by Ashley Munoz
Thursday, I decided I would break the news to Jasmine first. I had texted Theo earlier that morning, asking if I could take Jasmine for a bit, and he said it was fine. I didn't ask Jimmy. I couldn't ask him, or even face him right now. I went around two in the afternoon to pick up Jasmine. I used a silly excuse, but an honest one. We were going on an ice cream date. I waited in the attendance office for five long minutes, all while the school secretary and school nurse gave me the stink eye. I didn't care, they could disagree with my reason for taking her out being 'ice cream,' all they wanted. Once Jasmine finally made her way to the office and saw me, she beamed.
“Ramsey!” she squealed and ran into my arms.
“Hey kid, let's get out of here for a bit.”
I grabbed her hand and we walked out of the school, headed towards my mom's old SUV. The day was bright but cold, and the sky was a beautiful blue against the orange and red trees that scattered the property of the school. Jasmine climbed in and threw her backpack behind her, into the rear seat. She buckled herself and then turned to me and smiled. “So, where are we going?”
My heart broke at the thought of telling her the news, and I had to gently breathe through my nose. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea… I swallowed the lump in my throat and responded, “I thought ice cream might be fun.”
She clasped her hands together and bounced up and down in her seat. “That sounds perfect!”
We drove the few miles to the ice cream shop, with Jasmine picking different music on my phone. She'd find something with a good beat, and then move her whole body in the seat like she had worms. It was hilarious, and it made the ache in my chest worse.
I parked and went inside, where we planted ourselves in front of the glass case of ice cream flavors. Once we both decided and were served our cones, we found a small booth in the back.
Jasmine was busy drowning in sugary bliss, when I cleared my throat. “So, Jas, you remember when we had that talk about how, even if we didn't live close to each other, we'd still see each other?”
She stopped eating her ice cream and cautiously eyed me when she answered, “Yes, why?”
Setting my cone in the Styrofoam bowl they gave us, I pushed it aside and laid my hands flat on the table. I didn't want to do this.
“Well, my mom is getting worse. She had something happen this last week, and her doctors think she should try a facility that specializes in her growing issues.”
Jasmine slowly kept at her cone but stayed quiet so I could keep going. Except, I couldn't. There was an awkward silence that fell between us until Jasmine spoke up again.
“That's good, right?”
I exhaled slowly, thinking of a way to deliver this news without crushing her. The thought of having this conversation with Sammy and Theo had my throat feeling tight.
“It's good, yes, but the facility is in Chicago. We'd have to move there for treatment.”
I talked to her like I would an adult, hoping some of the harshness would go over her head.
It didn't.
She stopped eating her ice cream, her eyes glassing over, and a red flush had crept into her cheeks. I hated myself for trying to commit her look into memory, but I loved her so much and I didn't want to forget anything.
Her bottom lip started to tremble, then she looked away from me, pushed her blonde hair back and practically whispered, “You're moving away?”
I wanted to pull her into my arms and explain everything to her. Explain that I wanted to marry her dad, that I wanted her as my own, that I thought I'd be here forever, and that when my mom passed, I pictured myself staying. I wanted to give her a piece of myself, something, anything, but all I managed was a small nod.
She looked around, and she seemed like she was fighting emotions that were starting to surface with how she kept biting her lip and shifting in her seat. I imagined how this was coming across to her—another abandonment. I held my stomach as a wave of nausea hit. I reached forward and grabbed her small hand to try and keep her with me.
“Jasmine, if there was any other way…”
“I know," she said somberly, while looking down at the floor. She grabbed her elbows and physically looked smaller, like she was shutting down. I waited, not sure what to say next, when she stood and threw her half-eaten cone in the garbage can.
Her face was void of any emotion, which scared me. She started heading toward the exit and I scrambled to catch up to her. Once I was behind her, she pushed the door open and stormed off in the direction of my car. I felt empty. Jasmine had her arms crossed and tried to keep her face away from me; she even climbed into the back when I unlocked the doors.
I started the car and headed towards Sip N Sides. It was after three now, and the bus would be dropping Sammy anytime now. I watched her in my rearview mirror and gave it one last attempt.
“Jasmine, we talked about still being friends, even if I moved. We said that I'd still come see you on the weekends, and maybe even get to take you to stay with me in Chicago. I'm not going anywhere, I'm still going to be in your life.”
She tightened her arms and set her jaw, and she looked so much like her dad right then. It was quiet again, and I felt like I could hear her heart breaking. We rode in silence, I wanted her to shout at me, yell, scream, something. Just not be silent. Tears were running down my face as I looked back at her, the second we pulled up to Sip N Sides, she grabbed her bag and got out of the car without saying goodbye. I couldn't face Theo yet, or Sammy; I was barely breathing after that. I watched her head inside, saw Theo greet her and hold the door for her. He tried to catch my eye to figure out what was going on, but I turned my face and started backing the SUV up. I needed to get out of there. I quickly pulled away and drove home.
The tears made driving rather dangerous, but thankfully, my house wasn’t too far. I wondered if I should have just kept my mouth shut about moving, since I hadn’t even convinced my mom yet. Still, I knew she would cave once I explained about Jimmy, she had to. She needed the best care possible, and she no longer had any reason to stay here, or to hope for something to happen between Jimmy and me.
I pulled into my gravel driveway, my face still wet with tears and my eyes blurry from crying, which is probably the reason I didn’t notice someone walking toward me as I headed for the porch. All I knew was that I was walking one second and the next, I was falling. A sharp pain pricked my neck, and my eyes darted toward the sky. I saw blue, and I thought of walking out of the school with Jasmine, of how badly I wanted to redo this afternoon and have another chance to walk out of the school with her. I would wait to tell her until after she’d eaten her ice cream cone. I watched the blue fade into black, and then there was nothing.
I woke up, but everything was still dark, and it felt like I was dreaming. The only proof that I wasn’t was the excruciating pain in my arms and hands. They were tied behind my back. A wave of intense nausea hit me and made me feel like I was physically falling. My head was pounding, and the right side of my neck was on fire, or felt that way at least. I hated not being able to see; I didn’t know who was with me, or who would hurt me. It was dark, but there wasn’t anything firm around my eyes or mouth, just something light that was touching, I figured it must have been some type of hood that had been put over my head.
I kept trying to stay still, but the need to get the damned hood off my face won out, and I started to move. I threw my aching head forward in an attempt to loosen the hood, or flip part of it up so that I could see. It didn’t do anything but cause more of a headache and the pain in my arms and hands to throb. I tested my hands, moving them around, but something cut into them and held them in place. Just as I was about to test out my lungs and make good use of not having a gag or duct tape over my mouth, the hood flew off my face.
It took a second for my eyes to adjust to the light. Once it did, I saw three men in front of me. The closest one to me was tall. He had long, dirty-blond hair, intense blue eyes, and a strong jaw. He wore a leather vest like I saw in Jimmy'
s closet. In fact, all three men wore vests like that.
The other two men stood further back. One held a baseball bat, and he had graying short hair, slicked back, with a few pieces falling forward. The last one was shorter than the rest. He had shaved his head, and ran his hand over his head as he watched me. They all looked at each other, seemingly communicating without talking. The sight of them sent a thread of fear so deep in my bones that I wasn’t sure I wasn’t already dead. My whole body was trembling; this was some mob movie junk, not real-life stuff. This couldn’t be really happening, I blinked and tested my eyes again. Still too afraid to talk or move, I just sat there and watched the men. I noticed that the guy closest to me and the one with the shaved head kept looking at the guy with the bat, which meant he must be the leader.
Great.
I suppressed a groan as I felt the ache in my back grow; my arms being tied back was killing me. I stayed quiet, until the one with the baseball bat moved forward, stopping directly in front of me. I looked down at his black biker boots and suppressed a shudder; he was standing on concrete. That was the first time I noticed anything about my surroundings, which wasn’t good. I had to come to terms with the fact that I had been abducted, and if I ever made it out, then the cops would ask me details about where I was. I mentally scolded myself and tried to be more vigilant.
The feel of cold wood being used to tip my chin upwards brought my thoughts back to who was in front of me. He used the bat to tip my head up so he could see me. The man had gray eyes, he wore a dirty white shirt under his vest, and dirty blue jeans. He smiled at me without showing his teeth, which somehow made him more menacing. I stayed quiet.
He finally looked over at the other two men and said, “My, my, I can see why Jimmy boy tried to keep her a secret.”
The other guys started laughing. I was still trembling; my body was going cold. My arms ached, and I wondered how long I was out for from the drug they must have given me to get me here. I also wondered what in the hell he was talking about regarding Jimmy keeping me a secret, but I didn’t want to let anything show.
The leader crouched before me, so that we were eye level. He took my face into his hands and whispered to me, “Did you know that he plans on betraying me?” He tilted my face to the left, like he was inspecting me. “Did you know that he thinks I don’t know?”
He tilted it to the right, then stroked the side of my face.
“He has no idea what I am going to do to you, to teach him that no one double-crosses me.”
He stroked my face again, and I let out a small breath that came out shaky. I closed my eyes, not knowing what was coming next, if the worst thing would be affection or torture. Then it came, another stroke of affection on my skin, followed by a hard slap across my face. The slap was so hard it made my teeth vibrate.
My face stung. I moved my jaw around and slowly opened my eyes. Tears were building in the corners just from the sting of the slap. Then it came again, another slap across my other cheek. That one hurt worse, much worse. I felt warm liquid and noticed two rings on the hand he just used to slap me.
I shut my eyes again. I decided to try and speak because this shit was getting old. “Look, I don’t know why I’m here, but Jimmy and I aren’t together. He’s married. I’m just his employee.” I tried to put some emphasis to my words, but they felt dead on my tongue. Lifeless and horrible.
Everyone was quiet for a moment, and then all three of them laughed. I opened my eyes, not understanding what they were laughing at.
The one with the long hair shoved his golden mass to the side of his face, and then the leader spoke again. “That slut isn’t his wife anymore. He divorced her years ago, after she left him. See, we’ve kept tabs on our little Jimmy. He needed a break to be a dad, so I gave it to him, and this is how he fucking repays me.” Saliva flew from his mouth as he pinned me with a feral look. I thought he might hit me again but instead, he stood up.
He walked toward the wall; it was split into several opaque glass squares. It let in sunlight, but you couldn’t see through it or out of it. The clouded windows lined the room I was in. There was a cement floor, in a room that was about as large as my kitchen, and a solid-looking white door was behind the men. Nothing else was in the room that I could see, but light poured in on all sides from the walls, and it was unnerving not being able to see through them.
The leader started to swing the bat around and around, and my heart was in my throat at the idea of him using it on me. I was so focused on the upcoming pain that I didn’t give much merit to the words that he spoke about Jimmy. The bat swung around some more, then the leader faced me again. I was straining my neck to look up at him, but I didn’t want to be surprised by a hit to the head. I would rather know it’s coming. He stopped again near one of the windows and pulled out a cigarette, lighting it. He took a few drags of it, then continued talking about Jimmy.
“You're lying to me about Jimmy." He took another drag and exhaled the smoke in my face. On instinct, I turned my face away to avoid the smoke. The leader invaded my space. “I don't like liars, he said, with obvious distaste.
He put his cigarette out on my leg. I’d planned to be brave in front of them, but when he pushed the bud in with force, I let out a cry of pain. It singed and stung like nothing I had ever felt before. He stood and turned away from me before he bellowed. “You want to know how I know that you're lying, Ms. Bennington?” He quirked a gray eyebrow at me. I didn't move, just sat there watching him with the wooden bat.
“He was so careful, we almost missed it. We knew he was planning something, but couldn't figure out what it was or who it was with. Then one of our guys noticed a fresh face show up at the bar, posing as a waiter. We needed to know if he'd been there before our deal with Jimmy, so we went back through the security footage.” He stopped and half-crouched to catch my eye, then pointed his bat at me.
“Imagine all of our surprise when we found footage of the two of you sharing a table, looking cozy, and then dancing. It didn’t take us long to figure out that the two of you have something going on. We dug further, and found out just how close of a family friend you are, my dear. Trust me when I say, that us having you here will greatly upset Mr. Stenson.” He gave me a sick smile, like this whole thing was bringing him the most joy.
“I am looking forward to seeing the look on his face when he sees you here,” he said, shaking his head back and forth, a smile playing on his lips.
I let out a little laugh, the absurdity of all of it was hitting me. Was that why Jimmy had been so distant, why he changed the locks? I felt so stupid. He had been trying to keep me safe. But why not just tell me? Anger ripped through me, that I was in that stupid chair, and anger at the assholes in front of me. I was furious that I might die without having time with Jimmy, without having time with my mom. A laugh bubbled up out of me, and then I couldn’t keep back the sobs. I sounded like a lunatic, but this was really crazy. All of it was.
The leader walked over to me, and pulled my hair back in order to see my face. “What’s so funny?” he seethed.
I tried to form words, but only a few would come in between my laughter and sobs. “You, and Jimmy, and all of this… I’m an accountant… My mom has cancer… He doesn’t want me, and I’m still going to die.”
More laughs, more sobs. I couldn't control the wave of emotion that was hitting me. The week of thinking Jimmy had a wife slammed into me, the emotions from my mom almost dying on me. The irony of her slowly dying on me but still leaving me regardless. All of it hit me.
It must have been too much for them. He gripped my hair tighter, then said, “Oh, he wants you. I’m banking on it.”
Then his hand formed a fist and landed in my face, and everything went dark again.
I picked Sammy up from school a little before three, when we headed over to Sip N Sides. I needed my family together until I knew what Davis had planned. Sammy was looking through the window in the back seat as I pulled into the deteriorating parking lo
t of Dad’s bar.
I planned on contacting Ramsey once I was on the road with Dad and Sammy; I didn’t want to be anywhere that Davis might look. He knew where I lived and knew where my dad’s bar was. I was so thankful he didn’t know about Carla or Ramsey, and I knew my distance from her was going to pay off. I parked and helped Sammy out of the car, then we both headed into the bar. Once I walked in, I noticed Dad leaning over the counter, watching Jasmine as she cried, pushing away a basket of fries. Why was she here? Where was Ramsey? I silently wondered, as worry slid in between my ribs. I walked up to Jasmine and put my arm around her.
“Hey Jas, what’s going on? Why are you crying?” I asked, while looking over at my dad. His face was solemn, and he shook his head back and forth, like he didn’t know what was going on.
Jasmine pushed out of my arms and stood from the stool she was sitting on. She wiped her tears away and then ran off to the bathroom. I let her go, and looked back over at my dad, “What’s going on with her?”
Dad gave me a look, then pushed off the counter and began pouring a glass of water for Sammy, who had climbed up in Jasmine’s chair and started eating her fries.
“She came in like that. Right after Ramsey dropped her off, about twenty minutes ago. She hasn’t stopped crying, but she won’t tell me what’s going on,” Dad said with a shrug.
I pulled my hand through my hair and walked towards the bathroom. Before I turned the corner, I yelled back at my dad, “We need to leave. Do what you need to, either close up or put someone else in charge for the rest of the night.”
