by Noelle Adams
I stood for a long time where I was, giving myself a lengthy lecture on how I needed to be a smart, mature adult and not swoon over girlish daydreams I knew would never come true.
This was fine.
It was fine.
Nothing had really changed.
I’d just had a brief hope that had been dashed as quickly as it had arisen.
***
Later that afternoon, I was grumbling under my breath and hurrying down one of the hallways with my eyes focused on the floor.
Because I wasn’t looking where I was going, I almost ran into Alex.
He caught me before I stumbled. “What’s going on?” he demanded.
“It’s nothing,” I said instinctively, flustered by the near collision. “Sorry. I just wasn’t looking where I was going.”
He narrowed his eyes and didn’t have to reply in words.
“I’m sorry,” I said, releasing my breath. “I’m just annoyed because I have to go to the stupid Historical Society this afternoon.” My mother had just told me of this undesirable situation, which was the explanation for my mood.
“Why do you have to go?” he asked with a frown.
“Victoria was supposed to attend, but she’s not feeling well today. So now I’m the lucky princess who has to go to the boring meeting. I really need a pregnancy excuse to get out of social events.”
Despite the name, the Historical Society, which met monthly, cared little about history. The group consisted of a dozen or so elderly women who mostly used the club as an excuse to gossip. I’d attended once before, and I’d hated it.
“Why do any of you have to attend?”
“Because they meet here in the palace, and my mother says it’s only good manners to have a representative of the royal family in attendance.” I shook my head ruefully. “It’s mostly so they can quiz us on what’s going on in the family.”
“I’m sorry you got roped into it. They usually meet for less than two hours, so hopefully you can just sit there and pretend to listen.”
I made a face. “Last time, they asked me a lot of intrusive questions.” I shook myself off, trying to dispel the resentment. “Anyway, it’s not the end of the world.”
“Well, plan out some things you can say so they don’t put you on the spot.”
I gave him a little appreciative smile. “I’ll try.”
His face softened as he looked down on me, and he reached up to smooth the curl that always fell over my cheek. “You can always tell your mother no.”
“I don’t want to tell her no. I like to help when I can. I just wish I was better at this kind of thing.”
“You’re good at other things. Small talk is a fairly trivial skill in the scheme of things.”
“But it comes in awfully handy as a princess.”
“You’ll be fine at this meeting.”
“I hope.”
He leaned forward slightly, and for just a moment I thought he was going to kiss me—nothing serious, just a casual kiss on the cheek. But he straightened up and turned away quickly.
I sighed.
He didn’t normally kiss me, but he also didn’t normally pull back like that.
Things were still a little weird between us, but it was obvious he still cared about me.
That was something. That was a lot.
***
Two hours later, I was trying very hard not to scream.
I’d been sitting in that chair for more than an hour, listening to the old ladies talk about who was in a relationship with whom, who had died since the last meeting, and the state of each of their health.
Some of the ladies were sweet, and some of them were catty. I could have managed to sit there being bored without too much trouble if I could have just zoned out and entertained myself with my own thoughts.
The problem was that they kept asking me annoying questions.
They weren’t specific questions that I could have answered easily. They were vague, open-ended questions that required me to ramble.
I hated those kinds of questions so much. What’s new in your life? Tell us about your family, why don’t you, dear? What are your plans for the next month?
Every time I thought they’d moved onto other subjects and I could relax, they’d ask me another vague question.
It was like torture.
I sipped my tea and tried not to roll my eyes as they discussed the ins and outs of Victoria’s pregnancy—whether the baby would be a boy or a girl, the date it was likely to be born, and whose family it would look most like. Victoria and Edward’s child wasn’t the business of any of them, and yet they spent ten minutes on the topic anyway.
I was at the point where I could barely disguise my expression when the door to the room opened.
My eyes widened as Alex walked through the door.
The women all glanced over to see who had come in and then immediately disregarded him to continue with their discussion.
I watched as Alex came over to me and handed me a note.
He often passed along messages. It wasn’t anything unusual.
Then I looked down at the note.
I don’t have a message. Just coming to see how you’re doing.
I stared down at the slip of paper until I’d processed what it said. Then I slanted a look up to Alex, a little smile trembling on the corners of my mouth.
I immediately felt better—like I could maybe make it through the rest of this meeting without screaming or strangling someone.
His eyes glinted briefly with suppressed amusement as I gave him a sober nod, in case anyone was watching and expecting me to respond to the message.
No one was really watching.
I turned back to my tea and was again surprised when Alex moved to the door but, instead of leaving, positioned himself against the wall beside it, as if he were waiting to be summoned or for a duty to perform.
No one but me even noticed him. To the other ladies, he probably blended into the background of the palace.
Just another domestic.
But he was Alex.
And there was no one else like him in the world.
I kept glancing over at him for the next half hour, and he would always look completely sober and proper, with just a warm gleam in his eyes whenever he slanted me a look.
I wasn’t nervous or annoyed or uncomfortable anymore, despite the fact that I was asked three more irritating questions.
Alex’s presence made all the difference.
Right before the meeting was wrapping up, I was hit with a wave of emotion that surprised me. Affection, knowledge, fondness, appreciation, and something even deeper.
I had to look down at my teacup and try to control myself as the feeling made my eyes burn and my throat tighten.
Alex loved me for real.
And I didn’t care at all if he wasn’t of my social standing or that he was technically a servant. He was amazing in every way, and no one else in my life had supported me the way he had except for my siblings.
There was something wrong with a world that ignored him the way he was being ignored right now.
He wasn’t just “the help.”
He was an incredibly good man.
And nothing would make me happier than his falling in love with me.
The truth was, despite my endless lectures to myself, I wasn’t yet ready to give up that dream.
One day soon, however, I would.
Six
For the next few days, I went to bed every night thinking about Alex, and I woke up still thinking about him.
I had no idea what I should do with my inconvenient feelings for Alex or if I should do anything at all.
I went down to breakfast much earlier than normal on Saturday, so early that my mother wasn’t even up yet. I was surprised to see Henry already at the table though.
“Why are you up so early?”
“I’m going to Paris this morning and wanted to get an early start.”
“Why are
you going to Paris?”
“To visit a friend.”
I nodded, not asking for any further information. I did wonder if his friend was a woman.
Henry was always very careful about his social life since as a prince and the heir to the throne of Villemont, the rest of the world was interested in whom he was spending time with. He hadn’t dated anyone publicly for a couple of years, but I doubted he would really live like a monk for all that time.
He might have been seeing someone secretly. If I were in his position, that was what I would have been doing.
He cocked an eyebrow at my prolonged silence. “What is it?”
Maybe because I hadn’t gotten much sleep, but I asked more bluntly than I normally would have, “Do you have a girlfriend?”
Both his eyebrows went up. “Nothing serious.”
I peered at him and decided he was telling me the truth. “I guess you don’t want the whole world to be interfering in your business.”
“Not if I can help it.” He took a slow sip of coffee. “You should be careful too.”
“Why should I be careful?”
“You’re a princess.”
“But not a very interesting one. The paparazzi doesn’t follow me around.”
“I suppose not. But you’re still a princess. And that means some people are going to be interested in what you do. Remember what happened to Amalie in the States?”
“Yes, but that was because Mother tipped off the tabloids that there was a princess in disguise. She wanted to get Amalie back here. She’s not going to do that with me. I’m already here, and I’m not up to anything remotely exciting.”
Henry chuckled. “Maybe you should be.”
“Maybe I should be what?”
“Be doing something exciting, doing what you want to do. You should at least try it before you settle down and do exactly what everyone expects you to do.”
“Is that what you’re doing?”
His forehead wrinkled slightly, like he was thinking. “No. But maybe I will one day.”
I wasn’t sure what to say to that, and he seemed lost in his own thoughts anyway. I did think about what he said though.
Maybe I should try to get what I wanted—at least once in my life.
And, right now, Alex was what I wanted.
I couldn’t eat much breakfast, but I came to a few conclusions at the table.
Pride or not, I’d always wonder and regret it if I didn’t make one more effort to discover if there could ever be something between us.
I got up from the breakfast table before my mother arrived, and then I left the palace and walked the few blocks through the historic downtown streets to reach Alex’s tiny apartment.
I knocked on the door.
He didn’t answer immediately. It was just after seven in the morning, and he was usually at work in the palace by now. But he wasn’t coming in today because he was leaving for Provence this afternoon for his interview.
We were leaving, if all went according to plans.
After a few minutes, Alex finally opened the door, wearing pajama pants and looking groggy and rumpled. “What’s the matter?”
I didn’t waste time with apologies or preliminaries. “Can I go to Provence with you?”
He blinked, rubbing a hand through his thick, messy hair. “What?”
“Provence. Can I go with you?”
“What— Why?”
“I just decided I wanted to go.”
When my question finally processed, his expression changed from confusion to something almost reluctant. “I don’t know, Lisette.”
“You invited me.”
“I know. But you didn’t seem like you wanted to go. And now—”
“And now, what? I thought you said things were like normal between us again.”
“They are, but I’m not sure it’s a good idea. Why do you even want to go?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted, telling him as much of the truth as I could. “I just feel like I want to get away for a while. I just decided last night.”
“What about Stefan?”
“What about him?”
“What’s he going to think about your going away for the weekend with another man?”
“We’re supposed to be making him jealous.”
“Yes, but there’s a difference between being a little touchy with another guy and actually spending the weekend with him. He might get turned off by this.”
I gave a little shrug, wishing I’d never started this whole Stefan thing. I couldn’t care less about him right now, although Alex was obviously still taking him seriously. “I don’t know. I’m not even sure I’m interested in him anymore.”
Alex’s eyes widened. “Seriously?”
“Yes. Seriously. I don’t know. I just want to get away, and you’d invited me. So I thought…” I looked down at the ground, feeling embarrassed and self-conscious. “I shouldn’t have just shown up like this. Don’t worry about it. Sorry.”
I was turning to go, when Alex reached out and grabbed my arm, spinning me back so I was facing him. “Wait. Lisette, wait.”
“Wait for what?” My voice was barely a breath.
Indecision twisted on his face for just a moment. I wasn’t sure why he was so torn about this decision, but he obviously was. Finally his expression relaxed. “All right. You can come.”
I perked up, starting to smile at him. “You mean it?”
“Yes, I mean it. I was the one who invited you, after all. I just thought you’d rather spend the weekend with Stefan than with me.”
Feeling pleased and relieved and ridiculously giddy, I reached out to pull him into a quick hug. “Silly. There’s no one I’d rather spend the weekend with than you.”
It was true. Absolutely true.
Alex just didn’t have any idea how true it was.
***
The house of Alex’s friend ended up being an adorable cottage in the countryside outside of Aix-en-Provence. It was small—just two bedrooms—but it had a lovely, large garden and even a pool.
I loved it, and I loved it even more because I was sharing the cottage with Alex for the weekend.
We arrived in the evening, so we just ate a casual meal in the garden before going to our separate rooms for the night.
I kept imagining myself going in my nightgown to knock on Alex’s door. I imagined him opening the door, seeing me there, pulling me into his arms, into his bed.
I just wasn’t brave enough to do it though—partly because I was fairly sure that wouldn’t be Alex’s reaction.
We’d left on a Saturday, and his interview wasn’t until Monday morning, so we had all Sunday to spend together.
If something happened between us, it was more likely to happen naturally than from my just showing up at his bedroom door in my nightgown.
As I showered, I tried to come up with a plan of action, but I’d never been any good at attracting men—and just because this was Alex didn’t mean I suddenly knew what to do.
All I knew how to be was myself, and if that didn’t work, then it was never going to happen.
I got dressed and went out to the main room of the cottage. A quick glance around showed that Alex was already up. He’d brought a cup of coffee outside to the table in the garden, so I poured myself one and joined him.
“Good morning,” he said with a smile.
“Hi. It’s beautiful out here today.” I took a deep breath, inhaling fresh morning air as well as the faint scent of lavender and rosemary from the fields surrounding our cottage. I sat down in the empty chair at the wrought iron table.
“I know. It’s so different from Villemont. It’s hard to believe it’s just a few hours’ car ride away.”
I breathed deeply, trying to imagine what it would be like to live in a place like this. I couldn’t even imagine.
“What did you want to do today?” Alex asked.
“I don’t know. Maybe we could hike or something. It’s so nice outside. Then
this afternoon we could go into Aix and wander around.”
“That sounds great to me. We could climb Mont Sainte-Victoire if you want. It’s not supposed to be too hard a climb, and I’ve always wanted to do that.”
“I would love that.”
“Good. Then that’s what we’ll do.”
He was acting perfectly normal this morning.
I might have dreams of having a romantic weekend with him, but he obviously had no similar dreams himself.
We were friends, and that was how he was acting.
And all the lessons in the world weren’t going to teach me how to miraculously turn our friendship into something else.
***
That morning, we climbed the mountain.
We drove to the base of the mountain and parked in a public lot. The trail led vigorously uphill, sometimes quite steeply. But the warmth of the day wasn’t oppressive, and we were both in good shape, so we were able to chat fairly easily as we hiked.
After forty-five minutes of hiking, we’d cleared most of the pine forest and started to trek over the limestone of the top half of the mountain. At one point, we stopped to rest for a minute and drink some water. Looking down the slope from this vantage point, we could see the edge of Aix, the Provençal architecture—modern and medieval buildings—mingled with the fertile fields and forested hills.
I couldn’t believe how beautiful it was, how much I loved it here.
Even if nothing happened with Alex this weekend, I almost dreaded going back home.
“What’s the matter?” Alex asked, breaking the brief silence.
I shook my head. “Nothing. It’s really nothing.”
“Tell me.”
I didn’t know why I often tried dissembling with him. It never worked.
“I was just thinking how wonderful it is here and how I don’t really want to go back.”
“You could move here.”
I snorted. “Right.”
“Why not? You’re an adult. You can live where you want.”
“I know, but I’d have to get a job.”
“So get a job.”
“My job is being a princess.”
“You could do something else.”
I sighed and smiled at him, almost wistfully. “I know rationally that what you’re saying is true, but realistically I’m not sure how that would even work.”
