"Rules. I hate rules:" Hannah gave up the pretense of being an acorn.
"How about promises? Do you hate promises, and that is why you didn't keep the one you made to me that you would abide by the Shakers' rules until spring?"
Hannah didn't make an answer, but she began to climb down slowly. When she reached the lowest branch, she swung out in front of Elizabeth. Her cap was gone and her hair was in wild disarray around her small face, but her shoes were tied to her waist by their strings. She stared at Elizabeth with a mixture of rebellion and regret in her pale blue eyes. "I did make that promise:'
"So you did:"
"But I didn't know it would be so hard to keep. You didn't tell me they were going to keep me caged like the canaries our father spoke of that are taken into the dark mines to see if there's air for the miners to breathe:" Hannah's lips quivered before she went on. "There was no air to breathe, so the canary pushed open the cage door and flew free"
"There is surely air." Elizabeth worked to keep a stern look on her face.
"Not free air. Only Shaker air"
She yearned to reach out and pull Hannah close. She wanted to say they wouldn't go back, but better to have less free air and more food. "It is air we can breathe for a few months."
"Do we have to?"
"I fear that we do:" Elizabeth could not keep the regret out of her voice.
"Can't you find another man besides Mr. Linley to marry?" Hannah looked up at her with hope in her eyes.
"Suitors don't grow on trees like acorns" Elizabeth held out her arms and Hannah walked into her embrace. "If they did, I'd have many to choose from on this day."
Hannah leaned against her. She didn't cry. "Do we have to go back right away?"
"They may be searching for us:"
"But there's water to the east. I saw it from my perch high in the oak. Can't we go put our feet in it?" Hannah leaned back and stared up at Elizabeth with pleading eyes. "Please. There could be a spring to get a drink of water. I'm very thirsty."
She shouldn't have given in to her. She knew that, but she felt the same pull to the sound of the water as Hannah. And she'd heard the Shakers speak of a road to the river. If she could find that road, it might be a faster way back to the village. She pushed aside the memory of her father saying a person could rationalize any course of action, right or wrong, if he or she wanted to. Hannah was thirsty. Therefore they should go find water.
"We will go;' she said and was rewarded with a squeeze from Hannah's arms around her waist before the child turned loose to spin away from her.
"Look, I'm doing a Shaker dance:" She whirled around again.
It was all Elizabeth could do to keep from smiling. She managed to keep her voice stern as she said, "Their dances are holy to them. You mustn't ridicule them:"
Hannah stopped and looked surprised at Elizabeth's words. "Sister Nola said I could do it. I like whirling. She says it's how we can let everything but the spirit of love fly off us. Have you tried it?"
"Not yet"
"Then you should:" Hannah looked at her seriously for a moment before she whirled around again, then stopped and waited for Elizabeth to join in.
"I'll bump into a tree;' Elizabeth said.
"There is room" Hannah grabbed Elizabeth's hand and gave it a quick jerk the way one might pull the string on a top.
Elizabeth gave in and turned in a circle once, twice. The spinning did seem to let a childish joy rise up in her. Perhaps that was what the Shakers were trying to find when they came under operations and were visited with what they called the whirling gift. Spin free from all their worries. But didn't Sister Melva say a true Believer had no worries? True Believers simply trusted Mother Ann to send down balls of love to them from heaven and keep away worldly problems.
Her shoulder brushed against a tree and she put out a hand to steady herself on its trunk. She was far from free of worldly problems and spinning was not likely to make her so for more than the space of time she was too dizzy to think.
She touched Hannah's arm to stop her spinning. "If we want to find the water, we must get started. Once we get a drink we have to go back to Harmony Hill where I will expect you to keep your promise better."
"It will be a promise easier to keep when the sun isn't shining so brightly;" Hannah said. "And when Sister Ruth doesn't tell the rules into my ears so loudly the way she did yesterday." Hannah put her hands over her ears.
"School will start after the harvest. That will be good. You have much you can learn:"
"So Sister Ruth tells me:" Hannah grimaced. "Over and over.
Elizabeth let her smile come out. "She tells me much the same.
Hannah took Elizabeth's hand and held it to her cheek a moment. "I'm glad my true sister found me:" Then she turned and started off down the path, tugging Elizabeth after her. "This way."
It wasn't the river they found, but rather a steep cliff with a stream of water flowing out of the rocks and into a pool at the bottom and then into a creek that wound away through the trees. A beautiful place. The kind of place one might imagine God putting in the Garden of Eden for Adam and Eve, except he would have surely carved steps for them into the stone to make the water easier to reach.
"It's not so steep. We can climb down. There are places we can hold to the rocks:" Hannah pointed to the rocky cliff.
"No. We might fall"
"I won't fall:' And before Elizabeth could stop her, Hannah stepped from the rock where they were standing to a ledge a few feet lower down and then scrambled down the face of the cliff, loosing dirt and rocks to fall in front of her.
"Hannah, come back"
Hannah stopped and looked up at Elizabeth. "It's easier to go down than up. Once at the bottom we can follow the creek and find a way back:" She found a new toehold and dropped down lower. In minutes she was at the bottom lifting water in her hands out of the pool to drink and splash on her face. "Come on, Elizabeth," she called up from the pool. "The water's good"
"I'm not the monkey you are;' Elizabeth called back. She stood on the rock and considered her first step. It didn't look like one she wished to take. One slip and she might be delivered from all her earthly worries. She preferred to cling to them a bit longer. She'd have to find another way down to the pool.
When Ethan saw the blue of the sister's dress on the cliff, he feared he might be seeing an apparition. He had come with Brother Issachar to the woods after the morning meal to prepare logs from a fallen wild cherry tree. Brother Issachar had run his hands down the rough bark as if feeling the shape of the furniture it would become. He chopped off a limb and breathed in the odor of the fresh cut before he declared the wood worthy of a chest and perhaps a writing desk. Those of the Ministry had declared a need for such, and Brother Issachar was eager to get the log back to the village where the fallen tree could be transformed into useful furniture.
The November day had been unseasonably warm and the work of sawing the log hot. They hadn't conserved their drinking water since they were working so near to the spring pool where they could refill their water bottles. In fact the thought of the cool spring water had pulled at Ethan all morning as he worked. Brother Issachar had first shown him the pool when he was a young boy.
°A man needs to know where to find clear drinking water;' he told Ethan. But he hadn't seemed to mind when Ethan pretended to stumble along the side of the pool and fell in. Even now Ethan could remember the way the water had come up around him, welcoming him into its cool embrace.
Later when he had to confess to Brother Martin how his shoes came to be so wet, Brother Martin had warned him of the danger of the place. "If one fell from the cliffs there, he would find no pleasure on the rocks below"
And then there had been the sister who had thrown herself off the cliff. Ethan did not remember her name, for he had only been among the Shakers a short time when it happened. Nor did he know the reason why, but he did remember the whispers and the feeling that something so dreadful had occurred that even spe
aking of it was a sin.
Brother Issachar had been in the group of brethren who went to bury the woman. They didn't bring her body back to the village graveyard, but buried her somewhere in the woods. Brother Issachar looked grim when he came back to the village, and they had not gone to the spring pool for many months. Yet for years after that, Ethan would wonder each time he stood on the cliff above the pool how the poor sister had felt standing there on the edge before she surrendered to the pull of the rocks below.
So when he came out of the trees and saw the sister peering over the precipice, his first thought was of the doomed woman and that his imagination had conjured up her ghost. He stopped and blinked his eyes, but the sister was no apparition. She was really there on the edge of the cliff. She wore no cap, and when the wind ruffled her hair and lifted it away from her neck, he knew her. Elizabeth, the young woman from the road.
For a few dreadful seconds, Ethan hesitated. He didn't want to be near her, for she set off feelings inside him that he struggled to ignore. Just the sight of her made his heart bounce around oddly inside his chest and pushed thoughts into his head only a man of the world would have. Certainly not thoughts a covenanted Believer should entertain in his mind.
During meeting when his eyes caught on her and those unsettling feelings raced through him, he could shake them off by concentrating on the steps of the dances and the words of the songs. But here there were no songs, no other Shaker brethren and sisters to remind him of what was proper and what was not. Here there were only the two of them alone, and that in and of itself was sin. Yet the fear of her falling from the cliff to break her body on the rocks below before he could reach her froze his heart inside him. He couldn't bear that.
She kept her eyes on the pool of water and gave no sign of knowing he was there. The water splashing down over the rocks must have kept her from hearing him run toward her. He couldn't see her face, only the bend of her neck as she kept staring downward toward the rocks just as he had always imagined the long dead sister doing, allowing the wrong spirits to pull her off the cliff.
"Don't jump!" he shouted when he was only a step or two away. She whirled toward him with startled eyes. The sudden movement made her lose her balance, and she teetered on the edge of the cliff with such fear in her eyes that it was plain she'd never had any intention to jump. Her arms flailed the air as she tried to catch herself, but she'd have surely fallen if he hadn't been close enough to grab her and jerk her away from the edge. He fell backward, pulling her down on top of him.
His breath was coming in sharp gasps that had nothing whatever to do with the short sprint across the open space to reach her and everything to do with the feel of her body on top of his. Worldly feelings flooded through him until absolutely nothing else mattered but the sight of her face staring down at him. The panic in her eyes faded away to be replaced by a soft look of wonder.
His hands seemed to move of their own accord. One slid down her back to press into the small curve above her hips and the other reached to touch her hair and then to trace her lips. His fingers trembled as if from the cold, but he had never felt so warm. He slipped his hand to the back of her neck and gently pulled her face toward his. Her breath mingled with his, and his lips parted in anticipation of the touch of her lips.
"Elizabeth! Elizabeth!"
The sound of her name rising up from the pool below broke the spell, and Elizabeth jerked away from Ethan. He scrambled away from her at the same instant as the realization of what he'd been about to do swept through him. How could he have even thought of kissing her? And yet even as he burned with shame, he wished the child, for it was surely the white-haired sister, had waited one more minute to call out.
"You should answer her," he said finally. His voice sounded odd to his own ears.
"Yes," she answered softly, but she didn't move as she stared at him as though his eyes held her captive.
The child called her name again, and at last Elizabeth crawled over toward the edge of the cliff to call down to her. She did not stand up. "It's all right, Hannah. I am here" Her hands clung to the ground as if she still feared falling into the open air.
"I heard you scream;' the child said.
"Someone startled me. That is all" Elizabeth's eyes came back to Ethan.
"You are going to come down here with me, aren't you, Elizabeth?" The voice climbing up the cliff sounded small and frightened.
She called an answer down to the child without looking back over the cliff. "Wait there for me. I'll be down as soon as I find a safe way." Her eyes stayed on Ethan. After a minute, she spoke to him. "I wasn't going to jump"
"Yea, I see that now, but when I came out of the trees and saw you standing there, I feared that was your intent" He thought he should stand up, move away from her, but at the same time he owed her an explanation. "I didn't mean to startle you. Are you all right now?"
"Yes, thanks to you. If you hadn't caught me, I would have fallen:" She scooted closer to him away from the cliff edge as if she needed more space between her and the air.
"If I hadn't frightened you, you wouldn't have lost your balance and been in danger to begin with" He couldn't pull his eyes away from her face. He could not imagine how he was going to speak of this to Brother Martin when he had to make his confession. He barely knew how to think of it. His eyes went to her lips as he remembered their softness under his fingertips. He forgot about Brother Martin.
"True, but as my father at times said, it is the end result that carries the most weight in our lives. I didn't fall:" She pulled her eyes away from him to look around. "Did Sister Nola send you to search for Hannah?"
"Nay. Why would you think so?"
"Because you are here" Her eyes came back to him.
"I came to fill my water bottle. I'm helping Brother Issachar harvest a log from the woods. How come you to be here?" He couldn't remember when he had ever exchanged so many words with anyone except Brother Issachar. The elders frowned on such free communication even between the brethren and certainly not with the opposite sex.
The only free exchange of words allowed between the sisters and brethren were at the Tuesday and Thursday evening union meetings where seven or eight of the sisters would sit in chairs across from a like number of brethren in one of the brethren's rooms to talk of whatever came to mind. Usually the work of the day. Often as not, part of the hour was spent in singing songs, for there never seemed enough talk to fill the whole union hour. Yet here he was talking to this novitiate as if he had forgotten all the proper rules of behavior.
"Hannah ran away, and I hoped to find her and take her back before the brethren had to disrupt their workday to search for her," Elizabeth was saying. "My sister often disappeared into the woods back where we lived, and at times I had to seek her. Of course I had our dog to help me there"
"It appears you found her at any rate:"
"She left trail markers," Elizabeth said with a smile. `And then she was thirsty and we heard the water, so we came here. She scrambled down the cliff, but I feared falling if I tried her route:"
I can show you a better way to the pool' Ethan at last made himself stand up. His legs felt shaky as though he might be standing on the precipice now as he looked down at her.
She rose up off the ground a few inches and then sat back down as if her legs wouldn't lift her. She looked over her shoulder toward the cliff. "I'm not sure I can stand up:"
"Are you hurt?" Ethan asked with concern.
"No:" She looked a little embarrassed as she dug her hands down into the grass and dirt. "But I feel the air reaching for me. Give me a moment to find my courage:" She pulled in a deep breath.
Without thought, he reached down for her hand the same as he had reached to help her out of the wagon when they brought her into the village. He glanced over his shoulder. He wouldn't have been surprised to see Brother Martin stride out of the trees to point out his wrong again, but no one was there. Not even Brother Issachar, who had to be wondering what was keepin
g him. "Here, let me help you up. I won't let you fall"
She seemed reluctant to put her hand in his, but after a moment she did. The jolt of her touch shook him as he helped her to her feet. It must be Satan who kept throwing her into his path. To challenge his commitment to the Shaker way. He would have pulled away from her then, but she clung to his hand as she stepped away from the edge. "How do we get down?" she asked.
"There is a path around the side. It is steep, but you won't fall;' he assured her as he eased his hand free of hers. He couldn't allow her touch to make him forget who he was.
He moved in front of her to lead the way. It was easier to keep the worldly thoughts away from him if he didn't look at her, didn't see her soft lips and sun-flecked eyes. Such would not tempt a true Believer.
As she followed him down to the pool, she said, "I'm causing you trouble"
"Nay, I had need to get water from the pool:" He kept walking without looking back at her. The sooner they got to the bottom and he got his water and she got her little sister, the sooner he could return to Brother Issachar and continue his duties without the temptation of her presence.
"That's not the trouble I'm talking about. I speak of trouble with your other brethren and the elders. I've been told it is wrong for a sister and brother to be alone together, and while I don't feel the wrong in it, I sense that you feel it strongly." Her voice was soft, apologetic. "For that I am sorry. For causing you trouble in your spirit and with your brethren"
"These are not normal circumstances. A Shaker is always expected to help his fellow man in need. One's spirit isn't harmed by that:"
'And his fellow woman?"
"Yea. A Believer must do kindness to all. Especially his sisters:" In his ears, his voice sounded stilted and cold. He kept his eyes on the path in front of him.
"I thank you for your kindness then, my brother."
Her voice changed, lost its apologetic tone. He knew if he looked behind him, he would see her smiling. He didn't let himself look. At the same time he felt no pleasure in her calling him "brother" He forced out the words. "Give it no thought, Sister Elizabeth. I have done nothing that any of the other brethren wouldn't do:"
The Believer (The Shakers 2) Page 11
