by Cora Reilly
Growl led me inside the building with a hand on my back. It was a possessive gesture and at the same time I thought he was trying to show me something else. Or was I trying to see things Growl wasn’t capable of? The receptionist gave us a too bright smile as we headed for the elevators.
We got out at the very top of the skyscraper and stepped into a massive penthouse. Everything was white and glass and gold. “What is this?” I asked. It was furnished with black and grey design furniture. Everything was sleek and perfect.
“My apartment,” Growl said simply.
I froze on my way toward the floor-to-ceiling windows. “This is yours?” This apartment looked completely unused. And in six the weeks that I’d been with him, he’d never mentioned it to me. I startled. Had it really been six weeks? God. And at the same time six weeks seemed way too short a time span for everything that had happened.
Six weeks. Without my sister. She was fine, Growl had assured me. And my mother, I hadn’t seen her in so long.
“I got it a few years back,” Growl said, tearing me from my thoughts. He fetched a coke from the fridge and drank it. “Falcone gave it to me as payment for a job well done, but I don’t use it.” He handed me another coke but I only used it to let the cold help me focus.
“If you have this,” I motioned around myself. “Then why are you living in that awful house? This place doesn’t look like you’ve ever set foot in it. There’s nothing that belongs to you.”
Growl gave me a strange look. “Because this isn’t who I am. The furniture was there when I got it and I never changed anything,” he said in his usual low rumble. “This is too…” His eyes searched the room. “Too noble for someone like me. It’s just not me.”
I stopped at the window and let my gaze wander over the Las Vegas strip spreading out below us. In the distance I could see the endless red desert. I preferred to live in a house, had always loved my old home and the garden, but everything was better than the shack Growl called home. “For someone like you?” I repeated his words.
Growl approached me slowly and followed my gaze. “And Coco and Bandit wouldn’t feel comfortable so high up. They’d miss their garden. Around here there’s no where I could walk them.”
I gave him a look but he avoided my eyes. There was something strangely vulnerable and out of place in Growl. Why did he feel so uncomfortable in a luxurious apartment? “It’s not like the area where we live is great for dog walks.”
Growl gave me a strange smile. “Bandit and Coco are used to places like that. They know how to handle drunkards and junkies, whores and the homeless. The people around here with their fake smiles, that’s something they can’t handle. People like that sent them into dog fights.”
“You know, there are places where normal decent people live. You compare one extreme with the other.”
“Normal,” Growl said quietly, testing the word. “I’ve never had normal.” He turned to me. “Can you imagine me among normal decent people?”
I didn’t say anything. Growl with his scary tattoos and scarred throat always drew attention to himself, and that was only his scary appearance.
He must have read my thoughts from my face. He nodded. “Normal people wouldn’t want me in their neighborhood, they’d be scared of me. And the people around here, they don’t want me either because they, too, fear me.”
“Everyone fears you,” I said matter-of-factly. “Even the criminals and junkies in your area. If you want to live where no one fears you, you’ll have to move into wilderness.” It was meant as a joke, to lighten up the mood, but Growl nodded thoughtfully.
“Animals don’t fear me, only humans do. I’m a man-made monster, perhaps that’s why.” He took in our surroundings again. “Monsters aren’t meant for a palace like this.”
He thought he didn’t deserve to live in a nice place. Maybe along the way he’d started to believe what everyone said, that he was below everyone else, that he wasn’t worth anything. For some reason I felt for him, even though he didn’t deserve my compassion.
“You belong here,” Growl said quietly. “A princess in her tower.”
My lips parted in surprise. It wasn’t the first time he’d said something like that but it caught me by surprise every time.
“So why are we here?” I asked him.
“You hate the house,” he said simply.
“And?”
“We can live here for a while. It’ll make you feel better until I figure out the best day for our plan.”
I was stunned into silence. Growl was really considering moving into this place because he wanted to see me happy. “Are you sure?” I wanted nothing more than to live here, in this bright place, away from the misery.
He nodded, but I could detect a hint of uncertainty.
“What about Bandit and Coco? You said it yourself, they need a yard. Will they get used to this?”
Growl brushed a strand of hair from my shoulder. “I’m away on business most of the time. I can take them with me. I’m often out in nature where they can run. And I won’t sell the house, so we can return there if we don’t want to stay here.”
I doubted that I’d ever want to return to Growl’s house. It wasn’t even because it was small and in a bad neighborhood. The place was filled with too much desolation; it seemed burnt into the walls and floors. There was no escaping it.
“I’d love to live here,” I admitted eventually. And I really did.
“We might not be living here for very long though. After we’re done with Falcone, we have to leave Las Vegas.”
I knew that, and after everything that had happened to me here, I wasn’t sad to leave my home town. I wanted a new start. With Growl? A sharp voice inquired in my head. And part of me, wanted to say yes.
“I know, but even a few weeks or just days are good. I love seeing the horizon,” I said. I peered up at him. There was a soft edge to his expression, and I couldn’t help it. I’d never wanted him more than in that moment. I wasn’t sure if this was still part of the plan, if my actions toward Growl were still only intended to get him on my side, to reach my goal of revenge and safety for my family. I stood on my tiptoes, grabbed him by the neck and pulled him down to me for a deep kiss. He immediately responded. I pressed up against him and he grabbed my butt with one hand, squeezing. I started pulling at his clothes, and soon we were both naked, our hands roaming every inch of uncovered skin. My body was aflame with need. Growl lifted me up and pressed my back against the window. I let out a surprised laugh. “Here?” I asked. He nudged my entrance with his length.
“It’s a nice view,” Growl said dryly.
I kissed him hard, and he pushed into me at the same time, making me gasp into his mouth. My back rubbed over the window as Growl pounded into me. And then we both came at the same time. Growl sank to his knees with me still wrapped around him. We both panted. Her eyes sought out the strip and the neighboring skyscrapers. “Is this reflecting coating?”
Growl shook his head. “I don’t think so.”
I leaned against the glass. “So someone could have watched us?”
“Do you care?”
“No,” I said. And it was true. A few weeks ago, this would have been impossible, but so much had happened since then that the idea of someone seeing me having sex wasn’t something that could ruin my day. Far from it.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Cara
“Why are you always leaving after we sleep with each other?” I tried to sound merely curious but a hint of vulnerability slipped through.
“I can’t sleep with someone else in bed,” he said. “I never even thought I could share a house…” He glanced around our new surroundings. “…or apartment with anyone.”
“Why?” I doubted he was worried that I’d kill him.
“I just can’t. I prefer being alone, preferred being alone.”
“Not anymore?” I asked hopefully.
“I don’t sleep very well. And if someone would be in bed with me, it wo
uld be worse,” Growl said instead of answering my question.
“Maybe you just need to get used to it. Maybe it takes time. You’ve been alone for a long time.”
“Forever,” he murmured. “I’ve been alone forever. Even when my mother was still alive, she worked a lot, especially at night,” was his simple reply. “And after she was killed and I loved with Bud, I was glad to be alone. Being alone meant no pain. That was good.”
My heart clenched for him. So much horror in his past. I didn’t know if I, if anything could ever compete with that, ever win against the shadows of his past.
“Humans aren’t meant to be alone. We need someone. It’s in our nature. We need to be touched. We need to talk to someone. To have someone to trust. Otherwise we become…”
“Like me,” Growl rasped. “I’m better off alone. I’m meant to be alone.”
I stared at his tattoos, the ridges of his scars, his hard eyes. “Perhaps you’re right.”
Even if I didn’t want to accept it, Growl might be one of the people who couldn’t be with others for long.
I didn’t try to stop him this time when he pushed up. My eyes followed the line of muscles from his broad shoulders down to his firm butt. My cheeks didn’t heat anymore, but the fire the pit of my stomach ignited once more at the sight. I’d never felt anything like it before. I’d had crushes, had felt butterflies, but this was something else, something stronger and darker. I desired him, perhaps even…loved him. I couldn’t be sure. Not now, not when my life was in upheaval and choices weren’t my own. Could love be born out of captivity? Wasn’t it something that could only thrive in freedom?
Growl didn’t turn again as he strode toward the door and left. The fire in my belly died as if someone had killed it with water. I pulled the blankets up to my chin. I’d never known that loneliness came with a sensation like icy dew covering my skin. Cold. I felt cold. I felt still tender between my legs from Growl, but the rest of me was nothing. This ache between my legs was all that reminded me of Growl. Soon, if…when our plan was successful and we were all safe, what would happen to me? To Growl and me? He struggled with emotions. Most of the time I wasn’t even sure if he could even understand them. Perhaps for him they were what letters were to people with dyslexia. But couldn’t those people learn to live with their limitation, and learn to read and write despite it. So why couldn’t Growl learn emotions. He had already come a long way from when we first met. Perhaps emotions were foreign to him, like passion had been to me, but it didn’t always have to be like that. Growl had taught me passion, had given me no choice but to surrender myself to it. Was I foolish to hope I could teach him emotions as he’d taught me desire and passion?
Perhaps you have already, a meek voice whispered in my head. Perhaps. And perhaps it wasn’t enough.
My eyes were drawn to the skyline of Las Vegas. He’d moved to this place for me. For whatever reason he’d turned his life upside down for me. The next few weeks would tell. If our plan to get revenge went wrong, nothing mattered anymore. Least of all my emotions. Soon everything would be decided.
Growl
“Falcone won’t tell me where your sister is and I think he’s growing suspicious of my interest. And negotiations with New York don’t seem to be going very well, which could mean that Falcone won’t need your mother’s help much longer. We can’t wait very long,” Growl said a few days later as he came back to the apartment from doing whatever Falcone asked him to do. Coco and Bandit welcomed him, wagging their tails wildly.
If Falcone didn’t needed mother’s help anymore, he’d probably get rid of her. “But what can we do if we don’t even know where my sister is? We can’t get revenge as long as she’s not safe.”
“I will get the information out of Falcone, don’t worry. We’ll kidnap him and I’ll make him talk. Once I know where your sister is, I will kill Falcone, and will come to New York with your sister.”
“What about me and my mother?”
“You will leave right after I have Falcone in my hands. I don’t want you in town when I’m dealing with Falcone. We’ll all meet up in New York.”
I shook my head. “I won’t leave without my sister. What if something goes wrong and we can’t free her? I want to be there to make sure everything is okay.”
“You can’t help. You’ll only be a liability because I’ll have to keep an eye on you, too, and won’t be able to fight as freely as I’d usually do.”
“Do you think there will be fighting?”
Growl laughed humorlessly. “Falcone is never without bodyguards, and I suppose your sister will be guarded as well. I will have to kill anyone who gets in my way. We can’t let anyone survive. They might give something away. We can’t risk that.”
“So we’ll drive to Falcone’s house and kidnap him?”
“He usually meets with me once a week to give me new jobs. That’s the best day to attack. He will expect me, so he won’t grow suspicious. I’ll take him to a safe place, get the information we need and kill him. Then I’ll get your sister.”
“I told you I won’t drive ahead. I will stay as long as it takes for all of us to be safe and Falcone to be dead.”
Growl didn’t say anything. Perhaps he hoped he could convince me.
“And I need to talk to my mother. She needs to know what we’ve planned.”
Growl shook his head. “No. She might give something away by accident. She doesn’t need to know.” He paused. “Cara, I really want you to drive ahead with your mother. You shouldn’t be in Las Vegas a minute longer than necessary.
“No!” I cried. “I want to be there. I want revenge more than you do. Shouldn’t I be there when it happens?”
Growl touched my cheek. “Are you sure you want that? It’ll change you, believe me. Having blood on your hands changes everything.”
“My life changed when Falcone killed my father, seeing Falcone die for his sin will only make things better.”
Growl nodded. “Okay. But when things get dangerous, you’ll have to listen to my commands. If I’ll tell you to run, you’ll run, and you won’t hesitate or argue. Understood?”
“Understood.” I moved closer to him and put my hand against his chest. “I can’t believe you’re really doing this.”
“I promised. I will do this for you, and perhaps then you can forgive me.”
“Forgive you,” I whispered. But he silenced me with a kiss and led me into the bedroom.
Growl’s eyes were closed. He wasn’t asleep though. Not that I knew how he looked when he was actually asleep since he never let me be anywhere close when he was that vulnerable. But whenever he got this close to sleep, he’d send me away or he’d leave if he was in my bedroom. I scooted to the edge of the bed and untangled myself from the blankets. I’d stayed for far too long already. My eyes were growing heavy. I didn’t want to be woken and sent away by Growl later. It was easier this way, when going away seemed like her choice and not a result of his incapability or unwillingness to share a bed with me, to give me more closeness than was absolutely necessary. It was ridiculous how this small semblance of choice made me feel better.
Her feet hit the cold floor and a familiar shiver raced down her spine. This time I didn’t allow herself to perch on the edge of the bed. I stood. I hadn’t even moved away a single step when a strong palm wrapped around her wrist. “Stay,” came the rough command.
I froze, my gaze darting toward Growl. He was still sprawled out on the bed, his eyes still closed. Nothing in his demeanor had changed, and if it wasn’t for his hand holding onto me tight, I’d have convinced herself that I’d imagined the word.
I didn’t dwell on the fact why he’d changed his mind. I slipped back under the covers and only when I lay beside him, did Growl let go of my wrist. “Why?” I asked softly. He stayed on his back, didn’t reach for me, and I didn’t try to snuggle up to him. It would have been too much. This, inviting me to stay the night, was already a huge step, I knew that. “Don’t ask,” he rumbled.<
br />
Growl extinguished the lights and darkness fell over us. I hardly dared to breath, much less move, acutely aware that Growl was probably listening to her every sound. Was I intruding? Was he already regretting that one word?
I pushed the thoughts away. And then when I least expected it, Growl put his hand against my back. A light touch but enough. Another step in the right direction. The sound of his unchanging breathing in the background and the feel of his palm lightly touching my back, I slowly drifted away.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Cara
That night I was woken twice by nightmares. Not my own though. Growl was writhing and panting in his sleep. I hadn’t dared waking him. I had a feeling that he wouldn’t like it that I knew of his troubles.
It was strange seeing him distressed, his face twisted with agony. I’d never considered that something could bother him so much. Perhaps he was even more human than I thought.
He wasn’t in bed when I woke but I found him in the kitchen leaning against the counter with a cup of coffee as usual. Even now that we had a kitchen table in the penthouse, he still preferred to stand.
Coco and Bandit were sitting by his side, staring up at him with adoring eyes.
“Morning,” I said.
Growl filled a cup and handed it to me. I smiled and briefly touched his forearm in thanks. He didn’t move away and his gaze gave me pause. I drank my coffee and gave him the time he needed to say what he wanted.
“I have a request,” Growl said quietly.
“Okay.” What could I possibly do for him?
He peered down at Coco and Bandit. “Will you take care of my dogs in case anything happens to me?”
I frowned. “Nothing will happen to you. We’ll all go to New York together.”
