“I had an interesting conversation with someone today who said she overheard Josh and his father in a bitter argument shortly before Lloyd’s death,” he said with studied casualness. “I was just going to ask if he had said anything to you about it.”
Julie was pretty adept at hiding her reaction to his words—but not quite good enough. He didn’t miss how her eyes widened with surprise and the ever-so-slight way her lips parted just for an instant.
So Josh hadn’t mentioned the fight to Julie in their sessions. Why not? he wondered, concerned all over again at what other secrets his nephew might be keeping.
“Do you think that’s pertinent to investigating what might have happened that night?” she asked.
He shrugged. “I can’t say. I just find it surprising that Josh hasn’t bothered to mention it. He never even told me he saw his father at the Spring Fling. Even though he claimed to hate Lloyd, I imagine it’s got to be tough on any kid to know the last words he had with his old man were angry ones.”
Not that he would know. His own father had left Cindy when Ross was less than a year old. Riley Randolph hadn’t exactly been the fatherly type. Big surprise there, that Cindy would pick that kind of husband.
“If you’re trying to get me to divulge anything from our therapy sessions,” Julie said with a frown, “I’m afraid I can’t help you.”
Sweetheart, you already have, he thought. While he wouldn’t exactly call her transparent, she was far too open a person to keep all her reactions concealed.
“I just wanted to pass on information,” he said, which wasn’t completely a lie. “Thought it might help you to have a little more background on that night when you’re talking to Josh. You could ask him in the next session why they fought.”
And why he hasn’t bothered to tell anyone, he added silently.
“Thank you, Ross. I appreciate the information, then.”
They lapsed into silence and Ross thought he probably ought to be moving his cart along, but he was suddenly loath to leave. He searched for some excuse to prolong their conversation, even as some part of his mind was fully aware of how pathetic it was that he was so conflicted over her.
He told himself every time he was with her that he needed to keep his distance. But then the next time he saw her, he was drawn to her all over again.
He knew he shouldn’t find it such a consolation that she didn’t seem in a hurry to leave his company, either.
“Josh told me it is his eighteenth birthday this weekend. What are his plans?” she asked.
He seized on the question. “Actually, I’m glad you brought that up. While I have you here, I could use some advice.”
“Sure.”
“We have to do something to celebrate his birthday. I mean, a kid only turns eighteen once. But I’m wondering if you’ve got any suggestions about what might be appropriate. Before everything happened, Frannie had talked about throwing a big party for him, but that doesn’t seem right now, given the circumstances.”
“That’s a really good question.” Her brow furrowed. “What would make Josh happiest? What might help him forget for a few hours all that’s happened in his world?”
“I think he got a kick out of going out to the lake last week. We could do that again.” He paused. “And he has that girlfriend, Lyndsey. Maybe I could have a barbecue that night and invite her and a few of his other friends.”
“That sounds like a wonderful idea, Ross. See, you’re better at this whole parenthood thing than you give yourself credit for.”
He wasn’t, though. He had sucked at it when he was a kid forced to take care of his younger siblings and he didn’t feel any more capable now.
“Will you help me?”
The question came out of nowhere, surprising him as much as it did her.
“Help you how?” she asked, that wariness in her eyes again.
So much for keeping his distance from her. Ross sighed. But now that he had asked her, it made sense. He really could use help. It would certainly be easier on his self-control if that help came from someone else, but it was too late to back down now.
“I’m not sure I can handle throwing a teenage party by myself, even a little one,” he admitted. “Sure, I can grill steaks and maybe some burgers but other than that, I wouldn’t know where to start.”
He thought he caught a flash of reluctance in her eyes and he felt foolish for asking. He had already dragged her into their lives too much.
“Never mind,” he said. “I’ll just get some pop and open a few bags of chips. We should be fine.”
She let out a long breath. “I can help you. I don’t have any plans Saturday. Why don’t you take care of the grill and I’ll handle all the other details? The side dishes, the chips, the cake and ice cream.”
“Are you sure?”
“No problem.” She smiled, with no trace of that hesitation he thought he had seen and he wondered if he had been mistaken. “It will be fun.”
* * *
Fun. Right.
She was an idiot.
Julie sat in her car in the parking lot of the grocery store for several moments after she had loaded her groceries into the trunk of her car.
She had absolutely no willpower when it came to Ross Fortune. Since that stunning kiss they had shared the week before, she had promised herself she would do her best to return things to a casual friendship.
For the sake of her psyche, she had no other choice. It was painfully obvious he wasn’t available for anything else. He had made it quite clear that he only wanted her help with Josh, not for anything else.
She was happy to help with Josh. But she wasn’t at all certain she could continue to do so when she was beginning to entertain all sorts of inappropriate thoughts about the teen’s uncle.
She couldn’t afford to let herself care for Ross, not when they obviously wanted far different things from life.
A woman came out of the store and pushed her cart to the minivan beside Julie’s car. She had a preschool-aged boy hanging off her cart and a curly-haired baby in the cart. The baby was perhaps nine months old, in a pink outfit with bright flowers.
The boy said something to his mother that Julie couldn’t hear but the mother laughed and kissed the child on the nose before she picked up the baby to settle her in her car seat.
As she watched them, Julie’s heart turned over.
That was what she wanted. She was ready for children of her own, for a family. Seven years had passed since Chris’s death and in all the ways that mattered, she had been alone for the last few years of their marriage before that.
She was tired of it. She was ready to move forward with her life. She had even talked to Linda Jamison, the Foundation director, about adopting an older child as a single mother. She had so much love inside her and she wanted somewhere to give it beyond her clients.
Allowing herself to become any more entangled with a man like Ross Fortune would jeopardize all that progress she had made these past seven years toward healing and peace. She sensed it with a certainty she couldn’t deny.
Oh, they might have a brief affair that would probably be intense and passionate and wonderful while it lasted.
But Julie knew she would end up more alone than ever. Alone and heartbroken.
The mother beside her finished loading her groceries and her children and backed out of the parking lot. Julie watched them go with renewed determination.
She would help Ross with Josh’s birthday party and that would be the end of it. If he asked for her help with his nephew again, she would politely tell him she was only available in a professional capacity for more counseling sessions.
It would hurt, she knew. She was already coming to care for him and Josh too much. But she didn’t see she had any other choice.
She’d already lost too much to risk her heart again.
CHAPTER NINE
Two days later, she was working on paperwork in her office when Susan Fortune Eldridge poked her head in th
e doorway.
“Hey,” her friend and coworker exclaimed. “I haven’t talked to you in ages. It seems like we’re always running in different directions. How are things?”
“Good,” Julie answered. “Busy, as usual. How about you?”
“Great. Wonderful, really. Listen, Ethan and I are throwing an impromptu dinner party this weekend. We thought maybe you could bring Sean or whatever is the name of that art teacher you’re seeing.”
Julie couldn’t help but laugh. “I would certainly do that, but I’m not sure his fiancée would appreciate it.”
Susan’s green eyes opened wide and she moved fully into Julie’s office and sat in the easy chair her clients usually took. “Fiancée? When did that happen?”
“A few weeks ago, from what I understand. I bumped into him the other day at the library and he told me about it. He started seeing her not long after we stopped dating, around New Year’s.”
Susan made a face. “Some friend I am. You broke up with someone five months ago and I’m only just hearing about it? Why didn’t I know?”
“We didn’t really break up. We just mutually decided that while we enjoyed each other’s company, we didn’t have that sizzle. We only dated a few times anyway. It was never anything serious.”
Unfortunately, their brief relationship had coincided with the holiday party season and Sean had escorted her to several parties around town that Susan and her veterinarian husband Ethan had also attended. Julie could completely understand why she might have been under the impression they were more serious than they were.
“Well, bring whoever you’re seeing now,” Susan said. “It’s obviously been too long since we socialized outside the office, since I apparently have no idea what’s going on in your life.”
Julie had a quick mental image of the heated kiss with Ross that she couldn’t get out of her head. She had a feeling Susan would probably misunderstand if she mentioned that particular encounter.
“When is your party?” she asked.
“Tomorrow night. Around seven.”
She winced. “I’m sorry, Susan, but I already have plans tomorrow.”
“Oh? Hot date? Tell me all!”
“Nothing to tell, I’m afraid. Um, I told your cousin Ross I would help him throw a small party for Josh’s eighteenth birthday.”
“I completely forgot Josh’s birthday was coming up.” She paused, an expression of concern on her petite features. “So tell me. How is Ross doing?”
“Fine, as far as I can tell. Why do you ask? Usually everyone seems to be most concerned with Frannie or Josh.”
“I’ve been worrying about him. I’ve tried to call a few times to check on him and Josh and always get voice mail. We’ve been playing phone tag. I was planning on making time this weekend to go to the house to see how things are with them. This can’t be an easy situation for Ross.”
She frowned. “What can’t?”
“The instant parenting thing landing in his lap so abruptly. I’ve always had the impression he wanted nothing to do with kids and parenting after his lousy childhood. He probably figured he did his share while practically raising his brothers and sister.”
Julie suddenly realized how little she knew about Ross’s past. She knew he had been a cop in San Antonio but his life before then was a mystery. “Where were his parents?”
“I don’t know about his dad. I think he took off when Ross was just a baby. I don’t know about him or the other fathers.”
“Other…fathers?”
“Frannie’s his half sister and he has two half brothers, Cooper and Flint. They all have different fathers, except the middle boys. None of the men stuck around for long, except Frannie’s dad, I guess, who might have if he hadn’t died first.”
“How sad!”
“Yes, well, my aunt Cindy certainly knows how to pick them.”
“That’s Ross’s mother?”
“She’s the woman who gave birth to him, anyway,” Susan answered. “Calling her a mother might be a bit of a stretch. She was sister to my father, Leonard, as well as Patrick and William.”
Julie frowned. “I’m not sure I’ve met her.”
“Believe me, you would remember if you had. Cindy is a real piece of work, let me tell you. She wears tons of makeup and still dresses like a hootchie-kootchie dancer, which I’ve heard rumors she was, in between stints as a showgirl in Vegas.”
“Wow.”
“Right. She’s seventy years old and still dresses in tight pants and halter tops.”
“Sounds like an interesting character,” she said faintly.
“Interesting is one word for it. From family gossip, I’ve heard she ran off to Vegas to be a dancer when she was barely eighteen. She had a long string of lousy relationships and three marriages. During that time, she gave birth to Ross and his siblings but I don’t think she had much to do with raising them. She was too busy shaking her booty in one club or another.”
Julie tried to imagine Ross growing up under those circumstances and couldn’t. No wonder he seemed so hard and cynical if that was the only example of a family he had.
“Ross was the oldest,” Susan went on. “Frannie told me once that he was always the one who fixed her hair, packed her lunch and sent her off to school. Cindy was always either entertaining company or too tired from working into the night. He kept that family together, dysfunctional as it was.”
Julie thought of her own family, warm and loving and completely supportive of whatever she had ever tried to do. During those dark and terrible times during Chris’s illness and then after his suicide, she had moved back home with her parents in Austin and they had enfolded her with loving arms of support and comfort.
Her four brothers might drive her crazy sometimes with their overprotectiveness but she adored them all.
What must Ross’s childhood have been like? She tried to picture a younger version of the hard, implacable man she knew trying to fix his little sister’s hair and the image just about broke her heart.
“I’ve always wanted to see him happy,” Susan went on. “Settled, you know, with a home and family. I don’t know if I’d say he’s really happy, but he seems content with his bachelor life. It’s terribly sad, really, when you think about it. I wonder what scars he still carries from such an unstable childhood.”
Julie knew it was ridiculous to feel this sudden urge to cry. She fought back the tears and hoped Susan didn’t notice her reaction.
“I’ve worried that his temporary guardianship of Josh—again, someone else’s child he’s suddenly responsible for—must in a sense feel like he’s reliving his own childhood,” Susan said. “I’ve been worried about his head and wanted to make sure he’s in an okay place about the whole thing.”
“I had no idea,” Julie said. “Ross never said anything.”
Susan gave her a curious look, which quickly turned speculative. “Why would he have told you? I wasn’t under the impression you knew Ross well, other than in your capacity as Josh’s grief counselor.”
Her eyes suddenly widened. “Which begs the question—why, again, are you helping with Josh’s party? That seems above and beyond the call of duty, no matter how wonderful a counselor you are.”
Julie ordered herself not to blush. “Ross asked for my help. I couldn’t say no.”
Her friend was quiet for a long moment, then she tilted her head, giving Julie a searching look. “Is there something between you and my cousin?”
Did a heated kiss and a fierce attraction she couldn’t seem to shove out of her head count as something? Her face felt hot and she couldn’t meet Susan’s gaze.
“We’ve become friends, I guess you could say.”
“Only friends?”
“I don’t think he’s available for anything else right now.”
She regretted the words as soon as she said them. As a psychologist, Susan was an expert at analyzing people’s words, sifting through layers of nuances and meaning to help her have better clarity in
to their psyches. Julie realized too late how her words must have sounded—and she heard the echo of the ruefulness in her voice.
“If he were?” Susan asked, studying her closely.
She let out a breath. “Since that’s a rhetorical question, I don’t really have to answer it, do I?”
Susan was silent for a long time. When she finally spoke, her eyes were soft with concern. “I love Ross, Julie. If I could pick anyone in the world for him, she would be someone exactly like you. Someone nurturing and caring and generous. Someone who could help him heal.”
Since Julie was also trained to listen carefully to her clients and parse through their words, she didn’t miss how Susan had phrased her comment. “Someone exactly like me, but not me?”
“I love Ross,” Susan repeated. “But I love you, too. You’ve been through so much pain. I ache just thinking about what you’ve had to survive. You deserve a man whose heart is healthy and strong, someone who is free to love you without reservation.”
“And you don’t think that’s Ross.”
Susan’s silence was a harsh answer. Julie reminded herself she had known. Hadn’t she promised herself she would give him one more night for Josh’s birthday party and then try to extricate herself from his life so she could move forward?
Still, she couldn’t deny the spasm of pain and regret twisting through her at having her own convictions reinforced.
“Then it’s a good thing Ross and I are only friends, isn’t it?” she said briskly. “I’m only helping him with a birthday party, Sus. That’s all.”
“Sure.” Susan forced a smile. “Well, I’m sorry you can’t come to our dinner party. We’ll do it another time, then. Give Josh a big birthday kiss for me, okay? And tell Ross I’ll keep trying to reach him.”
Unexpectedly, Susan hugged her on the way out the door. She hugged her back, then returned to work, trying her best to shake the discontent pulling at her mood like heavy, intractable weights.
Change of Fortune Page 11
