Ethan was ready to do that. He felt his connection with each brother and sister as they passed one another in the lines of the dance. And best of all, now that he was a full member of the Society, then perhaps the Ministry would allow him to go with Brother Issachar and the other brothers out into the world on the trading trips.
Ever since Ethan was a child, he had enjoyed meeting Brother Issachar when he came back into the village after a trading trip. Sometimes Brother Issachar and the other brothers rode a boat down the river all the way to New Orleans and then walked back after they sold the goods they had. Sometimes they simply took a wagon of goods or seeds into the nearby towns to sell. But whether the trip was long or short, when Brother Issachar came back into the village, he always carried with him some of the air of the world. Air that Ethan breathed in as he wondered about life beyond the village confines. Being curious about that world did not mean that one could not be a true Believer, Ethan told himself, even if part of the Covenant spoke of dividing one's self from the world.
As they stopped their dance to rest a moment, Ethan looked toward where Brother Issachar sat on a bench on the far side of the room. He was not a gifted dancer and sometimes sat out the sets in order not to disturb the order of the dances. Brother Issachar met his eyes. His look on Ethan was kind as always, but his smile seemed tinged with a knowing sadness as if his mind had reached across the room and read the thought in Ethan's head about the trading trips into the world. As if he could see beyond even those thoughts to some deeper fault in Ethan's soul that would cause the Covenant promises he'd made to become a burden.
Ethan shook that thought away. Surely he was reading Brother Issachar's face wrong. It was a time to celebrate when one signed the Covenant of Belief. Not a time to be looking back with doubt. A Believer shook away all doubts. A Believer labored the dances and sang the songs to be simple until his path was clear before him. Ethan had done that. He had no doubts. He was a Believer.
As the meeting broke up, he told himself not to let his mind run after wrong thoughts. Our thoughts are character molds. They shape language and action. Brother Martin had taught him that from Mother Ann's teachings years ago. Now he simply had to have right thoughts. A Believer's thoughts.
The morning after they buried their father, Elizabeth waited until Payton milked the cow and Hannah fed Aristotle the leftover milk gravy and biscuits from their breakfast. There was no meat and only a crust or two of bread left. She looked at the crock of sourdough starter that her mother had brought with her from Springfield, but Elizabeth had no time to bake more bread. They had some apples left from the tree in back of the cabin, and she had found a few coins in her father's secret hiding places. Perhaps enough to buy food on the way to the Shaker village.
She sent Hannah back out to the woods to gather more flowers for their father's grave before she made Payton sit down and listen to what had to be done.
"I'm not going" Payton stared across the table at her as if she had lost her mind. "We are not going to the Shakers"
Elizabeth smoothed down the seed package she'd left in the middle of the table and leveled her eyes on Payton. "We have no other choice. The Shakers will take us in. They'll give us shelter and food"
"I can catch fish. We won't starve'
"Winter is coming, Payton. The river doesn't yield up its fish all that easily in the cold months. You know that:"
"We have the cow."
"The cow also needs food in the winter. Fodder we do not have. Fodder Father would have found for her someway, but now we have to find it and I know not how."
"Colton would help us;' Payton said.
"That is my fear;" Elizabeth said softly.
Payton's face changed as if he was remembering the scene he'd witnessed the day before. "Is he so bad?" he asked at last with a trace of hope in his voice.
"If he were the only way to keep you and Hannah from starving this winter, I would give myself to him even though his very eyes on me make my skin crawl. I'd rather bed with a snake" Elizabeth couldn't stop the shudder that shook her, but then she sat up straighter in her chair and stared at Payton. "But he is not the only way. The Shakers are our way. It's not so far to their village. Maybe two or three days' walk'
"I won't go' Payton mashed his mouth together in a determined line.
"Please, Payton" Elizabeth reached across the table to touch his arm. "It's our only way of staying together. You and me and Hannah. We don't have to stay with the Shakers forever. Just for a few months until we figure out something better. It is what Father would have wanted"
"How do you know?" Payton asked.
"I prayed for an answer and the Lord gave me this seed packet" Elizabeth held it up. "Father told us about the Shakers. He said theirs is a beautiful village with plentiful food and large houses"
"He said they make everyone work:"
"You're not afraid of work. Nor am I"
"What about Hannah?" Payton asked. "Will they understand her spirit?"
Elizabeth sighed deeply. He spoke the worry that had troubled her all the morning. "I don't know, but perhaps it is time she began to rein in her spirit. She needs to go to school. Father said so himself last spring, and he said the Shakers had a school. A good school. And whatever it is will surely be better than her being carried off to an orphanage where we might never see her again. I couldn't bear that. I would go to Colton first"
Payton's face flooded with anger. "Colton is the cause of this. If not for him, we could stay here. We could make our way.
"It is his cabin. His land:" Elizabeth pushed the truth at Payton.
His anger settled deeper in his face and changed to lines of sadness as he accepted that truth. "I'll miss the river;" he said at last. "When will we leave?"
"As soon as we can be ready. Colton promised me two days, but I don't trust him to stand by his word"
"What can we take?"
"Only what we can carry." Elizabeth had already been grieving over each thing she touched that morning-her mother's rolling pin, the wooden biscuit board carved by Payton, the books on her father's shelves-knowing she would have to leave all of them behind.
"What about the cow?"
"We will loose her in the woods and leave her to pay Colton although I have no idea of the amount he claims is owed him. I searched, but I could find no record of debt in Father's papers:' A spark of hope sneaked back onto Payton's face, but Elizabeth blocked it before it could bloom into words. "Even if there is no proof of debt to him, we can't continue to live in his cabin. Not without paying more than I am prepared to pay."
Hannah opened the door and came inside with Aristotle. Her hair was a wild halo of white curls around her dirtsmudged face. The worry grew in Elizabeth that the Shakers would not understand Hannah's spirit. Who could understand the wildness in the child? Not even their father had understood it. He had simply accepted it, as had Elizabeth.
"What of Aristotle?" Payton looked at the dog. "Father said the Shakers didn't have pets. You remember, don't you? How he said it was odd to be in such a large village with no sound of a dog barking"
Aristotle ran over to Elizabeth and pressed his nose against her leg. Why did everything have to be so hard? Why couldn't Colton have been a man she could bear to touch her? She didn't have to love him. Just be able to bear his presence next to her. She stroked the dog's head and blinked back the tears that threatened to spill out and leak her strength with them. She could sacrifice herself to Colton for Payton and Hannah if there was no other way. She could not sacrifice herself for a dog.
"The Lord will help us find him a home on the way."
When Elizabeth told Hannah her plan, Hannah stomped her feet down hard as if attaching them to the floor and crossed her arms over her chest. "I will not leave my mother and father."
Elizabeth stooped down until she was looking Hannah straight in the eye. "Our mother and father are not here. They are in heaven"
"They are more here than anywhere else we can go:"
Hannah stared at her for a moment while the blue of her eyes seemed to darken with understanding. Then she put her hands over top of Elizabeth's hands. "Your love too?"
"My love too"
"Will I have to comb my hair?"
"Not today, but you must take your comb, for you will have to comb it before we get to the Shaker village. Perhaps we should cut some of it off to make the job easier"
"I care not. It is only hair."
"But what hair!" Elizabeth laughed and hugged her. "Father said the Shakers brought order to all things. We'll see what they can do with your hair"
"Father liked my hair" Hannah pulled back to stare into Elizabeth's face.
"And so did Mother." Elizabeth raked her fingers through Hannah's curls. "She brushed it for you every night before you went to bed and every morning when you got up. She said it was like cotton flax"
"I remember."
"Do you? You were so young:'
"I remember," Hannah said again. "Sometimes she comes still to brush my hair in my dreams"
The sun was high in the sky before they had their packs assembled. The first time they tried to choose what to take with them, they gathered far more than they could carry. In the end Elizabeth left everything behind except her father's Bible and her mother's Sunday handkerchiefs. With her nose buried in the lacy fabric of the handkerchiefs, she imagined she could even yet breathe in a hint of her mother's perfume. The rest of her pack she filled with what food they had, a skillet, her mother's scissors, and the tinderbox.
She told Hannah to choose one stone from her collection from the river and the woods before she helped the child carry the rest to arrange on their parents' graves. She didn't check what else Hannah packed other than to be sure she brought their mother's brush and comb, or what Payton had inside the quilt he'd wrapped around his pack although she could see the edges of books. It didn't matter. If the books got too heavy, he could leave them beside the road.
They hadn't gone more than a mile through the woods when Payton stopped and said he had to go back.
"We can't go back;" Elizabeth told him. She had been almost holding her breath fearing Hannah might run off into the trees, but she thought Payton had accepted their new path.
"I forgot something. You and Hannah go ahead and I'll catch up with you. It won't take me long' He would not meet her eyes as they stood on the trace through the trees. He was taller than Elizabeth but so slim that their father used to joke he could tell the direction of the wind by which way Payton was leaning.
Elizabeth gave him a long look. "I don't want to go on without you'
"I promise to come back, Elizabeth, but this is something I must do:' His brown eyes darted up to hers and then away just as quickly.
She didn't like the look on his face. It was furtive somehow, as if he carried a secret he didn't want Elizabeth to guess. But what else could she do but trust him to keep his word? She couldn't hold him on the path beside her.
"Very well;' she said. "But make haste. I wish to be far from here before night falls:"
"I'll hurry." Payton turned and loped off through the trees with Aristotle on his heels.
Elizabeth watched until he disappeared and then kept staring after him for minutes longer.
Hannah pulled on her hand and asked, "Will we be to the town where the Shakers live by night?"
"No:" Elizabeth picked up her pack. "It's a long walk. We'll have to sleep among the trees if we don't find a barn nearby before dark:" Elizabeth turned toward the northeast. She needed to keep the directions clear in her head. Once they were farther away from the cabin, she would find a road for them to walk, and then the way would be easier. But now she wanted the trees to hide her from Colton should he come back sooner than he said.
"I hope there is no barn. I want to sleep among the trees;" Hannah said, as if Elizabeth had just promised her a special treat.
"That might turn out not to be as much fun as you think. The ground is hard and the air will be chilly once the sun goes down, but at least the sky shows no sign of rain:" Elizabeth had prayed about that as she held the seed package in her hand the night before. Rain might be more than they could bear.
The trace of the path they were following got fainter and fainter until there was no sure sign of the way to continue. Elizabeth stopped.
"We'd better wait here for Payton. He might have a hard time finding us without a path to follow if we venture farther." She looked up through the tree branches to catch a glimpse of where the sun was in the sky. It had surely been more than an hour since Payton had run back toward the cabin. "I thought he would have caught back up with us by now. We've been slow on the path"
"Maybe he isn't coming" Hannah moved closer to Elizabeth as she peered through the trees back the way they'd come.
"He promised:" Elizabeth forced confidence in her voice as she added, "He will come. We can rest here and wait for him"
Elizabeth sat down on the ground and leaned back against a maple tree. Hannah dropped down beside her and put her head in Elizabeth's lap. Elizabeth picked out a twig caught in Hannah's curls and smoothed down her hair. The minutes crept by so slowly that Elizabeth counted to sixty five times just so she'd know how much time had actually passed.
"Will the Shakers like me?" Hannah asked without raising her head off Elizabeth's lap.
"They will feed us"
"But will they like us?" Hannah didn't wait for Elizabeth to answer, as if she knew there was no sure answer before she went on with more questions. "Will we have to spin and dance the way Father said they did? Will we have to wear caps on our heads?"
"Perhaps the caps. I know not about the dancing. But Father said there was singing too. You like to sing."
Hannah lifted her head up to look at Elizabeth. "Do you think a cap will stay on my head?"
"Perhaps:" Elizabeth smiled and pushed down on Hannah's hair and then let her hand spring away. "Perhaps not:"
Hannah laughed and the sound buoyed Elizabeth's spirits. Hannah didn't laugh often. The child's smile lingered as she put her head back in Elizabeth's lap.
Elizabeth was counting to her second set of five sixties when the girl spoke again. "How long has Payton been gone from us?" Every trace of her smile was gone.
"Too long:" Elizabeth did not hide her worry from Hannah. The girl would know anyway. She had a way of looking at Elizabeth or Payton and somehow divining their thoughts without them speaking a word.
"Do you think Mr. Linley has caught him?"
Elizabeth took hold of Hannah's shoulders and pulled her up until she was looking into her light blue eyes. "Caught him doing what?"
"I do not know. Whatever he went back to do:' When Elizabeth looked at her without saying anything, Hannah went on. "You fear him. Mr. Linley. Is that not why we go to the Shakers? But he only makes Payton angry. You are more like our father"
"What do you mean?"
"Our father feared him too"
"What reason would Father have to fear Mr. Linley?" Elizabeth frowned at Hannah.
"For you, he feared. I know. I saw his face:" Her eyes seemed to be looking inward at a memory of their father's face.
Elizabeth pulled in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Perhaps we should go back to find Payton:"
Hannah stood up. "First let me climb a tree to see if I can see him coming. Mr. Linley may not have caught him yet:"
Hannah climbed up through the branches of the tallest oak near them. Elizabeth looked up at her far above her head and held her breath as the limbs swayed under Hannah's feet. "Be careful," she whispered under her breath, more a prayer than an admonition.
I see smoke;' Hannah called from her perch high above the ground. "Back to the west"
Back toward the cab
in. Elizabeth's heart jumped up in her throat, but she made her voice stay calm as she called to Hannah. "Do you see Payton?"
"Someone comes, but I cannot see who. The leaves hide him" Hannah started down, moving as lightly as a squirrel between the branches.
"Were they on a horse, do you think?"
"No, on foot:" Hannah reached the bottom branch and swung out of the tree to let Elizabeth catch her.
Elizabeth set her down on the ground. "Then it has to be Payton. Colton would be on his horse"
No sooner were the words out of her mouth than she heard the crashing through the trees. Payton was running up the path toward them. His eyes were wide open as if he had just witnessed something fearful. His shirt was torn, and he smelled of smoke. He stopped in front of them and leaned against a tree to catch his breath. Aristotle came out of the bushes behind him and ran to Elizabeth. The dog's eyes were glassy with fear the way they were when the sky was heavy with dark clouds and thunder.
"What have you done, Payton?" Elizabeth asked. She dreaded hearing his answer.
Payton stood up straight and looked at her. His gasps for breath were not so desperate now, although his chest still heaved in and out. "Father wouldn't want Colton Linley to have our things"
"But he'll see the smoke, Payton. He will come after us:"
Payton stared at her without remorse. "Then we best stop talking and move on toward the Shakers' town'
Elizabeth shut her eyes and tried not to feel panic. She wouldn't allow herself to think of what Colton might do if he knew Payton had set fire to the cabin. Perhaps it would appear to be an accident. A candle they'd forgotten to extinguish in their haste to leave. A spark that had escaped the fireplace and been unnoticed.
The Believer (The Shakers 2) Page 5
