by Noelle Adams
His lips tightened, and he remained in place, gazing down at me with obvious concern.
His concern made emotion tighten in my chest even more.
Not wanting to mess this up between us, I focused on breathing deeply, making myself relax and rocking my hips experimentally. He was thick, bigger than I’d expected, and I was very tight. But soon the worst of the pressure had eased.
“I’m all right,” I whispered.
“Are you sure?” he asked hoarsely.
“Yes. I’m feeling better. I want to do this. I want this, Alex.”
A blaze of possessive fire suddenly smoldered in his eyes, and he lowered to kiss me again. “You have no idea what that means to me.”
With a little sob of relief and pleasure, I threw my arms around him and hugged him.
Alex kissed and stroked me for a minute. Then asked if I was ready. At my assent, he began to move above me.
The deep discomfort at my center was still there, but another sensation soon joined it—an urgent, aching need. I chased it eagerly, trying to match his motion and not even worried about whether or not I was moving in the right way.
It felt right. And I couldn’t look away from his face so near to my own.
Meeting my eyes intensely, he established a pleasing rhythm of rocking into me, building deeper and faster as we climbed toward release.
It was feeling better and better. Better than anything.
Shaking my hips with wild abandon, I cried out as my pleasure peaked. He froze for a moment, his eyes devouring me with aching hunger. Then jerked against me as he climaxed as well, murmuring wordless endearments under his breath.
It wasn’t until it was over and he very carefully pulled off that I started to feel embarrassed, flushing even hotter than I’d been before.
“Lisette,” he said, stroking my red cheek with his knuckle. “What’s the matter?”
“Nothing.”
“Tell me.” His mouth twisted briefly. “You aren’t already regretting it, are you?”
“No!” I swallowed hard. “No, of course not. It was amazing. I’m just… a little embarrassed. I don’t usually let go like that. It feels… undignified.”
We stared at each other in the soft moonlight for a long moment.
Then he chuckled. “I don’t think dignity really has anything to do with it. And I love when you let yourself go. I hope you can trust me in doing that.”
“I can. I do. It was… amazing.”
“Yeah.”
I bit my lip as reality started to catch up to me. “To tell you the truth, I’m getting a little cold out here with wet hair and no clothes.”
A hint of his teasing smile appeared. “Then we better get inside. It will be more comfortable in bed anyway.”
“Oh.” I wriggled excitedly until I realized the inevitable. “But I’m a little sore.”
Alex laughed and stood up. “There are other things we can do if you want.” His unclad body was glorious—long muscled legs, tapering flanks, flat belly, toned chest, and those fabulous shoulders. A sprinkling of dark hair on his chest tapered down toward his groin.
“If you’re done admiring my manly physique…”
I giggled and let him pull me to my feet. We went inside and got into a hot shower together. He cleaned me so thoroughly I was soon breathless and aroused again.
Then Alex got on his knees and skillfully brought me to a shuddering climax with his mouth. I had to fist my hands in his hair to keep my balance.
Later, we dried off and went into the bigger of the two bedrooms, where he showed me other ways he could bring me pleasure with his hands and his mouth.
I didn’t want to fall asleep. I wanted to keep being with him like this forever. But eventually we both drifted off in exhaustion in the wee hours of the night.
My last thought was that I’d never had such a good night in my life, but maybe I’d have more like this in the future.
Evidently, dreams did sometimes come true.
Seven
I woke up feeling sore and strange and really good.
I couldn’t remember ever feeling the same way in my life.
I blinked a few times and lifted my head so I could orient myself to my position. I was in the big bed in the cottage in Provence. Soft light was streaming in from behind the curtains on the windows, and the air smelled faintly of lavender.
When I turned over, I saw that Alex was still lying beside me. His eyes were closed, and his chest was rising and falling with slow, steady breathing, so he was clearly still asleep.
I couldn’t believe I’d had sex with him last night.
I couldn’t believe I’d had sex at all.
I wanted to giggle and hug myself at the thought, and then I wondered if all women felt the same way after sleeping with someone they loved.
I did love Alex. That much was obvious.
I’d loved him for most of my life, and nothing in my heart had changed over the past few years, no matter how hard I’d tried to control it.
But maybe things weren’t as hopeless as I’d assumed. Alex had been so warm and tender and passionate last night. It had felt like he loved me too.
It had felt like he loved me for real—loved me for me, in spite of all my quirks and flaws, in spite of my deep internality. It felt like he loved me because of it.
Maybe he did.
I was still shuddering with giddy excitement over this possibility when I saw his eyes start to open. His eyelids fluttered a few times before he opened them all the way. As soon as his eyes landed on me, he smiled, sweet and sleepy.
I smiled back, the giddiness intensifying until it was throbbing inside me.
“Is it morning already?” he asked, a lovely rasp in his voice.
“Yes. Still early though.”
He blinked a few times and turned his head to look toward the window. When he focused on me again, he asked, “How do you feel?”
“Good. Really good.”
A little smile was still twitching on the corners of his mouth. “Good.” He reached out to me, and I scooted toward him willingly, pressing myself up at his side as he wrapped his arm around me.
He brushed a kiss against my messy hair. “You smell good.”
“I have no idea why.” He smelled faintly like sweat and sex, but it wasn’t unpleasant. It made me feel close to him—and a little bit proud.
“You smell like Lisette,” he murmured, still sounding half-asleep.
And that made me feel even better.
We lay in silence, cuddled up together for a few minutes until Alex released a soft groan. “I don’t want to get up.”
“You still have a couple of hours until your appointment,” I said. “You don’t have to get up quite yet.”
“Good.” I felt a faint movement and thought he might have brushed his lips against my hair again. It was such as small, sweet, silent gesture. I really hoped it meant what I thought it did.
I really hoped this whole weekend meant what I thought it did.
I wanted to bring up the subject, somehow find a way to discover exactly what he was thinking—feeling—about me. But I had no idea how to do it except by asking him directly, and I was just not brave enough to do that.
After another few minutes, I heard myself asking, “So if you get this job, when will you start?”
I wanted to want the best for Alex, but I hated the thought of anything that might take him away from me. Of course, if we were together, then it wouldn’t be so bad. He wouldn’t be very far away, so we’d be able to see each other often.
“Next month,” he said. “As soon as I graduate.”
“Oh. That’s good then.”
I waited to see if he would follow up, mention anything about us—our friendship, our relationship. He didn’t, and my giddy rush began to fade just a little.
Surely this would be a good time to say something to me—if he had anything to say.
We’d had sex last night. Surely that meant… somethi
ng.
Alex groaned again, with a different resonance this time. And then he pulled his arm away and sat up, hanging his feet over the side of the bed. “Damn,” he muttered, sounding more awake now. “Damn.”
His tone didn’t sound good. At all.
I sat up too, noticing for the first time that I was wearing one of his T-shirts. I tucked my legs under my hips, trying not to panic at the growing realization on his face. “What’s the matter?”
He glanced over at me, searching my face for a moment before he focused on the old hardwood floor in front of him. “I’m sorry,” he said, more gruffly than before. “I shouldn’t have…”
I sighed, releasing the giddy hope I’d been feeling with my breath.
Obviously, last night didn’t mean what I’d hoped it meant. I’d been a silly fool for ever thinking it might.
I wasn’t going to act like a foolish girl though. I wasn’t going to let Alex know I’d even momentarily entertained the thought.
“Don’t be silly,” I said, pleased when my voice sounded calm and matter-of-fact. “It’s no big deal.”
“No big deal?” His eyes flew to my face again. “You were a virgin! Of course it’s a big deal.”
“I wanted my first time to be with you.” My voice cracked slightly on the last word, but I didn’t think he would notice. “I don’t regret anything.”
“You don’t?” He was searching my face again, and I had to work very hard to not let my expression reflect how utterly crushed I was feeling.
“No. Of course not. Why would I?”
“What about Stefan?”
I shrugged, trying for nonchalant. “He’s a guy. He’s not that important to me.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. I’m glad my first time was with you.”
His eyes never left my face, and gradually his features relaxed, as if he were finally believing me. “Okay.”
“I’m not a child, Alex.”
“I know you’re not.”
“You don’t have to act like you took advantage of me. I made my own decisions.”
“I know you did. I just worry…”
“What do you worry?”
One of his shoulders lifted briefly, and he gave his head a quick shake. “Nothing. If you’re feeling all right about everything, then I guess there’s nothing to worry about.”
“There’s not.”
This was clearly a lie. I now had a whole host of worries—starting with what would happen to our friendship and ending with whether my heart would ever recover from this.
I wasn’t going to let Alex know this though. If he was thinking this was just a random one-time thing, I wasn’t about to let him know I’d taken it more seriously than that.
“Okay,” he said at last, after clearing his throat. “I better go take a shower and start to get ready so I’m not late for the interview.”
“Sounds good.”
It didn’t sound good. It sounded horrible. But what else was I supposed to say?
I might be brokenhearted, but I wasn’t going to be humiliated. No one but me would ever know what I’d briefly hoped for last night.
I watched him walk to the bathroom. He wore only his underwear, and his body was big and strong and gorgeous.
I sat on the bed, my legs still folded under the covers, and listened to the shower turn on.
Then, with a long sigh, I flopped back down on the bed, my shoulders shaking briefly as I struggled to control myself.
I was fine.
I was fine.
I was going to be fine.
Alex didn’t have to love me. The world wasn’t going to fall apart because of a mistake I made for one night.
Needing a distraction, I reached over to the nightstand for my phone and checked for messages.
My oldest sister, Amalie, had sent me a message a couple of hours ago. She was in the States, so our time zones weren’t in sync.
She’d written, How is everything? Enjoying Provence?
I tapped out a response. Fine.
I waited for a minute and then heard the swooshing sound as the reply came in. What’s wrong?
My throat tightened. I had no idea how she’d known that something was wrong from the one word response. Nothing.
Don’t lie.
It’s really nothing.
Don’t lie.
I hesitated. Then decided I didn’t want to lie to my sister. I was stupid.
With Alex?
Damn it! How the hell had she known? Yes.
What did he say this morning?
Well, at least I didn’t have to try to explain the details to her. She could obviously figure them out. He was mad at himself. Obviously didn’t mean anything to him.
I don’t believe that.
It’s true.
Maybe it’s what he’s saying, but he’s loved you all his life. Even just as a friend, it wouldn’t mean nothing to him.
I thought about that for a minute and realized it was true. Alex might not be in love with me the way I was with him, but he wouldn’t ever treat sex between us lightly.
Maybe he’s worried it will ruin our friendship, I texted after thinking this through.
Maybe. Talk to him about it.
I didn’t want to talk to him. I didn’t want to be humiliated any more than I already was. He has the big interview this morning. Talk afterward.
Good. Make sure you do.
I sighed as I said goodbye to her and watched the screen to my phone until it went black. Then I made sure it was locked—although it always was—so Alex wouldn’t pick it up and accidently see the conversation I’d just had.
I spent the next few minutes breathing deeply and controlling my emotions so I could smile when Alex got out of the shower and be encouraging about his interview.
We acted like everything was normal as we ate breakfast and drove into Aix, but it wasn’t.
It just wasn’t.
***
Alex’s interview was supposed to last two hours, so I amused myself strolling through the quaint historic streets and checking out shops and street vendors.
After about ninety minutes, I got tired, so I sat down at an outdoor café to wait until he was done.
I was sipping a coffee and trying to imagine how Alex and I would act with each other from now on when my phone beeped with a text.
It was Victoria.
I blinked as I read the screen, trying to figure out what she was talking about.
What happened? What happened!!!
Maybe Amalie had talked to her or something. I replied, What?
She replied with just a link to the Internet. Frowning, I clicked on it and gasped when the first thing I saw was a photograph in which was clearly displayed the long, curly length of my hair.
I adjusted the page on my phone so I could see the whole photograph, and I froze as I realized it had been taken last night, in the little garden of the cottage.
I was half wearing my swimsuit, my wet hair hanging down to obscure my breasts. And Alex was kissing my neck, although all that could be seen of him was the back of his head and his broad, bare back.
My expression was one of helpless, uninhibited pleasure, all my feelings nakedly exposed on my face.
A chill ran down my spine as I realized what had happened.
Someone had taken our picture as we’d been making love in the garden last night.
I scrolled up and saw that the website was for a London-based tabloid. And the headline and attached story was about a princess’s secret affair with a servant.
There were a couple of other photos too—fortunately only ones while we were standing up. Evidently, the photographer’s vantage point hadn’t let him get photos of us when we were sprawled out together on the grass.
Villemont was so small and insignificant that we weren’t household knowledge like the royalty of other countries. But we did sometimes make the papers—like when Amalie was “undercover” at an American university.
>
But how the hell had a tabloid photographer stumbled onto Alex and I last night?
I remembered those guys who had seen us laughing on the mountain. Maybe one of them had recognized me after all and called up a photographer.
It didn’t really matter how and why it had happened.
Now the whole world knew.
Now my mother would know.
Now my world really would fall apart.
Oh my God! I managed to text to Victoria.
Are you all right?
No! What am I going to do?
Are you and Alex a couple now?
No!!! He doesn’t want me. It was horribly painful to write those words.
That’s not true.
Yes it is! What should I do?
Don’t do anything. Just come home. We’ll figure it out.
What about Mother?
Try to avoid her. Come over to my place. We’ll figure it out.
I’ll call when I’m close. Thanks.
I sat completely frozen, holding my phone. My stomach roiled sickeningly as I slowly processed the fact that the entire world knew I’d had sex with Alex last night.
The entire world had seen the pictures.
And what made it worse was that everyone would think it was just a sleazy affair—a princess having fun with a servant—rather than the intimacy and deep emotion that had actually characterized our time together.
For a few minutes I was afraid I might actually throw up.
And now I was going to have to tell Alex.
If this was bad for me, then it was worse for him. At least I was the princess in this tabloid scenario.
He was the servant being used.
My throat tightened so intensely that, for a moment, I couldn’t even breathe. I gasped, leaning over and trying to make my lungs work.
My nature had always been deeply private, deeply internal. Security had only come when I’d felt like my heart and my life were protected.
I’d been ripped open, stripped entirely naked, exposed in the deepest way to strangers, to people who would laugh, scorn.
I literally couldn’t stand it.
“Lisette!”
The voice was male and familiar, but I still didn’t feel like I could breathe. I didn’t straighten up, even when Alex ran over and took me by the shoulders.
