And he wondered suddenly-out of left field-whether he could find the courage to ask for that commitment to himself.
‘Is that what Colin told you?’ she was demanding, indignation personified. ‘That he’d seen an accident and fainted?’
‘What else is there?’ his father asked.
‘Did he tell you he saved a lady’s life?’
The couple stared. ‘He just said he saw an accident,’ Spike’s mother said. ‘He said he had to give his T-shirt to the doctor and the ambulance guy said he fainted.’
‘Not until he wasn’t needed any more,’ Maggie retorted. ‘Tell them, Max. This is Dr Ashton, by the way. Dr Ashton, tell them about how Colin was just plain wonderful.’
So Max told them, while Spike’s parents looked bemused, and then disbelieving, and finally awed. Spike flushed and looked like he didn’t know where to put himself, but he didn’t have a choice. Like it or not, Maggie hugged him again, and then his mother was lining up for her share.
And suddenly, fiercely, Max was wishing he was somewhere in the middle of that hugging. It was dumb but there it was. Things were shifting inside. A huge hunger he’d ignored for years was suddenly refusing to be ignored.
The abyss of emotional connection seemed suddenly no abyss but something wonderful. Something that if he dared move forward could be his again.
If he dared.
Maybe…maybe that abyss was simply a blockade that had to be battered down. It was a blockade built from fear and loneliness but on the other side…
‘You must be so proud,’ Maggie declared, as Max’s world shifted, while Spike’s mum took over hugging duty.
‘An’ the doctor said they’ll live,’ Colin said, muffled by the closeness of his mother. ‘I asked. But I can’t believe I fainted. Bloody sook.’
‘You didn’t faint until the drama was over,’ Max said firmly, putting his arm round Maggie and holding her against him. Finally taking a hug for himself. The hug felt good. No, it felt excellent. It felt right.
But somehow he had to keep talking to Spike and his parents. Maggie expected it of him, he knew. This was a lady who’d expect a lot of her man.
‘Colin, I fainted for the first time when I was a medical student,’ he told him. ‘It was during the first Caesarean birth I ever attended. The mother was conscious-she told the nurse she thought I was going to faint. She even told her to help me. Colin, you did better than the average medical student. You did what had to be done, and you kept your personal, emotional reaction until afterwards. That took guts.’
And beside him Maggie nestled closer and beamed up at him. He had her approval, he thought, and maybe what he was feeling was corny and clichéd and soppy, but corny or not it felt right.
‘Did he really do that?’ Spike’s father demanded, staring at his son like he’d never seen him before.
‘He was the only one in the crowd with the courage to help,’ Maggie declared, and Max could feel her wanting to hug Spike again. He was doing Spike a favour by holding onto her, but that certainly wasn’t the reason he was holding on. He was holding on for himself alone. ‘Maggie and I are trained medical professionals, ’ he said, hugging her tighter to solidify the ‘Maggie and I’ connection. ‘Colin came in cold and did brilliantly.’
‘Hey,’ Spike’s dad said, and his eyes were filling. ‘Hey.’
‘Weren’t nuthin’,’ Spike said.
‘It was everything,’ Max said.
And then, as Spike’s parents showed every sign of bursting into tears, he said farewells for both of them and dragged a reluctant Maggie away. He held onto her all the way to the other side of the car park. He’d drag her further if he could, he thought. There were far too many people around for what he wanted to do; for what he wanted to say.
But it’d have to wait. Maggie wanted to see how Grace and Judith were faring and something told him nothing would ever get in the way of Maggie’s intentions.
But then he paused as he heard her sniff. ‘Maggie?’ He took her shoulders and looked down into her eyes. She sniffed again and glared.
‘I don’t cry,’ she managed. ‘I never cry.’
‘I know that,’ he said, managing to keep a straight face. ‘So why are you not crying now?’
‘I just thought…’ She swiped her eyes angrily with the back of her hand and sniffed again. ‘I watched their faces. His mum and dad’s.’
‘They were very proud.’
‘It’s what I want,’ she said, and she put her hands under the bump that was her baby and tried to smile. ‘You know, I was at the pictures last year. Life was grey. I was just working, just living, for me, for me, for me. William had said if ever I wanted his baby I should go ahead but there was no way I could. How could I ever have a child on my own? Only then I went to the pictures and this mum came out, arguing with her son. It was a silly, soppy picture-a romance-and she’d obviously dragged her kid there against his will. He was giving her such a hard time and she was saying leave it alone, you loved it as much as I did, and he was rolling his eyes at her, and she was saying if he didn’t say something nice about it she’d make him broccoli sandwiches for a week. And he rolled his eyes again-and then he grinned. Then he looked around to make sure no one was noticing that he’d grinned, and I thought, That’s what I want.’
‘You want a teenager?’ he said faintly.
‘Like Spike,’ she said. ‘All contradictions and prickles and lovely underneath.’ She patted her bump with pride. ‘I’m going to refuse to let her get her ears pierced. That’ll be such a fight. My best friend Rachel and I pierced our ears with ice and needles when we were thirteen.’
‘You didn’t!’
‘My mum didn’t even notice,’ she said, with a touch of sadness. ‘She wouldn’t. I didn’t have that kind of a family. But Rachel’s did and she swabbed us with so much disinfectant the sides of our faces were yellow for a week. Then she marched us both off to her family doctor. She and Rachel yelled at each other all the time and I loved it. I so wanted someone to yell at me.’
‘You’re looking forward to yelling?’
‘I am,’ she said, sniffing again but finally managing a watery smile. ‘I’m going to be the yellingest mother.’
‘Maggie…’ Someone pushed past them on the path. If he didn’t get her to himself right now he’d go nuts.
But she wasn’t thinking about him. ‘Let’s go,’ she said, and suddenly, unaccountably, she seemed happy. She tucked her arm into his and tugged him forward. ‘Let’s go find Judith and Grace and make sure what Spike said is true. I’m so in the mood for a happy ending.’
So was he. He had some figuring out to do, but suddenly so was he.
Instead of going into the emergency waiting room and asking through normal channels, because Max worked at the hospital he took her straight into the emergency room itself. He introduced Maggie to Sue-Ellen, the director of the emergency department. Sue-Ellen greeted Maggie with pleasure, eyeing her bump with friendly interest.
What Spike had told them was the truth. Judith was in Theatre, having her arm stitched. She’d been given blood and would be fine. Grace was still being stabilised. ‘That compound fracture of her leg needs work. She’ll need grafts for the skin on her tummy, but every indicator is that we’ll have a good result,’ Sue-Ellen told them. And then, as if unable to contain her curiosity, she said, ‘So you’re the lady Max collided with the weekend of the music festival. We’ve been hearing rumours.’ She grinned at the bump. ‘I’ll assume this isn’t fast work, then, Dr Ashton.’
‘Sue…’
‘Just kidding,’ she said, and gripped Maggie’s hand. ‘Good to meet you, Maggie. But you don’t look like you should be here as a doctor. Midwifery’s that-a-way.’
‘There’s a while to go yet,’ Maggie said, and Sue-Ellen looked at her bump more closely and raised her eyebrows in polite disagreement.
‘Really? I’ve had ladies come in looking smaller than you and leaving with a carry cot not all that many ho
urs later.’
‘Not me,’ Maggie said firmly. ‘Not yet. I’m not sticking round here now. I only wanted to know how Judith and Grace are.’
‘You know, they’re probably better than Judith’s husband,’ Sue-Ellen told her, and motioned through the glass doors to where a young man sat in the waiting room. He was holding a baby-Thomas? Thomas was asleep in his arms. The young father was staring straight ahead, holding the baby like his life depended on it. He looked grey.
‘He came in looking worse than he looks now,’ Sue-Ellen said sympathetically. ‘I think he’ll have lost ten years of his life on the way here.’
‘That’s the downside of loving,’ Max said, flinching as he watched him, and Maggie cast him a look of reproach.
‘Don’t,’ she said softly. ‘You can’t keep thinking like that.’
‘How can you stop?’
‘You’re not cut out to be an emergency physician, then,’ Sue-Ellen said bluntly. ‘Sometimes I wonder how on earth can I go home at night expecting Bill and the kids to still be there. But amazingly they are. You just have to keep faith.’ She smiled and motioned to Maggie’s bump. ‘Like you. There’s a mound of hope if ever I saw it. Good luck with it. Oh, and, Max, Anton’s been looking for you. Have you had your phone turned off? There’s a crisis upstairs.’ She disappeared, leaving them standing by the admissions desk, expecting them to leave.
He’d have to leave. A crisis. Max swore under his breath. Of course. He’d slipped out to see Maggie during a quiet time. He’d called Anton after the accident saying he’d be longer than expected and it had still been quiet, but peace in his department never lasted long.
Anton needed him? He’d have to go. But what should he do with Maggie?
Maggie was looking through the glass doors that led into a waiting room. She’d be wanting to go and hug the young father, he thought. But then the door to the waiting room swung wide and Mary-the neighbour who’d helped at the scene-and a couple of other people arrived. Grandparents?
In moments the young father was surrounded. Others were doing the hugging, and Maggie was looking almost wistful.
‘I need to go home,’ she said, and suddenly he knew she was fighting not to sound forlorn.
He badly didn’t want her to go back to the hotel by herself. Why had he set up his department so he was indispensable? Of all the stupid…
‘If you wait until I’ve checked with my department I might be able to take you,’ he told her, knowing already how doubtful it was that he could. And maybe she heard it in his voice.
‘A cab’s fine.’ She was still looking through the glass. ‘Oh, I wish there was something I could do.’
‘You’ve done enough,’ Max said. In truth he was having trouble pulling his attention away from the little group as well. They’d come so close to the edge…
He’d been over that edge. So had Maggie. Surely as a professional she knew she needed to protect herself.
But was it possible to protect yourself? He thought he’d built armour that was invincible. Only now…Suddenly he didn’t know where that armour was.
‘I’ll just go talk to them before I go,’ Maggie said, and her eyes were glistening again. ‘But thank you, Max. I mean…just intending to visit was great. Even before the accident. It was very nice of you.’
‘I’ll come back to the hotel after work to make sure you’re okay,’ he growled.
‘I’ll be asleep,’ she said, ‘two minutes after I get home. Of course I’m okay. There’s no need to worry.’
‘There is a need.’ The thought of her going back to her hotel alone seemed unbearable. ‘Maggie, have you arranged for anyone to be with when you go into labour?’
‘I don’t need anyone.’
‘You do need-’
‘No. I’ve learned not to.’
‘I could-’
‘No, because you don’t want to,’ she said bluntly. ‘We both know there’s stuff between us that’s messing with your head.’
‘Maybe my mess is getting clearer. Maybe my head is saying loud and clear that I want to help. Maggie, I want to be involved.’
That gave her pause. She gazed up at him for a long moment and then she shook her head.
‘No,’ she said, and he thought she was trying to sound firm for both of them. ‘Not after today. I just sobbed on you, naked in the shower, and if that didn’t confuse the issue then I don’t know what would.’ She hesitated but then her voice became more certain. ‘Okay, Max, I’ll be honest here and confess that right now I look at you and my knees turn to water. Now, if that’s not a confession to make you run a mile I don’t know what is. But I’m also thinking that maybe it’s my hormones playing tricks. Would any nine-month pregnant woman be hard-wired to latch onto the first available male and cling? I’ve never been pregnant before. I have no idea what’s hormones and what’s not. I only know that this isn’t the time to find out. And I also suspect you don’t ever want to find out. You see that pain?’
She motioned out to the waiting room where the young father sat in a surge of hugs and tears. ‘That’s what I want to be part of,’ she confessed. ‘That’s why I made the decision to have William’s baby. I want to open myself up for all that again. Hurt, grief, but the joy that goes with it. That’s what I want but I don’t think you do.’ She tried to smile, tried to make him smile with her, but he wasn’t smiling. He glanced out at the little family and saw again the grief that he’d sworn never again to endure.
He turned again to Maggie and he knew he was exposed again, like it or not. But they were standing in the middle of the emergency room. The woman behind the admissions desk could probably hear them-he could practically see her ears flapping. In another part of the hospital patients were waiting for him, and he knew they’d be urgent. How could he talk to her now?
He needed time to sort his head out. He needed time to get the words right.
All he could do now was to address immediate need. Which was to keep her safe.
‘Maggie, I will not let you go back to the hotel,’ he said. ‘Let’s find you a bed here until I can take you home.’
‘Are you kidding?’ she demanded, astounded. ‘I’m not staying in hospital.’
‘If you go into labour…’
‘Then I’ll come back. I’m not stupid.’
‘Look,’ he said, and suddenly he was in no man’s land-no longer sure of anything. Reason had gone out the window. He only knew that this woman had changed his world, and to leave her now seemed physically impossible. ‘Maggie, I don’t know what the hell I’m feeling but I can’t let you go home by yourself.’
‘The reluctant martyr,’ she groaned.
‘What?’
And suddenly she was angry. ‘How do you think this makes me feel-that you’re being dragged into my life by your toenails, kicking and screaming. Butt out.’
‘Maggie, I-’
‘I’ve already confessed how I feel,’ she snapped. ‘How much pride have I lost? There’s only one thing you can say after a confession like that and it’s goodbye.’
‘I don’t want to say…’
‘No, and neither do I,’ she confessed, still furious. ‘But we don’t have a choice. Maybe we can think about things after the birth, after I get some normality back into my life. But not now.’
‘You need help.’
‘Stop it,’ she said. ‘Just cut it out or you’ll have me agreeing with you, and how scary’s that?’
‘It’s not in the least scary.’
‘What, to have me clinging to you?’
‘Maggie…’
‘Stop it,’ she ordered. ‘Max, just cut it out and go back to your life. Please.’
‘Do you really want me to?’
‘Of course I don’t, but it’s the only sensible thing to do.’
‘Do you want to be sensible?’
‘No!’ She was practically yelling at him. Patients were looking at them. Staff were looking at them. Maggie glanced around and suddenly she shrugged
and a spark of mischief replaced the anger. Mischief and something more. ‘Of course I don’t want to be sensible, but I do need to go home. But if you’re really intent on following…Maybe I’d better warn you what you’d be in for if you really let me need you. Let’s see me not be sensible.’
And before he knew what she intended-before he could begin to guess-she seized his shoulders, she stood on tiptoe and kissed him.
And this was a Kiss. It was a seize the day, claim the man, take what you want for there might be no tomorrow kind of kiss, and it possessed him utterly, from the time her hands grasped his shoulders, from the time her lips met his, from the time she melted into him.
For that was what she did. She melted. Her lips were like fire, and the heat she gave him, the strength, the passion, the surety…It took his breath away.
It took him away. His sensible self. The Max who thought things out logically. The Max who thought he was in control.
This was a man and a woman, and between them was a need as primitive as time itself.
He was holding her close and he was falling…falling…For it was no longer Maggie who was doing the kissing. He was kissing her, holding her, taking her to him. Claiming her as his own.
And they were being cheered.
At a subconscious level he heard the cheers and knew he should pull away, only that would mean letting her go, and to let her go was impossible.
He’d never felt such heat. Never felt such fire.
Her mouth was open under his and he felt her tongue start its own sweet exploration. His hands tugged her closer and he kissed her back, demanding as well as giving, taking passion, taking sweetness and heat, taking joy…
The clapping and laughter around them was growing louder. More raucous.
And then there was an apologetic murmur. A hand on his shoulder was tugging him back. There was laughter right beside him, and the hand on his shoulder was insistent. Someone-not Maggie-was determined that he move.
City Surgeon, Small Town Miracle Page 13
