“You know me.” Cal spread his hands. “Cop-out Cal.”
She shook her head, disgusted.
So what if she was disappointed. Add her to the list. “By the way, I’m having a friend join us. I’d like your impressions.”
“Impressions?” Rita raised a suspicious eyebrow.
He knew that look. But he took the plunge. “Just check her out. You know …”
“Professional espionage? I’m surprised at you.”
Cal sobered. “I think she’s in trouble.” He held Rita’s eyes, willing her to understand, to take her mind off him and hear another need.
“What sort of trouble?” Rita gave no indication of submission.
“I don’t know, really.” It sounded evasive even to him.
“Who is it?” Reggie chomped off a hunk of sandwich.
“Someone I care about.” Care about? The woman he’d loved most of his life, the one he’d walk burning coals to defend—if she’d let him. If he didn’t lose it. If anything made sense anymore.
Rita tapped her fingernail against the glass, one of her tells. It betrayed tension and uncertainty. Cal always called the hand when Rita tapped her nails. Nine times out of ten he took it. Without releasing his gaze, she frowned. “Someone I know?”
“How long have you been here?”
“The four years I’ve worked with the department.”
“Then no. She’s from Montrose, sort of, but was gone awhile, and now she’s back.” Now there was clarity. He was muddying things, but he didn’t want her to force more from him than he wanted to give.
“Why do you think she’s in trouble?”
“A hunch.” He had little else to go on.
Rita sipped again. “Stick to facts, Cal. Hunches aren’t good for you.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“Watch it.” Rita tossed her dark, wedge-cut, gray-streaked hair. “Besides, when we socialize, it’s strictly social. Separation of personal and professional. I’m here as a friend, not a doctor.”
“Oh yeah. And that third degree a minute ago …”
“A concerned friend.”
He knew better. Rita could no more separate out from her doctor mode than he could sleep without part of his mind being primed for emergency. But he let it go. He’d planted the seed, and he knew too well how it would worry her brain. No problem existed that she wouldn’t try to solve. And if anyone trusted a hunch, it was Dr. Rita James.
A quick knock broke the tension, and Cal opened the door to Rob. “Brought a pal,” Rob said, and Perry followed him in, complete with a twelve-pack of Budweiser.
Just the irritant he didn’t need. Not the beer, the bearer. Was Rob making a statement, bringing along the one person he knew Cal wouldn’t want? He hadn’t told Rob personally that he’d quit. He hadn’t needed to. Word would spread faster than any wildfire, and he saw in Rob’s stance the hostility he’d expected.
Cal closed the door behind them. “We’ll have a full table tonight.” He crossed the room and pulled the card table from the closet, stood out the legs, and raised the flaps to make it round, then centered it in his living room. At Laurie’s knock, he shouldered past Perry to the door.
With her hair pulled into a ponytail in a pur ple band that matched her gray-and-purple sweatshirt, she looked like a cheerleader, her melting eyes large and alluring. She would pick this night to look terrific. But then, when had she not?
Taking her hand, he pulled her in, breathing the Beautiful she wore. “Everybody, this is Laurie.” Perry’s immediate interest was no surprise, nor Rob’s disapproval. “Laurie, you remember Rob.”
She nodded. “Nice to see you, Rob.”
“Here you are again.” Rob’s smile was less than convincing.
“Laurie, that’s Perry, Reggie, and Mom.” Cal pointed them out in turn.
Rita glared, then held out her hand. “It’s Rita.”
Laurie shook it.
While they all spoke platitudes, Cal took the coat from Laurie’s shoulders. He leaned close to her ear. “I’m glad you came.”
She smiled.
“Well, hail, hail the gang’s all here.” Rob pulled a new double deck from his pocket and tossed it on the table. “Or are there more women from your past coming?”
Cal’s temple pulsed. Was Rob being intentionally obnoxious? “This is all of us.” He motioned them to the table in the center of his living room and handed over the bowls of pretzels and chips. “Everyone grab a chair.” He slid a kitchen chair to Rita, and another across to Laurie.
Rob pulled the plastic from the cards. “Don’t let Cal and Laurie sit together. They communicate with their kneecaps.”
Cal dropped down beside Laurie and hooked an arm around her shoulders. “Just try to break us up.” He sent Rob a look. Cut it out, buddy. It’s not your business.
Perry took the seat on the other side of her. Yeah, it was a tight fit, but not that tight. Cal eyed him. Maybe one day they’d click, but he wished Rob hadn’t brought him tonight. Maybe this game hadn’t been such a good idea.
He’d thought keeping the regular Friday night game would send the message of normalcy. Just because he was changing jobs didn’t mean … But then, it did, didn’t it? Everything would be different. He would be different. Cal frowned. He was different. He’d just stopped pretending.
Reggie sank into the recliner. “I can slip my aces into the pads.” He bared teeth and gums, and Cal grinned back. One of these days he’d resist that smile—for his own self-respect.
Cal nodded to Laurie. “Don’t try to cheat Rita. She keeps a magnum in her purse.”
Rita shook her head. “It’s mace. Highly effective and legally concealed.”
“I thought women were going to that pepper spray to keep the men at bay.” Perry looked at Laurie with bedroom eyes. Too pretty for a man, in Cal’s opinion, but the women melted over them. Perry turned with a near sneer. “What keeps you off, Cal?”
“Don’t know. No one tries.” Except the one woman who mattered. He could feel the tension in Laurie’s back.
She cleared her throat. “So. Who deals?”
Good girl. Cal turned to Rita, who seemed more intent on watching him than Laurie. “Lead us off, Rita?”
She gave no indication that she had any intention of honoring his first request, but if he knew Rita, she was processing Laurie’s nonverbal signals. If he were crazy, she’d tell him. But would she tell him if she saw trouble?
Rob leaned around Perry. “Cal, did you hear what they got in Kansas City?”
“The smoke trailer?”
“Thirty-seven thousand bucks. Whew.” Rob shook his head.
Cal tensed. “It’s a good tool. I’d have liked to use one.”
Rob grinned. “Like the kids go in and come out mice?”
Cal grinned back, but it was stiff. “Like the kids go in and come out alive.” The silence thickened like paste. Cal swallowed, realizing he’d overreacted to Rob’s jibe. “Think about it. Actual simulation of fire conditions and escape methods. The real experience, except heat and toxicity, of course. Now that’s a tool.”
“That’s an expensive toy. The money could have gone to better use.” Rob’s grin was gone. “Ask any man risking his life on the line.”
Cal bristled. What was Rob trying to do? Pick a fight? Couldn’t he see anything past active duty? No. He hadn’t ever understood Cal’s “copping out,” as he put it, and this latest severing was eating him. But they had been partners a long time, joined at the hip in more emergencies than Cal remembered. Anyway, it was past.
He broke the almost electr ic connection with Rob’s gaze. “What’ll it be, Rita?”
She named the game and dealt, but Cal could see she’d missed nothing. Rob was furious Cal had given up, but it didn’t matter. Cal was through with the department, and it seemed his best friend as well. If Rob couldn’t see past their mutual work to a core Cal had thought was there, then he’d let that go too. He glanced at Laurie. She was the one thin
g he wouldn’t let go easily. Cal frowned. Unless he had to.
Perry studied his cards, considered the bet, and shook his head. “This hand looks worse than today’s road pizza.” He tossed the cards down.
Laurie turned. “Road pizza?”
Perry stroked her with his eyes. “A cyclist bit the dust on the pavement.”
“Did he die?”
“Nah.” Perry shook his head. “But it was definite road pizza.”
Cal frowned. He would not have used one of their cruder expressions with Laurie. But Perry lacked subtlety. Perry lacked a lot of things. He wished again Rob had not brought him.
The cards did not fall well. After three hours he’d bluffed his way into clinging by his teeth. If they were playing strip poker, he’d be sitting in his boxers. He drank from the Coke can and studied his hand. A pair of threes.
“That sigh isn’t fooling me,” Rita said. “I fold.”
Reggie eyed him. Only he and Laurie still opposed him. “Too rich for this garbage.” He laid the cards face down before him.
Laurie narrowed her eyes, challenging him.
“I call,” Cal said and dropped the last of his chips on the pile.
Laurie laid down her cards. Eights and fours.
Cal tossed down his pair. “You win.” He stood and with a grin, opened his cotton shirt one button at a time. Rob started a rhythmic clap and Perry whistled between his teeth.
Rita put a hand over his. “That’ll do, boys. I saw enough at the hospital.”
Cal froze. Was everyone out to get him tonight? Laurie turned to her. “Are you a nurse?”
“I’m a doctor.”
His stomach tensed.
“And you’ve treated Cal?”
Rita raised an eyebrow.
Laurie moistened her lips. “Then you know how he got the scar on his chin.”
Rita turned to him. “How’d you get the scar, Cal?”
He wanted to wring her neck. “Fighting a fire.” He pushed the words out and reached for his Coke, his eyes on Rita. If she betrayed him now …
“Twelve stitches,” she said.
“So is the show over?” Perry shuffled the cards before him.
Reggie pushed back the recliner. “It is for me. I got an early morning.” He nodded to Rita, “Dr. James,” to Cal, “Beefsteak,” then to the others, “Adios all.”
Rita stood also, sliding her earnings into her purse. “It’s always fun. Better luck next time, Cal. Nice meeting you, Laurie.”
“I’ll see you out, Doctor.” Reggie waved back with a grin. “Call me tomorrow, Cal. I got something to run by you.”
Cal eyed Rob and Perry. “Game’s up when I’m busted, men.”
“There’re still three of us with money to burn.” Tapping his finger next to his winnings, Perry smiled at Laurie. Cal imagined yanking him up by the collar, but Rob saved him the trouble, no doubt reading his intention.
Rob stood. “Time to hit the road, bud.”
Perry downed his beer. His half smile to Laurie was all invitation. Rob clamped his shoulder and led him to the door. Timely. Very timely. At least Rob cleaned up his mess. Cal closed the door behind them and turned to find Laurie’s eyes on him.
A slow smile spread across her face. “Would you have?”
He cocked his head and fingered the last button of his shirt. “What do you think?”
She brushed the hair back from her forehead, her fingers parting the hair into separate streams. “I’m not so sure.”
“You’re probably right. So did you have fun?”
“It was a little tense. With Rob.” She erased a spot on the table with her finger.
“He’s upset I quit.”
She raised her brown eyes. “Is that it?”
“Sure.” No need to recall Rob’s other objections. “What about the rest of the gang?”
“You’re still the life of the party.”
He leaned on the doorjamb. “I don’t know that Perry would agree.”
She shrugged. “Perry thinks a lot of himself.”
“He thought a lot of you too.”
“He’s not my type. I don’t like moony eyes.” Cal smirked. “Good.”
“You and Rita are close.”
The tendons in his neck hardened. “Why do you say that?”
“I can tell. What did she treat you for?”
He slid the cards from the table into their boxes. “She heads the Critical Incident Stress Debriefing Team.”
“Sounds serious.”
“It is. Keeps us sane … most of the time.”
Her gaze deepened. “Want to tell me about it?”
“Not really.” He swiped the empty beer bottles from the table into the trash.
“Do you think it matters?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.” He dumped Rob’s ashtray and stuck it on the bookshelf, then sat down on the chair beside her, his bare chest brushing her shoulder. “You smell nice.”
“You sprang for it.”
“Yeah.” It was heady being next to her. All evening he’d wanted to touch her, hold her, communicate, as Rob said, with their kneecaps. He ran his thumb across her cheek.
“Don’t.” But even as she said it she leaned closer.
“What can it hurt?” His fingers slid into her hair.
“More than you know.”
“I don’t understand.” He dug his fingers into its silky softness.
“I don’t want you to.” She closed her eyes.
He didn’t need to. He kissed her lips.
Her voice was thick. “I have to go.”
Annie whined, sticking her wet nose under the palm that lay on his leg. Cal sat back, rubbing the dog’s ears. “When can I see you?”
“Cal …”
“When?”
“I don’t know. Soon. It shouldn’t be at all.”
“Yes, it should.” Her mouth was so close he could kiss it again. She said no, but she wanted it. Her signals were so mixed he’d need a multiple personality disorder to accommodate them all. But he took her at her word and resisted. “I’ll call you.”
“Okay,” she breathed.
Laurie drove home, more shaken than before. It was getting out of hand, old feelings that had no place in her life today, old memories that made things worse. She tried to control her jitters when she went inside. Since the children were sleeping when she’d gone to her mother’s for them, she had left them to stay overnight. Now she was alone, and the house was cold.
She walked through to the kitchen, hit the switch, and stared. The floor looked like something had been slaughtered there. It was smeared with blood, or something that looked and smelled like it. Across the wall was smudged, last chance. Her stomach turned over, and she put a hand to her mouth, gasping until she gagged.
Hands shaking, she grabbed a rag and held it to her mouth. “Oh, God. Oh, God.” Why was he doing this? Was he punishing her for walking out? For destroying his goods? Why didn’t he show himself? Ask her to her face? Why terrify her …
She looked again at the floor, and her head cleared. This wasn’t Brian. It couldn’t be. He was egotistical and reckless, but he wasn’t sick. She looked at the black, gaping window and quailed. Who then?
Her legs almost wouldn’t work, but she had to clean it up. What if she’d walked in with the children? Thank God they’d been asleep or they might have all trooped in for hot chocolate. This had to stop. But how? Last chance? Didn’t he understand she didn’t have it?
She crossed to the cupboard and took out the old corkboard, then nailed it to the door. Then she mopped the linoleum and wrung the mop in the sink as the water ran red. She wiped the wall clean, thankful now for the thick, almost plastic shiny paint, then sank to the chair and thought of calling Cal. She dropped her face to her hands.
No. She was already in over her head. His kiss had shown her that much. Her fists clenched with the sudden surge of emotion. She could not let things continue as they were. She hadn’t meant it to reach th
is point. She had to tell him, but every time he was near, that same electric connection held her mute.
Maybe if they’d never—if she’d never—given in. She had known better. Even without Daddy’s threats and Mother’s tight lips, she’d known inside what was right. Her senior year in high school, after Cal had graduated, they’d spent most of their time together, but she’d resisted him. Oh, Grams, where did I go wrong?
It was for Grams’ sake she’d held out against the pressure. Not just Cal’s, but every date she had, it seemed. Grams made it sound a wonderful thing to be virtuous. But then Grams was gone, and Laurie so angry with God, with the Jesus who let Grams suffer …
She was striking back at Daddy, at God, maybe even at Cal himself. Striking back as much as reaching out for comfort, for love. If Daddy had known, he would have murdered Cal. For reasons Laurie still did not understand, Mother hadn’t voiced her suspicions. Maybe she thought if she interfered Laurie would marry Cal. Maybe she would have. Laurie dropped her face into her hands. Why did she keep coming back to that night? Wasn’t she past it yet? One night.
What would her marriage have been had she not known Cal first? Would it have made any difference? She might have been happy with Br ian, might not have felt wrong ever y time they came together. Tears burned against her eyelids. She had to tell Cal. But how could she?
By the way, Cal, I’m still married. I know how you feel about that … She gave in to the tears. Did it matter that she and Brian had taken their vows on the beach instead of a church? That a vegetarian guru had officiated instead of a minister? That they had deleted “till death do you part” and said instead “as long as we both desire”? And she never had, really. Her marriage was a lie, a contract between two fools with no concept of unity or commitment. Did that change things in God’s eyes?
She pounded the table. God was no concern of hers. His ways were too hard, too narrow, too controlling. Maybe Grams’ Jesus was gentle and merciful, but He had died with Grams. And Cal had picked up the pieces. And he was there now. What they had once, they could have again. So why did it feel so bitter? Laurie pressed her palms into her eyes. What have I done with my life? My children’s lives?
Twilight Page 16
