Elizabeth stiffened her back and clutched Hannah's shoulder as one of the brethren came over to lead them to the farm deacon's building where the tramp room was located. Hannah jerked free of Elizabeth's hold and ran to wrap her arms around Payton's waist. He hesitated, but then put his arms around her. Elizabeth thought there were tears in his eyes when Hannah pulled away from him to run back to her.
They walked through a gauntlet of woes and hands pushing against them. The stomping increased in frenzy until the ground shook. Sister Ruth looked at her with triumph as she stomped her feet. Sister Lettie reached to touch her hand. Sister Melva stood quietly with her head bowed, perhaps in prayer. Tears ran unchecked down Sister Nola's cheeks.
And there at the end before they passed from among the Shakers was Ethan. He stood silent and unmoving as he watched them. She let her eyes dwell on his face one last time to set his image in her heart and mind. Then she lifted her chin and turned her eyes forward once more.
Ethan hardly heard the commotion going on around him as Elizabeth and the little white-haired sister followed Brother Millward toward the Farm Deacon's Shop. He had willed her to look at him and she had. One long look of goodbye.
That was as it had to be. He was a Believer. It would be good that she was gone from them. She would find her way in the world and he would continue with the Believers. As it had to be. Perhaps in time he would even forget the way her lips had felt under his.
Brother Martin stepped up beside him. "Are you in pain from your hand, Brother Ethan?"
Ethan lifted up his hand to look at the splint. "Nay, it is not anything I cannot bear"
"Then perhaps the pain on your face is for some other reason:" Brother Martin's eyes poked into him. "It might be well if you were stomping down the temptation that threatens to destroy your peace and shaking free of the carnal desires that have no place in a Believer's heart"
"Yea, Brother Martin" Ethan stomped his feet and shook his arms and hands. The mashed fingers throbbed when he shook them, but instead of surrendering to the pain, he only shook them harder. Brother Martin looked pleased. He saw only the outward display of obedience. He didn't see how inwardly the movements meant nothing to Ethan. Inwardly his heart was chasing after Elizabeth, hoping to slip into the Farm Deacon's Shop and stay with her. Hoping that she would carry memory of his love away with her.
"Do you have the need to make confession of some sin?" Brother Martin asked.
"Yea, I often err and need to clear my soul of sin:" Ethan said the words out of habit. He had no intention of confessing anything about Elizabeth. Not yet.
"Unconfessed sin is a burden that will weigh down your heart and keep you from proper worship where you must shake off all pride, lust, self-will. Everything that hinders the free circulation of the pure spirit of Mother Ann. Only then, when you have done thus, will you know true freedom from all worldly things as you put your hands to work here at Harmony Hill:"
"Yea, I will do as you say, Brother Martin"
"That is good to hear, my brother" He finally looked as if he believed Ethan. "You must rid your mind of all thoughts of our former sister. She has made her decision for evil and you have made yours for good. That is well:"
He wanted to defend her, but instead he said, "Yea, it is as it has to be:"
"Good" Brother Martin put his hand on Ethan's shoulder for a moment before he turned back toward the Centre House. "Let us go rest until the morning. I have no doubt there will be no more midnight fires:"
"The little sister said men of the world set the fire"
"And you believed her?"
"She seems to be committed to the truth," Ethan said.
"What about the fire she started at the West Family bathhouse?"
"She did not lie about it. I think she spoke the truth. That men of the world tried to burn the Gathering Family house:" Ethan didn't know why he defended the child when he had not defended Elizabeth, but he didn't back down from his words as he braced himself for Brother Martin's displeasure.
But Brother Martin didn't disagree with him. "You could be right. We will need to keep watch. But even so, those men seem to have followed our former sister into our midst. You know yourself of the man who tried to carry the fallen one away. So Sister Ruth was right about them being the cause of the trouble, even if she did step too far from reason saying they had demons. Of course it is not so far wrong to call unsurrendered worldly desires demons. Such desires can torment a soul and lead only to destruction"
Destruction. Was that where he was headed? If only he could have done as Brother Issachar said. If only he could have found the courage to follow his heart. Then he could be there with Elizabeth waiting for the morning. But what did he know of the world except that every time he ventured into it tragedy awaited?
Elizabeth stared out the small window of the tramp room and dreaded the first fingers of dawn lighting up the sky while Hannah slept peacefully against her side on the narrow bed. It had not bothered Hannah to have the Shakers lock them in, but the turning of the key had seemed to echo in Elizabeth's spirit.
She was a prisoner. And while the Shakers were stern but kindly captors, she knew that when the door opened and she was let out to begin her new path, her next captor had no kindness. Colton had slept in this room, had been a prisoner for a night there himself once. Sister Melva had told her so, and it was as if his presence lingered there yet to leer at her from the dark corners of the room. She would never know freedom again.
As the sun began to push light up over the eastern horizon, the rising bell rang. All across the village, the Shaker sisters and brethren were rising for another day of work and worship. Yesterday she had been one of them, hurrying to dress and make her way to Sister Lettie's Medicine Shop. Today she could only sit and wait for the door to be opened.
Sister Melva brought them breakfast shortly after the bell rang for the morning meal. Along with the meal she brought two clean dresses and underclothing for them to wear away for the village. She fussed over the dresses as she laid them out on the bed. "It doesn't have the collar or the cap. Eldress Rosellen said you wouldn't need those in the world, but the material is good. It will last you many months:"
"Thank you:" Elizabeth touched the skirt of one of the dresses and felt a prickling of tears in her eyes. "That is very generous of you:"
"Nay, it's a necessary gift. We couldn't send you away naked" Sister Melva looked down a moment before she went on. "We would that you would stay. Become one of us"
Hannah moved over in front of Elizabeth and gave Sister Melva a hard look as if fearful Elizabeth would be swayed by the sister's talk.
Sister Melva sighed. "But I see that is not to be"
"Nay;" Elizabeth said, falling without thinking into the Shaker talk. "But I won't forget your kindness to me. To us:"
After they ate the food and donned the clean clothes, Sister Melva escorted them out of the Farm Deacon's Shop. There was only one door instead of the two in most of the buildings. "Normally this building is used solely by the brethren, so there was no need for two doors, but the Ministry made an exception for this day since they could hardly have one of the brethren bringing you underclothing" A flush crept up into Sister Melva's cheeks. "That would have been unseemly."
She didn't walk down the road with them, but stood on the steps to watch them go. They hadn't gone far when Sister Nola came rushing after them. She hugged Hannah and kissed the top of her curls set free now without a cap. "I will miss you, Sister Hannah, and be sure that I have forgiven you for all the times you ran away and didn't do as you were told:"
"Thank you, Sister Nola. I wish I could have been a Shaker for you;' Hannah said.
"So do I, but perhaps you'll come back someday and see that the Shaker life is the good life. Without the sorrows that may await you in the world:"
Hannah looked up at her solemnly. "There are sorrows everywhere. Brother Issachar died:"
"Yea, but it was one of the world who attacked him and caused h
is death"
I was sorrowful here;' Hannah said.
"Yea, so you were. You never bent your spirit to the Shaker way. And perhaps as you say, you could not" Sister Nola sighed and shook her head before she pulled two folded pieces of silk out of her apron pocket. "Here, take these. They are a gift from the silkworms and the sisters here:"
Hannah eyed the squares of silk in Sister Nola's hand. "Did you boil the silkworms to get the threads?"
"Nay, not the worms. The cocoons. Their silk threads will exist much longer in these handkerchiefs than they would have without our industry. A sacrifice for something good and useful"
Elizabeth silently willed Hannah to take the proffered gift, but she spoke no word aloud.
"Like the fishing worms and crickets Father used to catch fish for our supper," Hannah said softly as she took the handkerchiefs. "Thank you, Sister Nola. I will think of you and remember the silkworms when I feel these against my skin"
Again they moved on, leaving Sister Nola behind. They had already passed the West Family house when Payton stepped out from behind a tree into their path. Hannah ran to him. "Oh, Payton, you decided to go with us"
"Nay, I must stay here. It is my path," Payton said. "But I wanted to say goodbye and give you this" He pulled a small carved heart out of his pocket and laid it in Hannah's palm. "Smell it"
Hannah put it to her nose. "It smells of the woods"
"It's red cedar. Here, I have one for you too, Elizabeth" He reached into his pocket again.
She took it with a smile. He was more her brother than he'd been since they came into the Shaker village. "But don't the Shakers frown on using time to make something such as this with no useful purpose?"
"Yea, but Brother Micah said I could. That he understood how I still felt pulls toward you both as my sisters of the world and that this might be a way to heal all our hearts. Brother Micah let me work by lamplight before the sun came up so that I could carve them out of a piece of scrap wood for you"
Elizabeth closed her hand around the small heart. It felt warm in her fist. "I have nothing to give you in return" Then she reached out and touched his chest over his heart. "Nothing but my love and my desire for your happiness here"
Hannah sniffled a little and leaned against Elizabeth as she stared up at Payton.
"I'm content here, Elizabeth. The wood comes alive under my carving tools. There is the spirit in the meetings. There is Brother Micah. There's much food and no need for worry about a place to stay warm. I'm sheltered here in body and soul"
"You may make many useful things here, Payton. But you will never make anything more cherished than this:" Elizabeth put her hand clasping the heart against her chest. "I'll write to you. The Ministry allows that:"
He hesitated as if he didn't want them to walk away. "Where will you go?"
"Colton will take us in. He has told me as much:"
"Nay!" A look of alarm spread over Payton's face. "You cannot do that:"
"I will do what has to be done:" Elizabeth set her mouth in a determined line.
"But are you sure it must be done? I've been praying:" He looked a little shy to admit his prayers, but he went on. "I prayed while I did the carvings this dawn. I prayed to the Eternal Father and Mother Ann for you. And for Hannah:'
"I've been praying too, but I see no other answer"
"That's because your fear of Colton blinds your eyes:"
"Are you saying your eyes are open? That you have answers? A place for Hannah and me"
"Nay, not since you won't stay here," Payton admitted. "Not clear answers, but I kept seeing Aristotle as I prayed. Perhaps he was my answer. The man who took him in surely must have a generous heart:"
"Taking in a dog and taking in two females are quite different things;" Elizabeth said even as hope wanted to flutter its wings and awaken inside her. Could there be a way besides Colton?
"True enough, but after we came here, I once spoke with Brother Ethan about what became of Aristotle after he and Brother Issachar took him into the town. He said they gave Aristotle to a man who runs a store and also rents a sleeping room to travelers:"
"That's all well and good, but we have no money to pay for a sleeping room;' Elizabeth said.
Hannah leaned against her, drawing circles in the dirt pathway with the toe of her sturdy Shaker shoe.
"I know that. But he might need a maid or help in his store. You can't just throw yourself away on Colton without at least trying to find another way."
He looked so worried that Elizabeth pushed a smile out on her face and pulled him toward her for one last hug with Hannah in between them. "You are a good brother. I'll miss you:" She blinked back tears as she stepped away from him.
He looked near tears himself. "I'm sorry I can't go with you.
"So am I, Payton" She touched his cheek. "But I brought you here. Now it seems I must leave you here:"
"You don't have to go. You could stay." His voice was small, his child's voice again.
"No, just as you can't go with us, neither can we stay with you. Goodbye, Payton"
Hannah echoed her goodbye and the two of them started on down the road out of the Shaker village.
"Remember Aristotle," Payton called after them. "Brother Ethan said the man was kind for one of the world. Even to a Believer."
She stopped and looked back at him. "Tell Ethan-Brother Ethan,' she corrected and then hesitated as she searched among the words in her head for the proper ones. "Tell him that I hope his pathway here is always free of any stones to trip him up and that I'm sorry if I was such a stumbling block for this brief time:"
Payton looked at her a moment before he nodded. "I'll tell him so when I can:' He hesitated. "I won't forget my sisters'
"Nor will we forget our brother. We have your heart" Elizabeth held up her hand with the heart clasped tightly in it. Hannah did the same as tears rolled down her cheeks. Then with nothing more to say, no more reason to delay their leaving, they left Payton behind.
It seemed only right that the last place they passed before leaving the village was the graveyard where Issachar had been laid to rest two days before. Follow your heart. She hoped he and his Eva were dancing in heaven.
They were almost past the white plank fences around the graveyard when a Shaker brother moved out from behind a tree in the far corner near Issachar's grave. He stood stock still and watched her. Even before she spotted the splint on his hand, she knew it was Ethan. How could she not know the man she loved?
She didn't let her eyes linger on him. She kept moving down the road, keeping up with Hannah. She would not stop. She could not stop. But she felt his eyes following her, and she knew she was carrying part of him away with her. She wondered how long it would be before he could forget her. Before his dedication to his duty as a Believer pushed her memory from his mind. She wanted to look over her shoulder. She wanted to see him one last time, but she kept her eyes on the road ahead.
When they passed the last Shaker fence post, Hannah jumped up into the air and then almost danced down the road. Elizabeth couldn't keep from smiling at her while in fact she felt some of the same euphoria sweeping through her. She pulled out the pins that had held her hair neatly up off her neck and shook it down around her shoulders. No more would she have to hide her hair. No more would she have to pretend to listen to Sister Ruth. No more would she have to practice the dances that were supposed to bring her closer to the Lord. No more would she have to keep her eyes downcast while she pretended to be obedient to the Shaker will. And her feet wanted to dance like Hannah's.
She ran to catch up with her little sister where they held hands and circled around in the road like two children at play. "It's rather contrary of us;' she told Hannah. "We didn't want to dance the Shaker dances, but now we dance:"
Hannah laughed out loud. "Those were their dances. These are our dances. Our spring dance:" She turned her face up to the sun and spun around in one more circle. Then the smile faded away on Hannah's face as she looked ove
r at Elizabeth. "But I don't wish the sorrow to go from my heart to yours. Do we have to go to Mr. Linley?"
"I don't love Mr. Linley, but perhaps he's not so bad. Our father often went to visit him. Colton said he saw Father on that day he came home from town so sick'
"And then he died," Hannah said.
Sister Lettie's words popped into Elizabeth's head. It was poison. That is the only thing that would take one in such health so quickly. "Colton wouldn't have poisoned our father," she said as much to herself as to Hannah.
"He set the fire to burn down the house where you slept"
"What makes you say that?" Elizabeth frowned at Hannah as she waited for her answer.
"I saw him. In the moonlight:"
"Why didn't you tell Elder Joseph or one of the sisters?"
"They wouldn't have believed me. They thought I set the fire. That it was the demon in me. But it wasn't the demon in me. It was the demon in those men. One of them was Mr. Linley." Hannah looked very sure of her words.
"Did he see you?" Elizabeth asked as more of Sister Lettie's words came to mind. You know not what that man is capable of He'd been married twice before. The first wife had died in childbirth and the second wife had run home to her family in Virginia. Or so Colton said.
"I don't think so. I stayed to the shadows until they got on their horses:' Hannah came and stood right in front of Elizabeth. "But he will see me if we go to him. He will see both of us"
Icy fingers of fear walked up Elizabeth's spine as she stared down at Hannah. It was one thing to give herself to a man who had little kindness in his heart. It was another to give herself to a man who had such little respect for the life of others that he was ready to snuff it out. Her own life if he had been the one to set fire to the house where she slept, as Hannah said. And perhaps her father's life as well. Had he not told her the day they buried their father that her father had drunk some cider with him?
The Believer (The Shakers 2) Page 28
