by Sarah Price
Samuel frowned. His ruse had not worked. “I’m not doing anything.”
“Then take me to see Jake’s baby horses!”
Trapped. Samuel cringed, further annoyed that he had been bested by an eight-year-old child. Without seeing it, Samuel had walked right into spending one-on-one time with Jacob rather than being able to retreat to a hidden corner of the barn for a nice, afternoon nap. “All right,” he relented with an exasperated sigh and started walking toward the barn, not bothering to wait for little Jacob to catch up with him.
Over the years, Jake had developed his horse breeding business and, despite his trial and error approach to farming, he had become well known for producing high-quality standardbred horses. This spring, he had four new foals which, within the next year or so, would be sold to eager Amish youth who approaching their courting years and wanting to train their own horses. Even Samuel had to admit that the young colts were amazing with their large round eyes, short fluffy tails, and gangly long legs. To think that those horses would grow into a mainstay of an Amish home, Samuel thought as he looked over the stall door at a mare with her foal! Without these horses, the Amish couldn’t maintain their lifestyle and would have to rely on cars, which, undoubtedly, would increase their exposure to the outside world.
He frowned as that thought passed through his mind. Indeed, it was the horses that kept the community glued together. Then why, he wondered, do I have such a fascination with the cars? And it dawned on Samuel that, perhaps, he would never take that kneeling vow and would be forced to leave the community. Could he survive outside of the tight-knit world of the Amish? Is that what he truly wanted?
“I like that brown one with the white blaze,” Jacob said eagerly, squirming against the stall door while Samuel held him up to see the foal.
“Sure is a nice looking foal”, Samuel conceded.
“Samuel!” A young girl’s voice called out. He turned his head in time to see Linda run toward him. Mary Ruth was following, holding little Abram’s hand, but when her eyes met Samuel’s, she hesitated. “Jacob, did you see all of the babies? Aren’t they just beautiful?”
Jacob grabbed his older sister’s hand and dragged her toward another stall further down. “Come and see this one!”
Linda took Abram from Mary Ruth and followed Jacob. While the children clambered over the stall doors, gushing about the different babies, Mary Ruth crossed her arms over her chest and kept her distance from Samuel. He noticed that she didn’t greet him nor did she even make eye contact. It was better that way, he told himself. Yet, there was something unsettling about her demeanor.
“Haven’t seen much of you, Mary Ruth,” he said solemnly, leaning against the stall door as he watched her.
She took a deep breath and shrugged her shoulders. “Been busy, tis all.”
He didn’t like this new Mary Ruth. Where was the bubbly and sparkling girl, the one who looked at him with bright eyes and endless patience? He nodded his head, trying to look disinterested. “Still helping Lillian, ja?”
Mary Ruth snapped her head to look at him. Her eyes were narrow and angry. “You know that I am, Samuel Lapp. And you know exactly why I’m not speaking to you.”
The sharpness of her tone startled him. An angry Mary Ruth? Who was this feisty young woman standing before him? “I didn’t realize that you weren’t speaking to me at all, given that I haven’t seen you.”
She took a step forward and lowered her voice, glancing quickly over her shoulder to make certain that the two young children couldn’t hear. “You stole something from me that wasn’t yours to take!”
“I stole…” He frowned as he repeated her words slowly. Was she referring to the kiss in the buggy? He smiled as he raised an eyebrow. “I stole nothing that you didn’t want to give, Mary Ruth.”
Defiantly, she tilted her chin. “My kisses shall be saved for my husband, not some confused, hopeless rebel who thinks nothing of showing such dishonor to the one person who has stood behind him for all these years.”
He laughed at her. “A rebel? Is that what you think of me?” She didn’t answer. “If so, then why stand behind me, Mary Ruth? Why not move on?” Despite the harshness of his words, he felt torn when she lifted her eyes to stare at him. Sorrow, he thought. She felt sorrow, despite trying to put on a brave front. Why couldn’t he settle down, he asked himself. Why was he so opposed to courting her?
“Mayhaps I will, Samuel.”
At those words, he reached out for her arm. She glanced down at her hand and tried to yank herself free. “You wouldn’t do that,” he whispered, keeping his voice low since he heard the children approaching. “I know you, Mary Ruth. Better than you think.”
She succeeded in pulling her arm from his grasp just in time. Linda and Jacob skipped around the corner, dragging Abram with them, gushing about the baby horses and small fuzzy chicks that were in the chicken coop. They were all smiles on their faces and dirt on their bare feet.
“We’ll see about that,” she whispered back. Then, with a forced smile on her face, she turned to greet the children. She knelt down, holding her arms out to give them a warm hug. “Tell me about these wonderful baby animals!” she insisted, taking ahold of their hands and letting them lead her down the aisle to go look at the foals.
Samuel watched as Mary Ruth led the younger children away, noticing that she seemed to bounce down the aisle between the stalls. He was only partially surprised to realize that she wasn’t going to look back at him. Her anger toward him caught him off guard. That was not the Mary Ruth that he knew. She had threatened to “move on” and that worried him. What if she did start courting that Elias? Samuel knew that it would not sit well with him at all.
It was during the fellowship meal that Samuel sat quietly at the table, his head bent over his food while he listened to his daed speak with Amos, Mary Ruth’s father, about the upcoming auction in New Holland. Their words seemed to blur together. They were speaking about nothing that truly interested him. Auctions, equipment, harvesting. It seemed as though it was the same conversation year after year. Instead of listening, he glanced down the table at Mary Ruth from time to time. She was ignoring him as she sat next to Rachel and Sylvia, listening to their plans for the upcoming summer months. Not once did she look at him and that bothered Samuel.
But he sure did notice Amos and Simon watching him. Samuel could feel their eyes on his face, watching him as he glanced at Mary Ruth. He looked over at them, surprised by their blatant staring. He could sense the displeasure on Amos’s face but couldn’t quite read what Simon was thinking.
“Next Church Sunday is at the Yoders,” Daniel said, passing a plate of yellow potato salad to Junior. “They just built that big room over their new horse barn. Should be nice for them to get to use it,” Daniel added.
“Ja,” Junior said. “Hearing more and more about that. With these young folk buying more modern houses, they seem to be building the church rooms over the barns.”
“Not a bad idea, if you asked me,” Jonas added. “Nothing wrong with having to convert those houses to our needs, especially with so many finding non-farming ways to make a living.”
Whitey shook his head. “Not enough farm land to sustain them anymore.” He looked down the table at the women then lowered his voice so they couldn’t hear. “Heard that some of my nephews are planning a move to another county in Pennsylvania.”
That got everyone’s attention. “A new county? Where?” Simon demanded.
“Don’t go getting no ideas!” Amos pointed his finger at his son. “Need you here, Simon.”
“That mean I can go?” Stephen added quickly which caused the rest of the men to laugh.
Jake was the first to interrupt the laughter. “Would sure be a shame to see any of the young men leave the area. The more Amish that move out, the more the Englischers that move in.”
“Spoken from an Englischer who moved in and never moved out!” Whitey added which brought another round of laughter.
After the laught
er quieted down, Jonas continued the conversation. “Jake’s right,” he said. “We’ll have no land left here soon. We need to start planning for the next generation.”
Amos tugged at his beard. “Ja, good point. Need to make certain no more land gets sold to those developers.” His own farm was smaller than Jake and Jonas’. Everyone knew that Simon was working with Jonas at the carpentry shop because the Smucker’s farm was too small to sustain his and Stephen’s future families. As the youngest son, Stephen would inherit the land. The older Smucker sons had married and moved away to further counties, not finding any affordable farms in the area. In reality, if Simon were to move away, he’d be able to open up his own carpentry business.
“Nothing wrong with not farming,” Samuel added.
The older men shook their heads. Even Daniel joined them. It was Amos who replied to Samuel. “The less we farm, the further we grow away from God,” he said, his eyes narrowed and accusatory as he stared at Samuel. “Seems some young folk are wandering when some good old farm work might bring them back into the fold.”
“Now, now,” Jake said. “Doesn’t have to be that way.” He sensed the tension between Amos and Samuel and tried to defuse it. “It’s good to have options. Not everyone wants to farm anyway.” With a quick nod to Junior, he continued. “Jonas Junior sure has made a successful go of the shed building business. Nothing wrong with carpentry skills. Seems your own son is benefiting as well.”
“I’m talking about those young men who are working with the Englische!” Amos argued. “Exposes them to worldly ways. Cars, cell phones and Internet.”
Whitey shook his head. “Not gut, that technology.”
Jake sighed. “It has its place in the world. But we can sure avoid it by encouraging our young men to be entrepreneurs and work for our own communities, not the Englische.” He looked over at Samuel and winked. “And buy up all the farm land that we can get our hands on.”
The men laughed in agreement. But Samuel didn’t join them. All this talk about the future and raising families was boring him to tears. He didn’t understand why the older men were always so against progress. As for farming, he was glad that he worked with his brother. Junior handled all of the bill paying and business planning. All Samuel had to do was show up to work and do his job. He didn’t want any of the hassles of being in business for himself nor did he want to think about having to support a family or any responsibility or commitment. Instead, all he cared about was getting back to the farm so that he could harness up his horse and buggy to head over to Miller Lane to see what his friends were planning for the upcoming week.
Chapter Eleven
“You seem awfully quiet today,” Lillian said. The day was beautiful with the sun shining brightly overhead and not one cloud in the crystal blue sky. The pastures were green with growing grass and the cows dotted the landscape. They were outside, weeding the garden that Lillian had planted a few weeks back. “Seems a shame to be so deep in thought on such a wunderbaar gut day.”
But Mary Ruth was deep in thought. She hadn’t felt good about herself since her confrontation with Samuel at the weekend gathering. It was out of character for her to be short with anyone, especially Samuel. She had lost control of her feelings and that just didn’t sit well.
“Just thanking the good Lord for such a day,” she mumbled but knew that the words sounded too flat to be believable.
“Ach, Mary Ruth,” Lillian said softly. She knelt back on her heels, wiping the dry dirt from her hands on the black apron that covered her knees. Her skin felt dry from having worked in the sun and she was beginning to feel too hot and tired to work in this heat. But her main concern was the troubled young woman kneeling before her. “If it’s Samuel who has stolen your thoughts…” She didn’t complete the sentence but let the words drift between them. It wasn’t proper to discuss courtship or crushes and Lillian knew that she had crossed a line.
But Mary Ruth didn’t seem to mind. She took a deep breath and turned to look at Lillian who had become much more than a friend during the past few weeks. At one point, she had hoped that Lillian would become her sister through marriage but now that looked ever so distant and impossible. “Oh Lillian, it just seems so complicated.” She tried to smile, hoping that she didn’t look as forlorn as she felt. “If only he’d settle down from his wild ways.”
There wasn’t much that Lillian could say to that. She certainly couldn’t downplay Mary Ruth’s concern. After all, everyone was hopeful that Samuel would think twice about how he was handling rumschpringe. Yet, despite their concern, Samuel seemed to dive deeper into it. First, he was spending time with the Miller Lane Mennonite boys. Then he was staying out all night. Now, he had recently informed his parents that he was going to take a trip with his Mennonite friends and one of their Englischer friends to Philadelphia for a long weekend.
There wasn’t much that Jonas and Katie could say or do to stop Samuel from making such decisions, no matter how upset those decisions made the family. Jonas had frowned at his son and told him point blank that such decisions could ruin a young man’s life. But Samuel had laughed and downplayed his father’s concern.
“It’s Philadelphia, Daed. It’s not like I’m going to California or Florida for weeks!”
“Son, you best be right careful and think twice before going to the big cities,” his father had said solemnly before retiring to his bedroom for the evening. It had been clear that no one was in favor of this trip, no one except Samuel.
The story was shared at supper one night, Simon retelling it while the Smucker family ate their evening meal in awed silence. Apparently Samuel had been laughing about his daed’s concern during a break from work at the carpentry shop.
From his expression, it was clear that Simon disapproved of Samuel’s decision to spend a weekend in Philadelphia, sharing a motel room with his non-Amish friends as they roamed completely unsupervised in the big city. He had even commented that the Englischer, Peter Bartlett, was known to be a drinking man. But it was even clearer that the rest of the Smucker family were just as shocked to hear of Samuel’s latest declaration.
Even Mary Ruth was shocked. Philadelphia? For a weekend and with the Barlett boy? When Mary Ruth had heard this latest news, her heart had dropped within her chest. Was it possible that Samuel would venture into the Englische world and abandon his roots? Would Samuel actually turn wild during his running around years? Would he refuse to return to the Amish faith? The speculation from the community sure seemed to be coming to fruition and that worried Mary Ruth, even if she was upset with him.
Such refusals were not uncommon. In fact, many Amish youths did decide to join the Mennonite churches, finding them less restrictive than the Amish church and more permissive of worldly luxuries. But Samuel wasn’t even walking that path. He just seemed to be running wild, letting other misguided youths turn his face from God and toward the world.
Lillian stared at the young woman before her. Everyone in the Lapp family adored Mary Ruth Smucker. She was good-hearted and loyal to her friends, family, and God. For years, everyone had suspected that her eyes sparkled only for Samuel but no one really understood why. He had also seemed to carry a sweet spot in his heart for her and they had all held out hope that she could tame him. But clearly that wasn’t happening.
“He’ll be fine, Mary Ruth,” Lillian finally said. “And, if it’s God’s will, Samuel will return to the fold.” She smiled as she gently added, “And mayhaps to you.”
“Mayhaps to the fold,” Mary Ruth said softly, feeling uncomfortable sharing her private thoughts with anyone but knowing that Lillian would never share them with another person. “But certainly not to me. Waiting for a young man doesn’t seem very proper, does it? And especially for one who has strayed so far from the Lord.” She knew that was what her mother would want her to say. But Mary Ruth’s eyes gave her away. There was a sorrow deep within her gaze as she looked past Lillian’s shoulder at the carpentry shop down the lane in the distance.
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Since their confrontation at the Edwards’ farm last Sunday, Mary Ruth had been relieved not to bump into Samuel while helping Lillian. But, with the weekend rapidly approaching, she had hoped that she could find Samuel and warn him about this crazy Philadelphia weekend idea. If only she could find out why he wanted to rebel, she thought. If only she could make him see how these decisions were going to impact his future.
It was clear from the discussions at her own family table that the community was losing their patience with Samuel Lapp. His own brother was forbidding him to arrive late to work at the carpentry shop so Samuel was risking the loss of his job each time he stayed out all night. And, while the bishop couldn’t go so far as to shun Samuel, he sure could make it difficult for Samuel to return to the church. Despite the fact that Amish were quick to forgive, Mary Ruth knew that they were not quick to forget.
She waited until it was after dinner before she began looking outside the window, hoping to catch a glance of Samuel leaving his mother’s kitchen and trekking back up the lane to return to the carpentry shop for the afternoon. She had a plan worked out in her mind. First, she’d approach him and ask to speak to him in private. Then, she’d try to reason with him and help him see the errors of his ways. She’d apologize for their harsh words in the Edwards’ barn the other day and try to smooth over that bump in their relationship.
