the lonely side of having a mother who'd married someone in the club business. Before we had the kids, she was happy about my involvement with the Brass, felt I owed it to them. But the more I turned away good-paying, illegal jobs, the more she withdrew from me. Lisa needed someone who could financially keep her comfortable, not like her daddy, who could barely rub two pennies together. Lisa grew up broke, ignored, and alone. I thought marrying her and giving her a family would be enough, but I think, deep down, money was the only safety net she'd trust.
“Hey, Jimmy, baby, it's good to see you.” She sounded like she was out of breath.
Baby? So, this was how it was going to be.
“Lisa, I’m glad you finally got my calls, and reached out. We have a lot to discuss.”
She moved around in her seat, most likely trying to adjust her cleavage to look more appealing. Fat chance, honey.
“Well, I thought your assistant would have told you that I came by the office on Tuesday. She said she would leave you a message, didn’t you get it?”
My assistant…? What the hell? Did she mean Ramsey? She had seen Ramsey?
I took a drink from the glass of water that was already filled up in front of me, then exhaled while trying to rein in the anger that was bubbling up inside my chest. “What exactly was the message you left with my assistant?”
She leaned forward, again with the attempts of cleavage. She was trying so hard.
